How can I seriously put an end to this problem?

[cbplayer]

I've asked for help about this before but my problems are persisting. Please read. This is a genuine cry for help.

 

I'm 21 years old and I'm about to graduate college. Quite frankly, I'm having an extremely hard time getting girls. I've tried my best throughout college to attend events such as fashion shows and frat parties but I have been unable to go on dates with girls, have sex, honestly I've never even made out with a girl before. I've read tons of material about attracting women including, pick up artist material and psychological articles. The problem that I keep having is that girls barely reply to my text messages. I'll often meet a girl and get her number. We then text for a bit and then maybe after a day of texting each other, the girl will just stop replying randomly. It's been happening over and over again. It happens at alarming rates. I try to incorporate humor into my texts. I try not to double text a girl i.e. if she doesn't text me back right away, I'll just wait for a reply and oftentimes she doesn't reply. I can't get girls on dates because they won't text me back, since I can't get dates, I can't get a girlfriend. I've been trying consistently for about 4 years now and I've yet to succeed. It's very disheartening to me to see a lot of my guy friends with girlfriends or hooking up while I can't even get a girl to text me back . It has gotten to the point that it is really consuming my thoughts and depressing me. I do have friends. I workout and play sports.

I put myself in social environments but the problem still persists. I don't send sexual messages. I really cannot pinpoint the problem. I don't want to hear the cliche " You'll find someone one day" because quite frankly, that's not guaranteed. I know that I'm young but I'd really like to nip this problem in the bud earlier in my life rather than later. Oftentimes, when I go to parties, I'll see my friends making out with girls and then I think to myself," When will my enjoyment come?"

 

 

I was raised to be tough and deal with rough and insurmountable situations. I've lived in a lower income and crime-ridden neighborhood. So, I've dealt with some semblance of poverty and violence. I am mentally tough. Despite the many detrimental environment factors I was born into, I have been able to achieve great things. I will be earning a degree in Software Engineering this spring and I will be working for an Investment Bank upon graduation. I come from God-fearing family and I strive to adhere to moral behavior. I am 6’3 - 6’5 and have an athletic build. Despite all this, it appears that I’m not appealing to women. Despite my rough upbringing, typing this message without crying was an incredibly arduous task. At times I wonder what is the purpose of living nowadays because I am far from happy. I recently started using online dating websites and have gotten a few girls’ numbers but sure enough, they randomly stopped replying. I’ve asked for help a plethora of times but I've yet to really progress . I am solemnly frustrated and quite frankly I need help. Seldom, do I ever cry but this time I honestly can’t help it. Please help.

[Eighty_nine]

Can we see a sample of a text message conversation you've had with one of these girls?

I bet I can tell you exactly what you're doing wrong.

[cbplayer]

Can we see a sample of a text message conversation you've had with one of these girls?

I bet I can tell you exactly what you're doing wrong.

This was a conversation I had on tinder.

 

Me : Hey her name. How's it going?

Her : It's going well! You?

Me : I'm good too! I see that you're into acting and singing. Are you an aspiring actress?

Her : That I am! I'm more into singing though!

Me : That's great. I'm interested in the entertainment industry too. Have you been in any musicals before?

 

No reply .

The next day ...

Me : Good morning! How's your day going?

No reply

 

What exactly do you think I'm doing wrong?

[hopefullove]

hey! Really?

If that judgemental prada handbag guy can get a date, there is no reason why you can't get a date!!!

 

trying 4 years to get a date and failing, my poor boy!

You go to parties, filled with drunken girls, and you can't get one to make out with you? Seriously, you can't get a single girl to go out with you???

 

Okay here is what you do. I don't know what sort of girls you are picking to ask out. How about this, after a few texts, just come out with it, say that, you are more interested in getting to know them in person, if they would be free for a drink, you'd very much like to get to know them. Straight up, after a few texts, come out and say it. WHATS THE WORSE THAT CAN HAPPEN. Just start asking them out!!!!!!! If you already met the girl, and you're texting her, and you are not asking her out again, i'm gonna be like, oh, well this guy isn't that interested.

 

You know. All i know is, when a man is interested in me, he asks me out pretty much RIGHT AWAY. I've dated a lot. I like this assertive type of man, he wants me, and he wants to see me. Go get what you want.

[hopefullove]

This was a conversation I had on tinder.

 

Me : Hey her name. How's it going?

Her : It's going well! You?

Me : I'm good too! I see that you're into acting and singing. Are you an aspiring actress?

Her : That I am! I'm more into singing though!

Me : That's great. I'm interested in the entertainment industry too. Have you been in any musicals before?

 

No reply .

The next day ...

Me : Good morning! How's your day going?

No reply

 

What exactly do you think I'm doing wrong?

 

 

TINDER YOU ARE ON TINDER THAT IS WHAT IS WRONG!!!!

 

Sorry hun, I have been on tinder and I get like a hundreds of matches, and constantly you are old news, match match match. next next next. Most people on there are just there for entertaining themselves, to see who they can swipe and match with, plus, if you are talking to an attractive girl, trust me she's getting matched to every guy she chooses to match with.

 

"Me : That's great. I'm interested in the entertainment industry too. Have you been in any musicals before?"

 

...

 

I'm interested in the entertainment industry too?????

what are you 70? The biz, I love the biz! how old are you? musicals????

 

Okay do you have any other examples????

[cbplayer]

hey! Really?

If that judgemental prada handbag guy can get a date, there is no reason why you can't get a date!!!

 

trying 4 years to get a date and failing, my poor boy!

You go to parties, filled with drunken girls, and you can't get one to make out with you? Seriously, you can't get a single girl to go out with you???

 

Okay here is what you do. I don't know what sort of girls you are picking to ask out. How about this, after a few texts, just come out with it, say that, you are more interested in getting to know them in person, if they would be free for a drink, you'd very much like to get to know them. Straight up, after a few texts, come out and say it. WHATS THE WORSE THAT CAN HAPPEN. Just start asking them out!!!!!!! If you already met the girl, and you're texting her, and you are not asking her out again, i'm gonna be like, oh, well this guy isn't that interested.

 

You know. All i know is, when a man is interested in me, he asks me out pretty much RIGHT AWAY. I've dated a lot. I like this assertive type of man, he wants me, and he wants to see me. Go get what you want.

It's that bad. I tried what you suggested before but it didn't work. Idk what else to do.

[cbplayer]

TINDER YOU ARE ON TINDER THAT IS WHAT IS WRONG!!!!

 

Sorry hun, I have been on tinder and I get like a hundreds of matches, and constantly you are old news, match match match. next next next. Most people on there are just there for entertaining themselves, to see who they can swipe and match with, plus, if you are talking to an attractive girl, trust me she's getting matched to every guy she chooses to match with.

 

"Me : That's great. I'm interested in the entertainment industry too. Have you been in any musicals before?"

 

...

 

I'm interested in the entertainment industry too?????

what are you 70? The biz, I love the biz! how old are you? musicals????

 

Okay do you have any other examples????

Did I do anything wrong? I'll post some other examples

[hopefullove]

you need to be more assertive and not talk like a 70 year old grandpa.

 

I love grandpas.

 

First, don't date on Tinder, so meeting girls online doesn't seem to work for you, you don't have that sort of quirky, intriguing, mysterious, charming personality that just draws them in. I don't know what you look like. What do you look like? The thing is, online is hard if you're not a shark, girls, choice girls, if that's what you like, are constantly hounded by guys. You need a draw to you. At least, lets go for volume to start. Let's message EVERYONE. Someone is bound to like you okay. Can we start there? Let's think of it as an exercise, maybe you're not going to go out with you ideal girl, you're super young okay, let's get some experience to start, and start to learn how to deal with girls??? What do you think.

[hopefullove]

Your message, gives me the, laaaaame!!!!!! vibe.

 

You're nice. It's just. nice. The truth is there is always something better, someone funnier and hotter and that's the reality of online dating, people are fickle because there are a million choices.

 

You - let's meet someone face to face and let someone get to know your character. Maybe even try to date someone older? You seem to have an old soul, so maybe younger girls aren't for you right now. Older women appreciate the effort you would make.

 

If you are truly looking for a relationship, try a paid site where other ppl are also looking for something meaningful okay? Like eharmony or something where ppl make an effort to fill things out.

[cbplayer]

you need to be more assertive and not talk like a 70 year old grandpa.

 

I love grandpas.

 

First, don't date on Tinder, so meeting girls online doesn't seem to work for you, you don't have that sort of quirky, intriguing, mysterious, charming personality that just draws them in. I don't know what you look like. What do you look like? The thing is, online is hard if you're not a shark, girls, choice girls, if that's what you like, are constantly hounded by guys. You need a draw to you. At least, lets go for volume to start. Let's message EVERYONE. Someone is bound to like you okay. Can we start there? Let's think of it as an exercise, maybe you're not going to go out with you ideal girl, you're super young okay, let's get some experience to start, and start to learn how to deal with girls??? What do you think.

She mentioned something about musicals in her profile which is why asked her about musicals. How do I sound like a grandpa? Please elaborate. How could I have been more assertive during that convo? I'll send you a pic of myself via PM. I'll do the experience you suggested.

[cbplayer]

Your message, gives me the, laaaaame!!!!!! vibe.

 

You're nice. It's just. nice. The truth is there is always something better, someone funnier and hotter and that's the reality of online dating, people are fickle because there are a million choices.

 

You - let's meet someone face to face and let someone get to know your character. Maybe even try to date someone older? You seem to have an old soul, so maybe younger girls aren't for you right now. Older women appreciate the effort you would make.

 

If you are truly looking for a relationship, try a paid site where other ppl are also looking for something meaningful okay? Like eharmony or something where ppl make an effort to fill things out.

How can I be less lame? I do have a very good sense of humor and people consider me very funny.

[hopefullove]

Please send me your photo or dating profile and i'll give you my honest opinion okay.

 

Who thinks you are funny?

 

I do not know how you can be less lame. I would be a billionaire if I could help men be less lame, maybe one at a time okay. What are your own personal interests??? Let's start there.

 

Maybe the journey begins with within. hahaha talk about lame.

 

But seriously, i've dated a lot of guys.

 

Anyway - you can't be more anything in a convo that isn't a real convo. A tinder convo is not a convo. A text convo with someone from the internet isn't even a real convo either.

 

Okay show me your pic/profile.

[cbplayer]

How can I be less lame? I do have a very good sense of humor and people consider me very funny.

I sent you a PM so that you can see what I look like

[cbplayer]

Please send me your photo or dating profile and i'll give you my honest opinion okay.

 

Who thinks you are funny?

 

I do not know how you can be less lame. I would be a billionaire if I could help men be less lame, maybe one at a time okay. What are your own personal interests??? Let's start there.

 

Maybe the journey begins with within. hahaha talk about lame.

 

But seriously, i've dated a lot of guys.

 

Anyway - you can't be more anything in a convo that isn't a real convo. A tinder convo is not a convo. A text convo with someone from the internet isn't even a real convo either.

 

Okay show me your pic/profile.

Family, friends, pretty much everyone who knows me thinks I'm funny. It's one of my defining characteristics actually. I'm just a freaking clown lol.

[hopefullove]

okay well.

 

I don't know what I was expecting.

 

I like your style. You look put together. You look suave. I don't know what I was expecting. But I have gone out with handsome, good looking guys, who put me to sleep, and made me angry, just angry for wasting my time.

 

Do you have female friends? Or are you more comfortable with males?

Do you have NOBODY your friends can set you up with???

 

You've never had a date???

 

Girls, and I might be simplifying, but girls, at least myself, when I was a girl, I like someone who is smooth, confident, charming. Who is intriguing with varied interests. What are your interests, let's play that up.

 

Are you yourself with girls?

 

Maybe the fact that you haven't been able to get a gf, that you so desperately want, may be playing with your confidence, but again, lemme ask, what kind of girls are you trying to date??

 

You need a nice girl. But first I need to know what your interests are.

 

My current boyfriend, he sang to me on our first date, like who does that? But it worked.

 

I dunno if you can practice being smooth and charming. I have a girlfriend who just got married, she's super lame, her sense of humor is terrible, I roll my eyes at everything she thinks is funny. Her new husband has the same terrible sense of humor, they are made for each other. You just need to meet more people.

 

So - before I pass out. Your exercise of the month, is to MEET EVERYONE.

[cbplayer]

okay well.

 

I don't know what I was expecting.

 

I like your style. You look put together. You look suave. I don't know what I was expecting. But I have gone out with handsome, good looking guys, who put me to sleep, and made me angry, just angry for wasting my time.

 

Do you have female friends? Or are you more comfortable with males?

Do you have NOBODY your friends can set you up with???

 

You've never had a date???

 

Girls, and I might be simplifying, but girls, at least myself, when I was a girl, I like someone who is smooth, confident, charming. Who is intriguing with varied interests. What are your interests, let's play that up.

 

Are you yourself with girls?

 

Maybe the fact that you haven't been able to get a gf, that you so desperately want, may be playing with your confidence, but again, lemme ask, what kind of girls are you trying to date??

 

You need a nice girl. But first I need to know what your interests are.

 

My current boyfriend, he sang to me on our first date, like who does that? But it worked.

 

I dunno if you can practice being smooth and charming. I have a girlfriend who just got married, she's super lame, her sense of humor is terrible, I roll my eyes at everything she thinks is funny. Her new husband has the same terrible sense of humor, they are made for each other. You just need to meet more people.

 

So - before I pass out. Your exercise of the month, is to MEET EVERYONE.

I had a girlfriend before. I have very few female friends because girls barely reply to me. I'm interested in basketball and reading. I want to make a really popular app. Speaking of online dating, I've made an online dating website before. I'm an aspiring comedian and actor. My friends and family generally have fun around me. When you asked what kind of girls do I go after, what exactly did you mean? Race? Age?

[Eighty_nine]

Can I see the photo(s) you use on the dating sites? Sometimes the kind of pic can make a difference

 

The convo you posted was fine but maybe too "serious". I'd stick with, what are you up to, what are you doing this weekend, etc in those early messages.

[cbplayer]

Can I see the photo(s) you use on the dating sites? Sometimes the kind of pic can make a difference

 

The convo you posted was fine but maybe too "serious". I'd stick with, what are you up to, what are you doing this weekend, etc in those early messages.

I PMed you the pics. How should I go about messaging girls? Is there anywhere that I can get a guideline?

[Blade96]

Nothing wrong with a convo like that! You remind me of myself. I talk to people like the example you just gave. And people think I'm cool, heck I have hundreds of friends on my fb. But - I'm like you except I'm a straight girl and you're a straight guy. I meet lots people (internet and real life), have no trouble talking, people generally think I'm cool - including guys. But none will actually date me. I honestly don't see anything wrong with you. Same with me. People say they see nothing wrong with me either and tell me they`re stumped as to why I can`t find love.

 

Btw I have acting friends too. It was a new experience cause I never knew actors before I met them through fb. I told them this. I found it interesting, and asked them a little about it.

 

So I do the same as you. I ask people about themselves. You seem cool to me. As I said, I`m stumped.

Edited January 24, 2015 by Blade96

[hopefullove]

My advice to you, is, as you graduate this summer, take the summer off if you can and travel, backpack, do that cliche euro backpacking trip. You will meet a lot of new people, have new experiences, and hopefully, come back with a different outlook on life.

[cbplayer]

I've deleted most of recent covnos with girls because I was extremely mad. For some reason, I remember a convo I had 2 years ago vividly.

 

Basically, I met this jewish girl a while back at a jewish program. I informed her that I'm a black jew. I'm not really jewish, I was just trying to see if that would spark some interest. She was immediately fascinated by that. She started inviting me to jewish PROGRAMS at my college. I got her number started talking to her about twice a week.

 

Me: hey fellow jew

Her: lol hey who is this? ( our first text convo I waited a few days to text her after getting her number)

Me: guess

Her: (my name)

Me: INDEED haha

Me: this weekend was long did u go home?

Her: I knoooow. Hell yea

Me: ppl who go home are losers I went home too but I'm an exception

Her: lmaooo why??

Me: guess

Her: b/c our home is fun idk lol

Me: u suck , its b/c I'm awesome

Her: ohh ahahaha I am too

 

A few days later she invited me to another event

She initiated convo

 

Her: hey heyyyyy come to the jewish dinner its gonna be great

I ignored it to look mysterious and I replied a day later with something rather vague

 

Me: I was tied up with work. How was it president? ( she's the club's president)

Her: great a lot of ppl came blah blah

Me: there's gonna be a tornado near our school. U worried?

Her: haha like there's even one coming

Me: the tornado didn't hit us. U know why?

Her: haha why?

Me: b/c I'm than man obviously. Didn't u know

Her : hahaha obviously

Me: I think I saw u at a store today

Her: I was at the store. You should have said hi lol haha

Me: we should hang out sometime, jews are awesome

Her: hell yea and we definitely should. Just hit me up

Me: let's get dinner such and such day

Her: cant ( b/c of prior commitments)

Me: okay. When ru free?

Her: Wednesday and Friday afternoons

Me: my bday's tomorrow, 9/11

Her: that's so exciting!! Despite the fact that its 9/11

Her: how would are u turning?

Me: 12, I'm getting younger ( I was joking of course I turned 19)

Her: ( a day later) happy birthday!!!! Have and awesome 12th bday

 

I asked her out and she brought friends along. I asked her out a few other times and she basically dodged my efforts.

[Eighty_nine]

Well first of all, you're very attractive so that's not an issue. Your pictures look appropriate for OLD, just don't include anything shirtless and I wouldn't include any selfies either.

 

You said you lied to this girl about being Jewish- strike one there. Also, jewish people can be very sensitive (understandably) about discrimination etc and I think you may have joked a bit too much about the "jew" thing with that girl. Point is, be yourself.

 

Approach girls as confidentially and casually as possible. You want to come off sure of yourself but not cocky. Start with "how are you" "what are you up to?" And as you get to know her, get into the more complicated getting-to-know-you stuff. That said, do not string along online conversations. Talk a little and ask a girl out. Not "want to hang out" but "want to have coffee" want to have dinner, etc. When she accepts, suggest a place. Send one follow up text that night or the next day if you like her.

 

The absolute best tips I can give you: appear confident, even if you aren't. Show interest in her, without coming off too strong. Follow up without seeming needy. I have a feeling this is a confidence issue-- women pick up on it super easily and it turns them off.

[cbplayer]

I matched with a model on tinder. In her profile she said that she doesn't reply on tinder very often and that people are better off messaging her on instagram.

So, I messaged her on instagram and this is how the convo went.

 

Me: Hi her name. How's it going? We matched on tinder.

Her : Hahaha hey is for horses.(She was referring to something funny she saw on tinder) whats up?

Me : I am having quite a bizarre day lol. What's up with you?

Her : SAME! It's mercury in retrograde!

Me : Please enlighten me. I'm confused. What does that mean lol? Is it an astrological phenomenon ?

Her : Yes! Google it

I replied a day later b/c I was busy

Me : I checked it out. Are there any other astrological phenomena that amaze you lol?

No reply

4 days later

Me: How's it going her name?

No reply

[cbplayer]

Me : Hey her name

Her : Hiii my name!! Wassup with you?

Me : I just finished spending time with my family for Thanksgiving. Now I'm just working on a web application. You?

Her : I'm just waking up.. last night got real. lol

Me : Haha what happened last night?

Her : I got a lil wasted with my fam

Me : Haha awesome. What are you up to?

No reply.

[Ebelskiver]

Get off Tinder! There is absolutely no incentive for women on Tinder to maintain a conversation with you. You have to be one of the elite...ie super funny, super good looking, etc to actually get a physical date.

 

Can you send me your pic as well, I'm curious. I've done a lot of online dating. I'm attractive, funny, smart, I've had a number of relationships and it's still almost impossible.

 

My current bf (he sounds a lot like you) didn't lose his virginity until he was 22. He is a software engineer/actor/comedian as well. He is a bit awkward, but he's 33 now so I have a feeling it was much worse when he was your age. Confidence counts for so much. Nothing from any of your conversations sounds particularly bad, but with the kind of competition you're running up against it's not memorable either. Where's this supposed sense of humor you're telling us about? It certainly doesn't come out in your texts.

 

I've said this to other virgins and I'll say it to you. Go see an escort. Get the deed done. See her a few times. Have her show you how to really please a woman. Doing the deed will make it seem like less of a mystery. That, and it will relax you so you're not projecting some kind of desperate vibe. Finally, it will make you realize that while sex is great, it certainly isn't going to solve any life problems for you (and indeed tends to create a few).

 

Honestly, if there were competent, affordable, male, escorts who aren't bisexual, I would use them.