What's the easiest way to let someone know you're not interested?

[confusedgirlfriend11]

Hi all,

 

I met a lovely guy on a dating app and we've been on two dates in the space of a few weeks. He is a very nice person but I just can't see myself being with him for various reasons.

 

I know it's cliche but he'd make a great friend as he is a very nice person but I'm just not into him in a more relationship way.

 

What would be the kindest way to tell him I don't want to go on another date with him?

 

I know honesty is the best policy but the honest truth is that I don't fancy him. That's a bit harsh and I don't want to hurt his feelings as he is a really nice person.

 

Any advice is appreciated- thanks.

[Toodaloo]

Rip the plaster off.

 

Short, sharp, honest, face to face.

 

I think you are a wonderful chap but I just don't have any sexual attraction to you and don't want to waste your time. Sorry but I don't want to date you any more. Good luck. You will make a special woman very happy.

 

Done.

 

Don't pull the plaster slowly - it will hurt more.

[fitnessfan365]

You've only had two dates with the guy. Send him a text message.

 

But this is one area where women fu*k up. They try to be polite and soften the blow by complimenting a guy. However, all this does is confuse him and make him think "Why doesn't she want me if I'm so great?" Plus, it could open the door for him to pursue even harder to change your mind. So you need to be direct and to the point leaving no room for uncertainty.

 

"After two dates, I don't feel any chemistry with you. So it's best we go our separate ways."

[d0nnivain]

It was really nice to meet you. I think you are a great guy but I don't think we're a great couple. Sorry. Good luck in your search. I hope you find the perfect person but that is not me.

[Haydn]

Rip the plaster off.

 

Short, sharp, honest, face to face.

 

I think you are a wonderful chap but I just don't have any sexual attraction to you and don't want to waste your time. Sorry but I don't want to date you any more. Good luck. You will make a special woman very happy.

 

Done.

 

 

 

Don't pull the plaster slowly - it will hurt more.

 

Not bad.

 

Some people just don't get the message sometimes.

 

If you are not attracted to them then maybe just say this?

 

'I just don't fancy you Doris'

[fitnessfan365]

It was really nice to meet you. I think you are a great guy but I don't think we're a great couple. Sorry. Good luck in your search. I hope you find the perfect person but that is not me.

 

Once again, a TERRIBLE response to use.

 

Flip the POV. A guy says "You're really great, and you'll make a guy really happy." You're not going to be thinking "Well why don't you want me then?"

 

I can't stress this enough. DO NOT be polite or complimentary whatsoever. Just keep it simple and direct. "After two dates, I don't feel any chemistry with you. So it's best we stop seeing each other."

[d0nnivain]

Once again, a TERRIBLE response to use.

 

Flip the POV. A guy says "You're really great, and you'll make a guy really happy." You're not going to be thinking "Well why don't you want me then?"

 

I can't stress this enough. DO NOT be polite or complimentary whatsoever. Just keep it simple and direct. "After two dates, I don't feel any chemistry with you. So it's best we stop seeing each other."

 

 

 

It's not a terrible response. It's just not your style. I was always polite & I think the above is gracious. Believe me, my tone when I have said that to men I no longer wanted to date, did not give them hope that they could change my mind. The tone of voice, as part of the context, is also why I advocate speaking these words, not texting them.

 

 

I would certainly never tell somebody I wasn't attracted to them. That sounds mean & judgmental IMNSHO

 

 

Saying you have no chemistry is fine.

 

 

Whatever words are used, the person doing the rejection has to be true to themselves

[Toodaloo]

 

'I just don't fancy you Doris'

 

They might get the wrong idea if they are not called Doris...

 

Are you dumping me already Haydn! I didn't even leave my burger wrapper in your car!

 

Seriously though rip the plaster off, get it done. Longer you leave it the harder it gets.

[fitnessfan365]

It's not a terrible response. It's just not your style. I was always polite & I think the above is gracious. Believe me, my tone when I have said that to men I no longer wanted to date, did not give them hope that they could change my mind. The tone of voice, as part of the context, is also why I advocate speaking these words, not texting them.

 

 

I would certainly never tell somebody I wasn't attracted to them. That sounds mean & judgmental IMNSHO

 

 

Saying you have no chemistry is fine.

 

 

Whatever words are used, the person doing the rejection has to be true to themselves

 

I don't know. I think the method of delivery depends on how long you've been seeing the person. If it's only a few dates, text is fine.

 

But here's another way to look at it. Without honesty and constructive criticism, you never learn or improve. Imagine this. Every time a guy gets dumped, a woman says he'll make some other women happy and that he's a great guy. So he keeps acting the exact same way and making the same mistakes. If one of these women had given the guy honest advice, he might actually change his behavior and be able to build sexual attraction.

 

Unfortunately though, no woman ever wants to be the bad guy. So the wussy nice guy will go on getting dumped repeatedly for the rest of his life.

[Maleficent]

Once again, a TERRIBLE response to use.

 

Flip the POV. A guy says "You're really great, and you'll make a guy really happy." You're not going to be thinking "Well why don't you want me then?"

 

I can't stress this enough. DO NOT be polite or complimentary whatsoever. Just keep it simple and direct. "After two dates, I don't feel any chemistry with you. So it's best we stop seeing each other."

 

I see no harm in this response. As long as the person makes it clear she/he isn't interested.

What bothers me is when people make excuses...Not ready for a relationship etc.

[Maleficent]

I don't know. I think the method of delivery depends on how long you've been seeing the person. If it's only a few dates, text is fine.

 

But here's another way to look at it. Without honesty and constructive criticism, you never learn or improve. Imagine this. Every time a guy gets dumped, a woman says he'll make some other women happy and that he's a great guy. So he keeps acting the exact same way and making the same mistakes. If one of these women had given the guy honest advice, he might actually change his behavior and be able to build sexual attraction.

 

Unfortunately though, no woman ever wants to be the bad guy. So the wussy nice guy will go on getting dumped repeatedly for the rest of his life.

 

If I'm not interested in someone it's not necessarily that he did something wrong...

 

Problem with some men and dating is that they think they can so something specific to attract women. Well you can't. Unless you are painfully awkward or douxhey, it's a matter of feelling attraction or not.

 

The next guy who asks for what he did wromg, Imma tell him it's because he didn't wear red shoes and clicked them three times.

Lol

[katiegrl]

You've only had two dates with the guy. Send him a text message.

 

But this is one area where women fu*k up. They try to be polite and soften the blow by complimenting a guy. However, all this does is confuse him and make him think "Why doesn't she want me if I'm so great?" Plus, it could open the door for him to pursue even harder to change your mind. So you need to be direct and to the point leaving no room for uncertainty.

 

"After two dates, I don't feel any chemistry with you. So it's best we go our separate ways."

 

^^This...100%

[katiegrl]

^^This...100%

 

^^Via text message is fine. You only had two dates after all.

 

Easy peasey.

[Dybbuk]

I agree with fitnessfan. You have to be direct and to the point. Every time I rejected a guy, I always got the WHY WHY WHY?!? One dude I was on the phone with for 2 hours because it just wasn't sinking in! I was trying too hard to do the "It's not you, it's me!" and guys don't buy that BS. They know there is something about them you just don't like for whatever reason and they want to know what it is.

 

After that phone call, I got like 4 texts in the morning from him saying he doesn't understand why I wouldn't take a chance on him if he's so great, but he respected my decision and left it at that.

 

After that I grew a pair and just let them know why I was interested in them.

 

Thanks for your time, but after X dates I do not feel we are compatible. If they press for reasons, tell them.

 

You don't have to be rude or harsh about it, but if he wants to know then let him know. If it hurts his feelings, then he'll know for next time either to not ask 'why' or open himself up again for the answer and see if there is something he can do differently.

 

I've broken it off for numerous reasons, and do some get upset when they hear why? YEAH. But I reply cordially and say "I'm not perfect either. I just think what we are both looking for in a person is not here. Best of luck to you." and be done.

[venusishername]

Here's the list I use. Best to be clear as day. No 'right now' or 'you're really great but..' No. Men don't pick up on signals you drop. Be straightforward:

 

1. I'm not interested

2. I'm sorry, I just don't think it's a good fit

3. I'm seeing someone, or my ex came back

4. I'm not looking to get involved with anyone. (note that I didn't include a timeline. It conveys permanency).

 

If you want someone to hear you loud and clear, you MUST be clear.

You cannot say "I'm kinda busy with school and work for the next few months..."; 'if you still want to chat, that's fine'; or 'let's keep in touch', whatever.

I see a lot of women who are too nice when it comes to this stuff, and they wonder why the guys don't get the hint. Like Dyybuk said about the long phone call, etc.

Edited March 5, 2015 by venusishername

[Ruby Slippers]

I agree with keeping it simple and direct: "I enjoyed meeting you, but I don't feel a romantic connection. I wish you all the best in your search."

 

I have told some guys I'm open to being friends, and meant it, but they're either not interested or they just keep trying to win me over romantically. And it makes sense. Most people are not on a dating site to make new friends.

[Gary S]

Cutting contact can work. Some guys will get the message.

 

The only way to reject nicely is to get them to reject you, for them to think it's their own idea. So tell him you met someone and want to see where it goes.

[preraph]

It was really nice to meet you. I think you are a great guy but I don't think we're a great couple. Sorry. Good luck in your search. I hope you find the perfect person but that is not me.

 

This is a good response because it lets them know it's not that there's anything specifically awful about them, but just that as a couple, you're not a good fit. A mature person will understand this response. I agree you have to be a bit more brutal with younger guys OR any guy who thinks they're already in love with you on the first date, in which case "I'm sorry, but I'm just not interested in any relationship with you" and blocking is needed.

[preraph]

Cutting contact can work. Some guys will get the message.

 

The only way to reject nicely is to get them to reject you, for them to think it's their own idea. So tell him you met someone and want to see where it goes.

 

Gary, I feel if you do that, the ones who are obsessive and have low self-esteem will never give up. You really can't give those types any hope. And since you can't always tell what they're like after one or two dates, I think it's safer to NOT give them any hope that they can come back around once it doesn't work out with the other guy.

[Gary S]

^^^I understand your logic, but with your way.... you don't know them well enough to to know what their attitude is, and how the'll react... they could turn around and try to bite your head off, and reject you rejection is one of the worst things, you want to reduce the chance on your end. Welcome to the world's biggest cat-and-mouse game, dating.

 

To get them to reject you, you could use even stronger methods... I've asked women I wanted to get rid of, "What do you think of married men dating"?

[smackie9]

I agree with keeping it simple and direct: "I enjoyed meeting you, but I don't feel a romantic connection. I wish you all the best in your search."

 

.

 

 

This^^^^^is exactly what I would say. Never ever say "we can be friends" That is an ego buster.....guys so dread hearing it.

[katiegrl]

It's not a terrible response. It's just not your style. I was always polite & I think the above is gracious. Believe me, my tone when I have said that to men I no longer wanted to date, did not give them hope that they could change my mind. The tone of voice, as part of the context, is also why I advocate speaking these words, not texting them.

 

 

I would certainly never tell somebody I wasn't attracted to them. That sounds mean & judgmental IMNSHO

 

 

Saying you have no chemistry is fine.

 

 

Whatever words are used, the person doing the rejection has to be true to themselves

 

d0nninain, with respect, since fitnessfan is a man, and as such represents the recipients of a woman's response/rejection.... if he says a rejection like the one you proposed, albeit polite, is terrible... it's probably a good idea to believe him.

 

Men are different from woman (as no doubt you already know). They like directness...short to the point. They hate fluff .... and any efforts to be considerate and polite just leave them more confused and baffled.

 

And with respect to what you proposed... may make them feel MORE rejected than had you simply said "sorry but no chemistry."

Edited March 5, 2015 by katiegrl

[barcode88]

"I don't think I feel that we have a connection for a romantic relationship, but I think you're a great guy and I really like you as a friend" or something IDK.

 

Just be honest

 

Don't be surprised if he disappears, many guys wont settle for friendship.

[Ruby Slippers]

The only way to reject nicely is to get them to reject you, for them to think it's their own idea. So tell him you met someone and want to see where it goes.

I think this method is evasive and somewhat manipulative. You can't control what other people think or do. You can only speak for and control yourself. It's better to be honest and direct. Saying you don't feel a romantic connection is a simple statement of fact, not a personal attack or insult.

[Starship]

This was complete stranger with whom you have met twice?

 

As others state, straight of the point. Some version of 'we just aren't a match and I wish you the best in your search.' End of a all contact.

 

-You are not this fellow's dating coach

-You are not his potential friend

 

The seemingly nicest person in the world can actually be unstable or turn into the stalker from Hell.

 

 

This is what is best for 'you', not him. Your obligation is to be polite, civil...not worried about his 'feelings'. This is not a person you owe anything to...not a lover, friend, coworker, etc.

 

How dos he take it? Again, not your issue. If he is a socially well adjusted adult male, he will fell a bit down but cope fine. A healthy person deals with rejection.