Lab Partner Dilemma

[RandomCollegeGuy]

Ok this is my story, if y'all dont wanna read this whole thing, there will be a TLDR summary at the bottom.

 

This semester I ended up being paired up with a beautiful girl in a once a week monday night lab. Initially my reaction was "damn outta my league". I would rate myself as an average to slightly below average guy on looks (4-5 out of 10?) and I'm brown so I feel like I have that going against me while I would say she is at least a 7. So at the beginning both me and her were "lets get this ish done so we can get on with our lives" since this was a night lab, we both had busy schedules with horribly busy mondays.

 

However, as time went on and we started talking more I started falling for her more and more. Turns out we have the same type of humor, similar interests in food/shows/movies and she is really intelligent more so than I thought (both of us are working to become (different types of) engineers and we attend a pretty highly ranked university). It came to the point where I was actually looking forward to going to the lab just so I could spend some time with her. Long lab? great! more time to spend with her.

 

Since, like i said, she is out of my league, I decided to play it safe and go the friends route first. Every lab I would genuinely try to make her time with me in the lab as enjoyable as a late night lab could be. My goal for each night was always to make her laugh atleast once. (ugh she has the cutest laugh ever) I was never overly flirty but i did drop subtle hints along the way.

 

Anyway, I felt like I was making solid progress. Her birthday actually fell on a lab day so I decided I would ask her for dinner that night and see how she reacts to that. I brought her some coffee just how she likes it and asked her about her plans for the night. Turns out her dad was in town to take her out that night. Bummer. After that school ramped up and with holiday breaks and other stuff, no other moment seemed right.

 

Now here is the problem:

First, stupidly, instead of going the numbers route, early in the semester I added her on facebook and started messaging her there. Now, I have no excuse to ask for her number since texting and FB messaging both go to the phone.

In person whenever we talked face to face I felt like we were clicking and we talked about our interests and life and yadayada. However, over FB, it was a different story. Like I said before, I started messaging her about school work earlier in the semester but later on when I was messaging her more as a friend, she took her time to respond, and her responses were subdued especially if they weren’t about school. It got to the point where sometimes I felt like i had to force the FB convo forward in order to get a response. Now these mixed signals had me confused so I never got around to actually asking her out. Why is she so open and talkative in person but so passive through FB?

 

At the end of the semester, after we were done with lab forever, during a rough finals week (both me and her had 11 exams between the two of us) I innocently linked her to this: buzzfeed.com/daves4/most-awkward-things-in-2014?bffb#.vvZq9GBNG

 

Now, I linked this to a lot of my friends because I thought it was hilarious (the dude’s dance at the end still cracks me up) and thought that it would be a good thing to look at for a study break.

 

Her response to it was: “ha, those are painfully awkward” then “the look on the kids face”. Now the only kid I could find on that page was #12 so if that was supposed to be a hint that meant she had no interest and I was just SOL. I tried to get more info. I said “ yeah that would suck, I think thats from a show” and then added on that I thought the last guy was hilarious. I got no reply to that. Finals ended, we left off with her saying I was a fun lab partner and enjoy my break & me replying in kind.

 

Now, I am sitting here over winter break with no clue where I stand with her. On one hand, from time with her in person, I felt like I was making progress and she did enjoy spending time with me but on the other hand, she seemed distant on FB. I know she had a busy schedule so I can see if she didn’t have time to sit down and chat with me on FB but i’m not giving myself false hope. If i had to, I would guess that during lab she was talking to me because she was trying to be nice. If her reaction to the buzzfeed thing is any indication, I would guess she isn’t interested.

 

Normally, I would move on... I should move on... but I can't help it. Somethings are nagging me. First, I always acted like myself around her and only dropped a few subtle hints that I liked her so there IS a chance (however slight it may be) that she just didn’t notice. Second, I have never had a girlfriend. I have experienced the drunk college hookup and lusting after sexy crushes but this time it feels different. I would say the closest thing to describe it is love as corny as it sounds. I just can’t stop thinking about her. Obviously, you can tell how much of a concern this is to me because of this long ass post.

 

I mentally keep kicking myself for not having the balls to make a move on her in person before it was too late. Next semester and onward, our coursework is different enough that I won’t have another class with her again so I won’t ever have the chance to meet her in person face to face unless I randomly run into her somewhere on campus. I will try to chat her up on FB but there is no reason why she won’t still be distant like she was over the last semester. Even if she wasn’t distant, I still wouldn’t feel right asking someone out over FB chat. That’s why I would want her number but no chance in that now .

 

I just want to know if there is any mutual feelings and to make sure that she knows I’m attracted to her. Even if it is a no, I just want a definitive answer just to know I did what I could and so I can move on. I just don’t know how to accomplish this now....

 

The only thing I can think of is to write her a letter on valentine’s day and hope to get a response. Ladies, would that be weird? I looked it up online and it seems pretty evenly split on letters being weird/not weird. I just don’t have experience in these kinds of situations, did I overlook something obvious? Guys,what would y’all do in this situation? Anyone go through anything similar?

 

Sigh, it feels good to finally get all of this out. I haven’t told anyone about this and have been stewing about it for a while now.

 

TLDR:

-I think I am/already have fallen in love with my Lab partner

-I failed to get her number when I started chatting to her on FB

-She was talkative during lab but distant on FB so mixed vibes

-Classes are over, I failed to make a move in person, now I don’t know what to do, any ideas?

-I am considering writing a letter on valentines day, thoughts?

 

Let me know if you guys have any more questions about the situation. Thanks in advance for the advice guys.

[clia]

I don't understand all this waffling; just ask her out on a date -- whether through Facebook chat or by asking her for her number. (I honestly do not understand why you feel you still can't ask for her number. If she says "no," when you ask for her number, then you will have your definitive answer about whether or not she likes you.)

 

I mentally keep kicking myself for not having the balls to make a move on her in person before it was too late. Next semester and onward, our coursework is different enough that I won’t have another class with her again so I won’t ever have the chance to meet her in person face to face unless I randomly run into her somewhere on campus.

 

Then you have absolutely nothing to lose by asking her out.

 

I will try to chat her up on FB but there is no reason why she won’t still be distant like she was over the last semester. Even if she wasn’t distant, I still wouldn’t feel right asking someone out over FB chat. That’s why I would want her number but no chance in that now .

 

I do not understand why you can't ask her for her number. Just ask for it.

 

I just want to know if there is any mutual feelings and to make sure that she knows I’m attracted to her. Even if it is a no, I just want a definitive answer just to know I did what I could and so I can move on. I just don’t know how to accomplish this now....

 

Ask her out on a date. Whether getting her number and calling her up, or even through Facebook chat. Her response will be your definitive answer.

 

The only thing I can think of is to write her a letter on valentine’s day and hope to get a response. Ladies, would that be weird?

 

Yes, it would be weird. It's also seven weeks away. Just ask her out on a date.

[ktya]

TLDR:

-I think I am/already have fallen in love with my Lab partner

-I failed to get her number when I started chatting to her on FB

-She was talkative during lab but distant on FB so mixed vibes

-Classes are over, I failed to make a move in person, now I don’t know what to do, any ideas?

-I am considering writing a letter on valentines day, thoughts?

 

Let me know if you guys have any more questions about the situation. Thanks in advance for the advice guys.

 

Facebook her and ask for her number. Wait for a response.

 

When she gives it to you call her and ask her on a date. Nix the letter on Valentines, that's too far away. If she's out of town for a while set up a meet for when she gets back. Say that - "I want to take you on a date" so she gets no qualms about what you want.

[Assada]

I only read the summary ofcourse.

 

Question is, how do you "fall in love" with someone you dont know.

Move on man.

If you see her again, you see her again, you can ask her to hang out somewhere.

If you send any letter, you'll look like a Grade - A psycho

[BlueIris]

In person whenever we talked face to face I felt like we were clicking and we talked about our interests and life and yadayada. However, over FB, it was a different story. Like I said before, I started messaging her about school work earlier in the semester but later on when I was messaging her more as a friend, she took her time to respond, and her responses were subdued especially if they weren’t about school. It got to the point where sometimes I felt like i had to force the FB convo forward in order to get a response. Now these mixed signals had me confused so I never got around to actually asking her out. Why is she so open and talkative in person but so passive through FB?

 

These aren’t mixed signals. To me, they show that she’s open and talkative when you’re working together and nothing more than that. Lots of women don’t like having some responsibility or meaning assigned to them when they’re friendly and relaxed in a work or school setting. It can result in their not being friendly and relaxed when working with men. So be careful not to do that.

 

So, all of that said, you want to date her so ask her out directly and clearly. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. “I’d like to go out together some time. Would you like to go <to dinner, see a movie, get drinks at XYZ place>?” Be clear.

[JuneJulySeptember]

This semester I ended up being paired up with a beautiful girl in a once a week monday night lab. Initially my reaction was "damn outta my league". I would rate myself as an average to slightly below average guy on looks (4-5 out of 10?) and I'm brown so I feel like I have that going against me while I would say she is at least a 7.

 

Since, like i said, she is out of my league, I decided to play it safe and go the friends route first. Every lab I would genuinely try to make her time with me in the lab as enjoyable as a late night lab could be. My goal for each night was always to make her laugh atleast once. (ugh she has the cutest laugh ever) I was never overly flirty but i did drop subtle hints along the way.

 

Big misconception in the way that women work. Typically, either they are attracted to you or not at the start or will give you a chance, maybe (a maybe girl). You cannot 'work' on them and earn them like friendship. You ask them out FIRST and then if she is a maybe girl, you can work on her.

 

Also, even if a woman is in your league or even below, it means nothing. She may still reject you, perhaps twice as fast. You will see what I mean later.

 

However, as time went on and we started talking more I started falling for her more and more. Turns out we have the same type of humor, similar interests in food/shows/movies and she is really intelligent more so than I thought (both of us are working to become (different types of) engineers and we attend a pretty highly ranked university). It came to the point where I was actually looking forward to going to the lab just so I could spend some time with her. Long lab? great! more time to spend with her.

 

All pretty meaningless if she is not physically attracted.

 

Never fall for a woman you have not at least kissed.

 

 

Let me know if you guys have any more questions about the situation. Thanks in advance for the advice guys.

 

IMO, if you are going to do something, do something really informal and light, like ask her to go with a concert, then buy her a beer and try and kiss or something. But don't get all sappy and infatuated. Death trap.

 

You need to revamp your ideas of women and dating and how it works.

 

P.S. I was the same as you in college. WORSE. It took me many more years of stupidity to learn what I know. If you pick it up quickly, you can save yourself many years of pain and lost productiveness.

Edited December 23, 2014 by JuneJulySeptember