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Would you date someone with mental illness?


Eternal Sunshine

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Eternal Sunshine

Say you are in early stages of dating and he reveals that he has a bipolar type 1 and has to take 3 types of medication (one being lithium).

 

Dealbreaker?

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There are 2 answers in my mind.. the politically correct one where you say.."no problem", nobody wants to look like we don't have any empathy for another who is struggling. some people may be better suited for a relationship with someone who is dealing with some issues, I have done this before more for liking someone enough that I was willing to to try it.

 

The other answer is one where you know yourself well enough, maybe from your past experiences and you understand your needs and boundary's as well as what you are willing to put up with and in that case the answer would be no...

 

Of course there is a blend answer too, the answers is yes.. until the first boundary breaking issue pops up then I'm outta here..

 

Clear as mud....

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Eternal Sunshine

I gave it some thought and broke it off. I don't think I can or want to deal with emotional and financial hardships that are sure to happen in the future. I need an equal partner.

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Ruby Slippers

Sorry to hear this wasn't a match. It's good he dropped the bomb early on before you got too involved. I couldn't take something like that on, either.

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Its not a dealbreaker for me, but it would raise a flag for me to be conscious of how he deals with it. If he struggles but doesnt let it affect our relationship, then i wouldnt mind so much. If it would affect me alot, then i would reconsider.

 

Everyone has some sort of mental ****upedness, it usually doesnt deter me unless im the receiver of all the "crazy" for lack of a better word.

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Yes, that would be a deal breaker. I just don't know if I could deal with the difficulties involved with that. She doesn't have to be perfect in the head (that's impossible anyway), but I do want someone who is mentally and emotionally healthy.

 

Nothing against her; she wouldn't be a lesser person in my eyes. I'd be OK being friends with such a person.

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Its not a dealbreaker for me, but it would raise a flag for me to be conscious of how he deals with it. If he struggles but doesnt let it affect our relationship, then i wouldnt mind so much. If it would affect me alot, then i would reconsider.

 

Everyone has some sort of mental ****upedness, it usually doesnt deter me unless im the receiver of all the "crazy" for lack of a better word.

 

Hopeful 30, If you knew anything about this condition, then you would realise it would be impossible for it NOT to affect your relationship.

 

OP, sorry this didn't work out, but good you found out early and made a decision before stronger feelings developed.

xx

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Sadly it would be a deakbreaker for me but I'll willingly admit that I'm a bit of a selfish person so if it were me I'd appreciate his honesty

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Say you are in early stages of dating and he reveals that he has a bipolar type 1 and has to take 3 types of medication (one being lithium).

 

Dealbreaker?

A man with BP1? Hmm, had one who I knew for years die recently at age 50 from a combination of health issues related to his choices as a BP1 and, frankly, he's been the only man I've been around whom I've felt compelled to be armed. That's how fast he could turn. Yeah, like a lot of BP1's, he had meds but the patient has to choose, daily, to take the meds.

 

I'm still around his step-sister, who's a BP2, and she's enough of a handful that all my skills from caregiving for a mentally ill person (far beyond BP2) come into play regularly. However, I don't worry about her killing me, though she does throw things at me. Dating? Nah, pass. Peace and quiet is my job #1 these days. Loved a few, glad that era is over.

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bathtub-row
Its not a dealbreaker for me, but it would raise a flag for me to be conscious of how he deals with it. If he struggles but doesnt let it affect our relationship, then i wouldnt mind so much. If it would affect me alot, then i would reconsider.

 

Everyone has some sort of mental ****upedness, it usually doesnt deter me unless im the receiver of all the "crazy" for lack of a better word.

 

Very untrue. Not everyone has a mental illness, particularly where it requires drugs to stay on track mentally.

 

While I feel a great deal of compassion for people dealing with this kind of thing, it does not mean that I need to be romantically involved with them. This kind of thing is very serious stuff that would be very, very challenging to a person with good mental health. Also, don't forget that after a few years, those drugs will most likely stop being effective and that person will have to switch to something else - which may or may not work. There's also a good chance that he may get tired of the whole thing and decide to stop taking medication altogether. Then you have a whole new nightmare on your hands. Not only that, if you want children, then it's highly likely that this will be passed on to your kids, or your grandkids.

 

There's one thing that I've learned that is very, very key to relationships working out, but it's rarely talked about -- you need to be mentally and emotionally on the same plane. By that, I mean that you both need to have very close mental stability / instability. I know of someone who has schizophrenia and he's married to someone who's very socially impaired. They seem very happy together and have been married for several years now.

 

I was once with a guy who was a genius but had the emotional intelligence of an infant. We're no longer together. I was once with a guy who was emotionally unstable in the sense that he had to control everything. We're no longer together. Do you know what each of these guys - and others said to me? That I made them feel calm. I'm not saying I'm perfect and without fault, so don't misunderstand. But I do know that I'm mentally stable and I've learned that that can be a real attraction to mentally unstable people because your mental stability evens them out. But, unfortunately, it doesn't cut both ways. Mentally unstable people do not make me feel calm in any sense of the word. I've learned that it's absolutely imperative that I be with someone who's very much on the same plane as me when it comes to emotional and mental stability. I think this is true for most people but we tend to not give it enough importance.

 

I've learned my lesson on this one. I steer clear of situations like this. It has nowhere to go except downhill.

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While I always say it's not fair to project your EX's problems / short comings onto your present SO, I dated a guy with mental health problems in the past & I would never do it again. I'm simply not strong enough.

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Wow, that's a tough one. It kind of breaks my heart to see how strong of a deal breaker that diagnosis is across the board here. I'm not criticizing, just reflecting on how hard it must be for someone with that dx.

 

I'd listen to my gut. It would depend on the person and the situation, with the small possibility of "yes" if the gut check cleared.

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CrystalShine2011

Very tough! Honestly it would depend on

1) How long I had been seeing that person, am I in love?

2) How mature he is despite his mental illness.

 

I wouldn't want to swear him off without giving the relationship a chance.

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Yes I would. Especially if that person had sat down and told me early on that she was bipolar. I would give it a chance. Does not mean something would not go wrong or it could all go well.

 

ETERNAL, How was the RS until he told you?

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rocketman122

no, not a deal breaker. my exGF was a psycho with a tongue that stung but I also loved that about her. I took her as she is.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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bathtub-row
no, not a deal breaker. my exGF was a psycho with a tongue that stung but I also loved that about her. I took her as she is.

 

I'd rather be single any day of the week than be with my former psychotic abusive ex. It's not any little thing. Mental instability is not a little thing by any stretch of the imagination.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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Eternal Sunshine
Yes I would. Especially if that person had sat down and told me early on that she was bipolar. I would give it a chance. Does not mean something would not go wrong or it could all go well.

 

ETERNAL, How was the RS until he told you?

 

It was too early to tell. I would have definetly kept seeing him if I didn't know and I appreciate his honesty. But I have worked hard to get where I am in life and I really can't take something like this on.

 

I have a friend that is married to someone with that diagnosis and his life is torn to pieces. He is in huge debt for paying the medical bills and emotionally he is a wreck. His wife can't hold down a job and is in and out of mental wards. I would take a peaceful single life any day.

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We all have mental illnesses to some degree. Some are narcissists, some compulsive, some sociopaths, some have PTSD, some BPD, some primarily obsessive OCD, some ADD, some are pathological liars... It is a matter of degree in some cases, and some are dealbreakers.

 

 

I would appreciate his honesty about it, that is a huge deal and credit to him for being so trusting and opened. I would try to see how it looks in practice and how is he handling it.

 

 

But since you already say for yourself that you are selfish, then think about what kind of a guy will be with a selfish woman. That does not exactly rank high on any guy's list of attractive traits in a romantic partner. So he is also probably better off without you and with someone more emphatic.

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I have dated someone with BP2 we were together for about 3 years (Had break in middle)... she told me at beginning & accepted it...

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