SmartDude Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 I notice this on women's profile in tinder quite a bit. What does "not looking for a hookup" actually mean in woman language? I would be a fool if I took these words literally, that has already become obvious... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RedRobin Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 Pre-emptive desire to not appear 'easy'. I dunno. I figured anyone on Tinder is there precisely for a hookup. Seems like a stupid statement to me. Anyway, that's what I think when anyone says that. No need to state that. Just show with your actions. First action being... don't create an account on Tinder. lol. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 They want to date or form a relationship. They're not looking for casual one-off sex. To Ward off sleazes. Tinder isn't just for hookups, its for whatever you want it to be. I've met guys on there who want marriage. I've met some who want relationships, some casual hookups, poly, etc. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
Jessie1231 Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 It means they really don't want hook ups or at least they don't want to look like they want hook ups. I use tinder and not for hook ups, but my profile doesn't specifically say that isn't what I want. I show guys that I'm not into hook ups when we start texting and he asks for topless pics and I immediately block his number. Plenty of guys are on there just looking for sex and that is fine, I guess girls weed those guys out in their own ways. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SmartDude Posted February 1, 2015 Author Share Posted February 1, 2015 They need status updates on Tinder for women. Some choices like: 1) Horny 2) Serious 3) Don't F*&%$#@! bother me That way, guys can know what they are looking for at any given moment...and with real time updates! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 Or everyone could just learn something about social norms. ha. Even if I am looking for sex, a 'hello' and a bit of small talk wouldn't go astray! Sheesh! 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SmartDude Posted February 1, 2015 Author Share Posted February 1, 2015 Or everyone could just learn something about social norms. ha. Even if I am looking for sex, a 'hello' and a bit of small talk wouldn't go astray! Sheesh! No thats too hard. Link to post Share on other sites
EgoJoe Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 No, that's too easy and therefore we must make it difficult so as to appear as complex as we portray ourselves to be in literature. Link to post Share on other sites
Noproblem Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 They need status updates on Tinder for women. Some choices like: 1) Horny 2) Serious 3) Don't F*&%$#@! bother me That way, guys can know what they are looking for at any given moment...and with real time updates! But you won't go to the horny anyway Because that would be too easy, wouldn't it! Link to post Share on other sites
paigej91 Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 I notice this on women's profile in tinder quite a bit. What does "not looking for a hookup" actually mean in woman language? I would be a fool if I took these words literally, that has already become obvious... All it means is: "I'm looking for a relationship". "I'm looking for something meaningful." Quite simple. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 IMO, a person who's not looking for or open to a hookup doesn't use the word "hookup" on their profile. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
mario_C Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 It means "I'm not easy or a slut", or "I'm too old to play the FWB game". 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 Means just what it says. Not looking for just a hookup. There was a time everyone knew Tinder was about hookups, but seen quite a few on this board who don't know, so it's probably mixed now. Link to post Share on other sites
RedRobin Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 (edited) It means "I'm not easy or a slut", or "I'm too old to play the FWB game". Then they shouldn't be on Tinder. Everyone knows that's where you go for hookups. Even when you say you aren't, lol. They are trying to play the 'nice' girl thing hoping some naive guy will buy it and think they are top shelf. That statement for women is about as overused as the 'I'm looking for a relationship' statement that guys make online. Half of it is BS. If I found out a guy I dated used Tinder to meet women, I'd dump him.... and about not knowing Tinder is for hookups... That's partly what LS is for... to help people figure that out. ... for the guys... how many women that you've met (IRL, Tinder, or other online sites) actually meant it when they said that? Or did you end up effing on the first date anyway? Just curious. Edited February 2, 2015 by RedRobin 1 Link to post Share on other sites
labayer Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 Even if those women do look for hookups on Tinder, maybe it's not the worst idea to write that you're not looking for it. I have seen Tinder and many of my friends have it and many female friends got messages from guys that basically just said 'Hey babe, wanna hook up?' If I was interested in casual hookups I still wouldn't like to receive plain messages like that. Maybe saying you're not interested in hookups protects you a bit from this. Link to post Share on other sites
6Pack Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 Tinder's initial intent was, in fact, to be a 'hookup' app. Sort of like a straight-person's version of GRINDR. The problem though, is that straight people rarely hook-up the way gay guys do. Thy *can*, and do, hook up from time to time, but getting sex is actually more complex for straight people than for gays. So that is why it doesnt work as a hookup app for straight people like it does for gays. These days, I think most people are using Tinder for more like a type of online dating. But when women put "No hookups' on their profile, I take it to mean that they are not looking for quick anonymous one-nighter type hookups; they are more likely to be looking for something more serious, or to at least get to know a guy (even if its a little bit!) before getting physical. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
neowulf Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 Tinder is just another tool to meet people. That's it. It's not functionally different to approaching random women in a bar. What? You assume because a women is out at a bar she's only keen for random hookups? Basically, I take the meaning of that status to be; I've had a lot of guys here approach me for casual sex. That's not what I'm looking for. So to save us both time and effort, if that's what you want, I'm not the girl to ask. Simple really. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
WonderKid Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 I've seen Tinder and I don't get it. I don't feel it. You're better off going to MeetMe or DateHookup. Link to post Share on other sites
spanishchick00 Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 It means, they are not really looking for a hook-up. They are used to getting messages from guys wanting sex 24/7 and it gets tiring. I've used that on my okcupid profile-not looking for a hook-up, because guess what online dating is 90% hook-ups. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
organizedchaos Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 Then they shouldn't be on Tinder. Everyone knows that's where you go for hookups. Even when you say you aren't, lol. They are trying to play the 'nice' girl thing hoping some naive guy will buy it and think they are top shelf. That statement for women is about as overused as the 'I'm looking for a relationship' statement that guys make online. Half of it is BS. If I found out a guy I dated used Tinder to meet women, I'd dump him.... and about not knowing Tinder is for hookups... That's partly what LS is for... to help people figure that out. ... for the guys... how many women that you've met (IRL, Tinder, or other online sites) actually meant it when they said that? Or did you end up effing on the first date anyway? Just curious. I'm going on month 7 with my gf who I love and loves me. We met on Tinder. Your mileage may vary. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
RedRobin Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 I'm going on month 7 with my gf who I love and loves me. We met on Tinder. Your mileage may vary. Thanks for the info. I'd still dump a guy if I heard he was on Tinder before meeting me. I'm not into men who use hookup sites. I'd recommend any guy not wanting a woman for a relationship who does hookups to avoid getting too involved with women they meet there either. Those women can claim all day they aren't looking for a hookup, but if they are there, they are probably having them. Can't have it both ways. Just sayin. Which is fine with me. I'd rather those people stay off the legitimate dating sites. I'm glad that service exists for people who aren't looking for a relationship. There are people here who claim to have married someone they met on Adult Friend Finder. I've heard of people getting married to someone they met on Craigslist while looking for a hookup. If you and your current GF's values include possible hookups, or even started that way, then it is in line with Tinder's target market. Just don't be an idiot and say you aren't looking for a hookup if you are on there and want to be taken seriously. That's like walking into the meat department of the grocery store looking for a head of lettuce or claiming to be vegetarian. Sure, if you are just lost or desperate (hey! I heard you can sometimes find vegetables here!), then keep walking. Otherwise, ain't buying it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
organizedchaos Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 Thanks for the info. I'd still dump a guy if I heard he was on Tinder before meeting me. I'm not into men who use hookup sites. I'd recommend any guy not wanting a woman for a relationship who does hookups to avoid getting too involved with women they meet there either. Those women can claim all day they aren't looking for a hookup, but if they are there, they are probably having them. Can't have it both ways. Just sayin. Which is fine with me. I'd rather those people stay off the legitimate dating sites. I'm glad that service exists for people who aren't looking for a relationship. There are people here who claim to have married someone they met on Adult Friend Finder. I've heard of people getting married to someone they met on Craigslist while looking for a hookup. If you and your current GF's values include possible hookups, or even started that way, then it is in line with Tinder's target market. Just don't be an idiot and say you aren't looking for a hookup if you are on there and want to be taken seriously. That's like walking into the meat department of the grocery store looking for a head of lettuce or claiming to be vegetarian. Sure, if you are just lost or desperate (hey! I heard you can sometimes find vegetables here!), then keep walking. Otherwise, ain't buying it. Nope, hookups weren't part of the equation. good luck in your endeavors. Link to post Share on other sites
bolase Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 Hmm, that's twice now that you've told us how you know that Tinder is for hookups rather than say, meaningful relationships. Kinda irritating, because that is incorrect and judgmental of those who use it. IME Tinder is, at least for the age range I've been searching (25-35), representative of what guys in real life are after, romantically. Most are searching for something meaningful, some are after casual sex, some just want to flirt and chat with people they're attracted to. Two friends of mine are in serious relationships with guys they met on Tinder. I dated two guys I met on Tinder; both wanted relationships. One I ended after a few months of dating because I moved cities, and with the other we fell in love but he joined the army and it became too difficult eventually. The app is just modern technology that facilitates dating. It captures a representative subset of available guys as far as I can see. Then they shouldn't be on Tinder. Everyone knows that's where you go for hookups. Even when you say you aren't, lol. They are trying to play the 'nice' girl thing hoping some naive guy will buy it and think they are top shelf. That statement for women is about as overused as the 'I'm looking for a relationship' statement that guys make online. Half of it is BS. If I found out a guy I dated used Tinder to meet women, I'd dump him.... and about not knowing Tinder is for hookups... That's partly what LS is for... to help people figure that out. ... for the guys... how many women that you've met (IRL, Tinder, or other online sites) actually meant it when they said that? Or did you end up effing on the first date anyway? Just curious. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
kaylan Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 Then they shouldn't be on Tinder. Everyone knows that's where you go for hookups. Even when you say you aren't, lol. They are trying to play the 'nice' girl thing hoping some naive guy will buy it and think they are top shelf. That statement for women is about as overused as the 'I'm looking for a relationship' statement that guys make online. Half of it is BS. If I found out a guy I dated used Tinder to meet women, I'd dump him.... and about not knowing Tinder is for hookups... That's partly what LS is for... to help people figure that out. ... for the guys... how many women that you've met (IRL, Tinder, or other online sites) actually meant it when they said that? Or did you end up effing on the first date anyway? Just curious. Many people hook up on Tinder. And many people find exclusive dating on Tinder (myself included). And also many people have found committed relationships on Tinder. Its whatever you want it to be. Like ANY avenue you use to meet people...dating is what you make it to be. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
kaylan Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 (edited) Even if those women do look for hookups on Tinder, maybe it's not the worst idea to write that you're not looking for it. I have seen Tinder and many of my friends have it and many female friends got messages from guys that basically just said 'Hey babe, wanna hook up?' If I was interested in casual hookups I still wouldn't like to receive plain messages like that. Maybe saying you're not interested in hookups protects you a bit from this. Those are some lazy ass dudes. Being subtle is best tbh...unless you know for a fact from each other's profile that you wanna hookup soon. My profile never gave off that vibe...and most girls I talked to didnt have profiles that said they wanted to hook up right away either. Most people usually have a profile that says they are looking for new friends or dating partners, and wanna have fun with new people. I always start a convo by saying "how goes it?" or commenting on an interesting picture. Then I'll ask the girl "So what brings you to Tinder?" followed by "Hows Tinder been treating you?". She will ask me the same things, Ill answer and we'll both get a vague idea of what the other is looking for. Then comes my follow-up statements. Depending on the girl, depending on her response and depending on my intentions at the time, my follow-up responses change. Ill follow up by saying "Hmm you look like you could be some fun ;)" if Im looking for someone to just hookup with short term..and take the convo from there. Conversely Ill say "Hmm, Im just trying to branch out, and maybe meet a really cool girl to spend my free time with, ya know?" if Im looking for someone that Id date exclusively, or possibly long-term. I feel both follow-up avenues allow me to be subtle without outright stating my intentions (leaving room to go the other way if I desire). With the hookup intended follow-up, I dont always use the winky face. But if Im rebuffed or she gets suspicious, I mention something in her pics that makes her fun. For example, if shes got snowboard pics, I say "man Id love to learn how to snowboard =D". But if Im not rebuffed in any way, and she replies and says shes looking for some fun too...I just let the convo flow organically and see where it leads. And I never make obvious come-ons or give sexual compliments on her appearance starting out. Most guys already do this, and its pretty lame and expected as we all know. I myself think it can sometimes be lame when girls start throwing out the "youre really cute" or "youre pretty sexy" too early in a convo. My rule early on is to wait for a girl to give me a physical compliment before I do the same. And if I ever do give an physical compliment early on before she does...its usually to comment on how I admire a girls fitness, or hairstyle, or outfit...never sexual off the bat (unless she says it first) Ok im done lol Edited February 2, 2015 by kaylan 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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