leyateresa Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 I recently started going on dates with a guy I met in November, and we dated for about 2 months. Then at around the end of December (Christmas) I felt like we had gone on several dates and I was really starting to like him. He had told me he liked me as well, and we always had such a great time together, but I was not sure how serious he felt about it. So I continued to see him, keeping the relationship fun and not too serious, which over time got more serious physically. Eventually I decided to come forward with him and tell him how I felt, so I told him I really liked him and was wondering what direction our relationship was going and how he felt about it. He told me that right now was not a good time for him to start a relationship of any kind, because his work contract ends in May, and he has future career goals to pursue (on-going interviews with rcmp). He also told me that usually if he didn't want a relationship and saw someone else who did, he would just end all communication and cut them out of his life (social media etc.), but that he really respects me and thinks I'm special and important and sweet, so he wants to stay friends. I felt I wanted to continue to see him the same way we had been until he may have to leave, but he does not feel the same and feels it will lead to more hurt in the end. Over time this lead to several arguments occurring of this same topic, which lead him to become fed up and ask for space. I gave him space and we did not communicate for 3 weeks, until we eventually we did get together as friends, and he said he still stood by his initial decision, even though he was the one to contact me to get together. It sucks because even though we haven't been communicating daily like we had been, I still have memories of how things used to be and think about him all the time. I just have really strong feelings, and he says he has a great time with me, and really liked me, but that his feelings have changed since we have been arguing (about not being able to be together because he is probably moving). I am debating whether or not it is wise to continue our friendship. Has anyone ever been in a situation like this? I feel like every time we do get together, it makes it harder to not think about how our relationship once was, even though it is still very similar to when we get together (just that he doesn't see us as 'dating' or 'together'- and it is no longer sexual) Is it worth it to see him as a friend in hopes that we could someday be together, or that his feelings will gradually become even stronger for me? Or is it better to cut someone like this out of your life? Opinions? Link to post Share on other sites
mammasita Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 No, it's not wise to be friends when one party has feelings for the other...in this case you. It's unfair and painful. Essentially, he's broken up with you. Take it as that and move forward. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 Is it worth it to see him as a friend in hopes that we could someday be together, or that his feelings will gradually become even stronger for me? Or is it better to cut someone like this out of your life? Opinions? At this moment it is a bad idea and his so-call friendship is bringing you more hurt than anything else. You cannot stand by him in the hope his feelings may change, it's a waste of your time and feelings. If his feelings are to change they will only once you are completely apart and he realizes down the road he's lost a good woman. You need to stop contact with him. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 I'll echo the others' advice to you - don't stay friends with this guy. He is right, you will wind up even more hurt. I think he reached out to you not because he wants to rekindle anything, but because he wants to ease his guilt about hurting you. Cut contact and accept it as a break-up. Link to post Share on other sites
londonlady82 Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 What everyone else said. I was in a similar situation as you last year (but my guy wasn't moving) and I continued to see him even though he didn't want a relationship. Nearly a year on, and I'm still struggling and wish I'd stopped seeing him last year. It's so so hard, but try to let go now otherwise it'll get more and more painful and harder to let go. Link to post Share on other sites
Jame22 Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 He also told me that usually if he didn't want a relationship and saw someone else who did, he would just end all communication and cut them out of his life (social media etc.) This is a re occurring thing with him? Are you sure he's not gay? Link to post Share on other sites
Gary S Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 First of all, since this relationship is dead in the water, you should start dating other guys. And you might have to cut contact with this guy in order to get over him. Link to post Share on other sites
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