Eighty_nine Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 (edited) ...and even though I'm almost positive he's falling in love with me too, it's scary. And wonderful. I haven't experienced mutually intense feelings like this in about 10 years. People have been in love with me since then, and I've been in love with others since then, but it was not requited by the other party. This time, we're mutually so, so into one another. We met on a dating site which I never "believed" in using previously... now obviously, I'm a huge advocate! It has been a LONG time since I've experienced this, high school, and it's really messing with my state of mind- I'm having difficulty focusing on other things, I want to see him all of the time, I'm less interested in friends/hobbies.... my biggest "problem" currently is that I won't see him for 3 whole days since I'm going out of town. It's been just over two months (we see each other 3 or more times a week) and my feelings have just recently escalated. How long into relationships have others started to feel this? Did you just "know", like I do? And how do you calm down, take it easy & relax?! Lol It's funny, I have so much dating experience but such little experience in mutual, healthy love. Edited December 15, 2014 by lissvarna Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 (edited) ...and even though I'm almost positive he's falling in love with me too, it's scary. And wonderful. I haven't experienced mutually intense feelings like this in about 10 years. People have been in love with me since then, and I've been in love with others since then, but it was not requited by the other party. This time, we're mutually so, so into one another. We met on a dating site which I never "believed" in using previously... now obviously, I'm a huge advocate! It has been a LONG time since I've experienced this, high school, and it's really messing with my state of mind- I'm having difficulty focusing on other things, I want to see him all of the time, I'm less interested in friends/hobbies.... my biggest "problem" currently is that I won't see him for 3 whole days since I'm going out of town. It's been just over two months (we see each other 3 or more times a week) and my feelings have just recently escalated. How long into relationships have others started to feel this? Did you just "know", like I do? And how do you calm down, take it easy & relax?! Lol It's funny, I have so much dating experience but such little experience in mutual, healthy love. In the first two months, what you're likely experiencing just endorphins on the rise. If I were you, I wouldn't say you're in love yet, especially to him. You are still in the honeymoon period and have not seen all sides of each other yet. Be careful with your emotions right now. Just enjoy the time together and observe him and how he treats you and what he does. It's difficult to relax at this point even as an experienced dater. You need to keep your life balanced. Go out with friends, maintain your independence and keep focused on your life and not be too invested in this man yet. I'd also say, three times or more at the two month mark is maybe a little too often, not entirely bad, but a little space is a good thing. Of course, if he's initiating that often, you can go with it. It may calm down a little anyway at some point. I'm not saying you should pull back or anything, but make sure you're not not doing things because you're holding space for him. Try to keep your responses and reactions to him balanced as well. Don't be more emotional or demonstrative than he is to you. Let it evolve naturally. If you are sleeping together as well and have not had a discussion about exclusivity, you may need to steer him to that conversation if he doesn;t do it soon. Wait for him to do it if you can, but don't let it go beyond another month or so, maybe after the holidays. If you find yourself in the position of needing to do that, you need to simply convey to him that you're enjoying the time with him, list things you like about him and then say something general about what you're looking for for yourself in general, not with him specifically so that he understands where you are. This is sometimes a dicey thing to do, but it will make things clearer for you both. Just because you are feeling all this, does not mean he is. He may be making you feel that he is, but in the beginning, you can't know for sure. Edited December 15, 2014 by Redhead14 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Eighty_nine Posted December 15, 2014 Author Share Posted December 15, 2014 It's difficult to relax at this point even as an experienced dater. You need to keep your life balanced. Go out with friends, maintain your independence and keep focused on your life and not be too invested in this man yet. I'd also say, three times or more at the two month mark is maybe a little too often, not entirely bad, but a little space is a good thing. Of course, if he's initiating that often, you can go with it. It may calm down a little anyway at some point. I'm not saying you should pull back or anything, but make sure you're not not doing things because you're holding space for him. Try to keep your responses and reactions to him balanced as well. Don't be more emotional or demonstrative than he is to you. Let it evolve naturally. If you are sleeping together as well and have not had a discussion about exclusivity, you may need to steer him to that conversation if he doesn;t do it soon. Wait for him to do it if you can, but don't let it go beyond another month or so, maybe after the holidays. If you find yourself in the position of needing to do that, you need to simply convey to him that you're enjoying the time with him, list things you like about him and then say something general about what you're looking for for yourself in general, not with him specifically so that he understands where you are. This is sometimes a dicey thing to do, but it will make things clearer for you both. Just because you are feeling all this, does not mean he is. He may be making you feel that he is, but in the beginning, you can't know for sure. No, I definitely wouldn't tell him the intensity of my feelings so soon. I think I'm "falling", I don't know him well enough to be "in" love yet. We're already exclusive, he asked me to be after about a month. I don't doubt his feelings toward me at all. He initiates almost all of our hangouts and when I do, he's always available. I just asked him if he was free to join friends and I for dinner and he said "my schedule is always open for you". Yesterday he told me he cared about me very much. I actually am less demonstrative toward him than he is toward me because I've been trying to protect myself, but I'm beginning to really trust him as he hasn't done one single thing to make me question his feelings about me. I do think some more space might be good for me as I'm kind of overwhelmed by how good things are every time I see him. I have lots of friends & activities to do and I know I need to keep interested in all that, even when I just miss and want to see him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mammasita Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 (edited) I was feeling it like 3 weeks in! I held back on expressing how smitten I was though. I knew from past experiences saying things like that so soon messed things up for me. I waited a good 6 months before I told him ILY. Waiting in my situation was good for a couple reasons.....1) I wanted to make SURE what I was feeling was real and 2) we all know those early feelings are the new relationship high, like redhead14 says - endorphins. Oh, and I met mine on a dating site too . It's been over a year now. Edited December 15, 2014 by mammasita 1 Link to post Share on other sites
beautifulinside2 Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 Same here, we met online 3 months ago and have met each other's friends, family, etc. I think I love him, but like you it's been years since I have been in a healthy relationship so maybe I'm just getting use to being treated nice. I don't know but we spend 4-5 days a week together and 3 whole days without seeing each other would feel like a lifetime right now. Lol anyway good luck to you and congrats!!! Link to post Share on other sites
bachdude Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 I was feeling it like 3 weeks in! I held back on expressing how smitten I was though. I knew from past experiences saying things like that so soon messed things up for me. I waited a good 6 months before I told him ILY. Waiting in my situation was good for a couple reasons.....1) I wanted to make SURE what I was feeling was real and 2) we all know those early feelings are the new relationship high, like redhead14 says - endorphins. Oh, and I met mine on a dating site too . It's been over a year now. I wouldn't just discount what you are feeling as merely "endorphines". BTW, dopamine is also another hormone released that gives a feeling of euphoria in romantic relationships. The hormones wouldn't be released in your brain if there wasn't something about this person that you highly valued. Emotional needs are being meet and your body is releasing hormones in response. Of course, you haven't seen all his sides yet, and that is to be kept in mind, but at this moment you are in love - I wouldn't discount that! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Eighty_nine Posted December 16, 2014 Author Share Posted December 16, 2014 I wouldn't just discount what you are feeling as merely "endorphines". BTW, dopamine is also another hormone released that gives a feeling of euphoria in romantic relationships. The hormones wouldn't be released in your brain if there wasn't something about this person that you highly valued. Emotional needs are being meet and your body is releasing hormones in response. Of course, you haven't seen all his sides yet, and that is to be kept in mind, but at this moment you are in love - I wouldn't discount that! True; I know falling in love is a hormonal thing, however, since it doesn't happen with everyone we date, there's gotta be something special about the people it does happen with. Thank you Link to post Share on other sites
Author Eighty_nine Posted December 18, 2014 Author Share Posted December 18, 2014 Well, he asked me to officially be his girlfriend today. <3 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Brooke02 Posted December 18, 2014 Share Posted December 18, 2014 Well, he asked me to officially be his girlfriend today. <3 Yay, thats good news...happy for you Lissvarna :-) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted December 18, 2014 Share Posted December 18, 2014 Good luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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