dcannon Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 I like being pro-active. I like to chase. However, I'm getting more and more spoiled, and less and less active pursuing women because I am approached numerous times a night when I go out. I like the idea of being the chaser. I tell myself I'm going to approach A LOT of women when I go out. But instead, I grab a beer at the bar or just a water, and women start to chat me up, grab me, start dancing with me on the dance floor. And, on top of that, I might not even chase then, as I wait for a hotter girl to approach me. It's almost like I don't want to take a girl home, since I get such a strong ego boost every time a girl approaches, and the longer I hold out, the more likely it is that multiple girls are going to approach me. Is there a way out of this laziness cycle? It's like I'm being rewarded for not doing anything when I go out aside from being in the room and just standing around. Link to post Share on other sites
KatZee Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 No wonder dudes never approach me. Women are too busy being men these days. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ThisisIt606 Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 Times have change, women can do what they want if you haven't noticed. Enjoy the attention or tell him your have a fragile ego and need them to take a step back while you make the first move. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SawtoothMars Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 Is there a way out of this laziness cycle? It's like I'm being rewarded for not doing anything when I go out aside from being in the room and just standing around. You just need to get active and do it. I had tons of women hit me up, but the one I fell in love with was the one I had to chase. Cliché... I know. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
CrystalShine2011 Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 I would try to meet women elsewhere....finding someone at the club or bar is an easy chase. Try finding a women at the gym, work, sports event, store, etc. That's what makes it truly interesting! Link to post Share on other sites
Gary S Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 (edited) Buy that man a beer! dcannon, that's the very best way to meet women... rather than chasing girls who might not even be interested in you, or wasting money on buying them drinks... which does nothing to raise attractiveness... you sit back and see what women notice and approach you, showing they are interested first. Plus, it eliminates rejection. You are a natural, in the top 3% of men who understand women and relationships, and should be giving advice here (I'm not joking). Or do ya just look like Brad Pitt?! You da man! How old are you and what kind of places/bars do you go to? Edited March 1, 2015 by Gary S Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 (edited) I like being pro-active. I like to chase. However, I'm getting more and more spoiled, and less and less active pursuing women because I am approached numerous times a night when I go out. This is exactly how it was for any even semi-attractive guy in my town (Dallas) when I was younger. Guys just stood there looking smug and the women did all the work. And yes, it did make them lazy. I was astounded when I spent some time in LA that men were so much more friendly and didn't stand around waiting but came up and said hello -- and they were a much better looking crowd. I think you are in the early stage of thinking this should be a good thing. But it's only Stage 1. A few months or years of this and the last thing you'll want is for some woman to throw herself at you. You'll find yourself only attracted to the ones who don't. You'll find your heart sinking when the girl who stands out in the crowd that you hope you can approach instead approaches you and ruins it for you. Now, I'm not saying this is right or wrong or that you should judge those women. Some of them are probably nice. No doubt they don't give that treatment to just every guy. They want to get to know you. But a lot of guys have an instinctual need to be the pursuer. A lot of guys feel that if they don't have to work for it, it has less value. I disagree with that as a woman, but that's an old component of the male brain that many men still feel strongly. You already know you like to chase, so this crap is going to get really old really fast. Control it. Don't just sit back lazily and wait but use your personality to entertain whoever is around you. It's great the girls have chosen you so you know they might like you, but at least let them know there's a personality behind the face and body so they can't just project whatever their ideal guy is onto you. Actively show your personality, whether they seem to care if you have one or not. Make them know who you are. I have an old flame who was as good looking and creative as you can get, and though we didn't end up a couple, I'd never have had any relationship with him if I hadn't been the smart girl who could see he was already tired of women throwing themselves at him. I was the aloof girl who shook my head at him a little at first. He rewarded me by making it a tradition of kissing my hand every time we met and really enjoyed pulling out all the stops and going full-on theatrical romantic -- and that went on for years, whether he was with someone, whether I was with someone. It was like this unspoken agreement if we saw each other, out came the theatrics and anyone who didn't like it could leave. Our intermittent fling was spread out over years. Those other women just didn't let him fully deploy his arsenal. They didn't require anything of him. He literally asked me to peel a clinging woman off him one time. In later years, he grew a big ugly beard to see if he could still be a success without the benefit of what he called his "baby face." That's the validation he needed. And it allowed him to have to "win" women again. If you know of someone you might want to pursue, don't wait to see if she'll stand in line, because if she does, that will ruin it for you. Go after her right away but not for sex. You might do better out of bars or that type thing and just doing things you enjoy, hobbies, sports, whatever your passion is so you meet someone who likes you for more than your looks, someone you have something in common with. What I have seen happen in extreme cases (musicians who can have anyone they want) is that they go from being the world's biggest slut to dreaming of meeting a woman who isn't at all part of their world, has nothing in common with them, and possibly finds them repugnant. Then if they succeed in winning her with money or whatever, they're stuck with a wife they have nothing in common with, who isn't a part of their world, and doesn't appreciate them for who they are-- but at least she's lukewarm in bed and not hot for him. Don't be lazy and let it get to that stage. Get control over it now. Don't sleep with them if you're not interested in them and they don't know you. Be selective. Don't sleep with them on the first date just because they will. Make them get to know you, and you get to know them. Build value between you first so it might turn into something. Once you at least know you like someone, don't be lazy in bed just because you can. Show them your best self once you decide you like someone, in and out of bed. You can control this by taking control of the situation and not let it jade you for life. And don't forget to use your own birth control no matter what. Edited March 1, 2015 by preraph Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 (edited) You just need to get active and do it. I had tons of women hit me up, but the one I fell in love with was the one I had to chase. Cliché... I know. Best post ever!! Wish more women (and men!) would realize that.....and behave accordingly. Which of course means, women stop chasing men ... and men stop whining that you wish women would pursue you (ask you out, etc). It sounds great in theory, but the reality is, that's not how we're wired, it's biological... And just like Sawtooth says above, no matter flattered a man is that a woman is chasing him, and no matter how much he may "think" he wants women to ask him out first, the likelihood of him becoming *attracted to* that woman and falling in love with her is slim to none! Edited March 1, 2015 by katiegrl Link to post Share on other sites
mario_C Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 OP, that is what I call a good problem. Preraph, maybe I should move to Texas. (An especially attractive concept this time of year...August, not so much.) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author dcannon Posted March 1, 2015 Author Share Posted March 1, 2015 Well, first of all, thanks to everybody for your input and great feedback. It will take me a little while to process it all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dcannon Posted March 2, 2015 Author Share Posted March 2, 2015 Here's the type of missed opportunity I encounter from time to time, due to a sense of entitlement on my part. At the (very busy) cafe, score a large table all to myself. Enjoying the scenery, a tall, thin beautiful late teen blonde moseys on over, and seats herself in front of me. She's really conflicted though: she wants to sit in front of me, but feels it's too forward. She seats herself in front of me, one seat over. But she's looking at the seats further back. She gets up and walks to the seats further back. But she stops midway, standing and looking confused. So she returns to her seat in front of me. I know I'm supposed to say something to her, to reward her initiative, but I'm kind of hoping she'll start the conversation, so I leave it up to her. Her redheaded friend shows up a few minutes later, they start talking loudly, take a look at me reading, then the redhead leads her blonde girlfriend over to the seats further away. So, clear window of opportunity which I don't snatch since I'm insistent on the girl making the first and second move. Frustrated emoticon Link to post Share on other sites
toscaroscura Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 Here's the type of missed opportunity I encounter from time to time, due to a sense of entitlement on my part. At the (very busy) cafe, score a large table all to myself. Enjoying the scenery, a tall, thin beautiful late teen blonde moseys on over, and seats herself in front of me. She's really conflicted though: she wants to sit in front of me, but feels it's too forward. She seats herself in front of me, one seat over. But she's looking at the seats further back. She gets up and walks to the seats further back. But she stops midway, standing and looking confused. So she returns to her seat in front of me. I know I'm supposed to say something to her, to reward her initiative, but I'm kind of hoping she'll start the conversation, so I leave it up to her. Her redheaded friend shows up a few minutes later, they start talking loudly, take a look at me reading, then the redhead leads her blonde girlfriend over to the seats further away. So, clear window of opportunity which I don't snatch since I'm insistent on the girl making the first and second move. Frustrated emoticon Did this girl actually tell you she sat there because of you? Because it sounds like you had nothing to do with anything and you're just projecting all of these motives onto her. Sigh. I don't know what you want people to tell you, when you humble-brag about being such a smug a**hole with girls crawling all over you. The answer is um, STOP being a smug a**hole then. But I suppose that's too easy. Link to post Share on other sites
William Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 Folks, our daily hydra showed up and made a bit of a mess. It's now cleaned up and I apologize for the disruption. Please continue! Link to post Share on other sites
Author dcannon Posted March 2, 2015 Author Share Posted March 2, 2015 Also, at least 3 other women that day were openly staring at me. This includes 1. the woman in front of me in the line for the bathroom 2. a woman staring at me very brazenly as I exited the bathroom 3. the barista who I caught staring at me while I was reading Life is good. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SawtoothMars Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 Also, at least 3 other women that day were openly staring at me. This includes 1. the woman in front of me in the line for the bathroom 2. a woman staring at me very brazenly as I exited the bathroom 3. the barista who I caught staring at me while I was reading Life is good. Maybe your fly was unzipped or toilet paper stuck to your shoe. A lot of women look at me during the day... I doubt most want my attention. I mean years ago when I had six pack abs and was well known as a captain of a popular college sports team... yeah I got tons of female attention. But after 23 it slowed down. I spent most of my 20's married and for some reason that seemed to turn other women on... which is creepy... but I weathered the storm. At 30 I was single again and online dating was amazing. You just set up a profile and nice ladies chat you up all the time. I had women approach me a lot in bars. Turns out I wanted a woman I met doing charity work who had zero interest in dating. I put in loads of effort and it paid off. Now I'm married again but this time to my dream woman. Best of Luck Link to post Share on other sites
freetolove Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 go to thailand Link to post Share on other sites
Author dcannon Posted March 3, 2015 Author Share Posted March 3, 2015 I was approached by another beautiful young lady today at a business conference. The thing is, you never really know when this is going to happen, so I am frequently caught off guard ie "unprepared." Interestingly, this is happening more frequently as I tell myself that I am going to focus more on business when out in public. When you stop scanning the room for beautiful women to approach, they feel more comfortable staring and approaching you. Or at least that's my theory. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 If it's not broke don't fix it. They are approaching you and you never have to worry about harsh rejection. What exactly is the problem here? Link to post Share on other sites
Author dcannon Posted March 3, 2015 Author Share Posted March 3, 2015 If it's not broke don't fix it. They are approaching you and you never have to worry about harsh rejection. What exactly is the problem here? You're right. It's not a problem. I've made it into a problem first by becoming a bit complacent, and second by complaining about becoming complacent. Today, 3 more women approached me, one at a business conference, and two more at a social event later in the evening. Link to post Share on other sites
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