KuKuKachoo Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 My boyfriend has been telling me lately that he loves me but he doesn't know if we should be together. We keep fighting about little things and he holds grudges and I have a bad temper and it's annoying. I love him a lot. And I keep trying to work on my temper but occasionally I slip. Recently we were on the verge of a break up and he said last minute that we didn't want to. But two days later he got mad at me for wanting to hang out with a guy friend and we had anther annoying argument and now he says he needs "convincing" that we can work through this and again he does to know if we should stay together. What should I do? Am I hanging on too much? Being too needy by trying to get him to stay? I asked him if he wants to be with me, if he loves me enough to continue working on us, or if we can forget about our little fight and his answer to every question was "I don't know." Link to post Share on other sites
Buddhist Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 Let him go. When a person puts you on notice and needs convincing they have already checked out of the relationship. And exactly why does he require you to convince him? He's as much a part of the problem as you by the sounds of it. It's just a last minute manipulation tactic. Not worth your time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 If you genuinely let your temper get out of bounds, then go take an anger-management course. There are people you love but can't live with. But if it's something fixable, like you let yourself yell and go off the wheel, really a short anger-management course can give you understanding and control over that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 Lose the guy, and learn to control your temper. All that aside, the two of you argue too much. This is a match made in hell. Exit stage left. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author KuKuKachoo Posted February 27, 2015 Author Share Posted February 27, 2015 Thanks. :/ I was hoping that someone would say the opposite and be like, no he's actually NOT mentally checked out! That sucks. A lot. I appreciate the honesty. I just have a hard time letting people go I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 Thanks. :/ I was hoping that someone would say the opposite and be like, no he's actually NOT mentally checked out! That sucks. A lot. I appreciate the honesty. *I just have a hard time letting people go I guess. *Its very difficult for most people, but its doable. Bestowing out affections is much easier than withdrawing them, or having the affections of another withdrawn from us... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 (edited) Being more traditional in a lot of ways, I don't think women should have day to day casual male "friends". It's dis-respectful to the guy that you're with. Now there are obvious exceptions. If it's a male co-worker or a really long time best friend, family friend, etc that's completely cool. Plus, I am the first one to tell the woman I'm with to spend time with her girlfriends. Maintaining other relationships in your life other than just your boyfriend/girlfriend is a good thing. But..an average male "friend" is a guy that was too much of a wuss to make a move. So he sticks around hoping you'll eventually want more. This is the type of nice guy beta wuss that I can't stand because he isn't man enough to be honest about what he wants. Edited February 27, 2015 by fitnessfan365 Link to post Share on other sites
Buddhist Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 How do I stereotype thee? Let me count they ways.... - Women can't have friends of the opposite sex - Please ladies spend all your time with your girlfriends so I don't need to feel disrespected - Guys who are friends with females are beta's.... - And just hanging out for sex - Man up, and embrace outdated misogynistic thinking I had no idea that traditional actually equalled the 1800's. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author KuKuKachoo Posted February 27, 2015 Author Share Posted February 27, 2015 Thank you, Buddhist! Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 He's already on his way out. Sorry, OP. Let him go. And then work on yourself so these anger-related issues don't damage future relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
Author KuKuKachoo Posted February 27, 2015 Author Share Posted February 27, 2015 He's already on his way out. Sorry, OP. Let him go. And then work on yourself so these anger-related issues don't damage future relationships. Thank you. :/ Link to post Share on other sites
Author KuKuKachoo Posted February 27, 2015 Author Share Posted February 27, 2015 Do you think there's really no salvaging it? If I stop trying to do everything I can to anchor him in the relationship, is there still a chance? Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 How do I stereotype thee? Let me count they ways.... - Women can't have friends of the opposite sex - Please ladies spend all your time with your girlfriends so I don't need to feel disrespected - Guys who are friends with females are beta's.... - And just hanging out for sex - Man up, and embrace outdated misogynistic thinking I had no idea that traditional actually equalled the 1800's. You sound like you've got bitter friend zone-itus. BTW - Here is the opening she posted about her "friend" in another thread regading the boyfriend's jealousy : "First of all, we've been together for 4 months. Before we got together, I had a thing with one of my friends. We slept together a few times but stopped. We will text sometimes and we hang out very rarely now, because my boyfriend hates him." Now if you were in her boyfriend's position, would you want your girlfriend staying in contact with a guy she had sex with? Girls always drift back to guys they felt an attraction for, when things start to get bad with their current boyfriend. So I think her staying in touch with this guy is her way of being passive aggressive and keeping a back up on standby. Link to post Share on other sites
Author KuKuKachoo Posted February 27, 2015 Author Share Posted February 27, 2015 You sound like you've got bitter friend zone-itus. BTW - Here is the opening she posted about her "friend" in another thread regading the boyfriend's jealousy : "First of all, we've been together for 4 months. Before we got together, I had a thing with one of my friends. We slept together a few times but stopped. We will text sometimes and we hang out very rarely now, because my boyfriend hates him." Now if you were in her boyfriend's position, would you want your girlfriend staying in contact with a guy she had sex with? Girls always drift back to guys they felt an attraction for, when things start to get bad with their current boyfriend. So I think her staying in touch with this guy is her way of being passive aggressive and keeping a back up on standby. Four months is a long time to keep someone around as a back up. I feel like both parties involved would have figured it out by that time. I'm not some malicious, manipulative girlfriend. Nice try. James and I were JUST friends before My bf and I were friends. Before we were together. Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 Four months is a long time to keep someone around as a back up. I feel like both parties involved would have figured it out by that time. I'm not some malicious, manipulative girlfriend. Nice try. James and I were JUST friends before My bf and I were friends. Before we were together. This proves my original point. Most guys that are a woman's "friend" want more and are biding their time. As you say, you and this guy were friends, and you slept with him. Then you said that you and your boyfriend were friends, and now you're involved with him. If these guys just wanted to be your friend, they would've never had sex with you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
umirano Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 In the majority of cases opposite sex friendships are a ridiculous excuse. I am "good friends" with many girls and I can't imagine too many that I wouldn't bang if the circumstances are right. I think. As per my signature I don't sleep around, but the friends I have are attractive enough to go to bed with, so I would. I'm not beta, fitnessfan, , but I'm not that desperate either that I ask all my girl friends to hook up. Being skeptical of opposite-sex friendships isn't any more misogynistic than it is misandristic. It's realistic. Too many cheaters and would-be cheaters in my own and my friends (both sexes) love lives. OP, my ex GF once thought it's cool to keep a guy around who wanted to bed her. We fought for the better part of 6 months about that. It likely wasn't worth it. Well I learned to put my foot down. But emotionally? Fighting over such BS. Not worth anything. You can either pound a nail in with big slams or keep hammering at it less forcefully, but eventually the coffin will be sealed. I don't know abouts your RS, I was prepared to forgive / work on things with my ex GF many times. She could have salvaged it and tried, but eventually I turned to a more drastic approach, details below. Our RS ended for different reasons. But I'm also of the impression that your BF is generally unhappy with your friends and how you hang out with them. It's possible that he's just really anal in this regard, and then you can safely move on and try to convince someone new it's cool to hang out with ex FWBs and other "friends" one on one. BTW, I let a girl friend of mine stay over one night, when she missed her last train back home. I made her coffee in the morning and we both left for work, nothing else happened, and I'd never have allowed it to. My ex GF was furious, but she certainly understood my POV from then on. Nothing teaches so well like personally felt pain, a.k.a. one's own medicine. Ex / potential FWB stunts were never an issue from then on... Link to post Share on other sites
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