INTROVERT- Socially Awkward Guy

[ethanjustis]

Hey guys, so I've really had it with my romantic life lately. I've been an introvert all my life and spend most of my time in front of the computer screen. I'm super intimidated by women, like I can't even have a normal conversation with them, especially women my age. I HATE small talk, can't stand it. I just want to be able to have a meaningful conversion with a girl, but I can't even look a girl in the eye, let alone hold up a conversation, and when I do say something it's usually stupid. I'm beginning to think that maybe I'm just an unattractive guy that has nothing interesting to say. Even though I know I'm an introvert, I don't like it. I've never had a masculine figure in my life to look up to, never had many guys friends. My lack of social skills has also effected my ability to get jobs. I'm just tired of being alone. I just never seem to meet new people, and I feel claustrophobic around them. Most days I just want to stay in my room. I feel so lonely, but I don't know what to do. Can anybody help?

[runredlights]

Hey guys, so I've really had it with my romantic life lately. I've been an introvert all my life and spend most of my time in front of the computer screen. I'm super intimidated by women, like I can't even have a normal conversation with them, especially women my age. I HATE small talk, can't stand it. I just want to be able to have a meaningful conversion with a girl, but I can't even look a girl in the eye, let alone hold up a conversation, and when I do say something it's usually stupid. I'm beginning to think that maybe I'm just an unattractive guy that has nothing interesting to say. Even though I know I'm an introvert, I don't like it. I've never had a masculine figure in my life to look up to, never had many guys friends. My lack of social skills has also effected my ability to get jobs. I'm just tired of being alone. I just never seem to meet new people, and I feel claustrophobic around them. Most days I just want to stay in my room. I feel so lonely, but I don't know what to do. Can anybody help?

 

How long have you been feeling like this?

How old are you?

[fitnessfan365]

Women take time to get emotionally invested in you. So before you can get to meaningful conversations, and have a relationship mindset, you need to build sexual attraction first. This means flirting, being playful, getting a woman laughing, and making small talk. Is small talk lame? Yes. I hate it too. But small talk can be a good foundation for spinning off into other topics.

[neowulf]

Two words OP. Exposure. Therapy.

 

Women make you anxious and uncomfortable.

 

So, first step. You need social exposure to women until you no longer feel anxious around and uncomfortable around them.

 

Women are *just* people. You have a mum? a sister? a cousin? Women are just women.

 

Now, I hear say;

"... But Neowulf, I'm not attracted to any of those women!"

 

True, but that's kind of the point. You *need* to practice conversation skills in a situation where you're not freaked out about it going badly.

 

As for small talk, yes, I'm with you. I'm introverted and yes, I find it exhausting. But, it's all part of communicating with strangers. You can't just dive into a full blown deep conversation with strangers. There's a that initial period of breaking the ice you just have to go through.

 

I'm currently working on this situation myself. I'm not terribly social by nature. It takes a LOT of effort to speak with strangers and put myself out there. I do not enjoy it. But through exposure, it's slowly becoming easier.

 

You can't fix it by thinking about it. I know. It doesn't work. You need to practice through practical application.

[Toodaloo]

Ethan

 

Having been on a date with a chap who I can only assume is an introvert last weekend... I can tell you it leaves us completely and utterly perplexed.

 

Practice talking to people and expressing yourself.

 

We need a chance to get to know you too! If you block yourself off we will have no idea what the heck is going on and end up walking away as we don't think you are interested in us!

[PogoStick]

Take Improv classes.

[TigerCub]

Sorry for the loneliness you feel OP

but I think you're blaming being an introvert on your social awkwardness and your shyness.

 

I have known introverts, but they can all hold a conversation and they aren't as awkward as you describe.

 

I think you have a bunch of things going on at once, but to lump it all as 'being an introvert' isn't gonna help you because people are what they are, if they are an introvert or an extrovert and THAT doesn't change

 

BUT being socially awkward and shy are things that can be worked on and improved on.

 

You just need to practice going out more, little bits at a time - just set goals for yourself, like

- Tomorrow I'm going to make small talk with 1 person

or

- I'm going to sign up for an activity (I dunno what you like - if it's a sport or art or I dunno) - but sign up to do a 1 day activity.

 

You need to push yourself to interact with people and you don't have to go and do it in huge leaps, you can baby step it, but you have to try.

 

I don't know what your age is and if you're going to school now - but school is a good place and opportunity to interact with all kinds of people.

 

Don't just blame it on being an introvert - work on the things that you can improve on (like being shy and awkward)

 

Good luck to you.

 

Being lonely is sad and I hope you can work on changing that.

[d0nnivain]

You are going to have to force yourself out of your comfort zone. Try joining a group called ToastMasters It's about public speaking but it will help make you more comfortable interacting with people. If you can afford it the Dale Carnegie Institute offers classes on personal interaction. You can at least read the book How to Win Friends and Influence People

 

 

By start small I always advocate smiling at one new person per day. Work up to saying hello. Talk to all people of all shapes & sizes. Do not start with the hottest girl you know. Work up to talking to her.

 

 

As much as you hate small talk you have to start there. Since you like computers, think of that as the base code. You have to be able to say "when the frak is it going to stop snowing?" before you can have a deep conversation about the meaning of life.

[Satu]

To be loved, be loving.

To find peace, be peaceful.

To have friends, be friendly.

To be understood, be understanding.

To be cared about, be caring.

To be treated kindly, be kind.

To find forgiveness, be forgiving.

 

This list extends into infinity.

[Vintage79]

It's a drag dude - but this isn't an issue with being an introvert (the definition of an introvert is that being around a lot of people makes you lose energy, whereas an extrovert will become energized), it's an issue with low self esteem and fear of rejection. You claim to hate small talk, but truthfully, it's only really needed to break the ice (i.e. 2-3 minutes), and then you can spiral things into a more interesting conversation. If want a deeper conversation, you'll have to know the person a bit, so first meetings (and to a lesser extent second meetings), the conversation, while not necessarily shallow, doesn't really speak to the core of the individual, but the conversation should be/could be, interesting.

 

I'm going to be blunt, you're making a lot of excuses for your failures, but you aren't really trying anything to solve the problems (potentially because you haven't appropriately diagnosed what the ultimate problem is). To me, if this is affecting your life as much as you state, you should really seek some sort of counseling/therapy to help - this forum is a good place to start, but it is insufficient relative to professional, trained experts.

[Versacehottie]

You are going to have to force yourself out of your comfort zone.

 

this^^^^

 

everyone has to do this in some way or another in pursuit of a relationship. This is just your particular zone. Good luck.

[deathandtaxes]

Turn off the computer. Get out of the house. Go hike. Go to the gym. Do something! Talk to strangers everywhere.

 

You're asocial, not introverted. There is a HUGE difference.

[Satu]

Most communication between people is just simply pleasantry.

 

Thats the place to start.

 

Profound comes later

[barcode88]

I think everyone is a little bit socially awkward, you just need to realize it and compensate for it. I experience it sometimes even.

 

Just try and break out of your comfort zone a bit, and talk to people whenever you can.

 

First you need to look confident. When you walk, keep your back straight, face up (don't look at the ground), and puff your chest out. Once you can carry yourself with confidence, just smile at people on the street, and do your best to not look nervous, just be natural. Most people will return your smile.

 

When you get more comfortable, say Smile and say Hi/Hello to people. You might just get a hi/hello back from most people, but you'd be surprised, some people will stop and talk (Depending where you are)

 

You could also try a meetup group (meetup.com) , good way to meet new people and expand your social horizons a bit. No one there will likely judge you, and you can develop your social skills with less pressure.

 

Do you have ANY experience with women OP?