Guys, how do you feel when a girl goes quiet?

[melell]

Say you have been getting close to a female, met once(one had to leave the country), talking frequently/daily for a couple of months getting to know each other, enjoying it..

 

...then she goes quiet. For the first time doesn't reply for a couple of days.

 

What goes through your head during those days? Does it put you off? Do you take it personally? Do you reach out?

 

Or anything else?

 

 

Edit:I am the girl, life got in the way.

Edited January 6, 2015 by melell

[somedude81]

When a girl goes quiet I think it's extremely rude and that she's too much of a coward to tell me that she isn't interested.

[Haydn]

Reach out if I feel it's worth a shot. But probably only once.

I wouldn't take it personally if we were apart because of distance, she may come back.

 

I guess it depends on how both of you feel.

[newlyborn]

depends. does going quiet mean not initiating, being on Skype, etc. or does going quiet mean actively ignoring his outreach over a period of time?

[aggie382]

When a girl goes quiet I think it's extremely rude and that she's too much of a coward to tell me that she isn't interested.

 

Isn't that a little extreme? Is the world supposed to revolve around you after only meeting you once? I doubt you'd have the same expectations of a friend, which is essentially what she is after one meeting.

[MidwestUSA]

Isn't that a little extreme? Is the world supposed to revolve around you after only meeting you once? I doubt you'd have the same expectations of a friend, which is essentially what she is after one meeting.

 

Agree. A couple of days?

 

 

Make contact and let him know what's up.

[ThaWholigan]

Doesn't put me off. I'll try to reach out a couple times but when she's ready to get back to me, she will.

 

As you say, life happens.

[bachdude]

Say you have been getting close to a female, met once(one had to leave the country), talking frequently/daily for a couple of months getting to know each other, enjoying it..

 

...then she goes quiet. For the first time doesn't reply for a couple of days.

 

What goes through your head during those days? Does it put you off? Do you take it personally? Do you reach out?

 

Or anything else?

 

 

Edit:I am the girl, life got in the way.

 

Lots of things would go through my mind. There could be any number of reasons why she would go quiet. I can't assume it is about me.

 

So I would reach out, definitely. I would probably reach out and wait a couple more days. Then continue to make efforts in the attempt to at least make sure she is OK. If we've been talking regularly for a couple months, I think this is the right thing to do. If she responded I would ask why she went quiet and go from there. But one has to be careful not to take it personally and jump to conclusions. The worst thing you can do is to write an angry email or text! Best just to express concern.

[somedude81]

Isn't that a little extreme? Is the world supposed to revolve around you after only meeting you once? I doubt you'd have the same expectations of a friend, which is essentially what she is after one meeting.

 

My focus wasn't on the only meeting once thing. I was mostly replying to the title and not the post content.

 

Even then she said they had been talking almost daily for a couple of months. So there was time for a connection to form.

[aggie382]

My focus wasn't on the only meeting once thing. I was mostly replying to the title and not the post content.

 

It helps to read the content of the OP.

 

Even then she said they had been talking almost daily for a couple of months. So there was time for a connection to form.

 

Yes, and you also form connections with friends, even long term lifelong friends. Would you have the same expectation of a friend and think they're rude and a coward? At this point after only meeting one time they're friends.

[stillafool]

I'm not a guy but if a person went quiet on me I'd reach out once and if they still acted quiet I would leave them alone.

[Danda]

Mm context required.

 

If I am interested, no matter how busy or stressed out I am, I will respond to a guy's attempt to communicate with me, even if just to let him know my life is crazy at the moment and I will get in touch in a few days (or something).

 

If I reached out to someone and was ignored, I would assume it was an abrupt "fade" (which is sort of an oxymoron haha, but yall know what I mean). So I wouldn't do that to someone if I was interested in.

 

So it really depends on whether this is a case of him trying to talk with you and you not responding, or the conversation dwindled and neither of you have initiated, in which case well, he went quiet, too, so.

[melell]

Thanks for the replies everyone. Very helpful.

 

After reading some responses I can see that how someone reacts to this could be a signifier of their personality/maturity/past experiences...

 

For context myself and this person were talking several times throughout the day everyday. I had no real way of contacting them for two days, otherwise I would have.

 

It has definitely changed the dynamic, and I am trying to figure out what they might have been feeling so I can make it better. I would say it has made them detach enough that I don't feel comfortable coming out and asking how they feel about it. There is a... bitterness?

Edited January 6, 2015 by melell

[somedude81]

Thanks for the replies everyone. Very helpful.

 

After reading some responses I can see that how someone reacts to this could be a signifier of their personality/maturity/past experiences...

 

For context myself and this person were talking several times throughout the day everyday. I had no real way of contacting them for two days, otherwise I would have.

 

It has definitely changed the dynamic, and I am trying to figure out what they might have been feeling so I can make it better. I would say it has made them detach enough that I don't feel comfortable coming out and asking how they feel about it. There is a... bitterness?

 

Most men have experienced a woman doing the fade. Hell I messaged a girl a few days ago that I used to regularly talk to in person and now she's completely ignoring me. It's rude, cowardly and disrespectful.

 

If you couldn't contact him for two days in a row, then as soon as you could contact him send a message saying sorry and that you didn't have any way to reach him.

 

Has he been rude to you in the time that you weren't responding?

[angel.eyes]

OP, if you're still interested in him, I would reach out to him, apologize for your delayed communication...maybe share why you were so busy that you hadn't responded or couldn't communicate, and then suggest you meet up or do something together. Basically, make it clear that you're still interested in progressing things.

 

I think a phone call would be better than see text in this context.

 

ETA:

Two days isn't that big a deal. I've misplaced my phone while traveling and had that happen. On the rare occasions where it happened, the guys involved were understanding once I explained what happened.

Edited January 7, 2015 by angel.eyes

[Anela]

Most men have experienced a woman doing the fade. Hell I messaged a girl a few days ago that I used to regularly talk to in person and now she's completely ignoring me. It's rude, cowardly and disrespectful.

 

If you couldn't contact him for two days in a row, then as soon as you could contact him send a message saying sorry and that you didn't have any way to reach him.

 

Has he been rude to you in the time that you weren't responding?

 

Context also matters here. It isn't nice to be ignored, but nobody is required to respond. I had to ignore one guy, for him to take the hint - he didn't listen to me saying that I wasn't interested.

 

Melell: you can only explain that you couldn't contact them at the time, and that you would have if you could. I hope they listen, and things get back to normal.

[melell]

Most men have experienced a woman doing the fade. Hell I messaged a girl a few days ago that I used to regularly talk to in person and now she's completely ignoring me. It's rude, cowardly and disrespectful.

 

If you couldn't contact him for two days in a row, then as soon as you could contact him send a message saying sorry and that you didn't have any way to reach him.

 

Has he been rude to you in the time that you weren't responding?

I can definitely see how it could be perceived if it is something that people do in the dating world (first time I have been part of it after a ltr). I agree it is very rude if intentional.

 

I really did let him know straight away, but he was slow to reply, and then continued to act differently, my apology seemed to not count for much at all.

 

He sent a few messages while I was gone, nothing rude, just asking if everything was ok.

 

OP, if you're still interested in him, I would reach out to him, apologize for your delayed communication...maybe share why you were so busy that you hadn't responded or couldn't communicate, and then suggest you meet up or do something together. Basically, make it clear that you're still interested in progressing things.

 

I think a phone call would be better than see text in this context.

Thank you for this. I really have tried, but it is as though a huge wall has gone up. He for sure knows I am still interested, not sure if I want to call and continue with it. I am almost leaning towards he thinks my disappearing might have been intentional or game playing tactics

[somedude81]

I can definitely see how it could be perceived if it is something that people do in the dating world (first time I have been part of it after a ltr). I agree it is very rude if intentional.

 

Cool, so you understand.

 

I really did let him know straight away, but he was slow to reply, and then continued to act differently, my apology seemed to not count for much at all.

 

He sent a few messages while I was gone, nothing rude, just asking if everything was ok.

 

Thank you for this. I really have tried, but it is as though a huge wall has gone up. He for sure knows I am still interested, not sure if I want to call and continue with it. I am almost leaning towards he thinks my disappearing might have been intentional or game playing tactics

 

OK, I think you handled everything perfectly.

 

Now he is acting weird. I wouldn't fault you for not wanting to continue with him.

[angel.eyes]

For many/most, the initial conclusion likely will be that you were pulling a fade.That's what most people would think after a couple of ignored messages. A phone call and making it clear that you want to continue (suggesting you meet up) worked to clear up any misunderstanding for me. I'm not suggesting you beg or anything...just try the phone call and be sincere during the call. Guys were more than happy to continue once I called.

 

I can definitely see how it could be perceived if it is something that people do in the dating world (first time I have been part of it after a ltr). I agree it is very rude if intentional.

 

I really did let him know straight away, but he was slow to reply, and then continued to act differently, my apology seemed to not count for much at all.

 

He sent a few messages while I was gone, nothing rude, just asking if everything was ok.

 

Thank you for this. I really have tried, but it is as though a huge wall has gone up. He for sure knows I am still interested, not sure if I want to call and continue with it. I am almost leaning towards he thinks my disappearing might have been intentional or game playing tactics

[hurts2death]

makes me want them more....