Not coping! How do girls think?

[Raddy]

We're both 28 and met 2 years ago on a travel trip. all was just a bit of fun at the start as she flew to see me a couple of times while we were traveling.

 

I then came back home and she was working on a boat travelling around. We instantly connected again with strong feelings and over the course of a couple of months decided to make it something more serious.

 

Its been 9 months now and I gotta say its been tough on us as we have only been able to see each other every couple of months given the boat being in full use and her not getting time off.

 

When we do get to see each other i have usually flown to where the boat is placed (about 5 flights now in 9 months) as it's normally in a better location to get out and have some fun.

 

I've treated her well and fairly in the sense i've been understanding of the situation and we've spoken everyday but also given her the space by short convo's when either of us have been busy.

 

So it's come to a point where she arrived with the boat in my home town for 3 and a half weeks and was given no time off except for one day while she was here. This is when things came to a bit of a breakdown where basically we sent some emails as her phone speaker had broken while at seas explaining how it was getting too hard. She said she was awake at night wondering if she should leave the boat or whether we should take a break or more of a casual relationship for 3 months time when she would leave and we could work out what to do. She said that i had every quality and every value that she'd ever wanted in a man and she wanted to be with me so damd bad but it was just so damb hard.

 

So I agreed we'd take a break as the better option. It was a week after we hadn't spoken she had flights booked to go back to her home for a friends wedding. She messaged me in a fairly flat way saying how big of year its been for her and how she's so exhausted and needed time to herself in which case i asked her what she wanted out of this break - Does she not want to talk, how long did she think was needed?

 

She responded with "I just don't know babe. I'm so confused right now and really need this time at home to just relax and work things out" "Its been one hell of a year for me and i need to be with my family and friends"

 

The text convo wen't on where i basically said we'd been through a lot and that i'd done a lot of travelling to see her in tough times. "She said she understands and is so so sorry but just needs the time back home and for me to just live life, be happy and do your thing" I said i've always lived my life just wanted to know where i stand with this break. I slipped a little and told her how there's a lot of chicks out there that would kill for what i've done. "She said. I knoooooow!"

 

When she landed she texted saying she'd been such and arsehole, selfish and unfair but she's so confused at the minute. I replied with "I get it and the situation, just don't treat me like a stranger or i'll be one" and then told her about some festivals that i'm going to, to relax the convo.

 

She replied saying when she gets gets back she'll try organise to see me etc. I left it at that and 3 days later she messaged me saying "i've been really busy catching up with friends and family etc. Hope all is good back where you are"

 

That was on Saturday and its now Thursday. I haven't messaged back as i'm confused as we've taken this more friends approach i'm not used to. Also i've read articles saying as soon as a break comes into place do the no contact for a while so she doesn't think i'm being needy but more so respecting her decision and giving her space.

 

My question is do I keep in contact and keep things cool by responding? or do I give her the NO CONTACT as i'm doing now and let her figure out her confused state she talks of? After all she's been busy and catching up with friends so not sure she's actually thought too much yet. Or maybe message her in a couple of weeks instead? or even leave it all together till she gets back after xmas?

 

What should I do here?

[Jack101]

Long distance relationships are always very hard since you can't seem to be with the person you love that much. I could see she is very into you as you are very into her. The mistake you made is when you kept forcing her in a way to tell you where you stand with her. You are a man, a man leads, you should already know where you stand with her because you are the leader! She wanted space and to be with her family and you kept bombarding her with messages, should've given her space. It seems you both have reached a point in your relationship where it is time to choose who will be moving where. It's either you move to her or she moves to you. If neither of you are comfortable with moving then you guys should move on and not waste your time. I know you may love each other but your both are setting each other up for heart break with this situation. You should only move to her if you will be comfortable living where she is and you will be able to pursue your dreams comfortably there. You also messed up by getting mad at her. Try communicating in a loving way next time. Right now, you should decide what will happen, someones moves or you both move on. If you continue things the way they are, it will be very hard for the both of you. Right now, let her contact you first and then slowly get into the conversation of moving or breaking it off.

Edited July 9, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Removed spam.

[nofeelings22]

I own one of the types of boats she works on.

 

It's a very life changing thing to be a Stew (I'm assuming she is).

 

Between all she saw, how hard she worked and what developed with you, this girl is (a rare thing for females), telling you straight up, she's a little burnt out and doesn't want to make her next life decision while in that vibe.

 

Giver her the space. Be friendly, be flirty, but wait while.

 

Listen to what she is saying.

 

She needs to decompress and ponder. Don't threaten her or pressure her. She is obviously a free spirit. One of the best possible types of girls out there. But free spirits need a little more TLC... like a cat, get her to come over to you... carefully.... slowly. No sudden movements until she makes one.

 

I'm also going to get in a fight here, but the post above me not only contradicts itself, but points you to a "system" like counting cards. This crap is useless. Every girl is an individual humn being. The minute you learn this fact and treat them as such, you'll have more girls than you know what to do with.

 

He was right though... don't be negative toward her. But don't try to lead her just yet. Let plenty of line out, then sink the hook in in this case.

Edited December 18, 2014 by nofeelings22

[Ieris]

I replied with "I get it and the situation, just don't treat me like a stranger or i'll be one"

 

I don't have much to add but I love this! I may have to use it some time

[Raddy]

Thanks for the comments

 

@nofeelings22. You would understand the situation she's in and I try to. I've given her loads of space in the past. Sometimes not talking to her for days while the boat was doing crossing etc. Its not about being a needy guy although it may come across to her as me being a nice guy as i've traveled to see her several times. Its a hard one to counteract in long distance and her being on a boat because there's a lot of things you can't do that a normal relationship or life would bring.

 

I've never really shown negativity up until a little in that last message I sent her. I guess i wanted to make it clear that i'd put A LOT of effort into being with her in as nice a way possible and now i'd lost out again because she's distancing herself. I run my own business and have a lot going on in my life but had still made the time when she had small breaks off. Not ideal for me but wasn't either of our choices and i'm more flexible than her as i can work remote. From her reaction i think she can see that.

 

As an owner yourself I get that you pay these guys a lot of money and that's the job (She's a chef) but in times when both owner and captain knew she was in my home town and not to give her a day off in 3 and half weeks to see me was tough after everything i'd done. I said it was cruel and its almost slavery but i guess it's the industry and also timing. One i'm still getting used to as all my staff I make sure they get time to breath and take in life.

 

So she sent me another message on Friday night that was a little more personal.

 

"Hey babe - How are you? Having a good festive season? How is it seeing everyone that made it across from OS? (She saw on Facebook i caught up with friends)

 

I haven't written back yet as I had a weekend away having a few drinks and wasn't sure if i should or just let her think for a little longer. She's been partying it up big back at her home with festival video's being posted up, catching up with friends etc so still not sure if these messages are just more to keep in contact or if she's actually missing what we had? To me "babe" is how we spoke before but could be just a way of getting me to try say something back

 

thoughts?

Edited December 22, 2014 by Raddy