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Did she lose interest because I took way to long to kiss her?


whiteshadows

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I met this girl on vacation.During the trip i had multiple women chasing me. When i approached this particular girl she said she never expected a guy like me to be interested in her. Anyways we spent two nights there together talking on the beach, walking around, drinking, one night we slept together but we did not have sex we did cuddle thought After all that i still didn't kiss her.She was very interested in seeing me when we got back to our hometown.( we lived close but arrived on a different day). My last day came and she waited for my bus with me in the lobby, and even here i didn't kiss her i gave her a hug.(yeah...)

 

When i got back to my hometown i waited a few days and texted her and we scheduled a date for that weekend. She was super happy and wouldn't stop texting me throughout the week, i was actually finding her annoying at one point. the day of the date comes everything goes well we spend an entire afternoon together.(Once again i failed to kiss her)She offered me to go to her friends party that night. I agreed , we go to the party we have fun and by the end of this night i still didn't kiss her. We did dance very close though.

 

That night she texts me good night and despite me being a pussy and not making a move she still seemed very interested and wouldn't stop texting.We schedule a date for that friday. Througout the week she texts me a lot, friday comes and she tells me that she would rather me come over and watch a movie at her house and that her parents are not home(i knew i had to make a move at this point) I go to her house and watch the movie i barely cuddled her and once again failed to make a move.( despite the movie being very sexual, her telling me to open the ''sex lamp'' , her going to her room for no reason and sitting on her bed while talking, i still didn't make a move..I still slept at her house but i was feeling like **** since i knew i didnt make a move. The morning comes and she says her parents are coming home soon so i get up quickly and leave without even looking at her and not even hugging her.(honestly when i left i knew id probably never see her again lol)

 

That night i text her a bit about random stuff she still seemed receptive. She then texts me ''you were weird this morning"".. i replied the next morning saying why and she says you left without even hugging or looking at me and you were not very cuddly.'' I answer my bad and we were already stuck enough as it was in your bed lol.I then asked if she was off next saturday and she said that shes working and doesn't know what time she will finish) She started being distant , but i still asked her if she wanted to do something after ,she answer me 12 hours later telling me she cant because she does't have money to do the date i suggested. At this point i knew she was avoiding so i wait 3 days to text back and i start acting freaking stupid and needy , I wrote an apology for the way i left coldly in the morning, she barely answers saying haha thanks for apologizing. I then tell her we could do something after her work and suggest something that costs less. She tells me she cant on the night i suggested. I then says we could do it on the other night after my outing with my friends. She writes'' i just don't know what to do anymore considering the situation has regressed since vacation''.

 

I then tell her that i have the impression shes getting impatient because since nothing really progressed since our vacation and i understand that i like spending time with her and love that shes independent but that i take it slow because of stuff that happened in the past and to trust me. She replies that she understand me and that shes not getting impatient she just didn't understand what i was thinking. So i tell her that we can go out on the friday unless she actually did have something planned she said that she did so i suggested that the saturday, after my outing with my friends i could go pick her up and bring her to my house.She didnt really agree at this point. i then tell her goodnight and she writes text me tomorrow. The next day i text her that i wont do the saturday date since it would be to much to drive from my house to her house twice and suggested she comes to my house after . She was taking super long to answer so i knew she wasnt' up to it at this point. So i text her forget it my outing with my friends lasts longer than i though. She answered immediately like she was relieved so ''we forget it then haha''

i reply with yep she then texts me without even asking that sunday she cant do anything as she celebrating her valentines day with her friend(this was last weekend) i then reply i couldn't anyways and wish her a good weekend and to say hi to her friend. she replies thanks you to.

 

I didn't notice how needy i was beeing as i had the impression she thought i would use her. I decided i would go no contact until she contacts me.

 

I just want a confirmation if the reason for her getting distant was me lacking the balls to actually kiss her..and have sex

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Yes.

 

Yes to the fact you didn't kiss her, it's not really about sex this early. Did you put pressure on yourself to have sex with her following a kiss or something? Because a first kiss can just yknow be a kiss.

 

I don't understand why you didn't kiss her, unless you didn't actually want to. You played with her feelings.

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Yes.

 

Yes to the fact you didn't kiss her, it's not really about sex this early. Did you put pressure on yourself to have sex with her following a kiss or something? Because a first kiss can just yknow be a kiss.

 

I don't understand why you didn't kiss her, unless you didn't actually want to. You played with her feelings.

 

i choked simple as that and i thought she would allow more time, and yeah im guessing she was at least expecting a kiss but sex was definitely not out of question.

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Yep, it sounds like you failed to act on multiple opportunities to make a move, and the girl got bored with it. By inviting you over that night her parents were gone, she was clearly giving you the green light to get it done.

 

Not only that, but then like you were less than enthusiastic about the latest date you had planned ... you backed out on what was maybe your last chance with this girl.

 

Question whether your interest level and attraction in this girl is actually that high. Because you're not acting like it is.

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She was probably wondering if you fancied her at all or just wanted cuddles. She said she didn't know what you were thinking. I assume that you didn't enlighten her at that point. Being uncertain about a person's intentions can get wearing if it goes on a long time.

 

If she's cooling off though, I think it would be because of the leaving her that morning without a cuddle or hug or anything. It would seem cold. Women who are left like that rarely forget. You did the right thing by apologising.

 

Basically, I think she's confused and has decided not to put herself into an uncertain situation again. You might as well take the risk of telling her what you really feel. She may reject you, yes, but at least she will know that you were acting contrary because you actually did like her a lot, not because you were uncertain about whether you did.

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Yep, it sounds like you failed to act on multiple opportunities to make a move, and the girl got bored with it. By inviting you over that night her parents were gone, she was clearly giving you the green light to get it done.

 

Not only that, but then like you were less than enthusiastic about the latest date you had planned ... you backed out on what was maybe your last chance with this girl.

 

Question whether your interest level and attraction in this girl is actually that high. Because you're not acting like it is.

 

No i didn't back out of the last date she didn't really accept , she told me to text her next morning and then i told her it was to much driving and i offered her another day , but im pretty sure she was finding an excuse thats why she said text me tomorrow.

 

Honestly my interest wasn't that high i took her for granted and expected her to stay despite my passive behaviour. its just now that shes going distant that i became more interested, but i went no contact last friday with her.

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She was probably wondering if you fancied her at all or just wanted cuddles. She said she didn't know what you were thinking. I assume that you didn't enlighten her at that point. Being uncertain about a person's intentions can get wearing if it goes on a long time.

 

If she's cooling off though, I think it would be because of the leaving her that morning without a cuddle or hug or anything. It would seem cold. Women who are left like that rarely forget. You did the right thing by apologising.

 

Basically, I think she's confused and has decided not to put herself into an uncertain situation again. You might as well take the risk of telling her what you really feel. She may reject you, yes, but at least she will know that you were acting contrary because you actually did like her a lot, not because you were uncertain about whether you did.

 

Yeah she said: ''I just don't know your intentions considering the situation has regressed since vacation.i just dont know what to do''

 

Than i said that im getting the impression shes getting impatient since it stalled since vacation, that i like spending time with her and love that shes independent but that i take it slow because of things that happened in the past but to trust me.

 

that was my explanation and my feelings...

 

than she said '' i understand , i just didn't know what you were thinking''

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It does sound as if you were uncertain before. I know that kind of feeling well - uncertain until they start drifting away and then suddenly thinking again.

 

Well, you could leave things uncertain and lose contact with her or you could take a more pro-active approach, tell her you are really attracted to her and that you haven't shown it up until now. Tell her you want to see her again. Make her feel wanted.

 

There is a risk she'll turn you down, especially after the no contact, but it's that or never knowing. In her situation, I'd want an explanation and to feel he really did want me and that he was going to take the initiative and be the strong one in the situation. You can be strong without being concercive or controlling. Basically, show some passion for her.

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It does sound as if you were uncertain before. I know that kind of feeling well - uncertain until they start drifting away and then suddenly thinking again.

 

Well, you could leave things uncertain and lose contact with her or you could take a more pro-active approach, tell her you are really attracted to her and that you haven't shown it up until now. Tell her you want to see her again. Make her feel wanted.

 

There is a risk she'll turn you down, especially after the no contact, but it's that or never knowing. In her situation, I'd want an explanation and to feel he really did want me and that he was going to take the initiative and be the strong one in the situation. You can be strong without being concercive or controlling. Basically, show some passion for her.

 

I think she know i have passion for her i offered 3 different date alternatives to which she all had excuses and i also told her that i didnt want her to get the impression i didn't care that enough imo.Im not gonna start chasing like crazy its counter-intuitive

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No i didn't back out of the last date she didn't really accept , she told me to text her next morning and then i told her it was to much driving and i offered her another day , but im pretty sure she was finding an excuse thats why she said text me tomorrow.

 

Honestly my interest wasn't that high i took her for granted and expected her to stay despite my passive behaviour. its just now that shes going distant that i became more interested, but i went no contact last friday with her.

 

When you're trying to pursue a girl you're interested in, you aren't going to tell her that seeing her requires "too much driving." That's a clear message of "I'm not that into this." Also, if I read your original post correctly, you later made that rejection final by telling her your time with your buddies went "longer than expected." (At that point I'm sure she already knew you two weren't hanging that night. Anyway, did you expect her to just wait around all night for your update?)

 

Kind of a rude way to handle things that makes her know she's just NOT a priority for you. Combine that with the lack of physical affection, and she has no reason to believe you're into her. Any girl in that position would be backing off at this point.

 

So if it's true that you're just not feeling this, keep doing exactly what you're doing and this will fadeout. BUt if you think you've made a mistake, you need to apologise for being weird and get more proactive about this. Take her on a real date and kiss her.

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I met this girl on vacation.During the trip i had multiple women chasing me.

 

Honestly my interest wasn't that high i took her for granted and expected her to stay despite my passive behaviour. its just now that shes going distant that i became more interested, but i went no contact last friday with her.

 

Most guys are petrified about being put into the friend zone but you placed yourself into it, why? Were you scared to lose the interest of all the other women interested in you, by choosing one?

She obviously wanted more and didn't want to be "just friends".

I know NC is a great strategy, but I'm not sure if it is appropriate here, she thought you weren't interested enough in her, so going NC will just confirm her suspicions, no?

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When you're trying to pursue a girl you're interested in, you aren't going to tell her that seeing her requires "too much driving." That's a clear message of "I'm not that into this." Also, if I read your original post correctly, you later made that rejection final by telling her your time with your buddies went "longer than expected." (At that point I'm sure she already knew you two weren't hanging that night. Anyway, did you expect her to just wait around all night for your update?)

 

Kind of a rude way to handle things that makes her know she's just NOT a priority for you. Combine that with the lack of physical affection, and she has no reason to believe you're into her. Any girl in that position would be backing off at this point.

 

So if it's true that you're just not feeling this, keep doing exactly what you're doing and this will fadeout. BUt if you think you've made a mistake, you need to apologise for being weird and get more proactive about this. Take her on a real date and kiss her.

 

I told her i couldn't go anymore because it was longer than expected during the day because she was avoiding answering ,She never accepted the date thats why i backed off before she had to.

 

Yeah to much driving i understand why it can sound like im not giving a **** but im sure even at that point she didn't want to do something, thats why she told me to text her tomorrow...in order to tell me she couldn't

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Most guys are petrified about being put into the friend zone but you placed yourself into it, why? Were you scared to lose the interest of all the other women interested in you, by choosing one?

She obviously wanted more and didn't want to be "just friends".

I know NC is a great strategy, but I'm not sure if it is appropriate here, she thought you weren't interested enough in her, so going NC will just confirm her suspicions, no?

 

The way i see it i was being needy at the end offering her date alternatives when she found excuses, generally speaking when a woman is interested she but is actually busy she will offer an alternative herself.

 

Thats why im backing out so that she remembers the good times we had and starts forgetting the bad.

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Most guys are petrified about being put into the friend zone but you placed yourself into it, why? Were you scared to lose the interest of all the other women interested in you, by choosing one?

She obviously wanted more and didn't want to be "just friends".

I know NC is a great strategy, but I'm not sure if it is appropriate here, she thought you weren't interested enough in her, so going NC will just confirm her suspicions, no?

 

And no i was just mentioning the girls Charing me to give perspective . i wasnt scared to lose them

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If the reason you didn't kiss her was a lack of confidence and she could sense that, then it might have been why she lost interest. Or she might have felt that you weren't that into her.

 

Or it could be one of 100 other reasons.

 

All you know is that she doesn't seem as interested as she used to be.

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If the reason you didn't kiss her was a lack of confidence and she could sense that, then it might have been why she lost interest. Or she might have felt that you weren't that into her.

 

Or it could be one of 100 other reasons.

 

All you know is that she doesn't seem as interested as she used to be.

 

Honestly thats what im thinking im just hoping she remembers aller the time were i was ultra confident by doing no contact

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Honestly thats what im thinking im just hoping she remembers aller the time were i was ultra confident by doing no contact

 

Well who knows. Just be honest and open (without being overbearing) and see where it goes.

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Well who knows. Just be honest and open (without being overbearing) and see where it goes.

 

Wasnt what i said enough when she asked my intentions, i then offered three différent times which she found excuses to thats , why im no contact know.

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The morning comes and she says her parents are coming home soon so i get up quickly and leave without even looking at her and not even hugging her.(honestly when i left i knew id probably never see her again lol)

 

^^^^^

I guess this was where it ended for her.

This was the clincher.

No woman wants to be totally ignored by a man who has just spent the night in her house. You treated her like you couldn't wait to get out of there, like she was just some one night stand you were embarrassed about, like she was of no value to you, like she wasn't even a human being.

This is where you lost her.

I guess she sees you as moody, as most likely uncaring, and who wants to go on a date with someone like that?

When others will be straightforward and are easy to get on with.

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^^^^^

I guess this was where it ended for her.

This was the clincher.

No woman wants to be totally ignored by a man who has just spent the night in her house. You treated her like you couldn't wait to get out of there, like she was just some one night stand you were embarrassed about, like she was of no value to you, like she wasn't even a human being.

This is where you lost her.

 

I guess she sees you as moody, as most likely uncaring, and who wants to go on a date with someone like that?

When others will be straightforward and are easy to get on with.

I apologized to her and we spent the night but didnt have sex or even kissed. Im thinking more along the lignes that she thinks im passive.

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^^^^^

I guess this was where it ended for her.

This was the clincher.

No woman wants to be totally ignored by a man who has just spent the night in her house. You treated her like you couldn't wait to get out of there, like she was just some one night stand you were embarrassed about, like she was of no value to you, like she wasn't even a human being.

This is where you lost her.

I guess she sees you as moody, as most likely uncaring, and who wants to go on a date with someone like that?

When others will be straightforward and are easy to get on with.

 

The apology was also long and sincere and she just answered thanks for saying sorry

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Jesus this made me cringe. You have so many golden opportunities to freaking kiss her, and do nothing! Man up.

 

She must really like you for putting up with your weirdness.

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Dude,

 

the way u treated this girl who u claim to like is terrible! You were cold n rude to her when she's been nothing but sweet. I'd run away from u as fast as possible too.

 

And why the hell did you never kiss her. I just cant understand it. How old are you? And is this your first kiss?

 

Anyway the first boy I liked when I was 14 I acted mean to him too due to severe insecurities. So maybe it's the same thing for u. Hope you grow out of it.

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Wasnt what i said enough when she asked my intentions, i then offered three différent times which she found excuses to thats , why im no contact know.

 

no you were not. You didn't really explain why you were so weird.

 

The truth is you were weird because you were what? Intimidated? Insecure? Overthinking it?

 

That's the truth. You can't tell her that now anyway because she already thinks you are weird. You have to let a lot of time pass and forget about her. And then someday you can joke about how no one had ever intimidated you like that in a way that's a compliment.

 

If you sent the last text don't contact her if she doesn't reply.

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Dude,

 

the way u treated this girl who u claim to like is terrible! You were cold n rude to her when she's been nothing but sweet. I'd run away from u as fast as possible too.

 

And why the hell did you never kiss her. I just cant understand it. How old are you? And is this your first kiss?

 

Anyway the first boy I liked when I was 14 I acted mean to him too due to severe insecurities. So maybe it's the same thing for u. Hope you grow out of it.

 

How was i that terrible, i sincerely apologized and she didn't seem to care that much. And i didn't kiss her because i choked. And how has she been super sweet shes been super distant....

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