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Friendzone?


unc23

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Okay, so this girl who is sperated from her husband and I have been friends for a long time. We began hanging out alot back in october and spending a bunch of time together. Long story short she went out with another guy and i acted jelous and foolish. She asked for space and we hardly talked for a few weeks. Then we began hanging out again but not as much. We both like country music and we ended up planning to go see jason aldean together but we likely will have to spend the night. She knows I wanted to date her but she says she never considered we have dated. She recently went out with another guy and asked me my advice. We both enjoy spending time together. The thing is I wonder quite often if its possible she might be just waiting before she is willing to consider dating or if she really wants to remain only friends and I will never have a chance to date her after her divoirce is finalized. I condsider her my best friend. Often times people thing we are dating. Last night 2 guys were drooling over her and said dang he's lucky. I guess you might say I am stuck int he friendzone but at same time she's had ample opportunitys to not talk to me and also I wonder why she would consider spending the night and going out of state to a concert with me next month. Anyone been in something like this before? Advice.

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i'm not. She's having to go to go out of her way to go to this concert with me. She even mentioned she would be comfortable spending the night at my apartment. I don't want to loose her friendship because i truly care for this person but at same time I kinda want to know if their is 100% no future or not.

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Been there. She definitely put you in the friend zone. The mixed signals you're picking up on might be indication of a small bit of sexual attraction but I wouldn't bank on it. It's certainly not enough to convince her to give you a serious shot. When she stays over do not have sex with her or fool around even if she tries to initiate. That only works out in the movies. It will only screw you up more because chances are it will not mean the same to her as it does to you. Look for someone who will treat you like a legit prospect from day 1.

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Awon Apanilerin

She's getting free concerts out of you and getting the benefit of having an emotional tampon while to f*ck the guys who won't give her that emotional support

 

Why would she want to change such an arrangement that benefits her alone?

 

Answer: She's not. She likes things the way they are because you are willing doormat that she can use as she sees fit while she gets to have fun whenever she wants.

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You said yourself you consider her your best friend. It sounds she feels the same way. I wouldn't read anything into the concert or even going away. Best friends do that sort of thing together. As for romantic potential, I wouldn't even let it enter your mind for at least a year after her divorce is final. Be her friend, truly her friend, until then.

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Yes, well she told me a while back she considers me her best friend. She also said she enjoys spending time with me.

 

That's great, and makes sense! Best friends enjoy spending time with each other. But that doesn't mean she is spending time with you with romance in mind, particularly because she's talking to you about other guys. That tells me she sees you just as she told you, as her best friend.

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She's getting free concerts out of you and getting the benefit of having an emotional tampon while to f*ck the guys who won't give her that emotional support

 

Why would she want to change such an arrangement that benefits her alone?

 

Answer: She's not. She likes things the way they are because you are willing doormat that she can use as she sees fit while she gets to have fun whenever she wants.

 

OR....she's made it clear she doesn't want to date and she's taking you at your word that you really want to be friends. Men are not such helpless puppies that they can't successfully navigate the role of friendship with a woman they are attracted to. Awon seems under the impression that if you spend any time with a woman at all that she OWES you her vagina. With that attitude and the likely rejection it engenders, it's no wonder he's so angry.

 

Just ASK her. Straight out. You'll get your answer and you can move on.

 

Women have friendships all the time with men that don't reciprocate our romatic feelings. And yet we don't have websites devoted to complaining about what emotional tampons they are. By and large, we swallow our unrequited attraction and, gasp, enjoy the friendship.

 

I've even (horror of horror) bought these "friends" dinners, tickets to shows, lunches, etc with absolutely NO expectation of dick. Can you believe it?!?! I mean, I actually seriously meant it when I said I valued their friendships. And when they, astonishingly, didn't put out after said fun, I didn't even label them sluts, or accuse them of using me to fill an emotional void. What kind of person am I?

Edited by Ebelskiver
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I have to agree with the above posts in that you should take a step back and really analyze your situation. Is she the only women in your life? Though you like spending time with her, is she being selfish and using up your emotional support without equally reciprocating? With the divorce not being final, are YOU ok with crossing that line of liking her?

 

The "FriendZone" is your mentality of limiting your vision to only her and pining for her to be yours. And if you make that your reality, then you're going to be trapped and tortured in that zone.

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