Dating Conundrum

[brandon26003]

I am a 34 year old male. I've been dating for years and have even been married. Why is it that you have to act uninterested in someone that you are interested in?

[Versacehottie]

Good question and observation. It's just the way it is, I guess. But yes it is quite standard.

[smackie9]

When things are a challenge, or things we can't have, a chemical Dopimine is released in the brain. It's biological to give us the ability to fight for what we want....it's for our very survival.

[TigerCub]

Op, I don't think that approach works on everyone.

Personally I like to know that the guy I like likes me and wants to spend time with me and treat me right.

 

If someone acts like they aren't into me - soon enough I'd get bored and move on to someone that is into me.

[GoBlue]

I agree with TigerCub - the truth of the matter is that most of us really think that you AREN'T interested if you act like you're not. I believe that it is very rare that acting like you don't like someone actually gets them more interested in you. I think it's much better to be who you are and to express an interest if you like someone. I guess I simply prefer honest and up-front communication. What about you?

[Vintage79]

I've run into more problems dating when I play uninterested. Sure, there's the occasional person where acting interested creeps them out, but usually it works better to effectively make your interest known. My view is that the people it creeps out - they probably weren't interested in you...

 

That said, I think a lot of people don't know how to show interest very well, and by that I mean a lot of people get overly clingy, needy, etc., thinking that it communicates interest. Well, that is communicating interest, but it's communicating too much interest. The illustration of interest needs to be tempered, or least not go overboard. As such, for people that are prone to showing over interest, illustrating the right amount of interest may seem like they're not showing any interest at all.

 

It's a fine line - but I think showing no literally no interest is going to backfire at some point.

[Gary S]

'Cause playin' hard to get doubles attraction

 

Really, the problem is that some people, especially guys, move unnaturally fast, and turn the ladies off, smothering them, or being octopus man on date one Only fools rush in.

 

So, it's been given a bad name, but it's just about not moving too fast.

[preraph]

I honestly think it's based in some logic. Realize this is true only at the very beginning. Overly eager people send off quite a few red flags. How can they be so eager when they don't even know you? So right off, you know they are only really eager about your looks, at best. At worse, they are in love with the ideal in their head and assuming you will fit that bill -- and you won't. Nobody will. So now you've gone from "he/she is shallow and overly excited about looks" to "he/she is one bubble off level." And those type people can be very problematic.

 

Even say you went on a couple of decent dates and had a thing or two in common. If one person seems overly eager, it shows that they are getting ahead of themselves and getting carried away thinking you are more perfect than you are. They still don't know you well enough to be over the moon. And if someone is overly eager, it often signals that this dating thing is a rare occurrence for them or that they are desperate.

[Bobbi7]

Showing too much interest will always turn the other person off.

[brandon26003]

She is the one that expressed interest first. It seemed to be a genuine interest, so I showed interest back. Everything seemed to be going great until I met her son...then the communication stopped. She is a mature young woman and doesn't allow just any man around her son.