Is it too soon to move in after dating for 3 months

[girlywoman25]

I'm kinda in a dilemma here. I been with my boyfriend for almost a month now. We were friends before we got together. I know we haven't dated for long but he wants to move in June. I have told him the issue I have with this which is the majority is the money and I worry what my friend's and family might think. They are going to ask me why I am moving in with him so soon and I don't want them all up in my business even though they are looking for my best interest.

 

If we don't move in together my boyfriend might move out of state and I'm afraid I won't see him anymore and he's a really good man that treats me good. What do I do?

[barcode88]

Imo, yes. Ten characters

[d0nnivain]

Don't make a decision out of fear or external pressure.

 

 

The only reason to move in with somebody is because you are madly passionately in love & can't bear a moment apart. You aren't there yet & can't be in 3 months, no matter how long you knew each other before dating.

 

 

If it's meant to be you don't have to rush.

[girlywoman25]

Don't make a decision out of fear or external pressure.

 

 

The only reason to move in with somebody is because you are madly passionately in love & can't bear a moment apart. You aren't there yet & can't be in 3 months, no matter how long you knew each other before dating.

 

 

If it's meant to be you don't have to rush.

 

I know. I don't feel pressured by him to move in but we are trying to figure out other options. I don't have a stable job right at the moment and trying to jump start a new career.

[Gary S]

It's way too early... you barely know him. Like the companies that look at credit reports, you want to see a track record over time.

 

Wait 18 months to 3 years to move in or get married.

[fitnessfan365]

Haha.. I got called a misogynist on here when I said that most guys who claim to want to be friends with girls, are really just hiding their true sexual interest. But every post I come across on here lately has a male friend transitioning into dating the woman he was friends with. So it continues to prove my point.

 

But here is a question. How long were you two "friends" first? If it was for awhile, then you do know him pretty well. Just because you're finally having sex with him, doesn't change who he is as a person. But if you haven't known him that long overall, then it is too soon.

[girlywoman25]

Haha.. I got called a misogynist on here when I said that most guys who claim to want to be friends with girls, are really just hiding their true sexual interest. But every post I come across on here lately has a male friend transitioning into dating the woman he was friends with. So it continues to prove my point.

 

But here is a question. How long were you two "friends" first? If it was for awhile, then you do know him pretty well. Just because you're finally having sex with him, doesn't change who he is as a person. But if you haven't known him that long overall, then it is too soon.

 

We were friends for a couple months before we got together.

[fitnessfan365]

We were friends for a couple months before we got together.

 

Yeah sorry to tell you, but he wasn't really interested in friendship. He met you, was too scared to make a move, and was eventually able to grow on you enough to build attraction. Good for him for making it out of the friend zone since that's rare.

 

However, I will say that it makes you wonder if you can trust a guy like that in the long run. I mean it's not like was a long term friend that developed feelings over time. This was a new guy in you life that pretended to be your friend when he wanted more. So from that POV, it makes you wonder.

 

I'm curious, why did you start out being friends with him? Did he ask you out, you put him in the friend zone, and then changed your mind? Or you just had no idea he liked you?

[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

One of the best relationships I ever had involved a girl that moved in with me on the 2nd date. I am seeing someone different now, so it obviously didn't work out with that girl, but I was with her for 4 years and I have some very good memories that I am happy to have made with her.

 

You let a complete stranger MOVE IN with you on the SECOND DATE?! Holy Hell!!! That must've been some "love connection" you had with her! Wow. No matter how in love, in lust or infatuated I was with a guy, I would NEVER move in with him THAT soon!

 

Personally, I would wait a year (or maybe even longer) until I was absolutely sure that I knew the guy enough to where I'd want to spend every single day coexisting with him in the same square footage. It's nothing short of amazing that it lasted four years with that woman!

 

 

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[MissBee]

You let a complete stranger MOVE IN with you on the SECOND DATE?! Holy Hell!!! That must've been some "love connection" you had with her! Wow. No matter how in love, in lust or infatuated I was with a guy, I would NEVER move in with him THAT soon!

 

Personally, I would wait a year (or maybe even longer) until I was absolutely sure that I knew the guy enough to where I'd want to spend every single day coexisting with him in the same square footage. It's nothing short of amazing that it lasted four years with that woman!

 

 

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I agree.

 

I don't think it's a testament to this being a good idea.

 

No matter the bad idea someone will have a story saying it worked for them, so the point isn't to look for the few it worked out for but figure out a larger picture of whether or not this generally seems to be a good idea. Don't bet on the off chance.

 

I almost moved in with a bf of 3 months only because of some circumstances with my roommate situation and not wanting to have to get a new roommate who was a complete stranger and so we figured maybe we should move in since hey we were a couple and liked each other obviously and it would help me out, win win right? I'm glad in the end we didn't though. We broke up some months later and I kept thinking how much more stressful it would have been if we had a lease together. But I asked my friends advice at the time and I remember one of the main things one of them said was that if the only reason I'm doing it is circumstantial and not because I truly feel it is the right time and a good idea, don't. She was right. It was purely circumstantial. If my roommate didn't have to leave the country I wouldn't have decided to move in with him.

 

Your situation seems similar. It clearly doesn't seem to be a case of you all just genuinely feeling you should move in after 3 months, but it's more so out of desperation and fear that if you don't you will have to break up. I'd try to think of other options before deciding to do this. I mean, the world won't end if this doesn't work out but you can save yourself the trouble by trying to figure out some other things before doing this.

Edited March 2, 2015 by MissBee

[Macattack]

I'm kinda in a dilemma here. I been with my boyfriend for almost a month now. We were friends before we got together. I know we haven't dated for long but he wants to move in June. I have told him the issue I have with this which is the majority is the money and I worry what my friend's and family might think. They are going to ask me why I am moving in with him so soon and I don't want them all up in my business even though they are looking for my best interest.

 

If we don't move in together my boyfriend might move out of state and I'm afraid I won't see him anymore and he's a really good man that treats me good. What do I do?

 

Don't do it I am highly suspicious most guys don't want to move in unless he wants something from you. Btw I am not talking about SEX.

[Popsicle]

girly, women move in with men cause they need the financial help all the time. It's been going on since before we all were born.

 

I personally don't like the idea of being financially dependent (it makes both parties act stupid) but its not like you'd be the first or the last...

[Els]

Why are the only two choices 'moving in with him after 3 months' and 'him going out of state'? Why is he going to go out of state if the two of you don't move in together?

 

IMO 3 months is far too soon, the honeymoon phase is still ongoing, the rose-tinted glasses are still on. You don't know much about a person at that stage, and it is much harder to leave a live-in R than it is a dating R (not saying it's impossible obviously, just much more difficult because in addition to a breakup you have to deal with a lease, finding a new place to live, etc).

 

I would wait at least a year, preferably more.

[girlywoman25]

I agree.

 

I don't think it's a testament to this being a good idea.

 

No matter the bad idea someone will have a story saying it worked for them, so the point isn't to look for the few it worked out for but figure out a larger picture of whether or not this generally seems to be a good idea. Don't bet on the off chance.

 

I almost moved in with a bf of 3 months only because of some circumstances with my roommate situation and not wanting to have to get a new roommate who was a complete stranger and so we figured maybe we should move in since hey we were a couple and liked each other obviously and it would help me out, win win right? I'm glad in the end we didn't though. We broke up some months later and I kept thinking how much more stressful it would have been if we had a lease together. But I asked my friends advice at the time and I remember one of the main things one of them said was that if the only reason I'm doing it is circumstantial and not because I truly feel it is the right time and a good idea, don't. She was right. It was purely circumstantial. If my roommate didn't have to leave the country I wouldn't have decided to move in with him.

 

Your situation seems similar. It clearly doesn't seem to be a case of you all just genuinely feeling you should move in after 3 months, but it's more so out of desperation and fear that if you don't you will have to break up. I'd try to think of other options before deciding to do this. I mean, the world won't end if this doesn't work out but you can save yourself the trouble by trying to figure out some other things before doing this.

 

Thank you. We are trying different options.

[planb1973]

I had a girlfriend move in with me after a few months mainly due to financial reasons. Oh we thought we were in love and it was meant to be. She got pregnant 2 months later... Oh how we were so not meant to be after all. Ive been single parenting for 10 years now.

[mightycpa]

Unbelievably bad idea... a million to one, and lucky you, you've heard from the one who made it work for 4 years.

 

If you do, you need to also have an exit strategy if you feel differently a month from now, no matter whose idea it is.

[Els]

I had a girlfriend move in with me after a few months mainly due to financial reasons. Oh we thought we were in love and it was meant to be. She got pregnant 2 months later... Oh how we were so not meant to be after all. Ive been single parenting for 10 years now.

 

I agree that moving in after 3 months is a terrible idea (and said as much in my previous post), but.... you do realize that pregnancy is caused by intercourse and not by living under the same roof, right?

[katiegrl]

I'm kinda in a dilemma here. I been with my boyfriend for almost a month now. We were friends before we got together. I know we haven't dated for long but he wants to move in June. I have told him the issue I have with this which is the majority is the money and I worry what my friend's and family might think. They are going to ask me why I am moving in with him so soon and I don't want them all up in my business even though they are looking for my best interest.

 

If we don't move in together my boyfriend might move out of state and I'm afraid I won't see him anymore and he's a really good man that treats me good. What do I do?

 

So, according to *him* ... the choices are he either moves in to "your" place on June 1st or he "might" move out of state and you fear you will never see him again? Do I have this right?

 

If so, it appears he is attempting to manipulate you.... because *he* wants to move in with you for god only knows whatever reason.

 

Why can't he get his OWN place?? Why, even IF he decides to move out of state, can you not still see each other?

 

This doesn't smell right I'm sorry. I don't know this guy, but I don't like the two choices he is presenting you with.

 

Again I don't know him, but my gut is screaming that maybe he's not such a good guy as you seem to think he is.

 

DON'T allow him to move in. It's *your* place.... YOUR space. You have only been dating a month, he needs to get his OWN place...and have his own space ....sheesh.

 

And IF he chooses to leave the state because you're not ready for him to live with you...in YOUR place...bid him farewell and tell him to have a nice life! Good riddence.

[acrosstheuniverse]

It's too soon if you feel pressured into it, however little or long it's been.

 

I know some couples who naturally started spending nearly every night together at one of their houses from a month or so in (one couple the first date!) but in all of this situations, both parties kept their own accommodation until they'd been together at least six months. In my scenario my partner started spending every night at mine within a month, it just kinda felt natural for both of us and we'd never had that kinda thing happen before this relationship. But he kept paying rent on his own place until we moved in officially at six months, there's a world of different between 'playing house' and officially both being on the rental agreement. If it feels natural to 'live together' really quickly then many people just run with it, but it's important to have your own escape route if things go wrong, while you're trying out how things go. It's a big mistake to move in really quickly and put your accommodation in someone else's hands.

 

Don't move in if you're not ready. If you want to try moving in then do it, but keep your own property going with your stuff in it, so that you can stay at his and get a feel for living together but know you are able to get away if you need to. I sense that this 'live with me or I'm leaving the city' may be an attempt at manipulating you actually. If he's pressuring you to live together, run. Co-habitation is very hard to end compared to dating while living separately and you have to protect your own interests. If both parties are mature, completely into the idea and want to play house after a few months then good luck to them, but if one person is trying to force the other into it and there are ANY doubts at all, do NOT capitulate.

[Gaeta]

You have to stop saying you have known him for 3 months. You have been dating him for 1 month and 2 weeks ago you were not even bf-gf yet. He is a stranger. You know nothing of him.

 

Read what happened to this young woman for moving in with a bf after 1 month.

 

https://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/512420-big-fight-told-me-pack-my-things

[girlywoman25]

Why are the only two choices 'moving in with him after 3 months' and 'him going out of state'? Why is he going to go out of state if the two of you don't move in together?

 

IMO 3 months is far too soon, the honeymoon phase is still ongoing, the rose-tinted glasses are still on. You don't know much about a person at that stage, and it is much harder to leave a live-in R than it is a dating R (not saying it's impossible obviously, just much more difficult because in addition to a breakup you have to deal with a lease, finding a new place to live, etc).

 

I would wait at least a year, preferably more.

 

It was just an option if he moves on his own that it will be cheaper to live out of state. I decided I won't move in with him so soon.

[girlywoman25]

So, according to *him* ... the choices are he either moves in to "your" place on June 1st or he "might" move out of state and you fear you will never see him again? Do I have this right?

 

If so, it appears he is attempting to manipulate you.... because *he* wants to move in with you for god only knows whatever reason.

 

Why can't he get his OWN place?? Why, even IF he decides to move out of state, can you not still see each other?

 

This doesn't smell right I'm sorry. I don't know this guy, but I don't like the two choices he is presenting you with.

 

Again I don't know him, but my gut is screaming that maybe he's not such a good guy as you seem to think he is.

 

DON'T allow him to move in. It's *your* place.... YOUR space. You have only been dating a month, he needs to get his OWN place...and have his own space ....sheesh.

 

And IF he chooses to leave the state because you're not ready for him to live with you...in YOUR place...bid him farewell and tell him to have a nice life! Good riddence.

 

Well he is not pressuring me at to move in with him. I am not going to so soon in the relationship I decided that. If he moves to a state close by we might make it work to see each other but he did say he'll stay where he is right now I can help him find a roommate

[toscaroscura]

Red flags:

 

-You've only known him a few months.

-he is putting the pressure on you! ("Move in or I'm going out of state" IS pressure)

-you are in between jobs and not financially secure.

-you're considering it not because you're madly in love, but because you're a little desperate

-this all adds up to him having you dependent and exactly where he wants you

 

NOPE. I'm glad you decided not to.

[katiegrl]

Well he is not pressuring me at to move in with him. I am not going to so soon in the relationship I decided that. If he moves to a state close by we might make it work to see each other but he did say he'll stay where he is right now I can help him find a roommate

 

I am glad you've decided not to live with him, but why do YOU have to help him find a roommate? WTH, he can't find his own roommate?

 

What are you his mother? Is he a teenager?

 

Procced with caution...that's all.

[kendahke]

I'm kinda in a dilemma here. I been with my boyfriend for almost a month now. We were friends before we got together. I know we haven't dated for long but he wants to move in June. I have told him the issue I have with this which is the majority is the money and I worry what my friend's and family might think. They are going to ask me why I am moving in with him so soon and I don't want them all up in my business even though they are looking for my best interest.

 

If we don't move in together my boyfriend might move out of state and I'm afraid I won't see him anymore and he's a really good man that treats me good. What do I do?

 

so, it's move in in June or else I'm outta here? What's up with that ultimatum? Why can't he find a place here?

 

The only answer your friends and family are entitled to is "Because I'm grown and I want to". They really aren't entitled to any more than that if they're not paying your mortgage/rent.