laelithia Posted December 20, 2014 Share Posted December 20, 2014 Hi Everyone, I went on what I thought was a great date last night but now I'm not so sure. I met him off okcupid, we went for drinks last week and I had a really good time. He messaged me early this week to see if I was interested in doing something, I said yes. He suggested making me dinner at his place last night. I went, and it was great! He was an amazing cook and the conversation was really good. We watched a movie after and he was a total gentleman the whole time. As far as I could tell he seemed into me. At one point he made a joke about me owing him a kiss to "forgive me" when I said something silly. I jokingly brushed it off, maybe I should have went for it? Anyway, at the suggestion of my friends and family, I sent him a text today thanking him again for the delicious dinner and asked if he was tired today because I didn't leave until late (nothing happened, not even a kiss!). He read the message but didn't reply... Did the date not go well for him? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted December 20, 2014 Share Posted December 20, 2014 He might think you're not into him in a romantic sense. If he tried to kiss you and you turned him down, he's likely assuming you're not feeling it the way he is. Are you? You're not wrong for avoiding a kiss, by the way. If you didn't want to, it's your prerogative. Link to post Share on other sites
Author laelithia Posted December 20, 2014 Author Share Posted December 20, 2014 I definitely did want to, I was just kind of being silly about it, kinda in a flirting way I thought. I'm definitely attracted to him, maybe I gave off the vibe I wasnt. But I thought maybe me reaching out to him showed that? I dunno Link to post Share on other sites
Author laelithia Posted December 20, 2014 Author Share Posted December 20, 2014 Uuuuugh I went to delete him as a contact and I FaceTimed him by accident... I hung up right away but I know he'll get a notification. Kill me now! Do I just pretend it didn't happen? Whyyy Link to post Share on other sites
acrosstheuniverse Posted December 20, 2014 Share Posted December 20, 2014 Chill, style it out. Say you were facetiming him to thank him face to face for a lovely meal. I know it's technically a lie but it's better than admitting you were trying to delete him because you're upset he hasn't asked you out again Just sit back and let some time pass, he'll show you soon enough whether he's into you or not. If he invites you to do something again then he may be interested, if he doesn't then he isn't. Keep focused on dating other people and living your own life! It's only been a day since you had your date, he could be busy at work or anything. Don't go writing him off in a huff just yet. Link to post Share on other sites
cif Posted December 20, 2014 Share Posted December 20, 2014 Was this a first date? At his place? If yes, he wanted sex and the kiss comment was not a joke. If he doesn't reply just delete. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted December 20, 2014 Share Posted December 20, 2014 Leave it be. If he is interested he will contact you, if not he won't. He maybe thought the date at his would end up in bed and when you didn't even kiss he has given up. If all it was, was about sex then you haven't really lost anything. Link to post Share on other sites
Author laelithia Posted December 20, 2014 Author Share Posted December 20, 2014 It was a second date. I think I'm definitely overanalyzing this and freaking out. But it's so refreshing to be concerned about this than over my ex that I can't help it haha I didn't say anything after accidentally calling him. I guess if he asks I'll say it was an accident. I'm pretty sure that if he hasn't have written me off before now he definitely has as it looks like I'm needy haha. Oh well, I'll just chalk this up to more dating experience! Link to post Share on other sites
Thanasis Posted December 20, 2014 Share Posted December 20, 2014 Write him off. If he wants he will call you !!! trust me, I am a man.... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Trenton100 Posted December 20, 2014 Share Posted December 20, 2014 Second date at his own place seems a little too much. He was maybe hoping you would come on to him? I don't know. Link to post Share on other sites
Frank2thepoint Posted December 20, 2014 Share Posted December 20, 2014 I definitely did want to, I was just kind of being silly about it, kinda in a flirting way I thought. I'm definitely attracted to him, maybe I gave off the vibe I wasnt. But I thought maybe me reaching out to him showed that? I dunno Instead of thinking you are attracted to him, show him. Sending him a message does not have a great impact. Ask him out for a third date, that will show you are interested. It was a second date. I think I'm definitely overanalyzing this and freaking out. But it's so refreshing to be concerned about this than over my ex that I can't help it haha Stop over-analyzing it and jumping to conclusions. At this point he thinks you are playing games with him. Do what I suggested, ask him out. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 20, 2014 Share Posted December 20, 2014 My goodness it hasn't even been 24 hours and you are stressing over him not getting back to you. It's the Saturday before Christmas and most people are busy as hell. Just give it some time before you get all upset. Link to post Share on other sites
Author laelithia Posted December 20, 2014 Author Share Posted December 20, 2014 Instead of thinking you are attracted to him, show him. Sending him a message does not have a great impact. Ask him out for a third date, that will show you are interested. Stop over-analyzing it and jumping to conclusions. At this point he thinks you are playing games with him. Do what I suggested, ask him out. I think now would be a bad time to ask him out... He ignored my message last night and then I called this morning by accident. That would mean according to him I've reached out twice with nothing from him. I'm just gonna leave it I think Link to post Share on other sites
Author laelithia Posted December 21, 2014 Author Share Posted December 21, 2014 Update! Very lack lustre reply. He said "I'm glad you came over. It was really hard for me to stay focused yesterday, I think I showed up at 9:30 and left at 3:45". The message I sent him yesterday thanked him for dinner and asked if he was tired at work since I didn't leave until late. I replied "haha yeah I was the same way" to which he read and didn't reply, can't blame him though. I suppose now I wait again! Dating sucks... Link to post Share on other sites
aggie382 Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 Oh yes, I've seen this so many times! "Dinner at his house" is code for "come over and have sex." That didn't happen, so he's not interested anymore. Consider yourself lucky that you avoided a broken heart and feeling used! Link to post Share on other sites
Author laelithia Posted December 21, 2014 Author Share Posted December 21, 2014 It sure seems that way I'm wondering if online dating just isn't the route I should be going... But I don't know how else to meet someone! Link to post Share on other sites
BluEyeL Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 It sure seems that way I'm wondering if online dating just isn't the route I should be going... But I don't know how else to meet someone! You can meet someone on OLD if you know what you're doing and are patient/resilient. It can take 1-3 years and you have to accept that. You also have to know how to protect yourself. Let go of people who are not meeting the standards with not much regret and know that every no is a step closer to the yes. Letting go of men who are after sex, string you along and are not all that interested in you is key to success. Among "knowing what you're doing" is not going to a man's house until you're ready for sex. Politely decline and say that you're not ready for that yet, but suggest x place instead. Do not have sex until exclusivity is another very good standard to have. Link to post Share on other sites
Author laelithia Posted December 21, 2014 Author Share Posted December 21, 2014 You can meet someone on OLD if you know what you're doing and are patient/resilient. It can take 1-3 years and you have to accept that. You also have to know how to protect yourself. Let go of people who are not meeting the standards with not much regret and know that every no is a step closer to the yes. Letting go of men who are after sex, string you along and are not all that interested in you is key to success. Among "knowing what you're doing" is not going to a man's house until you're ready for sex. Politely decline and say that you're not ready for that yet, but suggest x place instead. Do not have sex until exclusivity is another very good standard to have. I've been giving it a shot for about a year now, and I would say it's definitely not worked well for me. I think you're right that I need to let go when they aren't showing interest other than sex. I feel as though I've lost confidence along the way and I've begun to accept behaviour I never would in a man before in effort to try and "keep" one. But it's not working for me and clearly I need to change things up Link to post Share on other sites
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