Trying to keep things in perspective

[lerion_12]

So, I have a bit of a problem. But first, in the interests of full disclosure, if anyones looks into the brief history of my postings to the forums, you will see that something similar to what I will talk about now has happened before.

 

Anyway, I broke off a long term relationship recently. This was for a whole host of reasons. Among which were, I moved to the country where my fiancee was living to be closer to her (after having applied to and got accepted at a job she had asked me to apply for), but she didn't wind up living in the same town in which the job is located. Instead, I wound up being quite far from her -- and a few months after I got the job and accepted the offer, she also found a job --- 6 hours or more away! So, that is one thing. Secondly, we didn't see eye to eye on religious issues. Thirdly, she wasn't entirely certain she would ever want to move out of the country we both are living in now, while I would like to have the opportunity to eventually apply for jobs elsewhere (my current position is temporary). All that said, it was a difficult decision and I did not come to it lightly. In fact, I came to make the decision because of a certain catalyst.

 

A few months before breaking things off, I met another woman (if you did read my other posts, this is not the same woman). I did not physically cheat on my fiancee at all, ever. But I believe I did emotionally cheat. This other woman and I have been in constant contact (text-messaging and face-to-face) since we have met, about 4 months now. Every day we have talked. We have gone to dinner, lunch, movies, etc. Sometimes, we have spent 7 hours talking. I told her about my fiancee about a two weeks or so into our friendship and said that I didn't want to lead her on. But this was a smokescreen really, since I had a lot of feelings for her by that point already. A few weeks after that I told her that I had a problem in being so attracted to her, despite my engagement. But we continued on from there being in constant contact. When we both visited home for the holidays, we still kept in contact (and I know she did not message anyone else from our mutual circle of friends). At one point she said we should go on a vacation sometime together (in the summer).

 

Okay, so all that happened. Then, just recently I broke off the engagement, as I said. I told this to my woman friend. But I also said that I would like to go out on a date with her. She said that she thinks we are very good friends but that she wouldn't want to date because it would just be a rebound relationship for me, and she is quite busy with her new job. I accepted that as inevitable. But I am left wondering if this is your standard 'lets be friends' response, or if it means that the timing is off and I should really just wait to see what develops. I know most people will say its just 'lets be friends'. If so, that's fine. We are already friends and I can live with that. I guess, though, I am wondering if 'lets be friends' ever actually leads to something different, down the road - any stories?

[mightycpa]

Go get yourself a new girl, and tell her you've found your rebound relationship and tell her to wait for you.

 

Her reaction should tell you everything you need to know to choose wisely.