Jump to content

For the first time - such a complicated guy!!!


Iaminnocentgul

Recommended Posts

Iaminnocentgul

I met this guy on a dating site. We met in a local pub for our first date and we clicked on well.

 

After our meet he even messaged for second date. We use to talk for hours on phone on various topics. One of the topic was lust against love... He messaged me to cancel second date after that talk, because he wanted to have a long relation with me and did not wanted it to be taken as lust.... He even told me to call him my boyfriend.. I even said I love you.... He told about me even to his friends....

 

Suddenly he had loads of problems in his life; especially money problem. We decided for second date anyway, at his house. We did meet and it was a nice evening. Since I had a long drive back I was unsure to drive back late night, but he gave mixed reactions for me to stay back or go. Anyways, I left.....

 

Third date was intimate because I decided to be bit more open... Next morning of third date he again gave mixed reactions for me to leave. Before dating him I had plans to visit my parents but I had postponed that to take more time to know him.... When I told him about my postponement, he said that I am going too fast and that I should meet my parents. He said he is not sure that he has same feelings for me as I have for him... He wants to take this slow.... Anyways, he again called me for fourth date...

 

Fourth date I cancelled for which he said he do not want to talk to me as he is in a big trouble of money and he needs space and time. I gave him that. He called after few days to fix fourth date. This time we met but not in an initimate way; but it was a good evening... I told him that I am going to meet my parents for a month.. In the last message I said fourth date was good. He said ditto and thats it. He did not even message me to say Happy Journey or anything.. :(

 

Since then I am at my parents house for a month.......... Now point is.... I am so so so confused about him. Should I talk to him? Should I date him?

 

I use to message him always to which he was regular at replies. He never initiated though.... Last three dates I went to his house. He never came to mine, though he said he will come...... I really don't know whether he is wrong or I am over-thinking or I should just leave him and keep my other options of dating open.....

Link to post
Share on other sites

hmmm, when people are hot and cold it's a huge turn off and it's a sign that:

a. They're really not that invested, or

b. They are inexperienced and think games work

 

So you stayed the night at his place on the 3rd date - was that the first time you guys were intimate?

 

Because that could have just been it - he got what he wanted and now is saying 'oh, you're moving too fast'

 

I do have a question though - after the first date, he said he wanted to be your boyfriend and after some talking you told him you loved him - did you really feel you loved him, or did you just say it?

 

Because it seems like it's too quick to be in love - but that's just my opinion. Your experience could be very different.

 

Bottom line is though - if he's not investing in you, you shouldn't be investing in him or chasing.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Listen to your instincts...it's telling you that there is more wrong than right with this guy.....date others....please date others.

Link to post
Share on other sites

This is the weirdest thing I've ever heard... He "loves" you after calling off your 2nd date and wants you to call him your boyfriend? What a freaking weirdo/control freak... RUN!!!

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

Holy drama - destined for (emotional) trauma. I'd run fast - you're both totally confused - if you've both cancelled one of the first 4 dates because things don't feel right, it's a disaster in the making. I'd just leave him alone and move on...

Link to post
Share on other sites
I met this guy on a dating site. We met in a local pub for our first date and we clicked on well.

 

After our meet he even messaged for second date. We use to talk for hours on phone on various topics. One of the topic was lust against love... He messaged me to cancel second date after that talk, because he wanted to have a long relation with me and did not wanted it to be taken as lust.... He even told me to call him my boyfriend.. I even said I love you.... He told about me even to his friends....

 

....

 

So he broke the second date because he wanted a long relationship with you, and he did not want it to be taken as lust?? You do realize this makes absolutely no sense, do you not?

 

Because if he didn't want it to be taken as lust, all he had to do was take you out, spend time with you and WAIT to have sex with you! Easy peasey!

 

But that's not what happened is it... to the contrary he invites you over to his on the third date and proceeds to have sex with you!

 

To which you agreed, however YOU are NOT the one who announced you didn't want the relationship to be taken as lust.

 

HE did....so he was full of crap when he said that. And everything he said and did thereafter was crap also.

 

And I have no doubt he told his friends about you. Which begs the question, what exactly did he tell them? Unfortunately, NOT what you think I can almost guarantee you that.

 

Just my opinion but I think he played you like a fiddle.

 

Please don't text/call him again...block him delete him and extricate him from your life. He's bad news...

 

I'm sorry...

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Iaminnocentgul
So he broke the second date because he wanted a long relationship with you, and he did not want it to be taken as lust?? You do realize this makes absolutely no sense, do you not?

 

Because if he didn't want it to be taken as lust, all he had to do was take you out, spend time with you and WAIT to have sex with you! Easy peasey!

 

But that's not what happened is it... to the contrary he invites you over to his on the third date and proceeds to have sex with you!

 

To which you agreed, however YOU are NOT the one who announced you didn't want the relationship to be taken as lust.

 

HE did....so he was full of crap when he said that. And everything he said and did thereafter was crap also.

 

And I have no doubt he told his friends about you. Which begs the question, what exactly did he tell them? Unfortunately, NOT what you think I can almost guarantee you that.

 

Just my opinion but I think he played you like a fiddle.

 

Please don't text/call him again...block him delete him and extricate him from your life. He's bad news...

 

I'm sorry...

 

Thank you all for this advise. I will surely follow it. I am going to close this chapter and move on with new phase.

Link to post
Share on other sites
fitnessfan365

Both of you sound like needy co-dependents. He wanted to be your boyfriend after one date, and you told a guy you barely know that you loved him??!!

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Hot & cold push pull . . . he likes the chase not the relationship.

 

 

The money problems is an excuse. There are plenty of cheap inexpensive dates out there if you really want to spend time with the other person.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...