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Asking out a co-worker a terrible idea?


Carenth

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Hello everyone,

 

It has been quite some time since I've posted here. Basically for those that don't remember me I moved overseas to close the distance in a LDR it all went to **** when I found out she was cheating on me.

I haven't had a relationship since then which ended late Jan last year. I've gone on dates with a few people but nothing came of it so basically I've been focusing on myself.

 

So I started a job last year around this time in education which has been quite a different change for me as I've come from the business world but it's been very enjoyable, probably one of the most enjoyable jobs I've ever had. There is a teacher at this school who I've thought was pretty cute since the first time I saw her. My rule has always been never date co-workers so I pretty much had written that out of my mind immediately but now I'm seriously considering breaking that rule for the first time ever.

 

We have never really talked until recently she started making conversation with me in the morning in the carpark on the way to our offices (literally the only time we are in the same place during the day). This has happened several times recently always talking about non work related stuff.

I'm freaking horrible at knowing if people are interested in me I always dismiss it as people just being friendly especially if it's someone I'm interested in and I've found out some time later that they were interested.

 

I've taken up running in the last 3 months really quite seriously I just broke my record yesterday 30km (mostly running some walking at times). The school just started a free fitness thing for staff after work recently I decided to go today, she was there it was pretty brutal but fun. I headed back to my car afterwards and just as I was starting to pack my stuff into my car she asked me what I thought of the workout we talked a bit about exercise, goals and stuff.

 

I told her about how I had just broken my PB yesterday she said she wanted to improve in running etc and a bit of small talk for a couple of minutes then went our separate ways. Anyway I was thinking about asking her if she would be interested in having a running partner next time I see her. I want an opportunity to get to know her away from work and the prying eyes of students and staff god forbid the rumor mill begins. I feel just asking her out directly would be awkward as hell as I really don't know her that well and well she's a co-worker. Basically this seems like a pretty safe way to gauge if she would be ok with spending time with me.

 

Normally I wouldn't post something like this I've dated a lot but I feel out of my depth even trying to figure out how I would navigate the minefield of a potential work relationship. I'm also wondering if it's just a horrible idea all around.

Edited by Carenth
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Don't dip your pen in company ink

 

Don't **** where you eat

 

so many reasons its a bad idea

 

source: experience

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I have to agree with the above post. I too once dated a co-worker, going against my better judgement.....it was the worst decision I ever made.

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Frank2thepoint

I will go against the grain of the above posters and advise go for it. A lot of people do date co-workers because a large amount of your life is spent at work. Dating someone that is in the same office/department as you is a big risk, but there are people (married even) that make it work. If the person is in the same organization as you, but different department/floor/building, there isn't a big risk in dating. Even if it doesn't work out, you won't see each other that often , if at all.

 

So no it's not a horrible idea to jog together. You get a chance to get to know her, and if she isn't available to date, you have a jogging buddy. Which happens to be a woman, that may know someone that is single and available.

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Y'know, I think when a person starts considering dating co-workers, it's an indicator that he/she might be spending too much time at work, and not enough time putting themselves out there outside of work. It could be a sign of a poor work-life balance. Maybe you could put more energy into attending events, groups, etc. that put you in contact with women outside of work, rather than rolling the dice by propositioning your co-workers.

Edited by oberkeat
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I want an opportunity to get to know her away from work and the prying eyes of students and staff god forbid the rumor mill begins.

 

Trust me it has already started.

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I was thinking along the lines Frank is thinking. We don't work in the same building and I very rarely see her at any point during the day. We aren't in the same profession or department I'm not a teacher I'm more in the business side of the school.

 

Trust me it has already started.

 

I'm not sure how this would have happened considering our interactions to date have been strictly professional other than brief talks when no one else is around.

 

Maybe you could put more energy into attending events, groups, etc. that put you in contact with women outside of work, rather than rolling the dice by propositioning your co-workers.

 

I have been, I haven't been meeting anyone I'm even remotely interested in which is half the problem for me I'm very rarely interested in most people. Generally the type of people I like don't do stuff like that. I've tried online dating and had a lot of 'success' in terms I basically have to do nothing I get a lot of interest but once again not from people I'm interested in (which has been close to zero with online dating).

 

The other point I haven't mentioned is I may be moving onto another job in a couple of months. Things are kind of tentative at the moment the school really wants to retain me (I was on a one year contract to fix up a cluster **** mess) but a lot of office politics involved so that is another reason I'm considering this because I may not even be her co-worker for much longer.

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The larger the employer the less awkward dating at work can be.

 

For example, lets say you work for a big pharma company in the marketing dept & you want to date somebody in the science lab about a 15 minute walk across your employer's campus. I have fewer problems with that then dating the person who sits next to you or a few cubes over who you will never be able to avoid if things go wrong. Also dating in a company with 500+ employees is different than a company of 10 people where everybody knows everything about everybody.

 

If you can hold off until you get your new job that may be best.

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The other point I haven't mentioned is I may be moving onto another job in a couple of months. Things are kind of tentative at the moment the school really wants to retain me (I was on a one year contract to fix up a cluster **** mess) but a lot of office politics involved so that is another reason I'm considering this because I may not even be her co-worker for much longer.

 

Yep, that was going to be my caveat, dependent upon job or profession. If romance goes sideways, is the job that critical that it can't be shed or a lateral move made into another job without injury to your career track.

 

In my industry it doesn't matter and employers date employees and employees date each other and if things go south there's another job around the corner and everybody has seemingly worked for everybody, some two or three times in their job lives.

 

IMO, assess the personal risk, accept it, and make a decision. Romance of any sort is always a risk but workplace romance carries additional risks. You know your circumstances and risk tolerance best.

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organizedchaos

Agreed with others that say don't do it. Unless you do work for a large company and she's in a completely different building, etc. But even then, only do it if this is a job you don't mind losing over it should things go south.

 

I've been through enough sexual harassment training seminars to know that all it takes is for her to stop seeing you, says that you're stalking her or making her feel uncomfortable, that you won't take no for an answer, and your ass is grass. Try explaining that in your next job interview.

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Any other time I've had a situation like this happen and it was another co-worker interested in me but I wasn't interested in them we worked together in the same office and same space. Hence no bloody way.

 

However she works in another building I do not work with her (as we work in different professions). She just happens to work for the same organisation as I do which seems less risky to me.

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Frank2thepoint

You have gotten advice against and for your decision to pursue this woman. You already know the facts, such as you both are in a large organization and work in different buildings, and that your job is tentative. So either pursue her and not worry about any fallout (because that's life) or not pursue her and possibly regret not taking a chance. Just make a decision and stick with it.

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Well OP, I fell for my co-worker six years ago. Decided to ask him out. We got together... We got engaged last month.

 

Does this mean dating colleagues is a good idea? Nope, quite possibly not... It's one of those situations where you just have to decide whether or not it is worth taking a big risk. How much do you like this person? How well do you know them? How close do you work to them? (Me and my partner were in the same room, neighbouring desks...) Going by your past relationship experiences, how do you think you would feel and react if you split up?

 

I got pretty lucky. I know I would have struggled if we had broken up. Possibly to the point where I would have had to find a new job. I think the reason I decided to for it at the time was because I was young (and, you could argue, a bit naive/impulsive), I liked him so much and I was almost certain it had the potential to be the keeper... so, yes, I got very lucky.

 

You say you work in a different building, for a large organisation. Definite plus points there.

Judging by your posts, you've kind of already decided to pursue this. I'd be a hypocrite to discourage you, but try to assess the potential of this relationship. Do you like this person enough to risk it? And could you handle it if it all fell apart?

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I have dated two co-workers in the past and it was fine, no problems at all.

 

One of them I was with for about 18 months I think, the other just 3. We had good times.

 

I am in this position now. There is a co-worker and I am becoming attracted to her. I have tried to stop myself but she is so nice, we get on and chat etc.

 

I am not sure if its a crush or love, dunno.

 

If you like her, go for it.

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Lateralus84

I have dated a few in the past. It's very common to find a great relationship at work. And these days people do not tend to work at the same company for many years, so the time may come you stop being coworkers and still are in a relationship. But when fit hits the shan, than, by my own experience, it could get really nasty and you wish you had never dated one: simply because you have to see her everyday, or worse, you have to work together on a project or something.

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