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First date sex, now what? How to show interest?


clevelander321

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clevelander321

This was my first date since being divorced.. I picked her up, we went out, and both of us drank a bit too much.. We went back to my place and had an amazing night.

 

I really wasn't expecting anything more than fun, but while together she was so 100% verbally and physically into me, that I can't get it out of my head.. She made it clear at least 5 times she wants to see me again, anytime, but she does not call guys, so I have to call. Other things like she asked to cuddle close all night, told me I am so cool, awesome to hang out with, so sexy, so good in bed, etc. Every facet of me seemed perfect to her. But she was drinking..

 

Both of us have a child, so that leaves us with weekends to be free. The only issue is that there will be about 2 weeks in between seeing her again. I have my child this upcoming weekend.

 

I sent her an email the next day asking if she made it to work, and no reply. I called 2 days later and we chatted for 5 minutes, and I told her I had fun, was looking forward to seeing her again. She told me she feels the same, and weekends are good.

 

So, I am wondering if this was possibly just alcohol talking? How do I keep the interest up these next 2 weeks? I already called and told her I was interested.. We do not text.

 

New to dating again, and there is the whole "Am I being needy thing" if I am calling every couple days to chat? Since she made it clear she will not call a guy, I either have to keep showing interest by calling and risk looking "needy", or just play it cool for a week and a half and set something up before a date, but by then she might feel I am not interested or the rhythm just fizzled out?

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she does not call guys

To me, this means that she does this kind of thing regularly. That would be off-putting to me. You're not special, she often sleeps with guys on the first date and even has "rules" regarding contact. Ugh.

 

She told me she feels the same, and weekends are good.

 

So, I am wondering if this was possibly just alcohol talking?

Was she drunk when she said this? If not,how could it be the alcohol talking?

 

If I were you I'd just play it cool. You've only been on 1 date. You're not much more than strangers. There's no need to call every day to see how her day went. That is what established couples do, not people who've only been on 1 date. Besides, you don't know how many other guys she's "dating".....

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clevelander321
To me, this means that she does this kind of thing regularly. That would be off-putting to me. You're not special, she often sleeps with guys on the first date and even has "rules" regarding contact. Ugh.

 

 

Was she drunk when she said this? If not,how could it be the alcohol talking?

 

If I were you I'd just play it cool. You've only been on 1 date. You're not much more than strangers. There's no need to call every day to see how her day went. That is what established couples do, not people who've only been on 1 date. Besides, you don't know how many other guys she's "dating".....

 

She was pretty upfront about everything, so I was not sure how to take it. Either she wants me to call, and is telling me she likes to be pursued, just talking smack, or possibly she meets many guys and acts like she is in love but it is all a sort of game..

 

No she was not drunk during our phone call, but had a much less "intense" tone than when we were together. Sort of like "yeah, sounds good, whatever"

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This was my first date since being divorced.. I picked her up, we went out, and both of us drank a bit too much.. We went back to my place and had an amazing night.

 

I really wasn't expecting anything more than fun, but while together she was so 100% verbally and physically into me, that I can't get it out of my head.. She made it clear at least 5 times she wants to see me again, anytime, but she does not call guys, so I have to call. Other things like she asked to cuddle close all night, told me I am so cool, awesome to hang out with, so sexy, so good in bed, etc. Every facet of me seemed perfect to her. But she was drinking..

 

Both of us have a child, so that leaves us with weekends to be free. The only issue is that there will be about 2 weeks in between seeing her again. I have my child this upcoming weekend.

 

I sent her an email the next day asking if she made it to work, and no reply. I called 2 days later and we chatted for 5 minutes, and I told her I had fun, was looking forward to seeing her again. She told me she feels the same, and weekends are good.

 

So, I am wondering if this was possibly just alcohol talking? How do I keep the interest up these next 2 weeks? I already called and told her I was interested.. We do not text.

 

New to dating again, and there is the whole "Am I being needy thing" if I am calling every couple days to chat? Since she made it clear she will not call a guy, I either have to keep showing interest by calling and risk looking "needy", or just play it cool for a week and a half and set something up before a date, but by then she might feel I am not interested or the rhythm just fizzled out?

 

Early in a dating scenario, contact and demonstration of interest should be balanced. When a man contacts a woman, she should respond in kind and in a balanced way. However, when it's very early in the process, a woman should allow the man to initiate first.

 

I would wait a day maybe two and then call to set up a specific date. Early on it's not about neediness, it's about a clear demonstration of interest on the part of the man. What does come off as needy is too many calls, texts, etc. One call, wait for response. Don't call multiple times if she doesn't answer. And more calls than texts is always better. Stay out of the texting mill.

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clevelander321

Probably too much over tjought on my part since she was pretty, really into me, and the sex was good.

 

Just wary of past experiences where these type of women turn out to be flaky when you try to see them again. Either it was an act, they are into you but feel like it started bad, or they are the type that make a normal guy seem "needy" due to their actions/games. I guess time will tell

 

I don't see any point to call sooner than a week from now to set up a date

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Rejected Rosebud

I don't think you should overthink or worry about it too much, just keep regular casual contact and then ask her out on a real date for the weekend you are both free and you will learn as you go what's up! Just don't get all wrapped up in it yea ok?

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clevelander321
Be prepared for the possibility that you are one amongst many.

 

I am sure this is possible.

 

And from her point of view, she was thinking that she is one of many women I have. Or want to have.

 

That's the confusing part. I don't want her to think that, but don't want to kill all mystery either

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I am sure this is possible.

 

And from her point of view, she was thinking that she is one of many women I have. Or want to have.

 

That's the confusing part. I don't want her to think that, but don't want to kill all mystery either

 

Naa.you do want her to think that.

Women work different from men. And you are not married to her. So settle your ass down.

 

- In fact you dont know her.

And you dont have to be the one calling her everyday, whether or not she says she wont call a guy

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Standard-Fare

I don't think you should be calling her regularly to chat at this point, esp. since she seems pretty "hands-off." But I do suggest that you contact her again soon about setting up another date, even if it has to be a while from now.

 

Even if your first date was fueled by drunken good vibes, it's encouraging that she answered the phone when you called and showed interest in seeing you again. If she wasn't being genuine about that, you'll find that out with your next attempt at contact. She'll just ignore you if she's not into it.

 

I'd add, though, that your situation with only being available for dates every other weekend sounds very restrictive for ANY type of dating. I know nothing about your situation, but it seems like some child-care options will need to be explored if you're ever going to take dating seriously.

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clevelander321
I don't think you should be calling her regularly to chat at this point, esp. since she seems pretty "hands-off." But I do suggest that you contact her again soon about setting up another date, even if it has to be a while from now.

 

Even if your first date was fueled by drunken good vibes, it's encouraging that she answered the phone when you called and showed interest in seeing you again. If she wasn't being genuine about that, you'll find that out with your next attempt at contact. She'll just ignore you if she's not into it.

 

I'd add, though, that your situation with only being available for dates every other weekend sounds very restrictive for ANY type of dating. I know nothing about your situation, but it seems like some child-care options will need to be explored if you're ever going to take dating seriously.

 

 

I am free more often than that, it is just how my schedule matches with hers.. And there is a little distance between us.

 

But for now, it is the first girl I met after being divorced, and she is a lot of fun.

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How do I keep the interest up these next 2 weeks? I already called and told her I was interested.. We do not text.

 

Ask her out for a specific date, time and activity on the weekend (she said weekends are best).

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clevelander321

So annoying..

 

I called her Tuesday and she seemed excited to hear from me.. She ended up asking me to hang out this weekend, and I suggested Friday. She said sounds good, and too call her around 830 before I pick her up..

 

So I call her and she has some sleepy voice, and says she does not feel good. She asked what i am doing tomorrow.

 

I just said i was not sure and i would call her if i was free.

 

Disappointed, and i am thinking she could have called me earlier..

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Rejected Rosebud
Should I bother calling her tomorrow? or is this some common excuse?
Sorry to say sounds a bit flakey, maybe don't call her and see if she calls you and if she doesn't - delete!
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Should I bother calling her tomorrow? or is this some common excuse?
I'd send a short text,if that. Doubt i'd even do that though.
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Just because she slept with you on the 1st date does NOT mean she does it on every first date. After all, it takes two to tango. I'm just so fed up with the double standard. Enough! You guys crave a sexually liberated and adventurous woman, and then you get one and you can't bash her fast enough. Although this is less for the OP and more for the responders.

 

As for you OP, you've done your part. Now it's up to her. Maybe send her one last text telling her that to maintain your manly virtue she is going to have to contact you because now that she's flaked the rules of engagement state that she needs to make an effort. Snarky but funny and flippant.

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acrosstheuniverse
So annoying..

 

I called her Tuesday and she seemed excited to hear from me.. She ended up asking me to hang out this weekend, and I suggested Friday. She said sounds good, and too call her around 830 before I pick her up..

 

So I call her and she has some sleepy voice, and says she does not feel good. She asked what i am doing tomorrow.

 

I just said i was not sure and i would call her if i was free.

 

Disappointed, and i am thinking she could have called me earlier..

 

Drop her. You're right, she could have called you earlier. Instead of calling you and saying she's ill and wants to reschedule, which is fine (as long as it's not repeatedly happening), she waited for you to call her, assumedly right before you were going to go and pick her up, and then didn't even have the decency to cancel on you and apologise, just said she wasn't well and asked if you were free the following day.

 

That tells me a) she sees this entire thing as your job to chase her, and her job to accept or reject whenever she feels like it, and b) she has little to no respect for your time. You guys had plans Friday. She needs to keep to those plans, or cancel them with enough notice for you. By asking if you were free the following day she was probably testing to see how desperate you are to see her, seeing as most people will have plans on a Saturday already. I hope you told her you were busy for the rest of the weekend and to give you a call when she's better.

 

She's treating you like an option, not like someone who she's really interested in. I would pull right back and see if she makes any effort herself, as she just seems to like the attention at this point.

 

What did you say when she flaked on you without having the decency to call, and then tried to set up another plan for the day after? Which she will probably flake on too, meaning you've wasted two nights of the weekend on plans which never materialise.

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Personally at the start of a relationship, I don't believe in one sex demanding the other to initiate all contact. I have been there and done it, IT DOES NOT ALWAYS WORK. It's a demand to be peruse! Apparently if the man initiate all contact it means that he is interested. How's the guys then to know that she is interested in him, and not been used as one of many other guys that she maybe seeing? I think on the third date you should assert your authority and tell her that you feel you have shown her interest by initiating all contact and taking her on dates. Now you want to see if she is interested also by being hands on, and initiating every other contact between you two. A genuine interested girl will understand. If not then you need to rethink if this girl is worth your time and investment. I hope she is the one for you. Wish you both good luck.

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Personally at the start of a relationship, I don't believe in one sex demanding the other to initiate all contact.

 

 

Same here.

 

 

OP, this woman sounds like a bit like a PIA already. I agree with some others... she could have called if she needed to cancel.

 

 

If you just want a f*ckbuddy, then get used to the last minute scenarios like this one. That works for some people. It seems like you are looking for someone a bit more reliable... so maybe lay off the quickie, drunk, first night sex if you want to avoid the flakes and crazies.

 

 

Also, I wouldn't get too excited about any person you hardly know just because you liked the sex.

 

 

Why people have sex with people they wouldn't trust their pet or car keys with is beyond me... but people do it, then wonder why things don't work out. *shrug*

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thefooloftheyear
Just because she slept with you on the 1st date does NOT mean she does it on every first date. After all, it takes two to tango. I'm just so fed up with the double standard. Enough! You guys crave a sexually liberated and adventurous woman, and then you get one and you can't bash her fast enough. Although this is less for the OP and more for the responders.

 

As for you OP, you've done your part. Now it's up to her. Maybe send her one last text telling her that to maintain your manly virtue she is going to have to contact you because now that she's flaked the rules of engagement state that she needs to make an effort. Snarky but funny and flippant.

 

 

I hear what you are saying, but while just about every guy loves a sexually adventurous and liberated woman, most dont necessarily want to see that side of it until they have known the person well and there is a mutual attraction and/or trust...

 

Otherwise, unfortunately, they inevitably wind up being frowned upon as the neighborhood blowjob Queen...And it may not be true, but there is no way to know...Fair or not, thats how most guys view it...

 

So, as a woman, it just makes sense that if you want a guy to be there in the end, you stand a better chance if you dont go there...Most decent men arent going to get angry or flake if a woman doesnt put out on date 1 or even date 7 for that matter.. so I really dont see the need to put yourself in that position, unless sex was the only goal...in that case, no one cares...its two adults doing what they want....just dont complain about what happens, then...;)

 

 

TFY

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SycamoreCircle

The sooner they're willing to jump into bed with you, the sooner they're willing to jump out.

 

I would not contact her again. If she does contact you, it will be for sex. Wrap that puppy up tight.

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