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He's sending me weird texts - what on earth?!


SaraSnow

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I met a guy at a bar a couple of weeks ago, and he asked for my number. So we have been texting a fortnight.

 

Hes a few years older than me, and hes in a well paid, respectable job. I'm on a low wage job in an office, but have been attending interviews for much better jobs. I am very ambitious, but it's not something I like to shout about. (I'm not sure why, maybe i'm scared i'll fail, plus i've had a lot of setbacks as well. I prefer not to have to tell everyone about them!). In short, having a career is very important to me, and I know where I want it to go, sort of.

 

So I mentioned my job interviews to him briefly. We were due to meet up last weekend, but he cancelled the day before due to having to go see his family. He didn't go into much detail and he wasn't particularly apologetic. He also didn't ask to reschedule. So, I begin to think he's just not that interested.

 

I tell him not to worry about it. He continues to text me back, and I am quite brief in replying and I take a day r two between texts. Then he starts asking me all these Qs about my career, what plans I have etc.

 

I find it odd, because it's quite a personal thing to bring up over text (I'd have thought - why not just ask me out and ask these Qs?). I laughed it off and just said it felt like I was in an interview again - a.k.a that info is none of your business!

 

I am thinking the following;

 

1.I have mentioned an interview a attended recently - is he just trying to stay on this topic of conversation, as we've run out of other things to talk about?

2. He thinks i'm some sort of gold digger.

 

What do you guys think?

 

Is this a usual thing to bring up in a conversation over text?

 

I'm a pretty reserved person, so this could just be me being overly introverted about it.

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Have you run out of things to talk about?

 

Asking about money and career plans.......Not that interesting at the beginning. You should still be talking about the latest `Arctic Monkeys` song.

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Have you run out of things to talk about?

 

Asking about money and career plans.......Not that interesting at the beginning. You should still be talking about the latest `Arctic Monkeys` song.

 

Well, there are lots of things I'd like to talk about with him (though I'm not an Arctic Monkeys fan! :p)

 

But I see texts as being for brief, informational stuff. Really, if he wants to know this about me, shouldn't he be asking me to reschedule the cancelled date?

 

I'm being deliberately brief (though pleasant, not rude), to try and get him to pick up on this.

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Canceling a date with a woman because he has to visit his family…..hmmm.Based on your post, you do seem to go a bit overboard talking about how you’re trying to find a better job and better yourself. Maybe he picked up on that, maybe your mention wasn’t as brief as you think it was. So that’s what he’s focusing on.Reply that you prefer to use texting for making arrangements, not for actual discussions about your interviews and career aspirations.

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Well, there are lots of things I'd like to talk about with him (though I'm not an Arctic Monkeys fan! :p)

 

But I see texts as being for brief, informational stuff. Really, if he wants to know this about me, shouldn't he be asking me to reschedule the cancelled date?

 

I'm being deliberately brief (though pleasant, not rude), to try and get him to pick up on this.

 

Become one. (Soon)

 

Yes he should be sitting across you and asking you these things as you have not known him for long.

 

Maybe give him a bell and ask when you can meet again? Does not hurt to ask.

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I don’t see you as a gold-digger, and I don’t think he did. But you came across as thinking “Oh, this guy has a good job, so I better make sure he knows I’m also trying to get a good job so I can be worthy of him spending time with me”.

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Canceling a date with a woman because he has to visit his family…..hmmm.Based on your post, you do seem to go a bit overboard talking about how you’re trying to find a better job and better yourself. Maybe he picked up on that, maybe your mention wasn’t as brief as you think it was. So that’s what he’s focusing on.Reply that you prefer to use texting for making arrangements, not for actual discussions about your interviews and career aspirations.

 

 

I so agree with this. I hate having any kind of serious conversation over text. Unless it's with my girlfriends, I seriously avoid it with a guy or I keep it light-hearted...it's just a recipe for misinterpretation in my book. Everything sounds more intense in a text.

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I don’t see you as a gold-digger, and I don’t think he did. But you came across as thinking “Oh, this guy has a good job, so I better make sure he knows I’m also trying to get a good job so I can be worthy of him spending time with me”.

 

Ah maybe...

 

The thing is, I have a lot of friends in his line of work,so I was never intimidated by him. Plus I know how hard working I am - I have faith I'll get to where I want to be (eventually!)

 

A good career is a genuine priority of mine, very much so, so it wouldn't have a subconscious thing.

 

But I didn't really focus on it much, it was more a case of ;

"what are you doing today"

"I have an interview etc."

"oh good luck"

 

But you have a good point

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If a guy is really interested he doesn’t just text for 2 wks, and he doesn’t cancel a first date with her in order to spend time with his family. Could be he just wants to be your interview coach/career counselor.

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If a guy is really interested he doesn’t just text for 2 wks, and he doesn’t cancel a first date with her in order to spend time with his family. Could be he just wants to be your interview coach/career counselor.

 

oh :( that's a shame

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Sounds like you're insecure, and you're looking to be on a equal playing field with this man, career wise.

 

 

oh gosh, that's not it at all. He's in a completely unrelated field.

 

I just went into that much info for context! This isn't stuff I have actually said to him!

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Sounds like you're insecure, and you're looking to be on a equal playing field with this man, career wise.

 

Exactly what I was thinking. And, thst shouldn't be a concern if she wants to date him.

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Exactly what I was thinking. And, thst shouldn't be a concern if she wants to date him.

 

noo, you've misunderstood! I just wanted to give some context - I have barely mentioned my career plans to him - he has brought it up more than I have! And I have avoided the topic.

Hence why I posted here, as I thought it was an odd thing to focus on.

 

His career his completely unrelated to mine.

 

Plus I do actually think I have a lot of nice attributes to bring to a relationship, other than my salary and career.

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He's definitely not that into you.

 

If a man is into a woman, he doesn't can first dates. And, in the rare instance that he finds himself double booked.... He would call you to cancel, he'd apologize and then he'd set up another date. He'd make it known that he was really sorry and that he was still really interested in grabbing your attention !

 

Please don't reply to his text...say " hey, I don't think this is going to work out. All the best " and then block his number.

 

It will lower your self esteem if you give these guys who are just not that into you the time of day....... it will come back to bite you when you end up in one sided relationships with men who are only with you until something better comes along.

 

It is best to just cut contact the with guys like this ASAP.

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He's definitely not that into you.

 

If a man is into a woman, he doesn't can first dates. And, in the rare instance that he finds himself double booked.... He would call you to cancel, he'd apologize and then he'd set up another date. He'd make it known that he was really sorry and that he was still really interested in grabbing your attention !

 

Please don't reply to his text...say " hey, I don't think this is going to work out. All the best " and then block his number.

 

It will lower your self esteem if you give these guys who are just not that into you the time of day....... it will come back to bite you when you end up in one sided relationships with men who are only with you until something better comes along.

 

It is best to just cut contact the with guys like this ASAP.

 

Yeah, that is what I was thinking.

 

But I feel it's too rude to ignore him, and when I go to type a message like the one you mentioned, I just feel a bit like "Gosh, he's going to think i've overreacted massively".

 

I just feel irritated when I get a text from him now!

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I guess if he is still texting you he is still interested.

He picked up on the interview stuff so he is maybe just trying to show you he was listening to you when you mentioned it and is not merely trying to pry.

You are obviously defensive about the interviews, but I doubt he was asking about them to upset you.

 

If you get the chance and you are still interested in him, answer his texts a bit sooner, do not be so brief, and bring the subject around to perhaps going on a date again.

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If you get the chance and you are still interested in him, answer his texts a bit sooner, do not be so brief, and bring the subject around to perhaps going on a date again.

 

You think so? The consensus on this forum seems to be that, if he cancels, that's it, move on because he doesn't like you.

 

Now I don't know what to think :(

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Yeah, that is what I was thinking.

 

But I feel it's too rude to ignore him, and when I go to type a message like the one you mentioned, I just feel a bit like "Gosh, he's going to think i've overreacted massively".

 

I just feel irritated when I get a text from him now!

 

You should feel irritated !

 

You clearly were excited about him when you two met. You wouldn't have made a thread about hhim if you weren't interested. I have had guys like him.. canceling a date last minute because they " have lunch with their mum " and then they don't bother to re schedule. ...... but they continue to text. ...He will probably ask you Iif you would like to " hang out ":sick:

 

Every guy who's ever done as this guy did to you, were NOT into me. They thought I was hot enough for sex so they texted me to begin with, after we first met... they texted me and said they were interested and yet they me never called or texted me to set up a proper date. One of them would have the audacity to text me whenever he was in my area working security. .He'd tell me to come to his work to talk and for a locker room romp. He'd never ask me out on a proper date and yet he'd tell me that he wanted a rrelationship with me. I never did agree to meet him and I eventually told him to please lose number. He agreed.

This is the sort of set up that awaits you if you continue texting this guy... When andman meets a woman that he has good chemistry with and he is excited about her, he has the potential to fall in love with her. When a guy meets a girl who he does that feel sufficient fire in his heart for, he never usually gets excited or infatuated with her. The way a guy feels from the outset tends to be the way he always feels about a girl.

 

I get that he's busy. We are all busy. But I'd say that he wasn't very excited about meeting you, or else he would be really bothered about meeting you again...He'd really be excited to see you and if he had to cancel, he'd be sure to lock you down again ASAP. ..I have never met a guy who was really into a girl he met at a bar only to cancel plans for family reasons and without re scheduling. .....there's probably a 1% chance that this guy is into you or excited about having met you. Even in the early dating stages, there are some pretty sure signs that indicate a man's interest level. There ARE exceptions, however; in general, the signs that a guy displays early on are nearly always indicative of his interest level.

 

Yes there are instances where a guy doesn't start out as very into you, only to change his mind a few dates later...which would explain why they may have shown lukewarm in the first most earlys stages ( because they were lukewarm !)

 

You can opt to give this guy a chance..see if his interest in you grows over time. But make no mistake....He just isn't into you yet, based on what he saw of you at the bar and via text so far......

 

Many on here will tell you that it doesn't matter whether or not a guy is into you from the start. They will tell you that most guys aren't into a girl after one date, and that it takes time for a guy to be into you.

 

In my experiences, the guys who are like this at the start never do become infatuated or crazy about you... they just don't. If after the first kiss and sex, a guy isn't really into you, he never will be. At best, he'll want a drama free non passionate relationship that is all about building a companionship out of necessity.. He may grow to love you as a person, but when a guy lacks chemistry for a girl in the early stages, they never end up falling deeply in love with said girl.

 

I'd cut him off now, as I do other guys who come out of the wood works and want sex but don't consider me goof enough to date. I tell them to please lose my number and I wish them all the best. They usually say " OK x" and leave me alone after that.

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You think so? The consensus on this forum seems to be that, if he cancels, that's it, move on because he doesn't like you.

 

Now I don't know what to think :(

 

 

He met you at a bar and wanted to hear from you again ! I'm sure he liked you; on a low level, he must have thought you were attractive or else he wouldn't bother with you....and he pprobably thinks you're a nice person..

 

It's not that these guys don't like us... they just aren't excited about us. They don't like us eenough to pick upttheir phones and arrange regular dates that they stick to.

 

Please ignore people who tell you " hey, well maybe YOU need to show interest !"

 

When a man is excited about a girl he meets, he shows it. Men are simple. They go after what it is they want.

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He met you at a bar and wanted to hear from you again ! I'm sure he liked you; on a low level, he must have thought you were attractive or else he wouldn't bother with you....and he pprobably thinks you're a nice person..

 

It's not that these guys don't like us... they just aren't excited about us. They don't like us eenough to pick upttheir phones and arrange regular dates that they stick to.

 

Please ignore people who tell you " hey, well maybe YOU need to show interest !"

 

When a man is excited about a girl he meets, he shows it. Men are simple. They go after what it is they want.

 

I would normally agree with you on this, pretty much exactly.

 

However this logic hasn't served me well previously. For example, I met a guy (a friend's brother), at her birthday party. We got drunk and hooked up.

 

I wasn't particularly interested in him - after all, a one night stand rarely leads to anything, I wasn't looking for a boyfriend at that time and it's not exactly a great story to tell people how you met.

 

So anyway, he aggressively pursued me - he had gotten my number off someone, text me to offer me a lift home (we lived in the same city and were both visiting her), he asked me out with 48 hours AND had added me on Facebook. At the time I thought, "Crikey, he must be really interested".

 

So I saw him for about 3 months, fairly casually. Then suddenly he stops responding to my texts and starts dating another girl.

 

SO in this case, the whole "if a guy is into you, he just goes for it", didn't really help me out.

 

Again, this happened with a previous boyfriend. He was a mutual friend, approached me first at another birthday party. I wasn't interested at all. A year and a half later, I move in with said mutual friend. My ex comes round constantly. He is dying of the flu, but comes out on an arranged double date with our mutual friend. However, 5 months later he breaks up with me because, essentially, he wasn't ready for a relationship.

 

So I guess the point i'm making is that, being aggressively pursued is not always indicative of genuine, sustainable interest. And if this is the case, I would assume the opposite would apply also - not being aggressively pursued does not mean he isn't in to you (honestly, I have some male friends who are extremely shy and have been in love with girls but never acted on it).

 

In terms of never getting excited about someone if you weren't excited about them initially... it took me a year and a half for me to even consider my ex boyfriend - I wasn't attracted to him at all initially. He turned out to be someone I felt very strongly about and I was devastated when he broke up with me. Or do you reckon men are totally different in this respect?

 

I guess my previous 2 experiences have made me feel a little less inclined to take such a hard lined approach.

 

Dating can be such a minefield to navigate!

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I would normally agree with you on this, pretty much exactly.

 

However this logic hasn't served me well previously. For example, I met a guy (a friend's brother), at her birthday party. We got drunk and hooked up.

 

I wasn't particularly interested in him - after all, a one night stand rarely leads to anything, I wasn't looking for a boyfriend at that time and it's not exactly a great story to tell people how you met.

 

So anyway, he aggressively pursued me - he had gotten my number off someone, text me to offer me a lift home (we lived in the same city and were both visiting her), he asked me out with 48 hours AND had added me on Facebook. At the time I thought, "Crikey, he must be really interested".

 

So I saw him for about 3 months, fairly casually. Then suddenly he stops responding to my texts and starts dating another girl.

 

SO in this case, the whole "if a guy is into you, he just goes for it", didn't really help me out.

 

Again, this happened with a previous boyfriend. He was a mutual friend, approached me first at another birthday party. I wasn't interested at all. A year and a half later, I move in with said mutual friend. My ex comes round constantly. He is dying of the flu, but comes out on an arranged double date with our mutual friend. However, 5 months later he breaks up with me because, essentially, he wasn't ready for a relationship.

 

So I guess the point i'm making is that, being aggressively pursued is not always indicative of genuine, sustainable interest. And if this is the case, I would assume the opposite would apply also - not being aggressively pursued does not mean he isn't in to you (honestly, I have some male friends who are extremely shy and have been in love with girls but never acted on it).

 

In terms of never getting excited about someone if you weren't excited about them initially... it took me a year and a half for me to even consider my ex boyfriend - I wasn't attracted to him at all initially. He turned out to be someone I felt very strongly about and I was devastated when he broke up with me. Or do you reckon men are totally different in this respect?

 

I guess my previous 2 experiences have made me feel a little less inclined to take such a hard lined approach.

 

Dating can be such a minefield to navigate!

 

The forum has been telling Leigh87 for months that fiery chemistry is not always necessary for a lasting relationship, some relationships are slow burners.

It seems some want to dismiss everyone out of hand, for the slightest little thing, and to my mind, it is then hardly surprising some will end up alone.

 

I have no idea if this guy is a waste of space or not, but if you want him you need to show some interest, otherwise he will just fade.

 

On LS a while back a guy posted about a girl who said she couldn't go on their second date because she had "a family problem", he was told to dump her, block her, a waste of time and space, etc. etc.

He obviously didn't block her and found out from her later that her grandmother was genuinely seriously ill and subsequently died.

Not everyone is a flaker or up to no good.

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The forum has been telling Leigh87 for months that fiery chemistry is not always necessary for a lasting relationship, some relationships are slow burners.

It seems some want to dismiss everyone out of hand, for the slightest little thing, and to my mind, it is then hardly surprising some will end up alone.

 

I have no idea if this guy is a waste of space or not, but if you want him you need to show some interest, otherwise he will just fade.

 

On LS a while back a guy posted about a girl who said she couldn't go on their second date because she had "a family problem", he was told to dump her, block her, a waste of time and space, etc. etc.

He obviously didn't block her and found out from her later that her grandmother was genuinely seriously ill and subsequently died.

Not everyone is a flaker or up to no good.

 

I am enjoying this debate though :laugh:

 

Yeah, I guess in the world of dating there are so many time wasters, to take a hard lined approach just cuts out any rubbish and saves a lot of rejection - but at the same time, risks probably losing some good opportunities too.

 

I have seen friends who will text and text a guy and get upset when they don't hear from him, and I would be face palming massively.

 

But then on the other hand, I wonder how many opportunities I lost, with my previous approach - which ultimately did not get me the relationship I wanted.

 

I think for now I will give him the benefit of the doubt - it doesn't cost me much to send a polite text every couple of days or so. If his interest is genuine, he'll eventually act on it. If not, he'll eventually leave me alone. it's a win win situation either way.

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I am enjoying this debate though :laugh:

 

Yeah, I guess in the world of dating there are so many time wasters, to take a hard lined approach just cuts out any rubbish and saves a lot of rejection - but at the same time, risks probably losing some good opportunities too.

 

I have seen friends who will text and text a guy and get upset when they don't hear from him, and I would be face palming massively.

 

But then on the other hand, I wonder how many opportunities I lost, with my previous approach - which ultimately did not get me the relationship I wanted.

 

I think for now I will give him the benefit of the doubt - it doesn't cost me much to send a polite text every couple of days or so. If his interest is genuine, he'll eventually act on it. If not, he'll eventually leave me alone. it's a win win situation either way.

 

Speaking of lost opportunities, many months ago I met a guy at a bar, again. We kissed, he got my number. Turned but I'd kissed him at a club about a year before but had no memory of it (and I don't go around kissing a lot of random boys!)

 

He'd remembered who I was though. We text for what felt like ages. Eventually he asked me out, but it was last minute and A.) I genuinely was unavailable and B.) felt indignant that I was asked out last minute.

 

So I said I couldn't - this happened twice.

 

Eventually I asked him if he wanted to meet up - I can't even remember what he said, I think he agreed but was out of town for a few weeks.

 

Anyway he didn't respond to anything after that, so I gave up.

 

A few months later and I bump into him at a bar. I'm holding hands with my ex, and this guy gives me the biggest puppy dog eyes you've ever seen.

 

So the next day, out of curiosity, I just ask him what had happened that he stopped responding. He just said he got bored of waiting around.

 

At the time I didn't care, I was with my ex. But this guy seemed sweet, honestly the puppy dog eyes could've broken your heart. It makes me wonder now what might've been if I hadn't been so hard lined and taken the "he has to pursue me and ask me out" approach.

 

I'm in my early/mid twenties so I guess a lot of the guys I'm dating, still haven't quite worked out women and dating yet.

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