kaylan Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 (edited) My friend and I were talking about dating and relationships lately, and got on the topic of how one decides if they wanna date someone exclusively or long term. Then I decided to read some threads online. Have you ever been middling in your feelings about someone, only to really fall for them later based on how that person feels for you and treats yo? It seems being "won over" is pretty common in dating though I cant say its ever happened to me. I guess I could understand how this could happen to someone. If you already like someone a good bit, having them be really sweet on you can further things along inside you. In the last couple years Ive done more mirroring of behavior in order to keep my dating life more easy going. I try to mirror the behavior and feelings of the person Im dating, so things dont get heavy to fast (and also so we both are on the same page). For example, I mirror communication habits and I mirror the kinds of feelings we share. So I guess if a girl started opening up more, that depending on who she is, if I was a bit in the middle of the road she may help me along with how I felt. Thoughts? ****ETA: Clarification added:**** People seem to misunderstand my OP. Let me clarify: I'm talking about dating someone you like, are attracted to and have sex with...but you were initially iffy about taking things further but were later won over emotion-wise. Things were casual and fun... And you were won over for the relationship part of things. Edited January 28, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator added clarification Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 Absolutely not. I have had such great guys treat me amazingly and who adored me for me. I would be happy to be their friends but without the it factor or great passion, no thanks, I would rather have those guys as my good "friends". You can have all the friends in the world who treat you lovely lol Friendships turn into more. It happens. Guys have won women over but you know, the women are never going to find explosive sex with the man that had to "win them over" since the women in question was never that blown away by them to begin with. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 If you already like them a bit, sure. It's just part of getting to know each others' personalities, and IMO a guy who wants to treat me well is very attractive. But if there is zero attraction at the start, no. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
AVarma Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 If you already like them a bit, sure. It's just part of getting to know each others' personalities, and IMO a guy who wants to treat me well is very attractive. But if there is zero attraction at the start, no. What if he changes? For ex. goes from being lazy to taking more responsibility for his life? Is there any possibility that you may change your mind if a person changes? Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 some women may need that winning over to determine the level of commitment a guy has...so a game in other words....to me ...that woman already has feelings for the guy and is playing a pointless game......to me winning or losing involves the essence of a game....in love i prefer not to play games...when chess is much more enjoyable to have a check mate......love should be more "playing together" than against each other... if a guy treats me well, he already won and doesnt need to play ...unless he wants a go at chess ......i honestly prefer jigsaws.....done together...joint effort.......deb Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 Yeah, I'm pretty easy If a woman is cute and nice, odds are she can win me over if she tries. As long as she doesn't have any of my deal breakers things would go pretty well for her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kaylan Posted January 28, 2015 Author Share Posted January 28, 2015 Absolutely not. I have had such great guys treat me amazingly and who adored me for me. I would be happy to be their friends but without the it factor or great passion, no thanks, I would rather have those guys as my good "friends". You can have all the friends in the world who treat you lovely lol Friendships turn into more. It happens. Guys have won women over but you know, the women are never going to find explosive sex with the man that had to "win them over" since the women in question was never that blown away by them to begin with. Regarding the last part...Im not talking about sex. Just emotions here. Men and women can and do have explosive sexual chemistry with people they dont find themselves compatible with relationship-wise. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Erised Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 Yes. I can be, and have been. I was very much not into my ex, and found him unattractive. (Though looks aren't typically that important to me.) He was persistent. We were together for years. I fell very deeply into love with him. (And couldn't keep my hands off of him, either, years in.) 4 Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 No, it is off putting to me.. I've never been in doubt about how i feel about someone. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 Massively. When I already fancy and like a guy and I find out that he is loyal, has really close relationships with family and friends, considerate, etc, he grows hugely in my eyes. Most definitely. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 Regarding the last part...Im not talking about sex. Just emotions here. Men and women can and do have explosive sexual chemistry with people they dont find themselves compatible with relationship-wise. But some women like me only go for that type of chemistry. We don't care how nice a guy is, our relationships have to start out with loads of attraction. Then they win us over and well, I win them over, ideally, with our kindness/loyalty and all that stuff. It only angers me if a guy won't take no for an answer.. I get you're a nice guy, but you're not MY nice guy and never will be sort of thing... Link to post Share on other sites
Tribble Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 Yes. I can be, and have been. I was very much not into my ex, and found him unattractive. (Though looks aren't typically that important to me.) He was persistent. We were together for years. I fell very deeply into love with him. (And couldn't keep my hands off of him, either, years in.) Definitely this. I wasn't interested in my current bf at all. When I first met him, I really didn't like him actually. Then we became friends but I still wasn't interested romantically. It took a long time, and persistence from me but he 'won me over' so to speak with how great a person he is and how amazingly he treated me. I guess you shouldn't have to win anyone over but it depends on the situation. I massively had my guard up and wasn't interested in anything romantic, with anyone, which meant I was very resistant to anything developing. I'm glad he was so insistent and took the time to win me over, because I couldn't be happier. Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 Massively. When I already fancy and like a guy and I find out that he is loyal, has really close relationships with family and friends, considerate, etc, he grows hugely in my eyes. Most definitely. I don't think you're being won over if you already liked him. It's when you are neutral or less about a person, and you change your mind about him because of something he does. Personally I have never been able to win over a girl. Link to post Share on other sites
Ieris Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 Happened to me once. I wasn't attracted to the guy and told him it wasn't a date, don't fall in love with me etc. Then what happens? I end up going out with him. We made no effort to dress up and wasn't trying to impress each other then somehow managed to have a really good time... was the best non-date I've had. Maybe it worked out because there was no expectations and we were pretty relaxed about it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Omei Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 I have been "won over" My first two long-term boyfriends were not attractive at all one dressed like a emo had terrible style the second was about 300 pounds, both guys I started hanging out with as friends and something about them both just made me want to be with them over time I grew very much in love and suddenly I found them to be the hottest men on the planet. All it takes sometimes is a winning personality. tho as many know form my past history the first guy turned out to be a total douche lol 1 Link to post Share on other sites
letmoc Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 I can totally be won over. But I never date based on looks and instant chemistry, I did in my 20's but as I got older things like that matter to me very little. A good decent kind person is impossible not to fall in love with. Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 Yeah, I can. To me guys attraction and pursual is a huge turn on. I think it works differently for men though. The attraction is more primal and men don't care if you are nice, kind etc. That's in part why I cut things off when a guy is lukewarm at the start. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sunfire73 Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 I would say my bf won me over. Because I didn't feel anything for him the first few dates. He upped his game and pursued me. I saw his sincerity and he just treats me nicely, up to this day. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kaylan Posted January 28, 2015 Author Share Posted January 28, 2015 People seem to misunderstand my OP. Let me clarify: I'm talking about dating someone you like, are attracted to and have sex with...but you were initially iffy about taking things further but were later won over emotion-wise. Things were casual and fun... And you were won over for the relationship part of things. Link to post Share on other sites
Omei Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 People seem to misunderstand my OP. Let me clarify: I'm talking about dating someone you like, are attracted to and have sex with...but you were initially iffy about taking things further but were later won over emotion-wise. This is how I feel with the guy im dating now im very attracted but iffy about how far we're going to go because I see some things that are questionable about compatibility i'll get back to you in a few months if im won over lol! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 Absolutely. Woman need to feel loved, secured and respected. If you like a girl your game is to make sure she genuinely feels these things. The guy that a woman might feel passionate for might bring it in terms with chemistry but in my experience they won't always be committed or loyal. The guy that's trying to woo me knows that I've been hurt and rejected and knows that I've got issues with trust. He knows that I've only had one boyfriend and gaps in dating plus only a handful of people I've slept with. Because of that I'm afraid of rejection, being compared to and judged. He knows that that is something he has to work around despite my short comings. Going for me is a big step for him as he much prefers experienced woman. But he's willing to try and " win me over" regardless. He's not very attractive but he's patient and just looking for love. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 I think you can be won over in the sense of building trust, but that if someone simply isn't attracted to you or your personality pretty quickly, that isn't anything you can win by persistence. But yes, you can start off thinking someone is a jerk but then find out they're not so bad or it doesn't run that deep. Link to post Share on other sites
PinkElephants Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 That's how I wound up with my boyfriend. We were best friends who fooled around; I hadn't considered dating him but he'd been secretly wanting to for a while. He worked hard to change my mind and now I'm crazy about him and can't imagine it being any other way. Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 I can totally be won over. But I never date based on looks and instant chemistry, I did in my 20's but as I got older things like that matter to me very little. A good decent kind person is impossible not to fall in love with. Yeah I would fall in love with heaps of guys if I were like that. I have so many "nice and kind" guys crazy about me.. But yeah they don't win me over, lol. But yeah, I would rather not be romantic about a guy that I am not even excited about. That is what FRIENDS are for. I guess one day I will want a partner. 30 years form now lol I will settle for less than the butterflies that you seem happy to forgo. Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 Yeah, I can. To me guys attraction and pursual is a huge turn on. I think it works differently for men though. The attraction is more primal and men don't care if you are nice, kind etc. That's in part why I cut things off when a guy is lukewarm at the start. I am more emotional based - nice guys have pursued me and I know I could have fallen for them but it would never have been the same as the guys who make my heart skip a beat from the start. I would be in a loving relationship by now if I had allowed those men to win me over. But I am so happy that I chose to be single instead. I don't want to give up the search for a man who HAD to try to win me over... Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts