Online dating journal, a womans journey

[Omei]

Today I signed up for online dating while I date publicly I didnt think it would be as interesting as people are always talking about online experiences I thought id write about mine until I find a happy ending or just get totally sick of keeping up with this lol

 

I am a woman, 28 and single mom I live alone with my child looking for my potential life partner.

 

I signed up to POF, thats just what I hand picked filled out my profile, one face pic, one body pic (no cleavage) and one pic of me and my child and 1 pick of my art. Filled out the tests and described my goals and likes yadda yadda.

 

I will only talk about the people I engage with.

 

Day 1

 

First msg someone told me I was gorgeous and I say thank you, the end lol

 

Second msg is from a guy that says hey, super boring opening but hes mega cute so I respond things go well we talk for 3 hours talking about things we like and have in common we talk a lot about kids he was very clear about wanting kids, eventually we talk about setting up some kind of simple meet but before we state where and when out of the blue he asks "are you on birth control?" I reply with "yes but why?" and he says "in case something happens when we meet"

 

I reply by saying nothing would happen because I dont know him and if we had sex off the hop I wouldnt be able to take our meeting seriously afterwards.

 

He grows upset quickly and tells me he feels judged and hes not like other guys that he wants something real too.

 

I explain that I am not meaning to judge but that it comes across wrong when he asks about sex before even meeting again he is just upset that hes been judged and says hes not like other guys if I would just read his profile I would know he wants much more.

 

We drop it and continue talking for about five minutes then he stops replying completely my guess is I hit it on the nose.

 

 

That's all for now

[Mirages]

Interesting, and expected. I find that match has the most candidates, OK quality / then OKC, ok quality / then POF, well there are a lot of profiles, and a significant drop in quality (of people).

 

Your goals will take more than a day to anchor, and POF might be half the problem. I'd try OKC... good luck.

[Omei]

Im gonna stick with POF for now maybe try something else later tbh I expect this in any place I go I do not actually expect to find someone online but hey if it happens cool.

[mysteryscape]

I am a woman, 28 and single mom I live alone with my child looking for my potential life partner.

 

 

Be prepared for a tough learning curve there at POF. You will soon learn that most of the guys will seem like creeps and losers, even though most of them are just normal guys.

[Omei]

Id like to add, remember peeps im journaling my journey I know the sites which ones I can use I dont care to sign up for them all one at a time so before its mentioned again I should use something other than POF I will when I want too im not looking for advice on how to use the sites but journaling my experience with them, ill change sites when I get bored of the one im on.

[JuneJulySeptember]

 

Second msg is from a guy that says hey, super boring opening but hes mega cute so I respond

 

This explains a lot about why I am not getting any responses.

 

Keep writing though. I would like to hear. Be honest please.

[Omei]

This explains a lot about why I am not getting any responses.

 

Keep writing though. I would like to hear. Be honest please.

 

Oh I plan too =]

[Rydo]

I've used match, pof and tinder. I see no difference in quality really depending on what you mean by that of course.

 

Pof has the odd Russian looking for a husband and tinder has some hookers. I'm offended that someone that I would consider average thinks I should pay her for her time haha.

[deathandtaxes]

That's what you get for talking with a guy who's good looking but has a lame opening......

 

 

You women....you never will learn, will you?

[Rydo]

My openings are always lame... Does that mean I'm more concerned about the girls openings so to speak?

[Omei]

I dont really care about openings if I find them attractive chances are I will see what's up

regardless most guys prob are expecting no reply or have no idea how to make themself sound interesting

[fred123]

Once again it's irrelevant what you write if you are attractive. Looks are the most important part then everything else comes

[Omei]

Once again it's irrelevant what you write if you are attractive. Looks are the most important part then everything else comes

 

That is true, but only per individuals and not majority because everyone's ideal of attractive is different why would anyone engage in someone they don't find attractive would you want someone who didnt find you attractive wasting your time pretending to be interested?

Edited December 17, 2014 by Omei

[deathandtaxes]

That is true, but only per individuals and not majority because everyone's ideal of attractive is different why would anyone engage in someone they don't find attractive would you want someone who didnt find you attractive wasting your time pretending to be interested?

 

 

 

So why be interested in what an attractive person has to say if they can't muster up the intelligence and effort to strive for a decent opening message? It just leaves the rest of us mere average mortals pondering and getting the last laugh when women fall for the attractive ******* time and time again.

[FitChick]

POF is the worst. Join a paid site.

[Hopes]

Cool journal, I'll take a peep every now and then. I am working on updating my pictures for your comment. I mean my photos are just kinda garbage and well I am an easy talker and meet girls in the real world quite easy. Though to expand my dating pool, I use OLD and maybe the view from the girls perspective I am interested in. The problem I have with guys complaining about a woman only using looks to base replies off from is that you pretend that, as men, we aren't doing the same damn thing. I have three types of girls (I am sorry ladies, but I know I will take some heat for this) 1. Girls I am not attracted too, never talk to them unless they start the conversation first. If, if if, they are real cool, I will be there friend. 2. Girls I am attracted to, then talk to, and find out they are boring, dumb, superficial, etc... They are the ones I stop talking to unless I think I can **** them. 3. Girls I am attracted to, then talk to, and find out they are awesome. These are the girls I want to date. Finally, most of my girl friends are girls that are not interested in me but attractive, and/or girls with partners. Why? Because the idiom "Birds of a feather flock together" is pretty true. Hanging out with attractive girls means you meet more. Now, to burn the next false statement "Attraction is subjective"... Well, this is a half truth. Attraction is subjective, but hoist some pictures of men and vote and you will see there is a consensus on what is attractive. However, it is the same for guys views of women. There are deal breakers that is very subjective in what makes someone datable, but attractive? Those are all pretty agreed upon. I say half truth because I know girls who like bigger guys who can cuddle, girls who want a skinny man with a six pack, girls who like muscles and girls who say call them meatsticks. Girls who like facial hair and girls who don't care. Just like I know some men who like girls thick and some men who like them like a stick. I know many are in between with different features on which they are keen. Some are ass men and some are breast men, so can we blame a girl if she likes Ken?

[Diezel]

I dont really care about openings if I find them attractive chances are I will see what's up

 

There you have it men, the foundation of online dating for some women on PoF.

[Gaeta]

Good luck.

 

I was on pof 3 years, met close to 150 men over those 3 years, and I am still single.

 

I have heard it all, and seen it all, I even was kidnapped for an hour and taken on a ride to nowhere.

 

Be safe, meet only in public places, do NOT get in anyone's car you have not met a few times.

[GemmaUK]

Good luck with the dating and like Gaeta said - keep safe!

 

 

 

 

I don't understand this thing either - same a Hopes said - where women are frowned upon for saying they reply to men they find attractive.

 

 

Is there some rule that says a woman is supposed to date someone they don't find attractive?

 

 

We all know that mass mailing goes on but also that some genuine guys will just send a 'Hi, how are you?'

I used to get around 15- 20 mails a day on OLD and usually all but maybe one or two were 'Hi, how are you?' or similar.

I'd usually get one that was really long and an obvious scammer and maybe one other from someone who wrote more but there was usually some reason why I wouldn't date him and he just wouldn't be on my radar.

 

 

'Hi, how are you?' as an example is not a rude opening, not the most interesting but it's also not offensive either.

It's just an opening.

 

 

If a guy was lovely looking to me I would respond, if I found he wasn't able to string a sentence together I wouldn't continue the conversation.

 

 

Above all though, I'm not going to date or mail someone who I'm not attracted to and I wouldn't expect a man on OLD to do that either.

[Andy_K]

I don't understand this thing either - same a Hopes said - where women are frowned upon for saying they reply to men they find attractive.

 

 

Is there some rule that says a woman is supposed to date someone they don't find attractive?

 

I'll explain.

 

You aren't expected to date guys you don't find attractive, but you are expected to not ignore guys who are 'attractive enough to date' but not stunning in favour of 'hot' guys who are less interested and put in less effort, and then when those go nowhere, turn round and complain about the quality of men online as most women do.

 

You get 15-20 messages a day. How many of those are attractive enough to date? How many of those who are attractive enough to date get dropped or ignored because you feel you have much better options available, even though you might well have dated them if you weren't talking to anyone else?

 

This is a generalisation, but guys tend to have a fixed standard of what they find attractive, regardless of whether they're online or offline, and regardless of what's available. Women tend to adjust their standards according to what's available. Since online has a huge number of undateable hot guys who send lots of messages around, women's standards (for looks) can often get artificially inflated far beyond what they would normally be. Essentially, guys get upset because girls who they would be able to chat with and date offline will ignore them online.

[JuneJulySeptember]

I don't understand this thing either - same a Hopes said - where women are frowned upon for saying they reply to men they find attractive.

 

Is there some rule that says a woman is supposed to date someone they don't find attractive?

 

Above all though, I'm not going to date or mail someone who I'm not attracted to and I wouldn't expect a man on OLD to do that either.

 

You would understand if you messaged 30 men you were attracted to and none of them responded.

 

It's not that men expect women to go out with men they find ugly. It's just that after messaging so many women, they're like "C'mon, maybe cut me a break and give me a chance even though I'm not the most attractive."

 

BTW, I'm under no illusion that this is the case for most men. Probably 20, 25, 30% of men at most. But still, it sucks.

 

You can't understand?

[Diezel]

It's the irony of the plethora of women's profiles that say, "If all you say is 'hey, how are you', then I won't reply to your message."

 

Or anything boring to that degree.

 

But I'm sure that a guy who looks like a 9 and sends that, that's good enough for a lot of women. That's all they need. That's the "in".

 

This is why a lot of guys put no thought into their initial messages anymore. Why sit there and read the profile and try to spend time crafting a message that might get ignored anyway? I'm not saying it's fair or unfair, I'm saying it's reality and why the effort has been reduced to a simple one-liner.

 

Some ladies say they want the effort and the thought behind the message, but not really.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Lately. .. I've been discerning about contacting women online and picking those "encourage" men to "contact me uf you can sound engaging in your emails and not just say 'Hi' or Hey cutie'".

 

I would think to myself, " Finally! A woman that gets it!" Only to STILL not get a response.

 

Feel like banging my head against the wall.

[Omei]

Anyone who expects me to start giving false hopes to a guy I don't find attractive is a total retard.

 

you guys do not know who I find attractive

 

stop using me as the pin up girl for all non responsive women

 

I am not going to go after someone I dont find sexually attractive I like sex in my relationships I would like to be attracted to them when im intimidate

 

Its common sense.

[Gaeta]

You would understand if you messaged 30 men you were attracted to and none of them responded.

 

It's not that men expect women to go out with men they find ugly. It's just that after messaging so many women, they're like "C'mon, maybe cut me a break and give me a chance even though I'm not the most attractive."

 

BTW, I'm under no illusion that this is the case for most men. Probably 20, 25, 30% of men at most. But still, it sucks.

 

You can't understand?

 

I have done this. I have given chances to men that were lets say in a different category than me in terms of looks. It never worked. The man is well aware he's aiming above his league and he's filled with insecurities. These men kept telling things like 'you must get a lot of attention', 'you did not answer my call were you out on a date', keep asking what's my type of man, etc etc. Unpleasant. Very unpleasant.

 

Beauty is relative. What I find attractive may be below average for another woman. We should go after what we find attractive, period. My daughter loves tall skinny long hair type of man, I would not touch one with a 6' pole. None of my friends would go for the type of man I go for even if I find my type of men dead gorgeous.