fitnessfan365 Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 Why is this such a big deal to women? It cracks me up when I get asked if I'm a recovering alcoholic, or a Mormon..LOL i experimented with alcohol when I was younger, but the taste never did anything for me. Also, since health and fitness is really important to me, it's a personal choice to avoid drinking. It's always been an issue. But lately it's been down right frustrating. Have pulled several numbers for HOT women online. I call to arrange the first meet and they suggest drinks. I let them know I don't drink, and then they say that it isn't going to work. Seems like such a lame reason to reject someone over. Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 fitnessfan365, Seems like such a lame reason to reject someone over. Absolutely, so pick women who don't have such narrow ideas. Good luck ! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author fitnessfan365 Posted March 6, 2015 Author Share Posted March 6, 2015 fitnessfan365, Absolutely, so pick women who don't have such narrow ideas. Good luck ! Haha.. Well it's not like they advertise on their profiles that they don't date non drinkers. It's something that you find out when it comes up in conversation. One thing I will do though, is I avoid contacting a woman that likes to go wine tasting. Shame too because I've come across women that have a lot of great qualities that just happen to love wine tasting. The most creative rejection I ever got due to alcohol was a woman said she only dated men that enjoyed Bacchus' Bounty. Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 ff365, I'd mention it in the first conversation before you even go on a date. I am a vegetarian and always told guys before I met them to see if they had any issues about it. Needless to say I didn't date any butchers or fishmerchants.... 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author fitnessfan365 Posted March 6, 2015 Author Share Posted March 6, 2015 ff365, I'd mention it in the first conversation before you even go on a date. I am a vegetarian and always told guys before I met them to see if they had any issues about it. Needless to say I didn't date any butchers or fishmerchants.... Haha.. You've got a good sense of humor. I got a chuckle out of your screen name involving Aries. One of my exes loved astrology and horoscopes. I did a bit of research to try and keep up. I'm a Capricorn and could care less about it. But according to websites, Capricorn and Aries is the worst possible pairing out there. But every Aries woman I come across is always really attractive and personable. Then again, you are a vegetarian. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MRSR31 Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 Why is this such a big deal to women? It cracks me up when I get asked if I'm a recovering alcoholic, or a Mormon..LOL i experimented with alcohol when I was younger, but the taste never did anything for me. Also, since health and fitness is really important to me, it's a personal choice to avoid drinking. It's always been an issue. But lately it's been down right frustrating. Have pulled several numbers for HOT women online. I call to arrange the first meet and they suggest drinks. I let them know I don't drink, and then they say that it isn't going to work. Seems like such a lame reason to reject someone over. Why don't you order a drink and take a couple of sips and by then you will have ascertained if perhaps she has a problem. It's a crutch for them but they may not need it down the line. I would bet a high percentage of relationships are lubed into existence initially by alcohol. Also am regret since beer goggles occur when an intoxicated person perceives symmetry in an asymmetrical face only to wake and find a Picasso portrait lying beside them. It won't kill you to compromise. Show up early and have the tender make it weak with olives (interactive prop.) Now you are blending and you are both quietly judging each other. That's what I would do but I an alcoholic Mormon and reformed Muslim. JK. Really if you can drink why make such a big deal out of a couple of minisips and a meals worth of garnish? Just a suggestion and only for the real gems. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author fitnessfan365 Posted March 6, 2015 Author Share Posted March 6, 2015 Why don't you order a drink and take a couple of sips and by then you will have ascertained if perhaps she has a problem. It's a crutch for them but they may not need it down the line. I would bet a high percentage of relationships are lubed into existence initially by alcohol. Also am regret since beer goggles occur when an intoxicated person perceives symmetry in an asymmetrical face only to wake and find a Picasso portrait lying beside them. It won't kill you to compromise. Show up early and have the tender make it weak with olives (interactive prop.) Now you are blending and you are both quietly judging each other. That's what I would do but I an alcoholic Mormon and reformed Muslim. JK. Really if you can drink why make such a big deal out of a couple of minisips and a meals worth of garnish? Just a suggestion and only for the real gems. Like I said in my first post, I call these women on the phone to arrange plans, they suggest drinks, and then when I say that I don't drink they tell me over the phone that they're no longer interested. I did have a woman walk out on a date once though. We were having dinner and it was going really well. She was asking questions, flipping her hair, flirting, dropping innuendos, rubbing her foot on my leg, etc.. Plus we were both laughing and having a great time in general. The subject of old jobs comes up and she said she used to be a bartender in college. Then she asked me my favorite drink and I told her I don't drink. She excused herself to go to the restroom and never came back. Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 I don't drink often... I still go out for drinks and drink soft drinks such as a cup of tea etc... Yes I do drink but it is only the drinks that I like and only with certain friends... very rare for me to go "out on the lash". You don't have to get drunk or drink... Its no biggy unless you make it so. Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 Then she asked me my favorite drink and I told her I don't drink. She excused herself to go to the restroom and never came back. Sorry that made me laugh... Your just meeting the wrong people. Don't worry about it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tribble Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 It is a bit weird. Especially her leaving and not coming back due to that bit of info... But how do you respond when they ask you out for drinks as a date? You can still go to a bar and have a soft drink, you don't have to have alcohol (I've done this a couple of times if I've been driving). Drinks can be more about the social interaction than getting drunk. So do you respond with 'Sure, just to let you know I don't drink alcohol but I'm up for that' or 'No, drinks don't work for me as I don't drink alcohol'? You must have friends who drink but you still go out with right? I'd not automatically write off a person who doesn't drink but I'd be a bit more apprehensive. I enjoy a drink (although only rarely get drunk) and I like sharing that with someone as inhibitions come down. I also wouldn't want to feel judged if I was drinking. Not saying that's the way you come across but you can feel that way even if the other person isn't thinking that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author fitnessfan365 Posted March 6, 2015 Author Share Posted March 6, 2015 It is a bit weird. Especially her leaving and not coming back due to that bit of info... But how do you respond when they ask you out for drinks as a date? You can still go to a bar and have a soft drink, you don't have to have alcohol (I've done this a couple of times if I've been driving). Drinks can be more about the social interaction than getting drunk. So do you respond with 'Sure, just to let you know I don't drink alcohol but I'm up for that' or 'No, drinks don't work for me as I don't drink alcohol'? You must have friends who drink but you still go out with right? I'd not automatically write off a person who doesn't drink but I'd be a bit more apprehensive. I enjoy a drink (although only rarely get drunk) and I like sharing that with someone as inhibitions come down. I also wouldn't want to feel judged if I was drinking. Not saying that's the way you come across but you can feel that way even if the other person isn't thinking that. Haha.. I'm a bit difficult when it comes to first meets. I don't drink coffee or alcohol. I also don't drink soda. So who in the hell goes to a bar to drink water? That is just awkward as hell, especially when my date would be having a drink. Now with that said, I don't mind if someone drinks in front of me whatsoever. But as you say, the person with me might feel awkward. So I like to suggest ice cream or frozen yogurt. Then if they have an aversion to something sweet, I have us meet at this great outdoor shopping venue that plays live music. You can walk, chat, window shop, and listen to music. Great place to hang out. But what cracks me up is that women online have a tendency to be really pushy. Before I can even make a suggestion, they're already saying we should do drinks. That's when the problem arises. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
LookAtThisPOst Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 ff365, I'd mention it in the first conversation before you even go on a date. I am a vegetarian and always told guys before I met them to see if they had any issues about it. Needless to say I didn't date any butchers or fishmerchants.... Funny, I've seen a few dating profiles of vegetarian women expecting their future mates to also be vegetarian. Hate to break it to her, but not many men are vegetarians. Link to post Share on other sites
Tribble Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 Haha.. I'm a bit difficult when it comes to first meets. I don't drink coffee or alcohol. I also don't drink soda. So who in the hell goes to a bar to drink water? Tbf, while an avid coffee drinker, I do that. I drink coffee and water only, then alcohol sometimes. My Dad used to hate being in a pub and ordering water (and not a Coke or something when I was young). And I've been a few times with one other person who is having a pint and I'm on water. It's only as awkward as you (and the other person I guess) make it. But fair enough if it isn't for you, and you do offer an alternative that isn't high pressure. On another note, I'm a vegetarian but don't demand my dates are haha. That would rather limit the pool! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 Tribble, On another note, I'm a vegetarian but don't demand my dates are haha. That would rather limit the pool! I agree. My husband is a carnivore but he will eat one veggie meal a week...! Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 How old are the women you generally date? The man I am dating now doesn't drink, either. It's never been a problem, and it wasn't presented as a big issue either. And I happen to be vegetarian, too. We just eat and drink what we want. I also enjoy wine-tasting, but I go with friends instead of my guy. No big deal. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 Haha.. I'm a bit difficult when it comes to first meets. I don't drink coffee or alcohol. I also don't drink soda. So who in the hell goes to a bar to drink water? That is just awkward as hell, especially when my date would be having a drink. Now with that said, I don't mind if someone drinks in front of me whatsoever. But as you say, the person with me might feel awkward. So I like to suggest ice cream or frozen yogurt. Then if they have an aversion to something sweet, I have us meet at this great outdoor shopping venue that plays live music. You can walk, chat, window shop, and listen to music. Great place to hang out. But what cracks me up is that women online have a tendency to be really pushy. Before I can even make a suggestion, they're already saying we should do drinks. That's when the problem arises. I actually drink water when I go to a bar a lot. I'm often the designated driver & I hate bar soda. How do you feel about cranberry juice & club soda for fizz? It looks like a cocktail but isn't & doesn't have that many calories. It may get you that 1st date & show her that just because you don't drink it doesn't have to be awkward. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
strawberrypancake Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 There might be something significantly wrong if those women don't want to go on a date with you just because you don't drink. To be honest, I'd welcome a man who is completely off the alcohol. I myself can't have alcohol because of health issues and I sometimes, when going out with friends, am being judged for being "a drag" and not joining in on the fun. But they don't realise I can't drink because of health issues, not because I don't want to have a drink - I often crave it, but it's impossible due to health. So, i get your frustration about feeling awkward on dates. But don't be discouraged, in that weird dating pool you are circling, you will surely find a woman who isn't this quick to judge or narrow-minded. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 Like I said in my first post, I call these women on the phone to arrange plans, they suggest drinks, and then when I say that I don't drink they tell me over the phone that they're no longer interested. I did have a woman walk out on a date once though. We were having dinner and it was going really well. She was asking questions, flipping her hair, flirting, dropping innuendos, rubbing her foot on my leg, etc.. Plus we were both laughing and having a great time in general. The subject of old jobs comes up and she said she used to be a bartender in college. Then she asked me my favorite drink and I told her I don't drink. She excused herself to go to the restroom and never came back. That's bizzare that she would have walked out because of THAT. JMO, but this may be one of those cases where two people were on the same date, but having two totally different experiences. You were having fun, thought "she" was having fun, while she couldn't wait to get away. And when you announced you didn't drink, depending on how you said it, which you may not have even realized, that was the "straw that broke the camel's back," and she got up and left. No woman who is really into you and/or just having a good time, is gonna get up and leave like that ff. Whether you drink or don't drink. No way. It's not "what" you say but "how" you say it. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 Haha.. I'm a bit difficult when it comes to first meets. I don't drink coffee or alcohol. I also don't drink soda. So who in the hell goes to a bar to drink water? YES you order Perrier water, that's what I do. I am like you I have never developed the taste for alcohol and if I say I don't drink they will assume I am an ex alcoholic so now I reply I drink very little, it seems to be the perfect answer. It means I don't splurge in alcohol and I am not an ex addict. You are doing yourself a huge disservice by telling them 'you don't drink' when offered to go out for a drink. Get there and order an non alcoholic beverage. You don't like them boohoo!! Are you there for the drink or for the lady? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Auspecial Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 Like I said in my first post, I call these women on the phone to arrange plans, they suggest drinks, and then when I say that I don't drink they tell me over the phone that they're no longer interested. I did have a woman walk out on a date once though. We were having dinner and it was going really well. She was asking questions, flipping her hair, flirting, dropping innuendos, rubbing her foot on my leg, etc.. Plus we were both laughing and having a great time in general. The subject of old jobs comes up and she said she used to be a bartender in college. Then she asked me my favorite drink and I told her I don't drink. She excused herself to go to the restroom and never came back. Its usually a loose expectation that "drinks" involves alcohol, but in reality, it can mean any type of drink. And you can drink non-alcoholic drinks at a bar. I feel like if they suggest drinks, and then you shoot down the idea by first not wanting to do what they suggest, and secondly, almost making it sound like you may have a moral issue with drinking. There's nothing wrong with that, either, but I can see how it could put people off who don't have a problem with alcohol and also are social drinkers. As another poster said, it could be that the woman just wants something to be relaxing, and then feels that maybe she'll never have that opportunity with you if you are adamant against drinking. Whereas, if you ordered a drink and just sipped it, or a non-alcoholic drink, then at least you would be accepting her suggestion and not making a judgement about drinking. Then, you can explain your stance on drinking alcohol later. Regarding the woman you mentioned, its be easy to jump to conclusions that because she had been a bartender she wanted a heavy drinking buddy. I have been a bartender off and on for years, and I'd say the opposite is true. Most bartenders I know are only social drinkers, and a large percentage do not drink at all. I think she pulled the disappearing act for some internal malfunction reason of her own. It was poor and cowardly behavior from her. Nevertheless, in the interest of blending in somewhat and not seeming extreme, if this happens again maybe you can say: 1. my favorite drink is X, but I like it without the alcohol. 2. my favorite drink is Y, I drink it at special occasions. 3. my favorite drink is Z, but I don't feel like drinking right now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TigerCub Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 YES you order Perrier water, that's what I do. I am like you I have never developed the taste for alcohol and if I say I don't drink they will assume I am an ex alcoholic so now I reply I drink very little, it seems to be the perfect answer. It means I don't splurge in alcohol and I am not an ex addict. You are doing yourself a huge disservice by telling them 'you don't drink' when offered to go out for a drink. Get there and order an non alcoholic beverage. You don't like them boohoo!! Are you there for the drink or for the lady? Exactly!! Or OP just save yourself these awkward incidents from the start and say out right in your profile that you're an non-drinker(if you are meeting these women online) - that way only other non-drinkers and people that are totally cool with it will contact you and you avoid this whole bit of talking to them and them mentioning it and then having them lose interest in hanging out with you. It's not so much the not drinking that would be an issue for me, it's the attitude of 'No, drinks are out - because I don't drink alcohol, or coffee or anything else' - they just seem like annoying hangups especially because you're completely shooting down these activities because you don't drink and you refuse to just go and have some fancy water. Going for a coffee or a drink is such a common social activity. No one is forcing you to drink, but you make it an issue by totally writing off a popular social activity. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 Let's see, you don't date women who go wine tasting, or women who have tiny dogs or more than two cats. I may be totally off base, but as a completely casual observer, it almost sounds like you're letting your preconceived notions of what all those things "mean" keep you from meeting some potentially great women. It's good to have standards, but these seem out there. My former roommate loves wine. Her fiancé doesn't drink at all. They find a way to work it out. I guarantee that he did not proffer up a list of things he avoids to dictate their first date activity. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
ASG Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 I will not date someone who doesn't drink. I have once and it ended up being a point of contention in our relationship, as he was very judgemental of my drinking and would constantly point out how much I had drunk. I went into the relationship open minded. It didn't really matter that he didn't drink, as he would still go to the pub and drink lime and soda or something like that. But it became an actual issue and now I make it a conscious decision. TBH, I find it rarer that people don't drink at all anyway, so it's not like I'm limiting my chances considerably. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 I will not date someone who doesn't drink. I have once and it ended up being a point of contention in our relationship, as he was very judgemental of my drinking and would constantly point out how much I had drunk. I went into the relationship open minded. It didn't really matter that he didn't drink, as he would still go to the pub and drink lime and soda or something like that. But it became an actual issue and now I make it a conscious decision. TBH, I find it rarer that people don't drink at all anyway, so it's not like I'm limiting my chances considerably. So it wasn't so much that he didn't drink, but his judgmental and condescending attitude about your drinking that bothered you?? Not all people who don't drink have that type of attitude.....only judgmental and condescending people (in general) have that attitude. Link to post Share on other sites
orangetree Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 I don't wanna sound rude but to be honest, for me it would be a problem as well if my date never drinks alcohol. Myself, I drink little alcohol. Sometimes I don't drink anything for a couple of weeks. But usually I like to have some drinks once a week in average, not getting drunk, but enjoying wine or cocktails. And I love to be able to do that with a guy I'm into, I would find it boring to have to drink alone. I'm not even the type who likes going to bars, I like opening a bottle of wine at home. To keep it short, if your non-drinking is a problem for a woman, let her go. There are plenty of women out there who wouldn't mind you not drinking. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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