That Guy99 Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 (edited) I posted a thread similar to this, however, I have different questions where I'm seeking some clarity on more specific things. So I was with my ex girlfriend for 3 years (broken up for 6 months). We have a 1 yr old daughter together, so no matter what, I still have to communicate with her and see her in regards to my daughter. Long story short, she was very insecure and extremely jealous; ultimately pushing me away. While I was extremely understanding and loving and patient in the beginning, after a while of realizing that no amount of logical or sincere explaining to her would ever subside her irrational ways, I just couldn't continue. We had a very rough break-up where I had felt extremely betrayed, but the whole relationship was pretty tumultuous. I acknowledged way before the end that things would never work. I just never wanted to give up because of the extreme passion I had once felt for her and I had put so much into her. And not to sound shallow, but she is absolutely perfect to me physically. I see other girls that are very attractive to me but she had literally every thing I like. She had thick thighs and a huge ass--like literally perfect. She has small boobs, but I don't care about that. Her lips were thick and sexy. And her hair was very thick and luscious. Her overall face is extremely gorgeous. Especially when she wears make-up. Now, is it abnormal for people to hold onto someone so long just because they're so physically attracted to them? I feel like other people can just go out and find someone that they're as equally attracted to as their ex, but has anyone else felt like that person literally had everything you wanted physically and that they don't know if they'll ever be able to replace it? Like she's exactly what I had always been turned on and attracted to before I even met her. It just sucks... And I know, I know, I know... I shouldn't ever just be with someone because they look good. I know that's not what love is about. But although illogical, I still have these thoughts. I just want to get some perspective from anyone who has possibly experienced a similar situation and how you moved on and how/if you found someone else you were equally or more attracted to... Now I kind of segwayed off my main topic, but in saying all of that, my ex has been contacting me the past 2 weeks about multiple things. She texted me asking if I was talking to one of her friends and said she didn't really care, but she couldn't believe ME of all people could talk to HER; implying that her friend was dumb and insinuating I was lowering my standards. Her friend told someone I was nice and she liked talking to me, but wasn't sure if she should since she's friends with my daughter's mom... Also, she texted me about me talking to and being flirty with my ex from before her, and she sent very many texts saying the relationship must have been fake and she can't believe I'm just such a different person. She went on for a while. But after saying all this, she would say she isn't attracted to me and doesn't care about me, she just has a little feeling left that will eventually fade... But then she texted me last night saying she still had the pictures of when she was in labor and I was hugging her and she was crying and we were whispering in each others ears and I was all she wanted. Then she "said I cant believe that lol"... I'm just really unclear of her motives and since she obviously still cares (otherwise she wouldn't be contacting me like this), then why does she feel a need to make sure I know she doesn't care about me if I'm going to be able to infer it from her actions anyways? And I also don't get how she can act like she doesn't want me so much, but still care? Because we tried to get back together a few months ago for a month, but she sabotaged things by acting distant and uninterested. So if she DOES care about me, then why would she do things to ruin the relationship and act like she doesn't care? Lastly, I really want to move on, yet I still have another underlying thought that is more subconscious than one I actively think about... Simply put, I want her to still have feelings for me because I want to be the one to fully move on first. I want her to have to be the one that is still pining away for me, while I'm the one that is SINCERELY moved on. It's only fair considering our relationship. I know I shouldn't even care, but I want her to always regret this and never be able to find someone that fulfills her or stimulates her like I did. She used to be absolutely OBSESSED with me, and I hope she always secretly is. I feel like she deserves it because of the way she completely ruined everything, despite all my efforts to love her through everything. I know once I find someone better I won't even care, but right now I still do. Has anyone else ever have an ex try to come back after a year, still really in love with them? Or what's the longest it usually takes for feeling for an ex to finally wear off for good? Is it possible that she will still always love me once she realizes how difficult it is to find someone else that brings her the fiery passion I brought to her? And I don't mean to sound arrogant by any means, I just feel like I could stimulate her in every facet possible. Mentally, physically, and spiritually I really did engulf her. I just hope she regrets this for a very long time, although I know that's flawed and illogical thinking. I still can't help but to think it Edited January 31, 2015 by That Guy99 Link to post Share on other sites
evanescentworld Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 You definitely need therapy. Get some. Link to post Share on other sites
Author That Guy99 Posted January 31, 2015 Author Share Posted January 31, 2015 You definitely need therapy. Get some. If I had the money I would, gladly. Link to post Share on other sites
Author That Guy99 Posted January 31, 2015 Author Share Posted January 31, 2015 If I had the money I would, gladly. And I'm acknowledging that these aren't logical thoughts, however, love has the same reaction on the brain much as a drug does; which I'm sure most people are aware of. And no longer being with someone you loved can have the same type of affects as withdrawals... There are many people that also experience the thoughts I'm experiencing, even if never outwardly admitting it. I know this because no matter how different people are as individuals, we're all still extremely similar in the way our brains work. All people--nearly all--can experience the same full gamut of emotions, regardless of their personality. And I'm certainly not the first to be in the position I'm in, so I'd like to hear from others who have also felt the ways I am. And some people may not even outwardly admit thoughts such as these, and a matter of fact, I myself have never even outwardly spoke to anyone about this. But I'm speaking to an audience of complete strangers right now, and I feel like this would be a secure place to say things I wouldn't want to say to other people who know me. If I seek closure and want to understand my own feelings, I have to be honest about the processes going on in my mind. It's not as if I want to feel these things, but as a result from everything in the relationship, I do. Link to post Share on other sites
evanescentworld Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 Get a referral by your Doctor. That wall of text is so jumbled, so convoluted and so full of too many different issues, it would take a month of sundays and at least five different threads to even begin to sort the wheat from the chaff. I'm absolutely serious about you needing to see someone. Your head is a mess. And not in a good way. Some of your comments are so irrational, unacceptable and in some cases, downright sexist, it defies unravelling.... I didn't know whether to slap you or kick your @ss.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author That Guy99 Posted January 31, 2015 Author Share Posted January 31, 2015 (edited) In what ways is anything I said "unacceptable"? Unacceptable to who, you? I'm not seeking your acceptance. And sexist? In what regards? Because I valued her so much physically? I don't claim to have ONLY been attracted to her physically, I was actually completely enamored with her mind, but after all the issues, the only thing left was the physical aspect. I don't believe that to be abnormal at all, however, I was specifically seeking advice from people on how they have moved on from an ex that they feel is a perfect match for them physically. It's one of those emotion things we talked about buddy--it's called lust. Everyone experiences this, I just happened to experience it on a profound level... And what world are you living in? Women are sexist to THEMSELVES and objectify themselves on a constant basis. I'm not sexist whatsoever. Although we live in a world where woman are CONSTANTLY given value correlating to their looks, but I'm sexist? If that's the case, mostly all of society is sexist. Men and women alike... And your threats are where you lost me. I was more than willing to engage in constructive conversation, but it sounds like you're the one that has the problem... And to give you some insight, there's MANY reasons my ex was obsessed with me. To say the VERY LEAST, if I desired, I could crush every bone in your face. So I don't need the internet tough guy talk. You would be mumbling and ****ting your pants if the mere thought of even looking at me the wrong way popped into your head while in my presence. Also, I don't need your generic and unhelpful response of "go to therapy"... Unless you're going to be sending me the money for it, shut that **** up. In addition to that, I have clearly articulated what my thoughts are, and have asked clear questions. You obviously don't have a life since you stalk this website so often, which makes me question your own current relationship status and history. I would love to analyze and dissect you, but you're not even worth the effort. Just get off my thread Edited January 31, 2015 by That Guy99 Link to post Share on other sites
evanescentworld Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 I rest my case. You are angry, resentful, confused, aimless (in the sense that you are simply not even sure where to begin) and seriously, you DO need help. I have a huge degree of sympathy for you because in this Gordian knotted fog, you actually have no idea which way to turn. This is not my problem. This is a problem with a whole host of sub-set problems and it needs sorting PROFESSIONALLY. I honestly don't think anyone here can even begin to find the end to unravel it all. I wish you well, and hope you get a resolution to this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author That Guy99 Posted January 31, 2015 Author Share Posted January 31, 2015 So you make a threat towards me, and since I responded directly to it, I'm an angry person? Your ploys are laughable. Now just scurry along and get off my thread Link to post Share on other sites
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