blablabla2015 Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 I've met this guy 2 weeks ago in a friend's party and we really hit it off. He got my number and texted me the next day inviting me for a coffee. We had a great time together, talking like we knew each other for ages and felt really attracted to each other. Then at the end of the date he kissed me and it was amazing. We live 1h apart from each other and can only meet at weekends. We both live alone, which I guess would make things easier if we get a serious relationship. We met again last Sunday, had a nice dinner together, more passionate kisses, and then he went back home. He mentioned he would like for me to visit him and cook for me, but we didn't plan anything yet. Anyway, I've been letting him lead the way. We text everyday saying things like I would like to be with you, would like to kiss you, etc. Even after our first kiss he texted me asking if I liked it and I said very much so, so I have been showing interest and validation to his actions but without sounding desperate. He has been the one initiating things and planning dates, I've been in me feminine energy letting him lead the way, although some times I do text him first just to ask how his day was, because I really miss him. So, we started dating 2 weeks ago and we're really much into each other, but haven't had the exclusivity talk yet. I would like to visit him and also to invite him over to my house but I know that if that happens we'll then up doing something more than just kissing and I don't want to have sex before we become exclusive. I also don't want to be the one initiating that conversation. So, if he asks me to his place, should I go and try to avoid sex when I'm there (a bit difficult), or should I just say that it's too soon to visit him at his place (which is a bit ridiculous because we're both in our thirties), or should I just go and don't care about the outcome? It's not that I don't want to take things further and have sex with him, I do want that to happen, I just am not sure what to do because I don't want him to think I'm too easy to get!? Link to post Share on other sites
Standard-Fare Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 You shouldn't feel pressure to have sex with him even if you do go to his place. Sure, there's an expectation that you're going to fool around, but that doesn't have to mean actual sex. Just make sure he knows what sort of pace you want to take. If you're thinking it's too soon for any of that, though, plan another "external" outing for your next date. Some sort of activity. A concert, a hike, a museum, etc... something where you two can spend more time together without ending up at someone's home. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blablabla2015 Posted January 27, 2015 Author Share Posted January 27, 2015 He's not doing any kind of pressure whatsoever, it's just that we're so much attracted and connected to each other that I know that if I go to his place or if he comes to mine and we end up making out, it would be difficult to stop if you know what I mean. The thing is, I've done that in the past (the sext early when dating) and it was a mistake, too much too soon and I really like this guy and don't want to ruin things with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Standard-Fare Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 He's not doing any kind of pressure whatsoever, it's just that we're so much attracted and connected to each other that I know that if I go to his place or if he comes to mine and we end up making out, it would be difficult to stop if you know what I mean. The thing is, I've done that in the past (the sext early when dating) and it was a mistake, too much too soon and I really like this guy and don't want to ruin things with him. If that's the case then I think you gotta go with the tactic I mentioned above of keeping your dates centered around "activities" for a while. The safest bet would be to plan stuff for the daytime. Yes, it's a little awkward, and I'm sure if it continues for a while you'll need to have a conversation about why you don't feel comfortable going to his place yet. *I should add that I personally don't think it's a big deal or "rushing things" for two adults in their 30s to have sex on their 3rd/4th date, but ... I also understand your reasoning for wanting to hold back a little. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author blablabla2015 Posted January 27, 2015 Author Share Posted January 27, 2015 If that's the case then I think you gotta go with the tactic I mentioned above of keeping your dates centered around "activities" for a while. The safest bet would be to plan stuff for the daytime. Yes, it's a little awkward, and I'm sure if it continues for a while you'll need to have a conversation about why you don't feel comfortable going to his place yet. *I should add that I personally don't think it's a big deal or "rushing things" for two adults in their 30s to have sex on their 3rd/4th date, but ... I also understand your reasoning for wanting to hold back a little. Yes I agree that for two adults in their 30´s sex on the 3rd/4th date is not a big deal, to me my concern is that I really like this guy and would like to build things more on an emotional level before we get to bed if you know what I mean. I guess I can go to his place or having him at mine's and if things lead to more I can say to him I would like to wait a little more time before things progress that way, I guess his reaction to that will also show his respect for me, right? Link to post Share on other sites
Standard-Fare Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 Yes I agree that for two adults in their 30´s sex on the 3rd/4th date is not a big deal, to me my concern is that I really like this guy and would like to build things more on an emotional level before we get to bed if you know what I mean. I guess I can go to his place or having him at mine's and if things lead to more I can say to him I would like to wait a little more time before things progress that way, I guess his reaction to that will also show his respect for me, right? I've been in a couple situations where I've gone back to a guy's place but I've said something beforehand like "FYI we're not going to have sex tonight." Depends on your communication style with this guy but you could try something similar. Sorry this is becoming a two-person conversation, hopefully others chime in. Link to post Share on other sites
lovexocoach Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 Go slowly. You don't know each other very well at all after two weeks. You can keep him interested without having sex. If you go to his house I'm sure you have enough self-restraint not to have sex until all the ducks are in a row, as they say. After all, he's not pressuring you. When you decide to have sex do the "STD testing" talk first. That sets the tone and the expectation. Then the exclusivity talk naturally comes from that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RBLL Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 Steve Harvey's book "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man" has good advice on this. Wait 90 days to give up the cookie. Be sure you're both like-minded with compatible goals, expectations, personalities and values. If you take it to a sexual level too soon, you'll both ignore red flags you wouldn't otherwise. Lessons I've learned the hard way. Link to post Share on other sites
contact1 Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 Steve Harvey's book "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man" has good advice on this. Wait 90 days to give up the cookie. Be sure you're both like-minded with compatible goals, expectations, personalities and values. If you take it to a sexual level too soon, you'll both ignore red flags you wouldn't otherwise. Lessons I've learned the hard way. Really???? I cant believe anyone took that book seriously Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 Yes I agree that for two adults in their 30´s sex on the 3rd/4th date is not a big deal, to me my concern is that I really like this guy and would like to build things more on an emotional level before we get to bed if you know what I mean. I guess I can go to his place or having him at mine's and if things lead to more I can say to him I would like to wait a little more time before things progress that way, I guess his reaction to that will also show his respect for me, right? Yes. Tell him what you said above. I bolded it for you. If he isn't ok with it, you have to question whether he really wants the same thing you do. Link to post Share on other sites
Erised Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 Really???? I cant believe anyone took that book seriously I can't believe anyone would describe a mutually pleasurable experience as "the cookie." That whole attitude disgusts me. It's not a prize or something to hold out or hold up. I've never had trouble finding relationships, either, without ever using sex as a bargaining chip. (And do not regret any of my sexual experiences.) Link to post Share on other sites
Erised Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 He's not doing any kind of pressure whatsoever, it's just that we're so much attracted and connected to each other that I know that if I go to his place or if he comes to mine and we end up making out, it would be difficult to stop if you know what I mean. The thing is, I've done that in the past (the sext early when dating) and it was a mistake, too much too soon and I really like this guy and don't want to ruin things with him. Be open and tell him what you're thinking and feeling. If he likes you, he'll be willing to work around it with youand make sure -sex or not- the focus is on getting to know each other. Link to post Share on other sites
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