What if your date doesn't like (or can't bond with) your pet?

[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

I'm planning on getting a kitten soon once I have purchased all of the things she needs and am able to pay the pet deposit. I've had two pet cats in the past so I'm very excited and looking forward to having a beautiful new little kitty to love on!

 

I was thinking about what the future would be like if I had a date that I started to become closer to and eventually invited over to my place for dinner or a night of gaming. A person loves their pet unconditionally (at least I'd hope so!) and, if posed with a choice, they would choose them over a potential mate - or would they?

 

I've heard a few people talk about this very subject, with some people siding with their pet no matter what, while others would actually get rid of their pet () if their date or mate did not like or wasn't able to bond with their pet.

 

Personally, I would tell my date or potential mate that if they see a future with me and they love me and want to be in my life, that my kitty is part of the package. If they hated my cat THAT much, they're not a "cat person" or they just don't like being around animals in general, then I would tell them that it's not going to work out and that they should move on. Conversely, if they were willing to try to bond with my cat and made a sincere effort in doing so, then I would give them a chance.

 

Are you a pet owner? And if so, how would you react and what would you do if you dated someone that you had a connection with and thought they had relationship potential, but they told you directly (or you sensed it by the way they acted around your pet) that they just don't like your pet and they can't stand being around it or near it (barring allergies of course)? Would you tell them that you're NOT getting rid of your pet and that they can choose to be with you or to move on? Or would you actually consider getting rid of your pet so that you can find potential happiness with, what could be, a lifelong partner in life?

 

 

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[d0nnivain]

My 4th date with my now husband involved my dog. I thought at that point if the guy didn't like the dog it would be easy enough to get a new guy but the dog was staying. It is not negotiable.

 

 

Ironically, the dog totally bonded with DH & became indifferent to me thereafter.

[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

My 4th date with my now husband involved my dog. I thought at that point if the guy didn't like the dog it would be easy enough to get a new guy but the dog was staying. It is not negotiable.

 

 

Ironically, the dog totally bonded with DH & became indifferent to me thereafter.

 

That's so cool that your 4th date with your now hubby actively involved your dog! I like your attitude about it being easy enough to get a new guy but that your dog was staying lol. When I finally get my beautiful kitty, any guy that enters my life in any capacity is going to have to accept (and hopefully one day love) her. If he doesn't, then oh well!

 

 

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[planb1973]

There is a saying. "Love me love my dog." I think it applies to cats as well.

[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

There is a saying. "Love me love my dog." I think it applies to cats as well.

 

Yes! It does! I like that saying...I think I'm going to steal it lol

 

 

 

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[preraph]

To me, it's a question of ethics. To me, once you adopt a pet that is your responsibility for the rest of its life. It's very hard to find a home for pets. Also, I just can't have much respect for someone who can get attached and love an animal and be able to give it up -- and I certainly don't respect a person who would ask another to do that for them. It's like giving up a kid. If someone doesn't love animals well enough to devote themselves to their wellbeing, they shouldn't have one.

 

They can cause tension in relationships. After looking in retrospect at the level of endurance, love and loyalty of pets compared to men, I'm not even booting them out of the bed for anyone for more than 45 minutes.

[TigerLilly78]

It depends on the guy and the situation I once dated a dude for month's he came to my house was fine with my 2 cats until one day he decided he was going to be "allergic" to them witch was complete BS he just didn't like cats I guess and figured as he had been around for a while he could try and pull shenanigans yeah I kept the cats and lost the lier..lol

 

Now if it had been genuine and he was really allergic when he came to my house I might have considered a different arrangement IF we were together a long time and I thought things could be serious long term I couldn't ask a person like that to live sick 24/7 after all.. I got lucky in the end and my current bf loves our pet ferret to death he spoils her more them me half the time..lol

[CrystalShine2011]

I'm on the opposite side. I really really dislike pets with fur...especially dogs.

My last boyfriend adopted a husky while we were together, and because of my timid and non leading dog personality, the husky would bite me and completely drive me crazy. It became a HUGE issue. I was home alone quite a bit with our dog and it usually ended up with me in tears and she locked in her cage for the evening.

 

We never got around to training because we broke up, but I now will not date guys with dogs. Bleh.

[Dybbuk]

I don't need a SO to LOVE my pets, but I'd need for my SO to at least tolerate them (granted I have insect/arachnid pets so I really am good with total indifference when it comes to pets lol).

 

Aside from that I think it's really unfair when partners try the whole "It's me or your pets" ultimatum. I think in a healthy relationship an SO won't ask you to give up a pet you love. However on the same token... making sure your pet isn't making everyone's lives a living hell with bad behavior, aggression or destructive tendencies and you won't need to have that discussion.

[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

It depends on the guy and the situation I once dated a dude for month's he came to my house was fine with my 2 cats until one day he decided he was going to be "allergic" to them witch was complete BS he just didn't like cats I guess and figured as he had been around for a while he could try and pull shenanigans yeah I kept the cats and lost the lier..lol

 

Now if it had been genuine and he was really allergic when he came to my house I might have considered a different arrangement IF we were together a long time and I thought things could be serious long term I couldn't ask a person like that to live sick 24/7 after all.. I got lucky in the end and my current bf loves our pet ferret to death he spoils her more them me half the time..lol

 

What different arrangement would you have considered if both of you were together for a long time? Like maybe putting your cats in another part of the house or maybe sending them to live with a family member but then you still go and visit them often?

 

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[KatZee]

My cat > all people.

 

If a future boyfriend didn't like my cat? Guess what, my cat don't like you either, and she's a good judge of character, so take a walk.

 

My cat didn't like my ex at all and they never bonded. She never let him touch her or pick her up.

 

She's so friendly, and so needy and nosy, that if a stranger comes to the house her face is immediately in their business going, "hihihihihi! look at me!"

 

With my ex? She couldn't have been any more disinterested in him.

 

I should have listened to the cat.

[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

I'm on the opposite side. I really really dislike pets with fur...especially dogs.

My last boyfriend adopted a husky while we were together, and because of my timid and non leading dog personality, the husky would bite me and completely drive me crazy. It became a HUGE issue. I was home alone quite a bit with our dog and it usually ended up with me in tears and she locked in her cage for the evening.

 

We never got around to training because we broke up, but I now will not date guys with dogs. Bleh.

 

Not liking a dog because it has fur is one thing (shedding, the fur getting on your clothing, etc.)...but if his dog was BITING you?! Then omg, that IS a very big deal! I can understand why you'll never date a guy who has a dog. What if he had a cat?

 

 

 

I don't need a SO to LOVE my pets, but I'd need for my SO to at least tolerate them (granted I have insect/arachnid pets so I really am good with total indifference when it comes to pets lol).

 

Aside from that I think it's really unfair when partners try the whole "It's me or your pets" ultimatum. I think in a healthy relationship an SO won't ask you to give up a pet you love. However on the same token... making sure your pet isn't making everyone's lives a living hell with bad behavior, aggression or destructive tendencies and you won't need to have that discussion.

 

First, I'd like to say that I love your username! I loved the movie, "The Unborn" and the Jewish legend the movie expanded on about the dybbuks scared the bejeezus out of me! I agree with you that I would like it if any date that I had would at least tolerate (that word sounds so negative lol) my kitty. I would hope that in the future he could at least like her (or even love her) but if he didn't, and he didn't act put-off by her whenever he was around her, then I guess that could be as good as it gets.

 

And yes, if I had a guy who ended up living with me (or me living with him) which is doubtful but not impossible, I would make sure she wouldn't make his life uncomfortable or (gasp!) miserable. If no matter what I did, he still was miserable or absolutely not wanting to live or be around her, then that would be sad...because then I would have to break up with him.

 

 

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[Gaeta]

I have been living alone for 10 years and my dog will be 8 years old in April. I would not part from my dog for any considerations, none, niet, rien!

 

I would not date someone that dislikes dogs. I even mention in my profile I am a dog owner. At first people think it's not a big deal but it is.

 

Being a dog owner limits my time and I need an understanding man. At 5h after work I cannot stay in town for dinner or head to his place. I have my dog at home waiting for me to walk him and feed him. After my dog has spent his entire day home alone I can't leave him alone for the evening on top of that. When I have a boyfriend he has to understand if he wants me to go visit him in the evening or sleep over at his place I have to bring my dog.

 

I can't turn around and leave last minute for a weekend, or a week vacation without finding him a good place. If I leave a week a good kennel charges $50 per day, so I need to budget that if I leave for 1 week.

 

At home because my dog has always been alone with me he is allowed on the couch and he sleeps on my bed. It won't work if a new boyfriend sees something wrong with that. I cannot demand a dog of 8 years to abandon his favorite spot on the couch because of new Bo.

 

So far I have been very lucky. Men I dated loved my dog. Sometimes I felt bad for my ex-boyfriend, he'd try to fall asleep and my dog would jump on the bed, laid down on the foot of the bed, which was ok there was plenty of space for us to sleep but in the middle of the night my dog would slowly move himself between me and boyfriend. Often boyfriend had 1 foot of bed for him and the rest was for me and my dog. I would tell my boyfriend when he wakes up in the night and the dog is taking over the bed to simply tell the dog to go. He always said: I am not here to take his place, him and I can share.

[MissBee]

I'm planning on getting a kitten soon once I have purchased all of the things she needs and am able to pay the pet deposit. I've had two pet cats in the past so I'm very excited and looking forward to having a beautiful new little kitty to love on!

 

I was thinking about what the future would be like if I had a date that I started to become closer to and eventually invited over to my place for dinner or a night of gaming. A person loves their pet unconditionally (at least I'd hope so!) and, if posed with a choice, they would choose them over a potential mate - or would they?

 

I've heard a few people talk about this very subject, with some people siding with their pet no matter what, while others would actually get rid of their pet () if their date or mate did not like or wasn't able to bond with their pet.

 

Personally, I would tell my date or potential mate that if they see a future with me and they love me and want to be in my life, that my kitty is part of the package. If they hated my cat THAT much, they're not a "cat person" or they just don't like being around animals in general, then I would tell them that it's not going to work out and that they should move on. Conversely, if they were willing to try to bond with my cat and made a sincere effort in doing so, then I would give them a chance.

 

Are you a pet owner? And if so, how would you react and what would you do if you dated someone that you had a connection with and thought they had relationship potential, but they told you directly (or you sensed it by the way they acted around your pet) that they just don't like your pet and they can't stand being around it or near it (barring allergies of course)? Would you tell them that you're NOT getting rid of your pet and that they can choose to be with you or to move on? Or would you actually consider getting rid of your pet so that you can find potential happiness with, what could be, a lifelong partner in life?

 

 

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I think like any other lifestyle choice or personal situation, if it is important to you then it's important to make it known upfront EARLY on so you and the other person have a choice before you get emotionally entwined then drop it on them and then things potentially change or you're left with awkward choices.

 

The culture of pets in North America is quite different from where I'm originally from and I will never quite understand how in many ways North Americans seem to be more attached to animals than their fellow humans. It was one of the stranger culture shocks I had to deal with. People clearly have pets where I'm from but it is not this idea that the pet is the same as your child. People care for their pets and the rest but NEVER does it come up as a thing in dating or where people's lives are structured around their pets quite in the same way as it is discussed here. It wouldn't even be a thing on the radar to discuss during dating as culturally people simply don't treat having the pet as the same as discussing they have a child who comes as a package with them. It's just a different orientation.

 

In any event, like I said simply be upfront about what it is and allow the person to choose before either of you get too attached. I don't think anyone should give up a pet they love for a date and if you're an animal lover then dating another animal lover is probably the most reasonable thing to do. I am deathly afraid of cats so a relationship between me and a cat loving man would never work. Dogs, I could get used to a dog potentially but I'm not a dog lover either. I wouldn't ask a man to give up his pet for me though and if his lifestyle with regards to pets is vastly different from my own then we're just not a match and it's fine.

[Omei]

I have three cats one who has been in my life for nine years now, they have offered me endless amounts of love and comfort and have well earned their right to stay.

 

Anyone taking on a pet should be aware their making a commitment of their lifespan, I frown on those who give up animals because they move and don't consider their pets apart of that etc they need stability as much as people.

 

If a guy didnt like my animals he wouldn't last very long and id never betray them by tossing them away for a relationship they are apart of my family valued as any other member.

Edited March 4, 2015 by Omei

[preraph]

There is no creature more naturally disposed to unconditionally loving humans than a dog. My feeling is if a person can't love a dog, they really can't love anything.

[Gary S]

What!!! No love for Hello Kitty?!

 

I suppose a small number of people are allergic to cats. Your chances of running into one of those is slim I think - you could look up the statistics if you want.

 

But if they don't like cats? - think about it... what good-hearted person would not like an adorable little kitty?! I mean really?! Seriously?!

 

If you want to land Mr or Miss. Right, you have to get by the pet first, and pass the pet test!

[Omei]

There is no creature more naturally disposed to unconditionally loving humans than a dog. My feeling is if a person can't love a dog, they really can't love anything.

 

Indeed animals are of the purest of hearts they love with no judgment or selfishness its unconditional prob one of the only places you could find true love today.

 

If someone couldn't love an animal back I too would question if they could love anyone at all.

[LifeandPerseverance]

I would say tough. I am an animal person. I've been an animal person since the day I was born. Life is better covered in animal hair. I've actually had this conversation with a couple guys recently--My animals are already a part of my life, and a part of who I am. If they don't like animals? Tough. This won't work. I can't be with someone who can't embrace or at least accept my animals. Actually, I get really pissed when a guy asks me "how many animals I have" like I'm some kind of hoarder.

 

 

It's the same reaction when I hear a guy doesn't like kids--I like kids. I could never date a guy who doesn't like children. I also could never date a guy who doesn't like animals. Animals have been an integral part of my life, and what I chose to get one of my degrees in, and will continue to be an integral part of my life. If a guy can't at least accept that? He's gone.

 

 

I definitely smile when I hear a guy has a dog. It generally seems when a guy has pets, he's a more responsible, laid back, patient, and understanding person. I could just be biased.

[SawtoothMars]

As a sales rep selling medical equipment... we all know too many people will deny life saving medication for their children over a $20 co-pay, but will mortgage their house to pay $15,000 for their dogs hip replacement.

 

If at any time you feel that pets are more important than people... you are part of the problem.

[soithascometothis]

As a sales rep selling medical equipment... we all know too many people will deny life saving medication for their children over a $20 co-pay, but will mortgage their house to pay $15,000 for their dogs hip replacement.

 

If at any time you feel that pets are more important than people... you are part of the problem.

 

So the medical equipment field is rife with people mortgaging their houses to pay for their pets surgery (I have pet insurance btw, and I'm sure a lot of people here do as well that would prevent such high bills) while their dying kids languish and suffer? That seems odd. As a decade long dog owner who knows many other pet owners, I have never seen this before. I'm not saying this particular situation has never happened, I'm sure it has. But whatever problem you are referring to is either in your own head or totally blown out of proportion. Pet people are by and large more empathetic and caring towards all living things in my opinion.

[LifeandPerseverance]

Pet people are by and large more empathetic and caring towards all living things in my opinion.

Bingo. And kids (or family, or insert other important people in your life here) come before pets, always. But that doesn't mean we'd ditch our pets for our current S.O.

[sweetjasmine]

When I adopted my pets, I made a commitment to care for them throughout their whole lives as long as I'm able to. Anyone who'd think that's crazy would never be compatible with me.

 

As a sales rep selling medical equipment... we all know too many people will deny life saving medication for their children over a $20 co-pay, but will mortgage their house to pay $15,000 for their dogs hip replacement.

 

If at any time you feel that pets are more important than people... you are part of the problem.

 

The people who balk at paying more than $20 for any kind of medical treatment for their pet far, far, far outnumber this mysterious demographic that lets their children die while paying 5 times the typical cost for a hip replacement for their dog. Every vet hospital sees multiple people from the former group every single freaking day. My personal favorites are the ones who pay $1,000 for designer puppies and then complain that the rabies vaccine is too expensive.

[Photofinish]

I have pet rats and dogs. If a guy wouldnt touch my rats then it's a no go . I usually need my pets to approve to my boyfriends . I'm lucky my current boyfriend loves all of my pets and my rat actually nibbles his face!

 

I believe animals can sense bad intentions in people. Keep them forever. They will never harm you unlike people.

[soithascometothis]

 

I believe animals can sense bad intentions in people. Keep them forever. They will never harm you unlike people.

 

My dog is incredibly laid back and friendly. However at the dog park (I lived across the street) she used to bark at this one older man incessantly. Without fail if this guy was there, she would make a B-line and start barking at this guy. I used to scold her, get embarrassed, and eventually leave if I couldn't get her to stop. I eventually told my neighbor what was going on because he had a dog she used to take to the same dog park. She asked me for a description of the guy, and so I told her. She got flushed and told me my dog must be intuitive. The guy she was barking at was on megans law, and was a sex offender.