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Are girls turned off by this question?


VedderisBetter

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VedderisBetter

I was talking to a girl I met on match.com and the first night of talking we exchanged numbers. Two days after we started talking, I asked her if she's told any of her friends and family about me as in she was excited. She responded with the fact that we had only been talking a few days so she hadn't. I just told her I'm a curious person. Do you think she was less interested after this? I figured she enjoyed talking to me because most of her texts were lengthy paragraphs so I just thought I'd ask her. She asked a somewhat off question to me lol when we first texted: She asked if she could have a current pic of me because she's never tried online dating and wanted to make sure I was who I said I was. I asked her if she thinks I'm from Turkey and she laughed lol.

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acrosstheuniverse

Yeah it would be a turn off. I mean, who talks to their friends or family about a random guy they met online two days ago? I might discuss it when gossiping with my best friend about our dating exploits, in a casual 'yeah and there's this guy too' like we did when we were single, but that's about it.

 

Comes across like you're a little desperate, because you've placed such a potentially serious amount of meaning on you guys talking so soon. You should both be casual at this point, enjoy talking to each other and make a plan to meet, but that's it. I would wonder how inexperienced a guy was if he asked whether I was speaking to other people about him. Why would I be? Gives the impression that maybe you've been talking about HER to other people too. Get the girl on a real face to face date.

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VedderisBetter

Across the Universe, I actually did mention to her about a date. I said texting you can only get a glimpse of someone. I think she agree because she did say we could maybe go out next weekend, she just said she has to check her schedule when she got home tonight. She went out with her friend tonight, so I'm not going to ask her about it until later in the week maybe Weds or Thurs.

 

Jeff, since when do imaginary friends count as "everyone?" You must've been bullied as a child and still are. Maybe you were the bully. Get a life, man. Trying to insult strangers is not only weird but pathetic.

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I would find that a very weird question.

 

 

I only mention someone if I go on a date and that is only for safety reasons so that a couple of people know where I will be.

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I will echo the other members and say yes, I would be turned off by this question. It would make me think you are way ahead of yourself and I'd put you on my cligny alert list.

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What Gaeta said.

 

Early conversations with someone is just reconnaissance and nothing else, regardless of how the "length of paragraphs" being written.

 

When I was doing OLD, there was a point where I was having upwards of a dozen convos at one time with guys. That part is the work; the weeding-out of potentials, the elevating of some to potential phone calls or coffee meet-and-greets.

 

Did I ever share with friends and family that there was any one particular guy I was talking to more than another? Nope. Not until there was a third or fourth date did I bother engaging my inner circle of the knowledge there was a potential suitor.

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That kind of question gives off the impression that you are insecure, OP. Especially that early-on. (Although I wouldn't recommend asking it at any time. In my experience, the woman eventually just discloses that info on her own accord.)

 

Keep the convo casual, fun and lighthearted for a little while. Just get to know each other a bit and see if you enjoy each other's company and if there's a connection. That's kinda the point of dating. Heck, that's basic social skills when interacting with any new person online or offline in most non-business situations (dating or otherwise).

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princessdreamz

I don't think it's strange. It was just a question. She could have told her family/friends about you just to say she was texting some guy off a dating site....

 

But yes, in the future, I would hold off asking such a question.

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No reason for her to tell friends and family. She probably thought your question was strange. She said "maybe" and "I'll have to check my schedule"? Lame. Sorry but she is not excited about you. Move on.

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Your question was weird, hers was not. It's normal to ask for more pics early on. Not so routine to scream from the rooftops that you've been texting someone for two days.

 

I'd have been a bit put off by your question OP.

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I agree with most everyone else. That would be an odd question to get. I never mention online guys to my family unless we have gone out a few times and I know I want to start seeing him regularly. I do always tell one or two friends where I'll be and with whom, but that is only for safety reasons.

 

Her saying that maybe she wants to do something and will check her schedule is also a bad sign. When someone asks me to do something and I'm interested, I always say yes I want to do something. If I think there's a chance I may not be free, I follow the yes with an explanation - I may have xxxx to do this weekend on this night, but let me check and I'll know by Wednesday/Thursday for sure if I'm free. Then I say if I'm not free on the weekend maybe we could meet up after work the following week instead. If I'm not interested in meeting the guy but he does seem nice, I'm likely to say "maybe" we can do something. I feel really bad telling a nice guy I'm not interested. I know that's the better thing to do, so I'm working on getting the hang of it.

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Wow. You barely know her and you're already wanting assurances she's excited. She doesn't even know you. You don't even know her. Now she thinks you're crazy because you're waaaay overly excited about her, someone you don't even know! Why not just have "I'm desperate to have a girlfriend" on your forehead??

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I would find that question quite clingy 'cause I'd think either: 'Wow has he been telling his friends and family about this already when we don't know where this is going?' OR 'Why is this guy being so pushy?'...

 

 

I was once put off by something a guy said. I was seeing this guy and I was just getting to know him at that point and he is a high school teacher in my town. Anyway he said something like 'Some of my pupils have said 'you have a really hot girlfriend''. That's a pretty innocuous thing to say so I was probably being too fussy but it still kind of freaked me out at the girlfriend suggestion, though I didn't show it.

 

 

So in general I think it's a really bad idea for either party to hint at an elevation in feelings which isn't there yet even in a joking manner...yeah best to play it safe :p.

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VedderisBetter

To her credit, the girl said she works six days a week and nearly 70 hrs per week so she really is busier than most people in their 20's. I asked her what she does when she's not working and she said "Trying to work on other parts of my life." I asked her what she meant by this and she said "I do different things."

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I was excited reading your topic, OP. So much so that I had to tell everyone about it.

So funny! :lmao: But Yes...comes off as needy/looking for validation.

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