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May have inadvertently ended things with this girl?


accident_prone

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accident_prone

i've been seeing this girl for just two months. im 26 and she's 23. the first 5-6 weeks were great and then the past few we have only hungout like once a week. we've hooked up a few times. i really do like this girl but the past couple weeks i've been getting gut feelings that she may be losing interest or something as she had been a little more distant than usual although very affectionate on our dates. just a few weeks ago she was talking about being happy to have met me and how i was so different and good for her, etc. so anyway, i stopped initiating as much contact and sure enough, she came to me on monday and i took it as an opportunity to ask her out. we agreed to tonight.

 

fast forward to tonight. i haven't seen her in a week and we're going to catch a movie. movie was great and we had a good time. so i'm walking her back to her car and before she leaves i kiss her goodnight and tell her simply "you know, i really like you and i'd like to spend more time with you" she kinda starts to freak out thinking im asking her to go steady or something and i assure her i'm not, as i'm not at that place yet this early on. ive not pressed this issue nor has either of us brought it up.

 

but the conversation quickly turned into her saying she likes me, attracted, loves hanging out, etc but not knowing what she wants from this and essentially says that she's been pulling back because she doesn't have strong feelings for me yet (which is normal this early right? women fall slowly) and she says the fact that she doesnt have these feelings yet worries her that she never will with me. i tell her im not issuing an ultimatum or anything just wanted her to simply know that im into her and would like to see her a little more than once a week when we can. but she started crying and is upset because she is confused and needs to think. i told her it doesnt have to be so serious as shes thinking but idk if she gets that.

 

so again, i really like this girl but what should i do in this situation? just back off completely and give her space to think and come to me or write it off as a loss because in my experience, girls saying theyre confused (especially after only 2 months) never ends well.

 

any experience or advice is appreciated. thanks!

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venusishername

It just seems to me she's a little gun shy and wants to take things slowly.

You did the right thing by letting her know where you stand and how you'd like to see her more. She being 'confused' means she's not sure for whatever reason.

Sounds like she likes you but wants to take time. The fact that she says she doesn't feel strongly for you wasn't very nice. But.. Again it just seems she's unsure.

I'd let her come to you. It's ok for you to reach out and let her know you're thinking of her. Just don't press it. You laid your cards on the table. See what happens.

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I think you should pretty much back off. When you told her you really liked her, she was trying to let you know she didn't feel the same way, but I'm getting the sense that you wouldn't take that for an answer and kind of kept pushing it? She was seemingly turning down your offer to spend more time together, and you replied by saying, "I'm just letting you know that I'd like to spend more time together if we can." I know you were trying to not pressure her, which was good, but I'm not sure you actually succeeded in making her feel un-pressured.

 

I don't think you messed anything up beyond repair, or anything. But she knows how you feel and if she wants to come around, she will.

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I agree with CC12, it's time to back down. I wouldn't call or initiate contact. When someone pulls away it often triggers a "chase" response in the other. I don't really think of it as game playing as much as I think of it as giving her an opportunity to realize that she likes you. Nothing kills attraction like overeagerness. I don't know why, but unless you are both on the same page at the same time it's best to pull back after she's said she's not sure.

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My man, you are going wayyy too fast. You never come onto a girl like that. Saying things like, "You know I really like you, I want to see you again." By doing so you are giving yourself away. Women like mysterious guys, guys who will keep them guessing. If you say you want to see her again, or that you really like her, then she will think in her mind that you will always be there for her. And where is the fun in that? My advice for the future is to play it slow. Keep her guessing. Be a man don't be a girl. Make her come to you. Especially when the date is about to end, you should not be a giveaway or say any corny things. Depending on the moment, a simple, "good night get home safe i'll talk to you later," will get her thinking and guessing.

 

Anyways thats just future reference. If she doesn't come back then it is okay. There are plenty of fish in the sea. Just take it as a learning experience and study yourself and women.

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accident_prone

agreed with you all. thing is, i am pretty happy with how things have been this early on. all i was trying to say was that i'd like to see her a little more but being that it was something that had been bothering her (her being unsure of her feelings thus far) she took it and kinda mixed the two. so would it be a bad idea to contact her later and tell her and try to clear it up again and say that we have somewhat miscommunicated and that i am happy with how things have been going slowly in that respect? or would this just push her away right now?

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accident_prone

and Kat, i get where you're coming from but how slow should i still be moving after two months? When just a couple weeks ago before holidays she was expressing pretty real interest? i wasn't trying to just play the aloof/indifferent card the whole time but maybe that's where I went wrong? idk. bummer cause this girl is awesome.

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and Kat, i get where you're coming from but how slow should i still be moving after two months? When just a couple weeks ago before holidays she was expressing pretty real interest? i wasn't trying to just play the aloof/indifferent card the whole time but maybe that's where I went wrong? idk. bummer cause this girl is awesome.

 

No, I don't think you were too fast. Meeting regularly for 6-8 weeks should be enough for her to figure out where she stands with you.

 

so would it be a bad idea to contact her later and tell her and try to clear it up

 

I don't think you need to clear up anything. Wait a week or two (radio silence or just a casual merry christmas text), so you won't look needy, and try to ask her out again. See how she responds. If she's still cold in January, you might need to look for other girls.

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Yea bro, don't sweat it. You didn't do anything wrong here. Most women don't know what they want from a relationship. If you didn't say anything she would assume you just wanted to be buddies. If she comes through great...if not, at least you know where you stand and can move on. You did all you could in the matter. Good Luck!

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As a girl who has done the same exact thing she has done, don't freak out. You have to prepare yourself that this may not work out. And if it does, then you will be greatly surprised. It seems to me that you are doing all the right things, but that could be the problem. Sometimes guys try to be too nice. Girls like a little mystery. Girls like the bad boy. Do not tell her you really like her and want to spend more time with her. Just do it. Girls use words, guys use actions. Be the cool guy who goes out with his guy friends instead of her. Live YOUR life. She may see this as attractive and come running back. Without being a total jerk, make it seem like it is a special thing to be able to spend time with you. She will see you as more of a commodity. You need to back off and live your life and pretend to care less about her, when in reality you seem to really like her. Play things cool. Girls love cool. They love the guy who suddenly has a free moment and wants to walk to the beach, or grab a quit lunch at a cafe. Get rid of all the serious dinner dates and going to the movies. Do something low key and spontaneous. Being a gentleman is very attractive, but being a push over is not. What my ex used to do that I loved was when I would have a bunch of friends over, I would include him. He would almost be my go to co-host. He would make drinks in the kitchen and I would clean and entertain my friends. Then sometimes just to surprise me he would call me in the kitchen. When I would go in he would be all cute and grab me a little and ask for a kiss and then he would just go for it. It was not only exciting to feel wanted, but to think your friends are in the next room. You don't have to be a wild child, I am not. But adding a little suspense to your relationship with her will add interest. Keep her hanging on the edge. Have minimal time on your date to spend with her. Talk about your future but don't talk about her in it. That used to get me every time with my ex. I loved his future goals and dreams, but I wanted to be in them. So I would then try to be around him more and would try to please him to be in that future. I hope things work out. If they don't, do not worry. I have felt like that girl before. There is nothing wrong with you and that is the problem. You are perfectly adequate but she isn't feeling butterflies and fireworks with you. You could just be better as friends. If you do end up having a talk about being together, play it cool. Act like you hadn't really thought about it and that its no big deal. This will make you seem less involved and she will probably want to be more involved. Good Luck!

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Frank2thepoint

You've dated this for nearly 6 weeks now, both of you are affectionate with each other, and soon as you tell her you like her, she freaks. Doesn't sounds like a stable girl to me. You didn't do anything wrong, so I disagree with some of the posters that suggested not to tell a girl you like her. After that amount of time, and being affectionate (assuming you guys have kissed at least), if she can't figure out her feelings for you, she never will. You sharing your feelings with her just reinforces that you know what you want, but she doesn't. I suggest back off, and keep her on the back burner. It sucks, but don't doubt yourself. Don't even initiate contact with her anymore.

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accident_prone

thanks for all the input. it's just lame cause i only did things and acted ways because she showed that amount of interest and started to have those types of talks so i tucked it away and then a few weeks later (last night) decided to address it. it wasn't from a place of fear or anything, i just simply said what i felt and what i wanted. i respect those who do that and she is the one who admitted to have been pulling back the past couple weeks and whatnot. lessons learned i suppose.

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