When things don't go as one expected...

[irresolute]

It's highly disappointing and frustrating.

 

We both said I love you. He told me he was going to miss me until he sees me again, this Friday...but he hasn't contacted me since thursday. Four days ago.

 

I've been thinking and thinking why our communication got interrupted and I cannot overcome my fears and limitations.

He last texted me on thursday, and I didn't reply to his last text. Then the weekend came and I knew he was not going to be available. But not one text.

 

Then, Monday and he was still online on a dating site, and we still didn't text each other.

 

that makes me wonder three probable things:

1. He's withdrawing from me and second guessing what the "I love you" meant. He doesn't want to communicate with me.

2. He lied to me and he doesn't feel what he said, so he's looking online for others. He doesn't want to communicate again with me.

3. He is waiting for me to contact him. He still feels the same, he loves me and misses me but he he's waiting for me to contact him.

 

Riiight. And, on top of this anxiety of not knowing that the hell is happening, my life is falling apart resoundingly (what a word!) in every aspect. I feel overwhelmed and stressed out and I also find myself looking for him online to see what's hes doing. Obsessively.

 

I don't know if we are still for Friday, or for that weekend away I proposed to him last week and he agreed (I wanted to go the beach! He said yes...)

 

I'm just wondering how to cope with the sadness and disappointment I feel right now

Edited March 2, 2015 by irresolute

[ExpatInItaly]

It's highly disappointing and frustrating.

 

We both told I love you. He told me he was going to miss me until he sees me again, this Friday...but he hasn't contacted me since thursday. Four days ago.

 

I've been thinking and thinking why our communication got interrupted and I cannot overcome my fears and limitations.

He last texted me on thursday, and I didn't reply to his last text. Then the weekend came and I knew he was not going to be available. But not one text.

 

Then, Monday and he was still online on a dating site, and we still didn't text each other.

 

that makes me wonder three probable things:

1. He's withdrawing from me and second guessing what the "I love you" meant. He doesn't want to communicate with me.

2. He lied to me and he doesn't feel what he said, so he's looking online for others. He doesn't want to communicate again with me.

3. He is waiting for me to contact him. He still feels the same, he loves me and misses me but he he's waiting for me to contact him.

 

Riiight. And, on top of this anxiety of not knowing that the hell is happening, my life is falling apart resoundingly (what a word!) in every aspect. I feel overwhelmed and stressed out and I also find myself looking for him online to see what's hes doing. Obsessively.

 

I don't know if we are still for Friday, or for that weekend away I proposed to him last week and he agreed (I wanted to go the beach! He said yes...)

 

I'm just wondering how to cope with the sadness and disappointment I feel right now

 

Really? Based on your other threads about this man...you aren't ready for a relationship. Full stop.

[irresolute]

Really? Based on your other threads about this man...you aren't ready for a relationship. Full stop.

 

Well, I maybe am. If he jumps in, I'll probably jump with him. but since we are both cautious this is stagnated.

[SunnySide0418]

Well why didn't you respond to his last text?

[irresolute]

Because I have my walls up and I tend to ignore him because I'm scared. It wasn't that important...

[Leigh 87]

It isn't normal for a guy to go from daily contact to disappearing for days.

 

Especially if you have said the L word. If he meant it, he would want to talk to you most days.

 

Maybe he changed his mind and sensed something off about the fledging relationship, who knows.

 

I would write it off.

 

It should be simple if it is genuinely meant to progress. You say you love each other, and you resume usual contact. Anything less is a bad sign and you should just let it go and hold out for the right guy who doesn't disappear for days.

[SunnySide0418]

I think it's rude to ignore a text and it sends the message that the person isn't that important to you IMO. Why not just send him a how is your day going text tomorrow? See how he responds. I think it's OK to initiate once in a while.

[irresolute]

It isn't normal for a guy to go from daily contact to disappearing for days.

 

Especially if you have said the L word. If he meant it, he would want to talk to you most days.

 

Maybe he changed his mind and sensed something off about the fledging relationship, who knows.

 

I would write it off.

 

It should be simple if it is genuinely meant to progress. You say you love each other, and you resume usual contact. Anything less is a bad sign and you should just let it go and hold out for the right guy who doesn't disappear for days.

 

Quite true. However, I told him on our last date that I tend to run when I receive multiple texts, that I like to be challenged. Which it's the truth but it's not helping me at all with this guy.

[irresolute]

I think it's rude to ignore a text and it sends the message that the person isn't that important to you IMO. Why not just send him a how is your day going text tomorrow? See how he responds. I think it's OK to initiate once in a while.

 

Mmmm I just don't know. He's been online in dating sites so he'll probably want to meet someone else?? I told him I'm not ok with him talking to multiple women get he told me he's not looking just bored.

Me texting him? Don't think so. I've been burnt in the past. Very badly. If he still wants me, he'll have to work for it. If I'm not interesting enough to send me a text, his lost.

I can't deal anymore with broken guys, I'm just frustrated!!!

[bucktooth]

Mmmm I just don't know. He's been online in dating sites so he'll probably want to meet someone else?? I told him I'm not ok with him talking to multiple women get he told me he's not looking just bored.

Me texting him? Don't think so. I've been burnt in the past. Very badly. If he still wants me, he'll have to work for it. If I'm not interesting enough to send me a text, his lost.

I can't deal anymore with broken guys, I'm just frustrated!!!

 

I read some of your threads. Your last thread he said he still wants to be on dating sites. So not sure why you are confused that he is still on there. Yeah, I love you...blah blah all empty words. One day you call him garbage and the next you love him. Words are BS.

 

And then your last thread you didn't respond to him, then you went bananas with some story about him hiding you so you could break contact. Now you do the same thing, you don't respond then you're confused and all the drama about your walls, hurt badly, blah, blah. Then stay single.

 

Broken guys?...you better look at yourself.

[irresolute]

I read some of your threads. Your last thread he said he still wants to be on dating sites. So not sure why you are confused that he is still on there. Yeah, I love you...blah blah all empty words. One day you call him garbage and the next you love him. Words are BS.

 

And then your last thread you didn't respond to him, then you went bananas with some story about him hiding you so you could break contact. Now you do the same thing, you don't respond then you're confused and all the drama about your walls, hurt badly, blah, blah. Then stay single.

 

Broken guys?...you better look at yourself.

 

Very nice of you to create an account just to reply to my thread AND read my previous threads. Where does that anger come from? Do I know you? Or I just infuriate you?

[Adele0908]

Because I have my walls up and I tend to ignore him because I'm scared. It wasn't that important...

 

I can't say what the issue is for him, but this statement signifies why the relationship isn't working the way you want.

 

How can love penetrate walls of fear?

 

You have to be able to let your guard down and trust for the relationship to even have a chance to grow.

[bucktooth]

Very nice of you to create an account just to reply to my thread AND read my previous threads. Where does that anger come from? Do I know you? Or I just infuriate you?

 

I've been lurking for awhile and created this profile yesterday, and no, not to respond to you! Hahaha! I checked out your profile because I thought you're cute and wanted to read your story.

 

No anger...it's what's obvious. You say these guys are broken, but maybe something about you that's broken that makes you attract these guys.

 

Just sayin.

[xxoo]

Mmmm I just don't know. He's been online in dating sites so he'll probably want to meet someone else?? I told him I'm not ok with him talking to multiple women get he told me he's not looking just bored.

Me texting him? Don't think so. I've been burnt in the past. Very badly. If he still wants me, he'll have to work for it. If I'm not interesting enough to send me a text, his lost.

I can't deal anymore with broken guys, I'm just frustrated!!!

 

You told him you like to be challenged, but you won't send a text and want him to work for it.

 

What exactly do you want? He probably doesn't know what you want, and is being cautious.

[irresolute]

Yes, he's scared I'll run away. I think he doesn't contact me for that reason. But at the same time, I'm scared I'll get rejected, that I'll send a text and he won't reply...then I'll be giving him my power and I don't want that!

I honestly don't know what to do at this point. I love him, he said he loved me too and that he was going to miss me... What to do? Omg what to do???

[bucktooth]

Yes, he's scared I'll run away. I think he doesn't contact me for that reason. But at the same time, I'm scared I'll get rejected, that I'll send a text and he won't reply...then I'll be giving him my power and I don't want that!

I honestly don't know what to do at this point. I love him, he said he loved me too and that he was going to miss me... What to do? Omg what to do???

 

He doesn't contact you because you don't respond and he's still interested in checking out other women. You don't love him. Please. You're infatuated and high on drama. You both hardly know each other and you both love each other?

 

Texting someone is handing them power?!?! It takes two to keep it going. It gets old and tiring when it's one sided and someone else has to do all the work. And this game playing never works.

[irresolute]

Ok then this has no solution at all. I better just live my life and let him be. Curious thing is I want to go online on a dating site but I don't want him to see I'm looking for others...really clueless right now

[ExpatInItaly]

Ok then this has no solution at all. I better just live my life and let him be. Curious thing is I want to go online on a dating site but I don't want him to see I'm looking for others...really clueless right now

 

I cannot fathom why you're clueless. You play games and are inaccessible. Of course he's still checking out other options. You blow hot and cold and get upset and play the victim when he follows your lead and backs off. It's rude to ignore someone when they try to contact you. Your lack of common etiquette and emotional unavailability have scared him away and he's still looking for someone who doesn't behave this way. This isn't some great mystery.

[irresolute]

I cannot fathom why you're clueless. You play games and are inaccessible. Of course he's still checking out other options. You blow hot and cold and get upset and play the victim when he follows your lead and backs off. It's rude to ignore someone when they try to contact you. Your lack of common etiquette and emotional unavailability have scared him away and he's still looking for someone who doesn't behave this way. This isn't some great mystery.

 

I understand and he's in his right to seek for others that can give him what I cannot: predictibility and manners. I'm sorry Im just very scared of being vulnerable. I've been hurt. Badly. Now I think it was also probably me.

At this point, I'll just wait and see. Maybe he didn't mean what he said, that he loved me blah blah. Maybe it's also my silly head who heard what she wanted to hear, because deep inside me I do want to be loved.

[Adele0908]

Because I have my walls up and I tend to ignore him because I'm scared. It wasn't that important...

 

I understand and he's in his right to seek for others that can give him what I cannot: predictibility and manners. I'm sorry Im just very scared of being vulnerable. I've been hurt. Badly. Now I think it was also probably me.

At this point, I'll just wait and see. Maybe he didn't mean what he said, that he loved me blah blah. Maybe it's also my silly head who heard what she wanted to hear, because deep inside me I do want to be loved.

 

Vulnerability is how people connect...so at least now you can take responsibility for your half of the equation.

[irresolute]

Sure. I'm taking responsibility.

I've gone online on the dating site since he's been checking his account on another dating site three times a day (yes, I stalked him). Today is day 5 since we last contact each other so I guess it's a considerable amount of time to think he's just not that into me after all.

 

Two broken people is not a good combination.

[Toodaloo]

Holy crap this is a lot of drama over a text

[redglass]

OK... So you both said you loved each other? That's seems a bit strange at this stage, but OK...

 

I can't fathom why you won't text him if you like him. This guy is actually respecting what you said about your issues and insecurities, and yet here you are posting a rather dramatic thread when - with all due respect - there is no drama.

 

If you like him, drop him a text. It isn't a big commitment. Ask him how he's been, and mention your Friday meet-up.

 

Honestly, if this is stressing you out, it might be worth taking a step back to work on 'you' for a couple of weeks.

[irresolute]

Not dropping any text. He's interested in someone else, it's pretty obvious to me if first thing you do in the morning is check your dating site and then check it again 3 or more times a day. Wtf. I don't want to be the stupid one and I do think he is playing with more than me.

He sounded rather honest with me and his actions proved it last time we saw each other. He was into me. It was clear. However, he might have lied and he's interested in more than me at this point .

 

Otherwise how can you explain he's checking obsessively this other dating site I don't even have an account there!

 

Alright I said I tend to run if someone texts me too much, that I like challenges, that I'm scared ok!!! But wtf I told him I love him and he should know how to differentiate things!!! And besides, take the chance!! Not one text in five days because I told him Im scared of relationships???? Cmon!!

Edited March 3, 2015 by irresolute

[irresolute]

And he also told me: "ok baby, I'm not sure what can I give you but I'm gonna latch onto you" I'm gonna latch onto you. Riight. In which ways he's grabbing me and don't let me go??? I just don't get this. He's setting me free as a bird if no text in 5 days.