MightyHeracross Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 What do you think the difference is between flirting and being perverted? If your pervertedness is being reciprocated by the other person, does that make it flirting? Also, what do you think the difference between approaching a girl and being creepy/weird is? I'm 20 years old and in college (a small college so it doesn't have all the sports, parties, ect.). I've got a real tough time approaching random girls in class, the library, cafes, and that sort of stuff. Knowing the difference would be really helpful. Is it basically the same difference as the one between flirting and being perverted? If the girl likes you when you go up to her then does it make it not creepy? What do you guys think? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
daisylady03 Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 Don't go up to a random girl and talk about sex... or anything sexual. Flirting when approaching a girl is more of a body language thing. At least from what I would consider appropriate. Smile, be confident, laugh and make jokes. If you have a friend who you thinks is great at picking up girls or can approach them easily watch what he does. If you are just getting to know the girl don't even think about talking about anything "perverted" or sexual. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 Keep the conversation away from sex & innuendos & you won't be perverted. "I like your top" is flirty. "Your top would look awesome on my bedroom floor" is inappropriate. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MightyHeracross Posted March 3, 2015 Author Share Posted March 3, 2015 Don't go up to a random girl and talk about sex... or anything sexual. Flirting when approaching a girl is more of a body language thing. At least from what I would consider appropriate. Smile, be confident, laugh and make jokes. If you have a friend who you thinks is great at picking up girls or can approach them easily watch what he does. If you are just getting to know the girl don't even think about talking about anything "perverted" or sexual. Well first, welcome to the community! Saw you were new so hope you enjoy the place! Obviously I'm not going to walk up to someone asking for sex... That's a given no-no. What do you say when you first approach a girl? Once I'm talking, I'm good. I can make a girl laugh and I'm a good conversationalist. My problem is that I'm shy and introverted and it makes it hard to start the conversation. Once it's started, like I said, I'm good. How do I start one? Link to post Share on other sites
Author MightyHeracross Posted March 3, 2015 Author Share Posted March 3, 2015 Keep the conversation away from sex & innuendos & you won't be perverted. "I like your top" is flirty. "Your top would look awesome on my bedroom floor" is inappropriate. Haha, obviously I'm not going to talk about sex when I first approach someone. That's a given. What do you say when you first approach someone? I personally can't say "I like your top" to a complete stranger. Once I've been talking for a second, I can say that, but it's the approaching and getting a conversation started that is my weak spot. Thanks for answering! Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 . My problem is that I'm shy and introverted and it makes it hard to start the conversation. Once it's started, like I said, I'm good. How do I start one? There are a million ways to start a conversation. In the crowded student union, ask to share a table. Comment on the weather. Comment on something she's wearing; this works better if she's wearing a shirt with the name of her favorite team, band, destination etc. or even if it's another college. Just smile & say hi. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MightyHeracross Posted March 3, 2015 Author Share Posted March 3, 2015 There are a million ways to start a conversation. In the crowded student union, ask to share a table. Comment on the weather. Comment on something she's wearing; this works better if she's wearing a shirt with the name of her favorite team, band, destination etc. or even if it's another college. Just smile & say hi. And that's not creepy?? If I were a girl sitting at a table and someone wanted to share a table, I'd be kind of creeped out. Same goes for if someone complimented me on my shirt lol. Maybe I'm thinking about this all wrong, but that's just my opinion Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 And that's not creepy?? If I were a girl sitting at a table and someone wanted to share a table, I'd be kind of creeped out. Same goes for if someone complimented me on my shirt lol. Maybe I'm thinking about this all wrong, but that's just my opinion It's creepy if you don't take no for an answer. My freshman year of college I was eating lunch late by myself in an empty cafeteria. There might have been 4 other people in a room that could hold over 200 at full capacity. I was reading the newspaper & enjoying some quiet time. Guy walks in, comes over to me & asks to sit at my table for 8. I look at him like he's nuts. . . there are 30 empty tables. He shrugs & says "I hate to eat alone." We stayed friends to this day. Sophomore year I'm in the quad I see a cute guy wearing a Mets shirt. I don't care all that much about baseball but I really wanted to talk to him so when he came near me to pick up a frisbee (or hackey sack, I don't remember) I said "the Yankees rule" because I knew any self respecting Mets fan would immediately take umbrage at that comment. We ended up dating for several months. It's an ice breaker. One throw away line is no big deal. Pressing yourself at somebody who clearly doesn't want to be bothered is creepy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
contact1 Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 You just have to learn that when a girl doesn't give a clear okay single, like the table example, to accept the no and move on. Their reaction might not be positive, but that's the sign of a "no". Obviously if the girl is interested, she will open the path and make it easy for you to continue forth. Like for example, say a girl has a personalize backpack, you can easily just start by commenting on it. Either two things will happen, she'll just say thanks and just go back to doing whatever she was doing. This is a no, move on. Or, she will thank you and start initialing a conversation with you. This is a signal that you keep going and she may have some interest in getting to know you. Notice the difference, if you had kept trying to talk to her when she gave the "no" signal, than you are starting to press too much and are rolling on in to the "he is a creep" zone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lordbaelish Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 I apologise for taking the attention away from you, however I have a question related to this issue. How does one initiate flirting, or what would be considered flirting ? I would love a scripted example. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
daisylady03 Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 In college and really anywhere, I hated getting approached by guys. I find it to be a turn off. In my experiences the best time to start a connection with someone is in the random moments. For instance if you are checking out at the store or cafe and something funny happens or there is a random conversation started between the cashier and the people around you. Take advantage of those opportunities. Take advantage of the authentic conversations that just happen. I find it very charming to see a guy just go with the flow and not try to hard to hit on me. If she sees that you are confident and funny in the conversation then maybe you can move to a more intimate one on one conversation. I would just focus on that for now and see where it leads you. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 (edited) I apologise for taking the attention away from you, however I have a question related to this issue. How does one initiate flirting, or what would be considered flirting ? I would love a scripted example. Did you read my last post? I gave two examples. A guy flirted with me by asking to sit at my table even though the room was empty & he could have sat anywhere. I flirted with a guy by commenting on the sports team emblazoned on his clothes. A script won't help you. It has to be spontaneous. In grad school I walked out of one of my shoes. A nearby guy, bent down on one knee like Prince Charming, held it out to me to put my foot back in & called me Cinderella. We almost got married 2.5 years later. It's about seizing the opportunity presented by the moment. Edited March 3, 2015 by d0nnivain Link to post Share on other sites
barcode88 Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 (edited) Hmm I was talking to a girl on OKCupid and her profile said she REALLY liked her pet bunnies. I sent her a message saying "I think I like bunnies, they live the most awesome lives. They spend all day looking cute and having sex haha " And I got her number (and we agreed to meet) Lol. I think its ok to be a little bit sexual as long as you don't come on too strong, but it definitely depends on the girl too. Edited March 3, 2015 by barcode88 Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 (edited) Flirting is being playful and making humorous innuendos. Perverted is being way too forward with sexual specifics. When I approach a woman I'm direct about what caught my eye. After all, if a woman wears her hair a certain way, works out to stay in shape, etc she obviously wants to attract male attention. But the key is being respectful and playful about it. "I think I like bunnies, they live the most awesome lives. They spend all day looking cute and having sex haha " Haha.. This was almost as good as the Burger King/McDonald's line. You've got quick wit man. Definitely handy when it comes to women. You could have even taken it one step further and added "If you have anything in common with your bunnies, we'll definitely get along". Edited March 4, 2015 by fitnessfan365 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MightyHeracross Posted March 4, 2015 Author Share Posted March 4, 2015 It's creepy if you don't take no for an answer. My freshman year of college I was eating lunch late by myself in an empty cafeteria. There might have been 4 other people in a room that could hold over 200 at full capacity. I was reading the newspaper & enjoying some quiet time. Guy walks in, comes over to me & asks to sit at my table for 8. I look at him like he's nuts. . . there are 30 empty tables. He shrugs & says "I hate to eat alone." We stayed friends to this day. Sophomore year I'm in the quad I see a cute guy wearing a Mets shirt. I don't care all that much about baseball but I really wanted to talk to him so when he came near me to pick up a frisbee (or hackey sack, I don't remember) I said "the Yankees rule" because I knew any self respecting Mets fan would immediately take umbrage at that comment. We ended up dating for several months. It's an ice breaker. One throw away line is no big deal. Pressing yourself at somebody who clearly doesn't want to be bothered is creepy. Haha I'm not a stalker! I'm just shy! Of course I take no for an answer! I guess that's not overly creepy doing what that guy did to sit with you for that late lunch. It's actually really sweet! Link to post Share on other sites
Author MightyHeracross Posted March 4, 2015 Author Share Posted March 4, 2015 You just have to learn that when a girl doesn't give a clear okay single, like the table example, to accept the no and move on. Their reaction might not be positive, but that's the sign of a "no". Obviously if the girl is interested, she will open the path and make it easy for you to continue forth. Like for example, say a girl has a personalize backpack, you can easily just start by commenting on it. Either two things will happen, she'll just say thanks and just go back to doing whatever she was doing. This is a no, move on. Or, she will thank you and start initialing a conversation with you. This is a signal that you keep going and she may have some interest in getting to know you. Notice the difference, if you had kept trying to talk to her when she gave the "no" signal, than you are starting to press too much and are rolling on in to the "he is a creep" zone. So what you're saying is just approaching and talking isn't creepy? But it becomes creepy if I continue it? Guess that makes sense 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MightyHeracross Posted March 4, 2015 Author Share Posted March 4, 2015 In college and really anywhere, I hated getting approached by guys. I find it to be a turn off. In my experiences the best time to start a connection with someone is in the random moments. For instance if you are checking out at the store or cafe and something funny happens or there is a random conversation started between the cashier and the people around you. Take advantage of those opportunities. Take advantage of the authentic conversations that just happen. I find it very charming to see a guy just go with the flow and not try to hard to hit on me. If she sees that you are confident and funny in the conversation then maybe you can move to a more intimate one on one conversation. I would just focus on that for now and see where it leads you. I can kind of do that actually! But that's just usually me making a comment or chiming in to a random conversation. How do you escalate it from there? Link to post Share on other sites
Author MightyHeracross Posted March 4, 2015 Author Share Posted March 4, 2015 Hmm I was talking to a girl on OKCupid and her profile said she REALLY liked her pet bunnies. I sent her a message saying "I think I like bunnies, they live the most awesome lives. They spend all day looking cute and having sex haha " And I got her number (and we agreed to meet) Lol. I think its ok to be a little bit sexual as long as you don't come on too strong, but it definitely depends on the girl too. Hahaha that's awesome! That seems like too much for real life. On the internet is one thing, but in person is a bit different Link to post Share on other sites
Author MightyHeracross Posted March 4, 2015 Author Share Posted March 4, 2015 Flirting is being playful and making humorous innuendos. Perverted is being way too forward with sexual specifics. When I approach a woman I'm direct about what caught my eye. After all, if a woman wears her hair a certain way, works out to stay in shape, etc she obviously wants to attract male attention. But the key is being respectful and playful about it. Haha.. This was almost as good as the Burger King/McDonald's line. You've got quick wit man. Definitely handy when it comes to women. You could have even taken it one step further and added "If you have anything in common with your bunnies, we'll definitely get along". So would you have considered that line flirty or okay to say? Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 Don't make sexual comments at all or comments about what turns you on even jokingly. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 Hmm I was talking to a girl on OKCupid and her profile said she REALLY liked her pet bunnies. I sent her a message saying "I think I like bunnies, they live the most awesome lives. They spend all day looking cute and having sex haha " And I got her number (and we agreed to meet) Lol. I think its ok to be a little bit sexual as long as you don't come on too strong, but it definitely depends on the girl too. I am really glad that barcode88 had success but that is exactly the kind of comment that would make me stop talking to a guy. The mere mention of sex in that context by someone I hadn't met yet who was only on a dating site, would cause me to reply. "How vulgar. We're on completely different pages. Good luck finding what you seek but I'm not her." You have to understand the person you are talking to when you make sexual comments. You don't know what will upset a stranger. Link to post Share on other sites
barcode88 Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 Hahaha that's awesome! That seems like too much for real life. On the internet is one thing, but in person is a bit different Yeah I don't think I'd be ballsy enough to deliver that one IRL unless I had good rapport with the person on the receiving end lol. Link to post Share on other sites
LongBeach00 Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 I think just regular talking and being friendly is ok. Laughing, smiling. "I like your top is kind of perverted" I remember this old man at the grocery store told me he liked my top. I was grossed out. And it came off as perverted. Link to post Share on other sites
Gary S Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 Stay away from talking about sex. Even the young ladies prefer a gentleman. But if you are under 25 you can cuss, lol Watch Carry Grant in the movies To Catch a Thief and Charade. Watch how he banters with the ladies but he has class, is gracious, and a gentleman. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MightyHeracross Posted March 4, 2015 Author Share Posted March 4, 2015 Don't make sexual comments at all or comments about what turns you on even jokingly. I completely agree. Especially when it's a complete stranger! Link to post Share on other sites
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