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Dating a flaky girl


Amilcar

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So I've been seeing this girl for a few weeks now and, for all intents and purposes, we were hitting it off. We had a great first and second date, much more intimate feeling than the standard early dating situation. Each time we expected to spend an hour or two together but ended up out for 4-5 hours, kissing, hand-holding, etc.

 

Something strange happened between the second and third date. We were both busy with work so we decided to schedule the third date for the following Sunday (second was on a Saturday). She texts me a few hours before we're scheduled to see one another... she was out very late, drank a little too much, and wasn't feeling well. I appreciated her candor, and, hey, these things happen, so we rescheduled for a Tuesday date. This one went extremely well too.

 

Our fourth date was supposed to be the "natural progression" date. She was going to come over and spend today at my place. She sends me a text around 1PM feeding me the same story about being out a bit too late, concluding with "If I feel better later will it still be ok for me to come over?" I respond with a terse "Sure." I'm a patient person and not super judgmental but this just felt like a real message of disinterest, or perhaps not the amount of interest I'm looking for in a potential relationship. We have spoken about what we're looking for and both of us pretty clearly indicated a relationship as an overarching objective.

 

Part of me wants to walk away completely before I experience more disappointment. She doesn't owe me anything, but drinking way too much on 2 separate weekends before a date doesn't suggest a whole lot of interest. In addition, she was rather unapologetic (although that might just be her way). At the same time, I'm genuinely interested in her personality and, let's face it, her physical beauty. But this doesn't seem very reasonable on my part... How do I proceed?

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Aaand this is why people multidate. Some people just fade out.

 

I generally suggest the three-strikes rule with flakes. She did reschedule the third date though, so that's good. And it's possible she's not comfortable having sex on the 4th date.

 

If you don't like her party lifestyle, then maybe you should look somewhere else. (Or it was a white lie on her part, but then you might not like being lied to.)

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I would date other people at this point, but it has been a busy few months and I'm not really into online dating. And that's part of what annoys me... I set aside time in my schedule, some of the only free time I've had in the week, to see someone and the nonchalant cancellation just feels a bit obnoxious.

 

As for sex on the 4th date... I didn't even invite her to my place, she told me she wanted to come over during our last date on Tuesday. I had no plans to get laid, we were going to watch a movie and I was going to cook for us... Simple and truly without any ulterior motives. I generally don't push the sex on anyone, it sort of takes the fun out of it for me if I have to request that we take things there. She's been way more aggressive on that end than me, which I don't mind at all.

 

I don't judge the so-called party lifestyle... I like to drink with friends as well, and though I tend to do it in moderation, I'm no stranger to a hangover. We're both 27 and we live in a large city with limitless nocturnal recreation so my beef isn't with that. It just seems like a girl who's interested would think..."Well, I could do another few shots and get blasted, but I'm also looking forward to spending time with Amilcar tomorrow so... Maybe not." I guess I'm not great at reading cues. Part of why I'm asking is because I have misread cues so many times in the past. I've stopped talking to girls over this sort of perceived lack of interest only to have them tell me months later that they were really feeling me and don't know why I vanished. I feel like I'm getting too old to keep misreading cues.

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Part of why I'm asking is because I have misread cues so many times in the past. I've stopped talking to girls over this sort of perceived lack of interest only to have them tell me months later that they were really feeling me and don't know why I vanished. I feel like I'm getting too old to keep misreading cues.

 

 

Well, if you know this is a problem of yours, then ask her out a few more times. If she flakes again or if she's still lackadaisical, then move on.

 

Some people are just not that into you, or are simply lazy. You have to shrug it off and move on.

 

I know you said you are not into OLD, but Tinder could give you a wealth of choices in a large metropolitan area.

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