Winterina Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 My boyfriend is singing out loud in another room with loud music while I am totally depressed in another room. These are the moments that Im thinking if he has any EI at all. He does not have to be depressed with me or anything, but this what he is doing is like saying he does not give a damn and he is just taking care of himself, rubbing it in my face... I don't know, but it hurts me even more than the issue I am actually upset about (about something with my friend) These are the moments that I seriously dislike him and question if we are even meant to be. Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 He does not have to be depressed with me or anything. So then, what do you want? Because apparently this thread is about how it bothers you that he is singing. Maybe you're right, maybe you two aren't meant to be. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 Why are you depressed? Are you in general suffering from depression or something bad happened? Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 You weren't exactly clear... Has he already expressed his sympathy and you expect him to pout with you? Or has he simply missed it completely? You might be suffering from DRAMA, and it could be that he wants no part of it. Link to post Share on other sites
SycamoreCircle Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 Yes, you're miserable and can't communicate your need for emotional support to him. He's in the other room feeling good about life. He has no emotional intelligence. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 What are you doing to take care of your depression? Do you generally suffer from it? Sometimes it is hard for the other person to deal with a partner's bouts of depression because it can be draining and exhausting. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Winterina Posted January 30, 2015 Author Share Posted January 30, 2015 I do not need anything from him, but to sing while I am going through something is really...inconsiderate and uncaring. His singing made me feel worse. In general I am sometimes depressed, more so during the winter, short and grey days which are 99% of the days where we currently live. Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 So do you want to muzzle him then? I don't understand. Do you want the rest of the world to stop playing music then? Or for him to leave for a while? This is sounding more and more like he's not allowed to have any hint of happiness while you don't. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Winterina Posted January 30, 2015 Author Share Posted January 30, 2015 Yes, you're miserable and can't communicate your need for emotional support to him.QUOTE] We talked yesterday about my issue with my friend and he knows how I feel. So it is not the lack of communication. He knows I appreciate having him on my team. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 I do not need anything from him, but to sing while I am going through something is really...inconsiderate and uncaring. His singing made me feel worse. In general I am sometimes depressed, more so during the winter, short and grey days which are 99% of the days where we currently live. Someone passed away, you lost a pet, lost your job? I can understand if you are going through something difficult like that and he is singing in the other room. What are you going through? Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 We talked yesterday about my issue with my friend and he knows how I feel. So it is not the lack of communication. He knows I appreciate having him on my team. We are a bunch of people trying to understand how you feel and why and we can't get a clear answer out of you so maybe you didn't communicate to him as clearly as you thought. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Winterina Posted January 30, 2015 Author Share Posted January 30, 2015 So do you want to muzzle him then? I don't understand. Do you want the rest of the world to stop playing music then? Or for him to leave for a while? This is sounding more and more like he's not allowed to have any hint of happiness while you don't. Really?? The rest of the world? Or my boyfriend that I live with? Not allowed to be happy? Im happy he is happy. What are you talking about? Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 I do not need anything from him That's not true. Observe: ... but to sing while I am going through something is really...inconsiderate and uncaring. Apparently, you need him to suppress his joy, or take it elsewhere. As to inconsiderate and uncaring, I'd say it depends. If your mother just died, you'd have a point. If you and your pal just had a little quarrel, then maybe you have a point. Again, you've not said if he's already expressed some sympathy. It really depends on how serious your problem is, and how often you do this. Observe: In general I am sometimes depressed, more so during the winter, short and grey days which are 99% of the days where we currently live. Imagine how this must feel to a person who literally SINGS on those grey days. It sounds to me like you're a little emotionally deaf to him too... You've got yourself a happy guy on your hands, and if you keep this up, you're going to bring this guy down a little too often, and he's going to bolt. In my opinion, either you should learn to cheer up, or find someone a little more melancholy. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 Yes, you're miserable and can't communicate your need for emotional support to him.QUOTE] We talked yesterday about my issue with my friend and he knows how I feel. So it is not the lack of communication. He knows I appreciate having him on my team. No. He knew how you felt about your friend yesterday. He may not be aware that you are still upset. You are getting mad at him for not reading your mind & that's not fair. Turn off the computer. Walk in the other room. Turn down his music. Say I'm still upset about my friend. Can I please have a hug? If he doesn't give you one, then you have a real right to be annoyed at him but you aren't there yet. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 Really?? The rest of the world? Or my boyfriend that I live with? Not allowed to be happy? Im happy he is happy. What are you talking about? You're happy he's happy? So why does this thread exist then? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 Sometimes people like to block out things and maybe singing is his way of soothing himself. He knows you are not well, maybe losing himself in music is his way of coping. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Winterina Posted January 30, 2015 Author Share Posted January 30, 2015 He knows. I did tell him how bad it is and how I can barely breathe and I struggle for every breath. I don't need him to stop feeling happy. But to play music all day long and sing along out loud... I mean, the guy is having a party. His gf is in the other room struggling with what at the moment feels like an elephant is sitting on my chests. I don't get it. Oh well... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Winterina Posted January 30, 2015 Author Share Posted January 30, 2015 Sometimes people like to block out things and maybe singing is his way of soothing himself. He knows you are not well, maybe losing himself in music is his way of coping. I can understand that logically. But in that case, it seems like he is caring for himself without regard to what it feels like to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 It seriously might help if you said what is going on with your friend. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 He knows I appreciate having him on my team. So it seems that he is already a good support for you. Seeing how you communicate here, it could possibly be that you don't do so well in expressing how you feel and you expect him to read your mind or just be there whenever you feel he has to. Maybe he needs a break from your "issue" and moods or maybe he doesn't even know you're that upset. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Winterina Posted January 30, 2015 Author Share Posted January 30, 2015 You're happy he's happy? So why does this thread exist then? feels like he is throwing his happiness in my face right now. would you feel good if you were struggling with something and your SO was acting like the happiest guy on earth? a little sympathy wouldn't kill him. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 I can understand that logically. But in that case, it seems like he is caring for himself without regard to what it feels like to me. And what can he realistically do for you? Do you want him loitering listlessly about the house too. Many cannot deal with mental illness, many feel the need to escape, at least he is still there in the house with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Winterina Posted January 30, 2015 Author Share Posted January 30, 2015 No no, it is not about lack of communication. It is not that he does not know how I feel. He does. That's why this feels like a slap in the face. I am also often very happy when I pass by the graveyard where a funeral is being held every other week, it is someone I don't even know and don't care about, but do I sing? Ok, maybe not the best example, but you get the idea. Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 It seriously might help if you said what is going on with your friend. I don't think we need to know any more. She is prone to melancholy behavior in the winter. I won't call it depression. She has explained the latest situation to him. One of two things is true: 1) He is tone deaf to her suffering. 2) He understands she's in pain, but he's already given her all the sympathy he has to offer. He's chosen his joy over her misery. Either way, this won't last for long. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Winterina Posted January 30, 2015 Author Share Posted January 30, 2015 And what can he realistically do for you? Do you want him loitering listlessly about the house too. Many cannot deal with mental illness, many feel the need to escape, at least he is still there in the house with you. Elaine, read what I write and then comment please. No, I do not want another depressed person in the house. No I do not want him not to be happy. I just don't want him to sing out loud while I cannot even breathe, and he knows it, that is all. Do you think that this is unreasonable? Link to post Share on other sites
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