Thanasis Posted December 20, 2014 Share Posted December 20, 2014 Hello people. I have been dating this girl for 2 months. She is wonderful but things do not progress anymore. In the last 15 minutes of our last meeting I asked her if she wanted to meet "this" Saturday for a dinner but she said she was too busy. She was so difficult to agree on appointments lately. Then I told her that I needed a definite answer if she wanted us to continue meeting each other. She said she was too busy with her career lately and she was not sure if she wanted a relationship this period. I insisted that I didn't want to bother her and she needed to give me a definite answer because it would greatly help me to move on with my life. She said she was not sure but she wouldn't mind if I wanted to meet her a few more times. Will I shut her off and move on with my life? I liked her character and spirit so much. ! I can't hold my self away from my cellphone and I am tempted to call her again. I don't think I find women like her everyday....... Is there any future with this woman? I am stuck guys! Thank you... Link to post Share on other sites
acrosstheuniverse Posted December 20, 2014 Share Posted December 20, 2014 "Then I told her that I needed a definite answer if she wanted us to continue meeting each other. She said she was too busy with her career lately and she was not sure if she wanted a relationship this period. I insisted that I didn't want to bother her and she needed to give me a definite answer because it would greatly help me to move on with my life. She said she was not sure but she wouldn't mind if I wanted to meet her a few more times" Dude... she already GAVE you a definite answer when she said she's too busy with her career lately and wasn't sure about a relationship (with you). She's too weak, or loves the attention, to tell you outright 'I won't see you again' but she certainly isn't going to be calling you asking to see you, or asking if you want to be exclusive. She's been clear with you, now you need to move on. Why waste your time and effort going out 'a few more times' when you know she's not interested anymore? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Phoe Posted December 20, 2014 Share Posted December 20, 2014 move on, she's no longer an option 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Trenton100 Posted December 20, 2014 Share Posted December 20, 2014 Ugh...the "I'm too busy with my career" stuff. I ran into that with a girl last year after 4 months. I dropped her on the spot. I think some people like the idea of a relationship more than actually having one and when its time to kick it up, they back off. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thanasis Posted December 20, 2014 Author Share Posted December 20, 2014 (edited) ............. She's been clear with you, now you need to move on. Why waste your time and effort going out 'a few more times' when you know she's not interested anymore? Hi mate. Of course I don't want to waste more time on a dead thing. I just want to make sure that there is nothing I can do to save this. I want to make sure that it is not her career, it is not that she is busy, it is not that she is not ready for relationship. I want to make sure that she is not interested in me personally... This will cool me down....... Edited December 20, 2014 by Thanasis Link to post Share on other sites
Trenton100 Posted December 20, 2014 Share Posted December 20, 2014 Hi mate. Of course I don't want to waste more time on a dead thing. I just want to make sure that there is nothing I can do to save this. I want to make sure that it is not her career, it is not that she is busy, it is not that she is not ready for relationship. I want to make sure that she is not interested in me personally... This will cool me down....... If she is pulling the career card, let it go. If someone is interested, they make the time. Quick story...my ex-wife met someone who lived in another state. Dude worked full time. He would drive 8 hours to see her on a weekend and 8 hours back. She moved there and is quite happy. I'm happy for her as well. My point is...he made that kind of effort. So in the end, what does it matter to you, right? If she can't make the time for you, the entire situation is moot. There's nothing to save. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thanasis Posted December 20, 2014 Author Share Posted December 20, 2014 move on, she's no longer an option Ugh...the "I'm too busy with my career" stuff. I ran into that with a girl last year after 4 months. I dropped her on the spot. I think some people like the idea of a relationship more than actually having one and when its time to kick it up, they back off. I feel this is the case with her as well. Not sure, but sounds valid ! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thanasis Posted December 20, 2014 Author Share Posted December 20, 2014 If she is pulling the career card, let it go. If someone is interested, they make the time. ................ If she can't make the time for you, the entire situation is moot. There's nothing to save. Hi Trenton... Thank you mate. It hurts but I want to realize it. At the end if she is interested she may always give me a call. I did my best with her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thanasis Posted December 20, 2014 Author Share Posted December 20, 2014 .....She moved there and is quite happy. I'm happy for her as well..... I understand you share the happiness of your ex-wife. I am glad how you managed to get rid of her !!!. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thanasis Posted December 20, 2014 Author Share Posted December 20, 2014 If you want to hang on to what's left of your dignity you will. What you should be looking for is a woman that does not need to be convinced to spend time with you. What dignity? It is already gone. Finding any woman who is convinced to spend time with me is the only goal left to me. ! Link to post Share on other sites
Frank2thepoint Posted December 20, 2014 Share Posted December 20, 2014 Then I told her that I needed a definite answer if she wanted us to continue meeting each other. She said she was too busy with her career lately and she was not sure if she wanted a relationship this period. I insisted that I didn't want to bother her and she needed to give me a definite answer because it would greatly help me to move on with my life. She said she was not sure but she wouldn't mind if I wanted to meet her a few more times. It seems there are a lot of women using the "not ready for a relationship" card these days. Wonder if this is some growing ominous trend. You did good by stating that you want a definite answer on continuing to see her. You showed your value, that you know what you want. Once she said she doesn't know if she wants a relationship, is when you didn't need to insist on anything. Her response was the definite answer you asked for. Unfortunately it wasn't the one you were looking for, especially after investing 2 months. There is no point in trying to invest yourself into her anymore, since you want a relationship, but she doesn't. You will not be missing anything significant by dropping her. Let her go, rub your wounds, heal up, move on, and try again with someone new. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thanasis Posted December 21, 2014 Author Share Posted December 21, 2014 ...... ....Let her go, rub your wounds, heal up, move on, and try again with someone new. That would be difficult, but the only way.... I have many questions in my head.... She also said that she needed time to heal from an ex-relationship and she was wondering how I was so ready for it. Anyway. Back to loneliness !!! Link to post Share on other sites
acrosstheuniverse Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 Hi mate. Of course I don't want to waste more time on a dead thing. I just want to make sure that there is nothing I can do to save this. I want to make sure that it is not her career, it is not that she is busy, it is not that she is not ready for relationship. I want to make sure that she is not interested in me personally... This will cool me down....... No, there's nothing you can do. Back off, she may come running once she realises that you're not hanging around waiting for her. But the chances are minute, you should be backing off for your own sanity and to get over her! Take it from me, when I met my now boyfriend, back in January, I was working 40 hours a week at my full-time MA placement, writing a 20k word thesis, delivering pizzas 30 hours, and volunteering four hours every week. Sometimes our 'dates' would be me meeting him for a drink after work at 11pm after a 14 hour day, before I had to be back up for another 14 hour day the next morning. I made that effort, losing sleep sometimes, calling him up and asking him out when my schedule changed last minute sometimes, to make sure he knew I was really interested in him, and we managed to start what continues to be a really, really wonderful relationship. It's only been a year but we're living together (have been since a couple months in, although not officially until six months in). He knew I was interested even though he'd never met anyone busier because I was making the time to see him as often as possible, and on the days where I physically couldn't (started work at 9am and finished at midnight) I was texting him, the odd call, snapchatting him, so he knew he was in my thoughts and I was into him. Sometimes if all we could do to see each other was him come over at midnight when I knocked off work and sleep next to each other until work in the morning, that's what we'd do. You are worth somebody who will put in that level of effort. I know it really sucks because you clearly like her, but she's not in the right place for a relationship with you, whether it's because she's busy, she's emotionally not over an ex, or she simply doesn't like you. Whatever the reason, it's irrelevant. You're not gonna get what you want out of this girl so move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Frank2thepoint Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 She also said that she needed time to heal from an ex-relationship and she was wondering how I was so ready for it. This simply means she is still emotional attached or scarred from her last relationship. She has conflicting emotions, and she has not found peace yet. Honestly, she is being selfish and not considerate of your feelings. She knows she isn't ready, just looking to have fun, while also wanting a distraction from her conflicted emotions, but not even considering that you may get feelings for her. I personally never understood this, because people do have feelings. Doing what this girl is doing is just egregiously denying the existence of other people's feelings. Take it from me, when I met my now boyfriend, back in January, I was working 40 hours a week at my full-time MA placement, writing a 20k word thesis, delivering pizzas 30 hours, and volunteering four hours every week. Sometimes our 'dates' would be me meeting him for a drink after work at 11pm after a 14 hour day, before I had to be back up for another 14 hour day the next morning. I made that effort, losing sleep sometimes, calling him up and asking him out when my schedule changed last minute sometimes, to make sure he knew I was really interested in him, and we managed to start what continues to be a really, really wonderful relationship. It's only been a year but we're living together (have been since a couple months in, although not officially until six months in). He knew I was interested even though he'd never met anyone busier because I was making the time to see him as often as possible, and on the days where I physically couldn't (started work at 9am and finished at midnight) I was texting him, the odd call, snapchatting him, so he knew he was in my thoughts and I was into him. Sometimes if all we could do to see each other was him come over at midnight when I knocked off work and sleep next to each other until work in the morning, that's what we'd do. Thanks for sharing your story. It's amazing what your level of commitment and effort is. It's welcoming contrast to how some people just don't want to put any effort in, even if their lives are less hectic compared to yours. If I meet another woman that tells me she is too busy for a relationship, I'll remember back to your story and know that the woman is definitely not interested. Link to post Share on other sites
most_distant_galaxy Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 When a woman says these words, then she feels intuitively that you aren't a great match for her. You may be wonderful and I'm sure she appreciates you, but she isn't feeling "it" with you. Link to post Share on other sites
acrosstheuniverse Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 Thanks for sharing your story. It's amazing what your level of commitment and effort is. It's welcoming contrast to how some people just don't want to put any effort in, even if their lives are less hectic compared to yours. If I meet another woman that tells me she is too busy for a relationship, I'll remember back to your story and know that the woman is definitely not interested. Thanks, that's really sweet. I mean, the only time I can imagine being genuinely super into someone but 'too busy' to date would be if a close relative was sick in the hospital and I was by their bedside for weeks on end. Otherwise, re jobs and studying etc., yes it's just an excuse. I guarantee, when you meet the right woman, you won't have to question it. You'll know that no level of busyness can keep her away! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thanasis Posted December 23, 2014 Author Share Posted December 23, 2014 Thanks for all your wonderful advices people. There is something strange and unnatural happening in my case. I was about to consider this case as DEAD and when she sensed that I was about to back off she recently sent me an SMS asking me for a Date ! She said that she needed some extra meetings before she agreed on a relationship because we were moving too fast and she wouldn't like to hurt herself again (she had enough from an EX before she decided to dump him) or hurt me.... STRANGE BUT REAL.... Lets see how it moves. Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 Just cool down. Stop pressing and try to observe and analyze. Obviously she doesn't want to have anything "serious", so just have fun with it and see where it goes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thanasis Posted December 23, 2014 Author Share Posted December 23, 2014 Just cool down. Stop pressing and try to observe and analyze. Obviously she doesn't want to have anything "serious", so just have fun with it and see where it goes. Yes I need to cool down I guess. Too much of excitement will land me hardly ! Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thanasis Posted January 4, 2015 Author Share Posted January 4, 2015 We still see each other. She keeps saying that she is not sure if she wants a relationship right now. She is not sure if she changes her mind next week, month or year !. She does not want to disappoint both herself and me. She also said she couldn't handle the pressure when I preset our next date from a previous one. She said that I should let things flow naturally and not plan so strictly. I replied that I understood, I respected and accepted how she felt. She was sure about that and she called me a real unique man ! I asked her if she wanted to stop dating. She wanted to keep dating me if I wanted it too! I felt I insisted too much to pre-set our next date. I think I should cool down and try to re-establish the way I am handling this interaction. I will attempt to unset the date I was insisting on, because I was too pushy. I will leave her a bit more space for things to work in her better if they want to work. I accept the fact that she is not so interested in me but at least she gives me the chance to re-establish things. I have to do it as quickly as possible. I don't want to hear more about that stupid "she put me in the friend's zone". I know this somehow. Things can change. On each date-in I hold her head and kiss her on her cheeck. On date-out I hang her firmly around the neck and fiddle her back. I should cool down with this interaction. The more I insist she persists on singing the same "I am not ready" song! ------------------ Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 You say you are changing the way you approach this, but you aren't. You are falling into the same patterns. You are seeing her through the lens of long-term relationship and that's exactly the way you SHOULDN'T be. She doesn't want a relationship = She isn't serious about you. Which means you shouldn't be serious about her. So there are two ways to approach this: #1 Ditch her before you continue to get emotionally involved. #2 Start going out with other women at the same time, put her on the backburner, say "No" to her every so often, and don't take her seriously. However, if you do this and you actually cool down on the body language, she'll cool down even more so on you. The less serious you take her, the more open she'll be to responding to you, but it doesn't mean that you stop interacting with her physically. It just means don't get emotionally invested. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thanasis Posted January 4, 2015 Author Share Posted January 4, 2015 You say you are changing the way you approach this, but you aren't. You are falling into the same patterns. You are seeing her through the lens of long-term relationship and that's exactly the way you SHOULDN'T be................ I am considering a change in the way I approach this. I can not continue investing. I see where it goes. Like I said. The more I insist she persists. ...... She doesn't want a relationship = She isn't serious about you. Which means you shouldn't be serious about her. ............... She didn't say she didn't want a relationship. She said she was not ready / too busy at this moment. She was not sure what she wanted.... But anyway of course I shouldn't consider that a serious reply and invest in her. ............. It just means don't get emotionally invested. This is true. I am trying my best. I am a human with weaknesses! I will see what I can do to stop that... Thanks for your feedback man ! Link to post Share on other sites
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