OLD - Serial Texters

[barcode88]

Encountered my first Serial Texter on OLD - no surprise its on my secondary account on OKCupid (free vs paid)... Interest seems to be there but when I suggested a meet she said she "might" be busy. But she won't stop messaging me even if I wait a while and reply only with a single line. I asked for her number and she said she doesn't like to give it out until we know each other better - fair enough I usually don't ASK until after we meet but she seems reluctant to (Despite obsessing over me). I'd like to meet her but her constant messaging is driving me insane -_-

 

 

I basically told her that I'm at the point where I want to meet her, and if she's busy that's fine - but I don't want to endlessly text back and forth until we get to know each other better and to let me know when she's ready to meet somewhere casually and grab a drink.

 

 

Did I handle this the right way?

 

 

Anyone else have experiences with serial texters on OLD they'd like to share?

[Gary S]

Are you messaging her on OKstupid or did she give the number for a text only phone?

[barcode88]

We're talking on OKCupid. She didn't want to give me her #.

 

 

When I message her (even after waiting a while) she replies really quickly, and will message me all day if I don't stop repsonding... I have the Mobile App so it's practically like text messages coming in lol.

Edited February 27, 2015 by barcode88

[preraph]

My feeling is unless that's what you want to have to do from now on with her, she's requiring too much texting. And considering you have no idea if there's an real interest until you do meet or even if they are what they represent themselves to be, I think your message to her was perfectly reasonable.

[fred123]

what about trying to call her or Skype? you don't even have to meet. ask her for that. if not ur wasting your time.

 

surely if she likes you enough to keep messaging me she would want to hear your voice or Skype you? girls tell me I'm wrong...

[Gary S]

Okay, it sounds like she turned you down twice... you asked to meet, and asked for her number.

 

If the woman does not offer her number first, I usually ask her for it in 3-5 days of messaging on the site.

 

If they don't reply with it within 24, I talk to others. There are all kinds of users on these sites.... scammers, kids, crazies, time wasters, attention seekers, people with hangups... she could be any of the above.

[barcode88]

Fred - she didn't want to give her number out. Didn't bother asking for her Skype (and I probably won't at this point I'm going dark on her).

 

Gary - Yes I took it as such. But she still won't leave me alone. I realize she could be any one of those things you listed.

 

I sent her the message in my original post - not going to say anything to her unless she responds and decides she wants to meet - which I'm not counting on lol. People usually don't like ultimatums even though I tried to be nice about it.

Edited February 27, 2015 by barcode88

[barcode88]

She just responded saying "Yeah I want to meet too. You just happen to catch me at a time that I'm really busy. How's your day going?"

 

Not even going to entertain this BS -_- lol.

[Gary S]

Part of good dating is efficiency - don't let people waste your time. I have seen your posts and know you have some game.

 

Also, don't let them keep rejecting you.... if you keep messaging, you leave yourself open to that. Don't do that... she hurt you.... doesn't that make you mad? It should. You guys have to get a little tougher, get some more backbone. It's okay to get mad... it will make you act and do things to prevent it... like cutting contact with this one. Getting mad is okay... just handle the anger the right way.... don't say anything mean, but don't let her toy with you or waste your time... cut contact.

 

Can you block her on OKstupid? Or just don't read the messages.

 

You don't want to waste time with a lady who does not like you, or who is high-maintenance. I don't care how cute she is, a high maintenance or crazy woman is going to look ugly to you after awhile. It's true.

 

What do nice, sane girls, the ones who are good catches, really want? - do they want a bad boy? Do they want a nice guy? - no.... they want the guy who is in the middle of the road.... the nice guy who does not take junk from anybody. The hero like Squint Eastwood who rides off into the sunset.

 

He who rejects first hurts less, because they are the one who gets to exercise their free will. When the love plane is going down, there is only one parachute. Try to find out about them before they find out about you. And try to reject them before they reject you. Welcome to world's biggest cat-and-mouse game, dating.

Edited February 27, 2015 by Gary S

[barcode88]

Part of good dating is efficiency - don't let people waste your time. I have seen your posts and know you have some game.

 

Also, don't let them keep rejecting you.... if you keep messaging, you leave yourself open to that. Don't do that... she hurt you.... doesn't that make you mad? It should. You guys have to get a little tougher, get some more backbone. It's okay to get mad... it will make you act and do things to prevent it... like cutting contact with this one. Getting mad is okay... just handle the anger the right way.... don't say anything mean, but don't let her toy with you or waste your time... cut contact.

 

Can you block her on OKstupid? Or just don't read the messages.

 

You don't want to waste time with a lady who does not like you, or who is high-maintenance. I don't care how cute she is, a high maintenance or crazy woman is going to look ugly to you after awhile. It's true.

 

What do nice, sane girls, the ones who are good catches, really want? - do they want a bad boy? Do they want a nice guy? - no.... they want the guy who is in the middle of the road.... the nice guy who does not take junk from anybody.

 

He who rejects first hurts less, because they are the one who gets to exercise their free will. When the love plane is going down, there is only one parachute. Try to find out about them before they find out about you. And try to reject them before they reject you. Welcome to world's biggest cat-and-mouse game, dating.

 

 

Yup totally agree - not going to respond to her at all.

 

There needs to be a special place in hell for time wasters on OLD who won't meet.

[ktya]

Encountered my first Serial Texter on OLD - no surprise its on my secondary account on OKCupid (free vs paid)... Interest seems to be there but when I suggested a meet she said she "might" be busy. But she won't stop messaging me even if I wait a while and reply only with a single line. I asked for her number and she said she doesn't like to give it out until we know each other better - fair enough I usually don't ASK until after we meet but she seems reluctant to (Despite obsessing over me). I'd like to meet her but her constant messaging is driving me insane -_-

 

 

I basically told her that I'm at the point where I want to meet her, and if she's busy that's fine - but I don't want to endlessly text back and forth until we get to know each other better and to let me know when she's ready to meet somewhere casually and grab a drink.

 

 

Did I handle this the right way?

 

 

Anyone else have experiences with serial texters on OLD they'd like to share?

 

Whoa buddy

 

I am going to give you some advice I hope it doesn't sting I mean no harm just helping a brother out.

 

You are going about the OLD thing all wrong.

 

Get the number FAST. I'm talking like in the first 3-10 messages on the OLD site. If a girl is into you she will give up the number, as long as you say you would rather text her on SMS than over the site. I have gotten phone numbers in as little as 3 messages. The ones that refuse to give the number when I feel its the time to ask I just next them and they usually dont respond afterwards.

 

Theres a bunch of reasons they wouldnt give out their number and they are all red flags. They are married, they have a boyfriend, they arent really interested in dating you, they are looking for attention only just dipping toes in the water, they have no intention of meeting you, stroking their ego, whatever.

 

If they like you enough to talk to you they will give you their number pretty quick.

 

Once you get the phone number line up the date as fast as possible. Again if they like you and are serious about dating they will meet up with you within the week.

 

Exchanging messages on OLD is like eating calorie free candy. Feels nice but there's no substance. Once you get a phone number, your operating on a proper level.

[fitnessfan365]

Dude you handled that PERFECTLY. More guys need to stand their ground with women and go after what they want. Let her know up front that you're not looking to be a pen pal.

 

Now I know a lot of people will disagree with me. But I always give a woman my number, instead of asking for hers. A woman can easily give out her number just to get rid of a guy or avoid an awkward rejection with no intent of ever taking his call or texts. But only a woman that's actually interested will touch base. I still take the lead when she does and make plans. But I refuse to waste my time chasing after a woman leaving voice mails that go un-returned or sending a text that never gets replied to.

[barcode88]

Whoa buddy

 

Get the number FAST. I'm talking like in the first 3-10 messages on the OLD site. If a girl is into you she will give up the number, as long as you say you would rather text her on SMS than over the site. I have gotten phone numbers in as little as 3 messages. The ones that refuse to give the number when I feel its the time to ask I just next them and they usually dont respond afterwards.

Why would you say I'm handling OLD wrong? I've been making decent progress in general so far and have been on a number of dates.

 

I don't ask for a number over OLD typically - I usually push for a meet in the first 5 messages. Most people comply. I will ask for their number after the first meet if we click. I don't necessarily think this approach is bad, it's just a different way.

 

Now I know a lot of people will disagree with me. But I always give a woman my number, instead of asking for hers. A woman can easily give out her number just to get rid of a guy or avoid an awkward rejection with no intent of ever taking his call or texts. But only a woman that's actually interested will touch base. I still take the lead when she does and make plans. But I refuse to waste my time chasing after a woman leaving voice mails that go un-returned or sending a text that never gets replied to.

 

I've tried that approach in the past and it didn't work for me. Not saying its wrong, but its not how I approach things.

[katiegrl]

Encountered my first Serial Texter on OLD - no surprise its on my secondary account on OKCupid (free vs paid)... Interest seems to be there but when I suggested a meet she said she "might" be busy. But she won't stop messaging me even if I wait a while and reply only with a single line. I asked for her number and she said she doesn't like to give it out until we know each other better - fair enough I usually don't ASK until after we meet but she seems reluctant to (Despite obsessing over me). I'd like to meet her but her constant messaging is driving me insane -_-

 

 

I basically told her that I'm at the point where I want to meet her, and if she's busy that's fine - but I don't want to endlessly text back and forth until we get to know each other better and to let me know when she's ready to meet somewhere casually and grab a drink.

 

 

Did I handle this the right way?

 

 

 

Yes! You absolutely handled it the right way! I wish more men (and women) were as up front and straightforward as you were!

 

By the way, what was her response?

[barcode88]

By the way, what was her response?

 

 

"Yeah I want to meet too. You just happen to catch me at a time that I'm really busy. How's your day going?"

 

 

Not responding. Lol.

[GemmaUK]

I would (as you have) drop the conversation.

 

 

Next!

[fitnessfan365]

"Yeah I want to meet too. You just happen to catch me at a time that I'm really busy. How's your day going?"

 

 

Not responding. Lol.

 

That's when you send this.

 

Here's my number. Feel free to drop me a text when you have time, and I'll call you to make plans to get together.

 

Then if she still tries to email you on the site after that, delete her.

[blackcat777]

After the 4-5 message mark, I would flat out tell guys, "Hey, I really enjoyed our correspondence. I did sign up for this with the intention of meeting people, you seem super interesting, and I'd love to grab a coffee."

 

So many people go on those sites to make imaginary friends. Don't let them waste your time, as everyone else has said.

 

I liked to send a few messages to vet for anyone who might be flagrantly psycho, but beyond that... too much messaging kills mystery and stuff to talk about if you do decide to meet. And yes, do keep moving, because it is a numbers game.

[Gary S]

Don't offer a woman your number, you ask for hers. Men are the main pursuers (usually)... the vast majority of women prefer that you call them. Most of them won't call you first anyway.

[rester]

I basically told her that I'm at the point where I want to meet her, and if she's busy that's fine - but I don't want to endlessly text back and forth until we get to know each other better and to let me know when she's ready to meet somewhere casually and grab a drink.

 

 

Did I handle this the right way?

 

I think you handled it perfectly.

 

 

That's when you send this.

 

Here's my number. Feel free to drop me a text when you have time, and I'll call you to make plans to get together.

 

Then if she still tries to email you on the site after that, delete her.

 

If you are still interested in her and haven't gotten too annoyed yet, I think this would be the way to continue.

[rester]

Don't offer a woman your number, you ask for hers. Men are the main pursuers (usually)... the vast majority of women prefer that you call them. Most of them won't call you first anyway.

 

I would typically agree, but I think this situation needs a different approach. He was already rejected once with the woman's disclaimer that she does want to meet, but that she's been busy. I think she needs to put her money where her mouth is. The ball is in her court now.

[fitnessfan365]

Don't offer a woman your number, you ask for hers. Men are the main pursuers (usually)... the vast majority of women prefer that you call them. Most of them won't call you first anyway.

 

In a real life approach, getting a girl's number is text book.

 

But, when it comes to OLD, I have a different way of thinking. 1) You're leading the interaction when she reaches out by making a date with her. That is still being the pursuer. 2) It verifies her true interest level. This allows you to focus on women who are genuinely interested in meeting and getting to know you.

Edited February 27, 2015 by fitnessfan365

[barcode88]

I went ahead and gave it to her, and I figure this way the ball is in her court and I will just ignore any more online communication from her.

 

Whether I hear back from her - I don't care - lol. Juggling a couple other options on Match at the moment.

[mtber75]

She's a time waster! She likes the attention of you replying back! I had this happen to me before. But I knew her in person. For whatever reason she always would make excuse to not meet up in person but prefer to endlessly text me? After a while I started texting less and less until I got bored LOL Texting or messaging is super easily with little effort! But meeting in person takes a lot of effort for some people especially whose with deep seeded issues?

[MissBee]

I'm not on dating sites to find pen pals.

 

I don't like texting incessantly and worse, if I don't have your number I'm not messaging you through the site endlessly.

 

I'd move on if I were you. I mean sorry, I care about my safety and all that jazz, but chances are she simply is uninterested in meeting and just enjoys texting. Back when I was a teenager I would do that. Spend time texting guys from online even though I had no intention of meeting up, but I liked to have someone to message. Now, I don't have time for it.

 

If I like a man I give him my number, we talk on the phone so I can get a feel for him and if after talking I'm still interested we meet sooner rather than later. But I'm not going to say oh I'm so busy and so on...I mean come the heck on...if she has time to message 24/7 she must be able spare an hour to meet in a week. I'm busy myself but if I like a man and want to see him I do! If he suggests a day I'm busy and I'm into him I pick another day. I don't just leave it at "Oh dunno when we'll meet...I'm busy...but let's text." I'd move on to someone who is on the same page, i.e. they want to meet up.