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She is freaked out


MrrFantastic

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First date - gold. Compliments galore from her. She commented she hadn't been this excited about a first date in a long time.

 

Second date - platinum. Dinner again..she brought me to meet her friends. Lots of kissing. We were moving along very nice.

 

Third date - unbelievable. We had dinner...drinks...went to a bar to dance..but no DJ. So...we stood at the bar..embraced each other...explored, nibbled..kissed...it was magic. It was as close to sex without having sex. We were oblivious to everyone else..just the two of us. Went back to her place...fooled abound. It was ok..we were both kind of buzzed...you know how that goes. I woke up and I felt something was amiss.

 

Today - I told her how much I enjoyed our last time together and hoped she felt the same. She said she is working through her thoughts on our last date to be honest. And she said 'I get freaked out'.

 

Did things move too fast? Is she freaked because she is falling for me? She has been burned in the past and I don't ever think she has met someone like me. I am very honest without going overboard. What does the board think? All comments welcomed. I really like her and want to continue things. Do I need to back off and give her space?

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Its a Test.

Dont talk anything about it.

 

She just wants to talk and she just wants you to listen.

I promise, you can not solve this problem (Its not even a problem)

 

Just act like she said nothing, and move on

I am 100% sure of this

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So when she calls...just listen...and don't say anything? But what if things she says require responses from me? I guess if she just shares her feelings...and I listen...see how things unfold?

 

Hmmm..that sounds easier said than done but I guess I follow.

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What does it mean when you say you felt something was "amiss?"

 

Also, what do you mean when you say your fooling around was "okay," does that mean it was less than good/ideal? You were both too drunk to enjoy it/do it well? Did it lead to sex? I'm just not sure what you mean there.

 

I also don't understand what there is to talk about. My bf and I had sex for the first time on date three. The next morning he had to jet off to work, and I had to leave for a trip, so we didn't have a lot of time to "linger" or for awkwardness. Honestly, I didn't know if I was even going to hear from him again. We had sex again on our fourth date, at his place, on a Saturday, and the next morning was a bit awkward. We probably did rush the physical stuff, and that made things feel more intimate than they really were. It was something that took a while to get over. Did we discuss it? No. What were we gonna say to each other? Hey, maybe that was a bit too quick? You can't stuff the genie back in the bottle, so to speak. So we let it be awkward for a while, and you know what? It's not awkward anymore.

 

I don't think she's playing any game with you. Let her have her time.

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What does it mean when you say you felt something was "amiss?"

 

Amiss - thru the night and the next morning I felt something wasn't quite right. Maybe I was being overly senstive..she said she was just tired.

 

Also, what do you mean when you say your fooling around was "okay," does that mean it was less than good/ideal? You were both too drunk to enjoy it/do it well? Did it lead to sex? I'm just not sure what you mean there.

 

Less than ideal...I was trying to get her off orally and stopped when she said 'I think I drank too many beers'.

 

I also don't understand what there is to talk about. My bf and I had sex for the first time on date three. The next morning he had to jet off to work, and I had to leave for a trip, so we didn't have a lot of time to "linger" or for awkwardness. Honestly, I didn't know if I was even going to hear from him again. We had sex again on our fourth date, at his place, on a Saturday, and the next morning was a bit awkward. We probably did rush the physical stuff, and that made things feel more intimate than they really were. It was something that took a while to get over. Did we discuss it? No. What were we gonna say to each other? Hey, maybe that was a bit too quick? You can't stuff the genie back in the bottle, so to speak. So we let it be awkward for a while, and you know what? It's not awkward anymore.

 

Right...I don't know...just a feeling something wasn't right afterwards. She has been burnt in the past and is very guarded. And has made comments that she isn't used to the honesty that I present. I guess I need to chill and see what happens...over thinking things.

 

I don't think she's playing any game with you. Let her have her time.

 

Yup. All I can do.

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Daisy-oliviaWentcher

She freaked out because she's been hurt and burnt alive. Plus she might have based her experiences on one or two people. For some, when someone has a good experience and it is completely different to their previous "bad experiences" they expect that if they fall in love there will be nothing to land on if everything turns to custard. She's freaking out because you are different to what she's experienced before and she's freaking out because she might like you and she's freaking out possibly because then it might mean " being vulnerable". I have the same issue. It's common. The question is, is that if she keeps pushing you away a bit because she is " freaked out, overwhelmed" are you going to support her when she has these dilemmas and moments? For some people falling in love is costly if the damage that has previously been done is very deep.

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OMG...she could have written this. This is her to a tee.

 

I like her very much and want to have a relationship with her. How do I deal with this without doing too much but enough to let her know I understand and care. She never called me last night. I'm not sure if I should call her...text? Or just step back and let her initiate contact.

 

I could use some good advice here.

 

Thank you.

 

She freaked out because she's been hurt and burnt alive. Plus she might have based her experiences on one or two people. For some, when someone has a good experience and it is completely different to their previous "bad experiences" they expect that if they fall in love there will be nothing to land on if everything turns to custard. She's freaking out because you are different to what she's experienced before and she's freaking out because she might like you and she's freaking out possibly because then it might mean " being vulnerable". I have the same issue. It's common. The question is, is that if she keeps pushing you away a bit because she is " freaked out, overwhelmed" are you going to support her when she has these dilemmas and moments? For some people falling in love is costly if the damage that has previously been done is very deep.
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So...I discovered after our last time together she has been back on two dating sites. I didn't hear from her so I sent a friendly text...blah blah blah..how are you doing, etc. She seemed upbeat, like nothing happened. I think asked her if she still felt 'freaked'. She said 'I'm alright, I guess.' I then texted her 'Trivia night..Thursday?'. Or would you prefer to continue looking to meet other men on OKC and POF. She replied 'was on the phone with my folks. Thursday sounds good. I haven't ruled anything out, takes me time to figure things out.

 

:(

 

Anyone care to explain this to me.

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I can relate to this.

 

First off, the two of you are not exclusive, so as bad as it might feel to find out she's still looking around online, you don't have claim to her at this point.

 

I've been where she is. I've been with my bf for almost five months now, but at the beginning, I was skittish as hell. We kissed/made out on our second date. I liked him, but I too, "freaked out." I immediately lined up dates with two other men—one who I dated a bit early last year, and also a brand new guy—somehow, I couldn't quite, "go there" with my now-boyfriend, that took time. It didn't progress further with either of the other gentlemen, and I didn't look around anymore after that, but it still took me quite a while to settle into dating him. I'm glad I stuck around, because I am absolutely over the moon about him. My guess is that this girl does genuinely like you, but is afraid of settling into anything more serious at this moment.

 

I guess what you need to decide is if you're willing to date someone who's open to multi-dating in the beginning. Were you sincere in your offer to go to trivia, or were just trying to bring up her online dealings in a roundabout way?

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I can relate to this.

 

First off, the two of you are not exclusive, so as bad as it might feel to find out she's still looking around online, you don't have claim to her at this point.

 

I've been where she is. I've been with my bf for almost five months now, but at the beginning, I was skittish as hell. We kissed/made out on our second date. I liked him, but I too, "freaked out." I immediately lined up dates with two other men—one who I dated a bit early last year, and also a brand new guy—somehow, I couldn't quite, "go there" with my now-boyfriend, that took time. It didn't progress further with either of the other gentlemen, and I didn't look around anymore after that, but it still took me quite a while to settle into dating him. I'm glad I stuck around, because I am absolutely over the moon about him. My guess is that this girl does genuinely like you, but is afraid of settling into anything more serious at this moment.

 

I guess what you need to decide is if you're willing to date someone who's open to multi-dating in the beginning. Were you sincere in your offer to go to trivia, or were just trying to bring up her online dealings in a roundabout way?

 

I was sincere in my offer for trivia night and I wanted to let her know about her online dealings. I too have opportunities to pursue other women online but haven't...until now. Time to rethink things.

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Sounds like you're approaching things the right way. Good for you.

 

Continue to woo her and romance her...but go slowly. Be both her friend and her romantic interest.

 

Don't overwhelm her or she'll feel pressured.

 

I wouldn't bring up OKC and POF again until the time is right and you want to be exclusive - then it's time (for both of you) to take down the profiles.

 

I realize it's a bummer to know she's still checking out OKC and POF but if you do it right she'll fall for you.

 

Since you're not exclusive, it's your choice whether to date other women or pursue her until you're exclusive.

 

I'd advise no more intimacy when either of you have had too many beers/drinks. Make it special. Make her feel special.

 

This isn't about getting her in bed or having sex with her. It's about getting to know her and deepening the relationship.

 

That takes time. Don't rush it. Let things progress and happen naturally.

 

I hope it works out the way you want it to. Good luck!

Edited by lovexocoach
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I think she is already falling for me. Based on what has happened..each time together more intense than the last. And I know she has been hardened by past experiences...less trusting. Hence her 'freak out' moment.

 

Damn...why can't this be easy? I like you..you like me...let's be together and **** everything else...lol!!!

 

Sounds like you're approaching things the right way. Good for you.

 

Continue to woo her and romance her...but go slowly. Be both her friend and her romantic interest.

 

Don't overwhelm her or she'll feel pressured.

 

I wouldn't bring up OKC and POF again until the time is right and you want to be exclusive - then it's time (for both of you) to take down the profiles.

 

I realize it's a bummer to know she's still checking out OKC and POF but if you do it right she'll fall for you.

 

Since you're not exclusive, it's your choice whether to date other women or pursue her until you're exclusive.

 

I'd advise no more intimacy when either of you have had too many beers/drinks. Make it special. Make her feel special.

 

This isn't about getting her in bed or having sex with her. It's about getting to know her and deepening the relationship.

 

That takes time. Don't rush it. Let things progress and happen naturally.

 

I hope it works out the way you want it to. Good luck!

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Oh...I will. It was a very interesting night. When we were in the bar we were all over each other..embracing, kissing, nibbling, like we were the only two people in the place. Very intimate and passionate. When we got back to her place I was inside her then decided to stop and go down on her. After some serious effort on my part and hearing from her 'too much beer' I ran out of gas and went to sleep with her.

 

Looking back...I should have slammed the **** out her.

 

:D

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OP, I am going through almost the EXACT same thing right now. I am trying to find that balance of being supportive but giving her some space at the same time. I am a bit confused about what to do. It is incredibly frustrating for things to be going so well then take a quick turn and feel a bit uncertain/uncomfortable.

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I hate to suggest this, but maybe you didn't cut the mustard in the "fooling around" portion of the evening, and she doesn't want to tell you that.

 

When it's really good, the next morning should naturally pick up where last night left off, shouldn't it?

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Alright. Somebody set me straight here please.

Granted there are no dating sites in my stitch but...

 

So if I am going to date more than one man in hopes that I meet the one man, am I to expect these men plural to just be at my beck and call when I feel like having a date with one? As fun as that sounds in my head, even I think that, that is a bit selfish.

 

If I decide that one of the however many men I have gone on a couple of dates with revves my engine then I would let the others know, respectfully, that I have decided to pursue said individual and wish the others well.

I would expect the same in return if the feelings were mutual.

All of this would happen before riding him, or the others, like a bull. :o

 

Am I wrong in thinking this way? Because so far, things are pretty great the way I've chosen to do things.

No games

No drama

Lots of fun*

CiH*

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Alright. Somebody set me straight here please.

Granted there are no dating sites in my stitch but...

 

So if I am going to date more than one man in hopes that I meet the one man, am I to expect these men plural to just be at my beck and call when I feel like having a date with one? As fun as that sounds in my head, even I think that, that is a bit selfish.

 

If I decide that one of the however many men I have gone on a couple of dates with revves my engine then I would let the others know, respectfully, that I have decided to pursue said individual and wish the others well.

I would expect the same in return if the feelings were mutual.

All of this would happen before riding him, or the others, like a bull. :o

 

Am I wrong in thinking this way? Because so far, things are pretty great the way I've chosen to do things.

No games

No drama

Lots of fun*

CiH*

While this sounds great and I agree with you in theory, a lot of people can't resist the temptation of the next best thing out there that dating sites offer and never give someone a full chance.

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While this sounds great and I agree with you in theory, a lot of people can't resist the temptation of the next best thing out there that dating sites offer and never give someone a full chance.

 

Aahhhh, after reading here, I decided to not do the dating site online thing, so maybe that has saved me OP's scenario totally!

 

But in theory... it does work. ;)

CiH*

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Right. GIGS...grass is green syndrome. I see her on POF now. She doesn't know that I know. Right now I am 'this close' to busting her and tell her cya.

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Right. GIGS...grass is green syndrome. I see her on POF now. She doesn't know that I know. Right now I am 'this close' to busting her and tell her cya.

 

 

Sincerely, I think you should let her go until she decides what she wants. By then, even if that is you, you may have met someone even better! :)

She isn't being very forthright with you it seems...

CiH*

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Sigh...yes...I agree. I'm going to call her out now and say goodbye.

 

But first I'm going to have a little fun with her. ;)

Sincerely, I think you should let her go until she decides what she wants. By then, even if that is you, you may have met someone even better! :)

She isn't being very forthright with you it seems...

CiH*

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