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feeling insulted:should I be?


Daisy-oliviaWentcher

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Daisy-oliviaWentcher

I got chatting to a guy online. He asked me how long I've been single for. When I told him (which has been a really long time ) he immediately asked me "when was the last time you had sex?" I was insulted by this question. A) none of his business. B) not even important C ) the guy doesn't even know me and D) not to mention rude. He also asked me "why do you think you've been barely asked out?" Again rude. Rude to assume just because I've been single for a long time doesn't mean I've spent years eating Oreos and home baked cookies with a cat on my lap at home, by myself... in my pajamas. And whose to say I haven't turned down a few offers, including his. I feel already a massive chip on my shoulder about being single for years and I don't likely people assuming that there is something distasteful about me and ****ed up and wrong with me. Why would this guy ask me those two questions? Am I being overly sensitive about it? Or do people agree that asking someone "when was the last time you've had sex?" Is a really rude and obnoxious question to ask

 

 

D xxo

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I got chatting to a guy online. He asked me how long I've been single for. When I told him (which has been a really long time ) he immediately asked me "when was the last time you had sex?" I was insulted by this question. A) none of his business. B) not even important C ) the guy doesn't even know me and D) not to mention rude. He also asked me "why do you think you've been barely asked out?" Again rude. Rude to assume just because I've been single for a long time doesn't mean I've spent years eating Oreos and home baked cookies with a cat on my lap at home, by myself... in my pajamas. And whose to say I haven't turned down a few offers, including his. I feel already a massive chip on my shoulder about being single for years and I don't likely people assuming that there is something distasteful about me and ****ed up and wrong with me. Why would this guy ask me those two questions? Am I being overly sensitive about it? Or do people agree that asking someone "when was the last time you've had sex?" Is a really rude and obnoxious question to ask

 

 

D xxo

 

If I asked a girl that right away, I would expect to be smacked in the face.

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I got chatting to a guy online. He asked me how long I've been single for. When I told him (which has been a really long time ) he immediately asked me "when was the last time you had sex?" I was insulted by this question. A) none of his business. B) not even important C ) the guy doesn't even know me and D) not to mention rude. He also asked me "why do you think you've been barely asked out?" Again rude. Rude to assume just because I've been single for a long time doesn't mean I've spent years eating Oreos and home baked cookies with a cat on my lap at home, by myself... in my pajamas. And whose to say I haven't turned down a few offers, including his. I feel already a massive chip on my shoulder about being single for years and I don't likely people assuming that there is something distasteful about me and ****ed up and wrong with me. Why would this guy ask me those two questions? Am I being overly sensitive about it? Or do people agree that asking someone "when was the last time you've had sex?" Is a really rude and obnoxious question to ask

 

 

D xxo

 

Yes it is rude/obnoxious in this context, his second question in particular which is making a negative presumption about you when he knows nothing about you (why do people do this?).

 

I once got asked by a woman when I had last had sex when I was out on a group meal (she was a bit drunk at the time). In that context I found the question funny rather than offensive.

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I got chatting to a guy online. He asked me how long I've been single for. When I told him (which has been a really long time ) he immediately asked me "when was the last time you had sex?" I was insulted by this question. A) none of his business. B) not even important C ) the guy doesn't even know me and D) not to mention rude. He also asked me "why do you think you've been barely asked out?" Again rude. Rude to assume just because I've been single for a long time doesn't mean I've spent years eating Oreos and home baked cookies with a cat on my lap at home, by myself... in my pajamas. And whose to say I haven't turned down a few offers, including his. I feel already a massive chip on my shoulder about being single for years and I don't likely people assuming that there is something distasteful about me and ****ed up and wrong with me. Why would this guy ask me those two questions? Am I being overly sensitive about it? Or do people agree that asking someone "when was the last time you've had sex?" Is a really rude and obnoxious question to ask

 

 

D xxo

 

Most online 'Chat' rooms have a useful facility called 'Block User' ... I'd use it!! Nice early indication you are wasting your time :-).

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Both are pretty common questions on OLD.

 

 

I've had the 'what's wrong with you?' question also on multiple occasions.

 

 

When I have delved deeper (just out of curiosity) with a few of these guys it turns out that because I am female my main aim in life 'should be' finding a man.

 

 

Choosing to be single for any reason at all is not plausible in their eyes.

 

 

I found all of that to be pretty insulting too. It's pretty much saying that a woman is of no value without a man on her arm or unless she is making the search for one her top priority.

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He is checking that a. you do not sleep around or are prude and b. that your not a freak of nature...

 

Personally I think you should be wary of him but answer in a light joking way that its none of his business and if people ask those sorts of questions this early on then they are likely to be going with out sex for a heck of a lot longer!!!

 

Some guys are dufuses.

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I have been single 11 years.

 

In all your posts you seem embarrassed of having been single for as long as I have. I think men pick on that. I take pride in having been alone this long. I can stand on my own in life and I don't use people as emotional band-aids.

 

It happened I was asked how long ago I had sex. I reply: I won't answer this but know for women it's easy, we just need to put our foot out the door and we can collect sex if we wish to.

 

You are on the defensive a lot about how long you've been single. You need to grow some confidence. If I am asked why I have been single for this long I answer I raised my daughter, I built character, I invested in my career and obtained financial security, and if you turn around and ask them what THEY have accomplished in the past 10 years that will shut them up. He's probably just out of a relationship, lost most things and is crawling under debts.

 

I told you many times. You have to stop seeing being single for a long time as something negative.

Edited by Gaeta
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Why would this guy ask me those two questions? Am I being overly sensitive about it? Or do people agree that asking someone "when was the last time you've had sex?" Is a really rude and obnoxious question to ask

 

 

D xxo

 

This is not rude if you're going to have sex in the near future. IMO when it comes to intimacy people have every right to know about your past and present.. i.e. number of partners, diseases, etc. It's up to you whether to respond or not.

 

His other questions/comments were in fact condescending.

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I would not be insulted by that kind of question being asked by a complete and utter stranger Period. In fact, I wouldn't be insulted if anyone asked me that question. The answer to the question isn't anything to be ashamed of. It's none of their business no matter what anyway.

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I would not be insulted but I wouldn't want to continue a conversation with someone who thinks it's OK to talk about that subject so early.

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This is not rude if you're going to have sex in the near future. IMO when it comes to intimacy people have every right to know about your past and present.. i.e. number of partners, diseases, etc. It's up to you whether to respond or not.

 

His other questions/comments were in fact condescending.

 

When you have reached a certain age the number of partners you've had is irrelevant. I am 49 years old, I don't even care to count how many partners I've had, all they need to know is that at the moment I have no sexual partners and my std record.

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Don’t take it personally. Just write him off and think to yourself, “Rats. He’s a tactless clod.” Say "good bye, good luck," and stop talking to him. BLocking is a good idea. Tactless clods often morph into insulting jerks who blurt their crap on you.

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I think your reaction to his questions are very revealing. Some people are just very frank and have no problems asking hard and frank questions. If you feel comfortable answering them, answer them; if you do not feel comfortable answering them, don't but don't allow your strings to be pulled like this.

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When you have reached a certain age the number of partners you've had is irrelevant. I am 49 years old, I don't even care to count how many partners I've had, all they need to know is that at the moment I have no sexual partners and my std record.

 

For you, Gaeta, previous number of sexual partners may not matter. For some, myself, it matters but only if it's in the 100's, an indication this person is NOT and CANNOT be monogamous. And yes I know people like this.. unfortunately perhaps.

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If I were asked, I'd probably answer with some BS like,

"Actually I shag my brother every friday night which is probably limiting my days to go out on a real date.":rolleyes:

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I never answer questions like this to strangers right off the bat. It is rude.

 

THANK YOU....^^

 

If it came up in casual convo, ok...

 

But, I don't like to be "interrogated"...It's hard enough that freakin' dating now a days is like a darn job interview instead of being fun.

 

I don't know how I'd answer those questions "off the bat". I mean, I'm going on more than 2 years without having sex and/or "dating" if you will. I mean, I've chatted with some guys, even exchanged numbers and went out on a date or two, but that was about it.

 

A lot of it was cuz of stress I was dealing with cuz of some battles I've been fighting, but I don't want to have to disclose that to just "anyone". Even though I'm anonymous here, I still would not go into details about those battles.

 

I mean, I told my FWB about it and one time I was giving him an update that I got so mad and slammed my fist on the table cuz I was so fired up. I don't want to have another guy see me in that "mode" again.

 

But, what can you do?

 

I mean, like some guys who might be "observing" me right now. They may see me come and go certain hours and/or not go anywhere for days and wonder if I'm a bum or something - when that is far from the case. They may wonder what money I have and/or what I do for a living. That worries me, that they'd make inaccurate assumptions about me, but at the same time I don't want them to know my business....ho hum...

 

I kinda am like that idiot in the Jack Ryan movie working for the CIA. What he does is none of your business, get used to it. You'll know what you need to know, when you need to know. As long as I'm handling my business and not imposing on you, relax - it's not like we're getting married and/or having kids. But nooo, she kept on pushing to find out. :rolleyes:

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I learned a long time ago that when a guy online asks when you were last in a relationship, what he really means is 'when did you last have sex'. Really, such guys are not worth wasting time on. If find inevitably if I continue in a conversation with a guy who has asked that question from the start, that the rest of the convo is going to degenerate into more and more personal questions that are none of his business.

 

You can easily pick out such conversations. The guy will ask when your last relationship was, sometimes when you last had sex (though he may restrain himself for a few sentences). He will likely ask if you live alone. He will start asking about your body (what dress size are you, for example) and asking for photos. He will not ask you much about your interests, if at all, and he won't be caring about how you are feeling, only about you giving him the answers he wants.

 

Just get rid of the guy!

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How rude! That guy was insulting and lacked good manners/taste.

 

You can do SOO Much better than him.

 

Anytime a guy asks the "why are you single?" question, or ANYTHING related to sex within the first couple of dates (and you had not even MET The dude!!) I automatically give him the side-eye. :mad:

 

Those two questions leave a very bad taste in my mouth.

 

I could be frank and ask him: "So...how big is your ****??"

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Now don't get me wrong, I tend to ask the 'How long have you been single' question as well, but this only happens AFTER I've known her for a couple of days.

Last time I asked that was on the 1st date itself. (Didn't even mention sex or w/e.)

Not at all for 'shock value' or to come across as an offensive person, I assure you, lol. :p

I generally tend to ask that question in order to know whether or not I'm dealing with 'relationship hoppers'.

Which sadly happened to be the case last time, yet I gave her a shot regardless, /sigh.

Before that, I met plenty of timewasters who just got out of a relationship a few weeks, or even months ago.

There's just too many who instantly LEAP back into dating without taking the time to heal up, and thus waste my time trying to find someone interested in something serious for a change, lol. ^^

Edited by Teraskas
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I learned a long time ago that when a guy online asks when you were last in a relationship, what he really means is 'when did you last have sex'. Really, such guys are not worth wasting time on. If find inevitably if I continue in a conversation with a guy who has asked that question from the start, that the rest of the convo is going to degenerate into more and more personal questions that are none of his business.

 

You can easily pick out such conversations. The guy will ask when your last relationship was, sometimes when you last had sex (though he may restrain himself for a few sentences). He will likely ask if you live alone. He will start asking about your body (what dress size are you, for example) and asking for photos. He will not ask you much about your interests, if at all, and he won't be caring about how you are feeling, only about you giving him the answers he wants.

 

Just get rid of the guy!

 

I respectfully disagree with you about the intention of asking when your last relationship was.

 

 

 

Some guys may mean it the way you say.

 

Or, some guys may not be too keen on persueing a woman who just got out of a 10 year relationship 6 months ago. I think the follow up questions will show the direction of the conversation.

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Daisy-oliviaWentcher
I learned a long time ago that when a guy online asks when you were last in a relationship, what he really means is 'when did you last have sex'. Really, such guys are not worth wasting time on. If find inevitably if I continue in a conversation with a guy who has asked that question from the start, that the rest of the convo is going to degenerate into more and more personal questions that are none of his business.

 

You can easily pick out such conversations. The guy will ask when your last relationship was, sometimes when you last had sex (though he may restrain himself for a few sentences). He will likely ask if you live alone. He will start asking about your body (what dress size are you, for example) and asking for photos. He will not ask you much about your interests, if at all, and he won't be caring about how you are feeling, only about you giving him the answers he wants.

 

Just get rid of the guy!

 

This I absolutely agree with! he actually started from that question like " when was the last time you had sex?' to " how often do you work out?" to " do you like cake and chocolate and biscuits and how often do you eat them?" and then last but not least " how big are you and what size are you?" clearly those jerks are looking to have sex with someone that resembles a fantasy.

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