losangelena Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 (edited) So, my BF told me a couple of days ago that the pay structure at his company was changing, and that because they're changing monthly commission to quarterly bonuses, things are going to be financially very tight for him until May. He was just telling me to tell me—he wasn't asking for financial support (not like I would be able to help much anyway in the way of rent or bills), and I know that if I ask him if I can do anything for him, he will likely say no. I don't want to come off as condescending or imply that he cannot take care of himself, but I would like to come up with a few things to do that would be thoughtful as well as helpful to him. Obviously, suggesting free or cheap date ideas is one (or pay for both of us when we go out, though I know he will only tolerate that for so long), but I was also thinking of stocking his fridge and/or making a few meals for him this weekend that he can take to work next week. Does this sound like a good idea? Or would that be crossing some manly, "I can take care of myself" line? What else could I do? Thoughts? Edited February 27, 2015 by losangelena 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 Here's what I'd do: I wouldn't in any way try to overtly help like stocking the fridge or bringing him prepared meals. But I think the right approach would be to acknowledge what he said and say, no worries - let's just be a little wiser with how we spend money for a while. Let's do more free or low cost stuff (stay home, go for walks, go to museums, parks etc). We don't always have to go out to dinner, the movies, drinks. Don't worry, it will be fun. And if you want to help more, when you are having one of your stay-in dates, bring the food and make him dinner. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
BluEyeL Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 I agree with Mrin. Make him dinner when you stay in and suggest low cost/free dates. Don't stock the fridge or come up with ideas of how he can save money or anything like that. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
DivorcedDad123 Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 You can't go wrong with food. My gf did this when I was going through the final,EXPENSIVE, process of divorce. She'd come over and cook and leave the groceries she had bought. When my coffee maker went out,she had a new one delivered for me. She suggested cheaper dates. Sometimes,we'd just drive and sight-see or go to antique shops and look around,or we'd stay in and watch a movie. Have to admit,it's nice having someone care enough to pick up some slack when times get tough. Link to post Share on other sites
Timshel Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 Yes to Mrin's ideas. Nothing has changed, a bend in the road that we all have and you are doing it together. No reason it's a big deal, it's not a big deal. Love the food idea though losangelena, that's one of the ways I nurture too. I would guess though for guys to remain par and go with the flow. It's not a crisis just a bump. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 Just be supportive and understanding. I agree the fridge and meal prep stuff sounds too mom-like = not sexy. I wouldn't do anything special, except be understanding. I've learned that "helping" a man too much is a big attraction killer. It can be perceived as emasculating. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author losangelena Posted February 27, 2015 Author Share Posted February 27, 2015 OK, thanks! I want to make sure I'm supportive, not emasculated. I'll keep my helpfulness to a minimum. Link to post Share on other sites
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