Peachland Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 I gone on 4 dates with a guy who is articulate, intelligent and interesting. He's initiates the communication and tries to check in daily if I let him. He set up the first 3 dates and always insists on paying for everything. He's a nice guy who is treating me well. He seems very interested in me and tells via how beautiful I am and that I have many wonderful qualities, etc. I may like him but I can't tell if there's chemistry until he kisses me. After the 3rd date I thought it was really strange that he didn't try to kiss me. I quickly set a 4th date a week later to see if he would do it but instead got a goodbye hug. I think it's strange. I'm new to the dating scene but all my other dates kissed me by the end of the 2nd date. I'm moving on from this guy because I'm not looking for a friend and that's what it feels like now. Is this normal behavior? Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 He lacks confidence. Plain and simple. The reason why he keeps kissing your ass is because he wants re-assurance from you that you think highly of him too. I'm guessing that you never return any of his million compliments with one of you own. So that's why he keeps hesitating. But if I'm attracted to a woman and enjoy her company, I kiss her on the FIRST DATE. Half the time, I don't even wait until the end either. Almost every woman I go out with always says that me being a personal trainer makes her self conscious. So if I like her, I'll pull her in, kiss her softly, and whisper 'Does that answer your question?" My way of saying actions speak louder than words. Works like a charm every time. Link to post Share on other sites
Gary S Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 ^^^ not only do they lack confidence, many guys simply don't know what to do. If you are interested, and that first kiss does not happen in a timely manner, your interest could wane... then you end up in the dreaded freindzone. It happens a lot, what a shame. I guess you could go for the first kiss yourself, but I don't recommend it.... you risk rejection. You probably would not want to anyway, and that's okay. Usually the guy does it. The last 30 women I dated, with the ones I wanted to kiss, I went for the kiss. maybe that was about 12 of them? Of those 30, only one kissed me first... I could sense she was dying for affection, so I opened my arms to her... to my surprise, she walked straight to me and planted one square on my lips! Then, she was all over me. She had four degrees, was a rocket scientist, and also worked for Army intelligence.... it was if she was straight out of the James Bond movie Moonraker. The spy who loved me? But she was drunk. I have some interesting dates! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Peachland Posted March 2, 2015 Author Share Posted March 2, 2015 Thanks for the responses. He ended emailing soon after today's date and said I seemed distant and guarded. I was honest with him and told that I thought this was leading to a friendship instead of a romantic relationship and I was just processing those feelings. I said I wasn't sure if we had chemistry since we never kissed. Anyway he's a nice guy but I have lost interest at this point. Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 Thanks for the responses. He ended emailing soon after today's date and said I seemed distant and guarded. I was honest with him and told that I thought this was leading to a friendship instead of a romantic relationship and I was just processing those feelings. I said I wasn't sure if we had chemistry since we never kissed. Anyway he's a nice guy but I have lost interest at this point. Another story for the nice guy phenomenon. If a guy seems like a pussy, he's "nice" to a woman. Always love teasing a woman I meet that shares a story about a "nice guy" she went out with but didn't click with and what nice really means. As I said earlier, if I found you attractive and enjoyed your company, I would have kissed you on the first date without question. I'm wondering if he'll agree to friendship and still keep chasing after you. Link to post Share on other sites
SawtoothMars Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 I'm moving on from this guy because I'm not looking for a friend and that's what it feels like now. Is this normal behavior? This is probably 100% your fault for not giving him the go ahead. Fu*k we scare these guys to death telling them not to touch a woman without a 200 page consent letter signed, and when they try to do the right thing some jerk of a female punishes them. If your going to do the fade out... at least write him a check for all the free dates. This is America and we don't need moochers and bums! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 Peachland What did you do to make it clear that you wanted to be kissed? Did you ever try to kiss him? My husband didn't kiss me until our 3rd date & it was maddening. After the 2nd date I complained to some friends. They suggested it was my outfit. I had met him for our 1st date after work & our 2nd date was lunch on a work day so I was pretty buttoned up & old school corporate. He had on a suit & tie both times so it wasn't a wardrobe disconnect. So for our 3rd date I changed into a tight mini skirt & heels. I wore shiny lip gloss & really ramped up the touching. I got my kiss. I had been prepared to kiss him. I was also going to break up with him if he didn't kiss me that night. Since this guy told you he hesitated because you seemed distant & guarded, have you examined your own behavior to determine if that is a valid criticism? If yes, you may want to assess your non verbal cues before your next date with a new guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Vintage79 Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 It's easy to say that the problem is the guy - but truthfully, it's just as often the girl not giving out the appropriate vibes. I'll usually try kissing a girl on the first date, but if I get a cheek, or any hesitation, I may not bother trying to kiss them on dates 2 or 3 unless I get some serious flirting or some sign of interest. If I don't kiss them on dates 2-3, I don't see them again - as they basically dropped themselves into my friendzone (at that point it doesn't matter how they view me) If you were really into him, you should have likely been projecting your interest a bit better and/or even just kissed him yourself. If this is an isolated incident, it's probably the guy, if you've run into this a few times, it's probably you. Regardless - this isn't all that uncommon, and when it gets down to it, a relationship is a two way street that needs mutual attraction and interest - there's no reason you need to be sitting around waiting...yeah, the guy could have stepped it a bit, but so could you - this failure is on both of you... Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 Don't waste your time on someone who is wishy washy or flaky. He's a dud, move on. Link to post Share on other sites
regine_phalange Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 I went out with a shy guy once. At least he was shy at first. We went out on 4 dates too and he hadn't kissed me. Well, I kissed him just before I got in the train. Then the train departed and I saw him standing still at the platform, tasting the kiss. After this kiss he wasn't shy anymore. SO KISS HIM ALREADY 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Foretold Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 Hi Peachland, Sorry to hear it ended after a few dates. But yes, it can go both ways in terms of exhibiting the right nonverbal cues.... I didn't see anything about dealbreakers being mentioned. An idea I suggest is to talk about dealbreakers. "One of my dealbreakers is little physical affection," you can say, on your first or second date at latest. That's a perfectly valid and healthy need in a relationship. This way, you can pave the way for clearer expectation from the other party. Link to post Share on other sites
1040 Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 (edited) Don't waste your time on someone who is wishy washy or flaky. He's a dud, move on. I said I wasn't sure if we had chemistry since we never kissed. Anyway he's a nice guy but I have lost interest at this point. Fu*k we scare these guys to death telling them not to touch a woman without a 200 page consent letter signed, and when they try to do the right thing some jerk of a female punishes them. I After the 3rd date I thought it was really strange that he didn't try to kiss me. I quickly set a 4th date a week later to see if he would do it but instead got a goodbye hug. I think it's strange. I'm new to the dating scene but all my other dates kissed me by the end of the 2nd date. I'm moving on from this guy because I'm not looking for a friend and that's what it feels like now. ] I had been prepared to kiss him. I was also going to break up with him if he didn't kiss me that night. You women just kill me. You decide to cut things off forever based on whether he kissed you on the second or third or fourth date? And sometimes you freak out if he tries one date too soon. This is not a science. How the hell are men supposed to read your minds? It's utterly maddening for us to figure you out. You are aliens. You know, this stuff is not easy. Give a guy a break once in a while. Edited March 4, 2015 by 1040 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Peachland Posted March 6, 2015 Author Share Posted March 6, 2015 I didn't see anything about dealbreakers being mentioned. An idea I suggest is to talk about dealbreakers. "One of my dealbreakers is little physical affection," you can say, on your first or second date at latest. That's a perfectly valid and healthy need in a relationship. This way, you can pave the way for clearer expectation from the other party. This is a good point. I wasn't clear with my expectations. He couldn't read my mind. It was a learning for me. I'm used to men taking charge particularly on the affection front. Link to post Share on other sites
BluEyeL Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 Like I said in other threads, my boyfriend didn't kiss me until the 7th date. In fact, I kissed him. He picked me up for the date and when he opened the car door for me, I found a bunch of red roses on the seat. So I kissed him. If I dumped him, I would have missed out big time! I also initiated the sex. I invited myself to his house, and even then he didn't get it, so I initiated. He is shy and was waiting for the go ahead. But he wasn't the first man who didn't kiss me for a long time so by that time, I was used that this is the type I attract and I'm the common denominator. He was the third. Another one didn't kiss me after 5 dates. And a third after 9 dates. I dumped those, not for the nonkiss, but I didn't feel compelled to make the first move with those. Link to post Share on other sites
soithascometothis Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 Maybe I'm weird, but I would never go out on dates with a girl, especially 4+ times, if I wasn't romantically interested in her. This whole thing about, "oh he didn't kiss me by date 3 so he must not be interested", I don't get at all. Again, maybe I'm weird, but I'd rather be at home having a beer than spending time and money hanging out with a girl I wasn't interested in. Does not compute. These guys are shy, or they are unable to read your signals, maybe there are lack of signals, etc., but all this ambiguity, anxiety, and tension is the last thing these guys would be dealing with if they weren't interested. My opinion anyway. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 Women need to feel desired to project interest, and if a guy can't do that is SOME way like hand holding, hugging, blushing, smiling, checking ya out, compliments. No attempt means the chemistry isn't really there. So suck it up because that is the way a woman's brain works fellas. No move means no desire, means we feel there is something wrong with us or them.....it's not working. Link to post Share on other sites
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