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Why should I have to apologize?


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hello all, this is my first post and i was hoping to hear your thoughts

 

i have been dating this 27 year old woman for about 8 months and things are pretty good. the other day she was talking about the times where she had sex outdoors and she mentioned that she had sex with her ex in a cab on the way back from a club.

 

she told me that she had gotten rid of her undergarments and sat on her ex's lap. i joked around and said that the cab driver must have gotten an eye full of her lady bits and she flipped out.

 

she said that i was being immature. and then i was told to apologize for saying that. i dont understand why i have to say im sorry. i didnt say anything wrong. she says that its disrespectful towards her that i would say that, but i told her that it was most likely true since she did have sex inside the car. she still believes that there was no way she could have flashed the driver.

 

so now i have to apologize before she talks to me again. :o

 

so what are your thoughts?

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todreaminblue

i think its a mistake to talk about in detail previous sexual conquests with someone you are currently dating, nothing good can come of it....did she specifically say i am not talking to you until you apologise...if so and you care that you have offended her....apologise....i think the argument on a whole is pretty childish and doesnt serve any purpose...should be left in the past where the talk should have been in the first place............deb

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hello all, this is my first post and i was hoping to hear your thoughts

 

i have been dating this 27 year old woman for about 8 months and things are pretty good. the other day she was talking about the times where she had sex outdoors and she mentioned that she had sex with her ex in a cab on the way back from a club.

 

she told me that she had gotten rid of her undergarments and sat on her ex's lap. i joked around and said that the cab driver must have gotten an eye full of her lady bits and she flipped out.

 

she said that i was being immature. and then i was told to apologize for saying that. i dont understand why i have to say im sorry. i didnt say anything wrong. she says that its disrespectful towards her that i would say that, but i told her that it was most likely true since she did have sex inside the car. she still believes that there was no way she could have flashed the driver.

 

so now i have to apologize before she talks to me again. :o

 

so what are your thoughts?

 

She sounds like a drama queen.

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i think its a mistake to talk about in detail previous sexual conquests with someone you are currently dating, nothing good can come of it....did she specifically say i am not talking to you until you apologise...if so and you care that you have offended her....apologise....i think the argument on a whole is pretty childish and doesnt serve any purpose...should be left in the past where the talk should have been in the first place............deb

 

but i dont understand how i can offend her by saying what i did -- i didnt make anything up - i just said that it was possible that the driver saw something

 

and ya she said she was going to wait until i apologized before talking again

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Why are you even talking about this kind of stuff? Your comment was stupid. You should apologize.

 

she brought it up, not me - i leave my past where it is, she talks about stuff she has done in the past

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but i dont understand how i can offend her by saying what i did -- i didnt make anything up - i just said that it was possible that the driver saw something

 

and ya she said she was going to wait until i apologized before talking again

 

I don't get how she can be upset either but why she is upset vs that she is upset maybe different. The only thing I can come up with is some stupid idea that she's even more slutty if the cabbie saw her than she comes across by being an exhibitionist who gets off on risky sex in the 1st place. So that is why she may be upset -- whatever you said, she heard you call her a slut.

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Her talking about having sex with someone else was disrespectful. I would not apologize at all. If you start apologizing for everything, you'll have a long/short miserable relationship. She told you someone she probably shouldn't have and then got offended by that little remark. I'm quite sure people have said far worse to her in life. I'd let her call me and don't apologize. She had sex in cab with her ex and told you about the experience...and she is upset about a joking remark like that? Come on!!!

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I don't get how she can be upset either but why she is upset vs that she is upset maybe different. The only thing I can come up with is some stupid idea that she's even more slutty if the cabbie saw her than she comes across by being an exhibitionist who gets off on risky sex in the 1st place. So that is why she may be upset -- whatever you said, she heard you call her a slut.

 

i know she is upset but i want her to tell me why rather than just saying that i was being a 'jerk' - as far as i know even though my comment was not that great its not as bad as her telling me how she got it on in a cab with her ex - i never tell her stroies of me with my ex

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Her talking about having sex with someone else was disrespectful. I would not apologize at all. If you start apologizing for everything, you'll have a long/short miserable relationship. She told you someone she probably shouldn't have and then got offended by that little remark. I'm quite sure people have said far worse to her in life. I'd let her call me and don't apologize. She had sex in cab with her ex and told you about the experience...and she is upset about a joking remark like that? Come on!!!

 

ya this is what i was thinking - i agree it wasnt the greatest comment, but can anyone tell me that its not true?

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i dont get this - what do you mean by teasing me?

 

If you are a pretty passive person and let her get away with things, she might be trying to get you to buck up. She might want you to be more dominant and stand up to her and be a "man". This is of course only a theory and dependent on your personality

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Apologize for this one because your comment was out of line, but if she brings up more old sex stories change the subject.

 

Whoa whoa whoa, hold the horses.

 

She brought up the encounter to her partner who did not ask, that is just a faux pas. That is highly uncomfortable and he tried to turn it into something like a funny story. Her getting upset about the whole thing is on her, because let's remember, this current situation wouldn't have happened without what she did in the first place.

 

Now, should he apologize? Sure, for making her upset or hurt but not for what was said. This isn't an argument at all because it is baseless in substance.

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evanescentworld

Speaking as a woman, I think her demand for an apology is really a bit rich.

She's there, telling you about a sexual adventure she had, with an ex, in a cab used by other members of the public - something for which she could have actually been arrested - and she has the gall to demand an apology from you for daring to suggest that perhaps, someone might have seen something??

 

Tell her to get real and not be so slutty.

If anyone should apologise, it's her....Really what was she doing?

Boasting? Flaunting her risky sexual past under your nose?

 

Jeesh, talk about double standards....

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Whoa whoa whoa, hold the horses.

 

She brought up the encounter to her partner who did not ask, that is just a faux pas. That is highly uncomfortable and he tried to turn it into something like a funny story. Her getting upset about the whole thing is on her, because let's remember, this current situation wouldn't have happened without what she did in the first place.

 

Now, should he apologize? Sure, for making her upset or hurt but not for what was said. This isn't an argument at all because it is baseless in substance.

 

i never asked her about her past sex life and it doesnt feel that great when she talks about it -- this isnt the first time she has done it either but since i didnt want to hear about what she did in a cab i turned it from her ex and tried to point out something funny that most likely the driver was watching/knew what was going on

 

now i am being made to apologize - that just makes no sense

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I don’t get it ether. Frankly, I would have thought what you said and probably would have asked, “what did the cabbie do or say?” or “were you nervous about the cabbie being there?” I don’t know what the right response is to a story like that. I don’t even know why she’s upset. Surely the cabbie knew what was happening and looked. Baffled.

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but since i didnt want to hear about what she did in a cab i turned it from her ex and tried to point out something funny that most likely the driver was watching/knew what was going on

 

Well, maybe next time she brings it up, instead of deflecting or trying to make light of it, tell her directly that you don't want to hear about it, and would she please not talk about her past sexual exploits. Then it's up to her to either respect your wishes or not. If she can't respect your wants, then it's time to give her the old heave-ho.

 

I for one have no idea why any woman would tell her current boyfriend about her past sexual exploits in detail, unless he was extremely comfortable with it or they were like, swapping war stories. When my BF were about six weeks into dating, we went to a bar, and sitting there was this guy that I'd messaged with previously on OKC. We never even got around to meeting, but even still I didn't mention anything to my BF. He just doesn't need to know.

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Don't you dare apologize. It's a test, and you apologizing is you failing it.

 

She brought up the conversation, and you made a joke about it. If she can't take a joke at this point about a ridiculous situation she put herself in, she has a huge problem.

 

Apologizing over something like that sets a dangerous precedent in which you have to apologize or every little thing where she might deem offensive.

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Don't you dare apologize. It's a test, and you apologizing is you failing it.

 

She brought up the conversation, and you made a joke about it. If she can't take a joke at this point about a ridiculous situation she put herself in, she has a huge problem.

 

Apologizing over something like that sets a dangerous precedent in which you have to apologize or every little thing where she might deem offensive.

 

This. Don't fail the test.

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A cab driver sees everything, so if she got angry, it's because she knew that he did saw them and deep down inside she thought it was wrong to do it in front of him..

 

Anyway, for me I don't think you need to apologize

 

By the way, I don't understand why did you mention this girl age?

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she says that its disrespectful towards her

 

Personally, it was disrespectful towards you and your relationship when she brought up her sexcapades with an ex. There are things you just don't bring into a relationship, and one of them is where and how you had sex with an ex. Yuck. Such a turn off.

 

Do not apologize. She sounds like an attention monger. She probably thought you were going to be impressed and in awe of her risque behavior or even show jealousy but instead you made a joke about it and got her ego all bent out of shape. She had no problems about doing the nasty in a public cab in the presence of a total stranger, not concerned about what the driver saw or heard, but she feels so disrespected just because you made a harmless comment that the cab driver probably saw her bits.

Edited by Zahara
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hello all, this is my first post and i was hoping to hear your thoughts

 

i have been dating this 27 year old woman for about 8 months and things are pretty good. the other day she was talking about the times where she had sex outdoors and she mentioned that she had sex with her ex in a cab on the way back from a club.

 

she told me that she had gotten rid of her undergarments and sat on her ex's lap. i joked around and said that the cab driver must have gotten an eye full of her lady bits and she flipped out.

 

she said that i was being immature. and then i was told to apologize for saying that. i dont understand why i have to say im sorry. i didnt say anything wrong. she says that its disrespectful towards her that i would say that, but i told her that it was most likely true since she did have sex inside the car. she still believes that there was no way she could have flashed the driver.

 

so now i have to apologize before she talks to me again. :o

 

so what are your thoughts?

 

Screw her she's a total contradicting jerk. I never new maturity including banging in a cab.

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She wants to brag about basically her slut-like behavior, then calling you on it for making a little joke about (which is not such a joke I'm sure the cab driver had a wonderful time getting an eyeful)).

 

Tell her .... oh I don't know .....

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i have been dating this 27 year old woman for about 8 months and things are pretty good. the other day she was talking about the times where she had sex outdoors and she mentioned that she had sex with her ex in a cab on the way back from a club.

 

she told me that she had gotten rid of her undergarments and sat on her ex's lap. i joked around and said that the cab driver must have gotten an eye full of her lady bits and she flipped out.

 

she said that i was being immature.

 

Dump this woman.

 

I can't beleive she's talking about banging her exes in the back of a cab and how she ripped her panties off and then has the nerve to ask you to apologize for making a comment that sounds a lot more tame than what she was talking about.

 

I'm all for freedom to talk about your exes, even sex stories if they're worth telling (I have one where me and my ex fiancee broke the bed legs right off because we did ecstasy at home and the dealer neglected to tell me it was cut with viagra. what a crazy night lol) but if shes telling you the full on raunch and you participate and then she flips on you...

 

Chances are this isnt the first argument you've had with this chick where your left wondering if your going crazy.

 

You might start by bringing up a wild sex story with your hottest ex and showing her a picture of her, get right into the graphic details and when she goes nuclear on you say, how about you get lost. I'm gonna call that ex back - I think I made a mistake dumping her.

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