enchanted771 Posted November 30, 2014 Share Posted November 30, 2014 Not sure if this is the right forum to post, but it's related to meeting someone. Can anyone give tips how to mingle? I'm shy and I have this fear and I don't Know how to approach people. I'm afraid I'll get rejected or laughed at or say something dumb. I'm attractive and have no problem getting dates but I'm not Meeting quality people online. When I was first single years ago I had no issue going to singles parties, etc. Guys approached me but I never got any numbers...so still a problem. Just walking into a bar with a big crowd overwhelms me and I don't have any clue what to do. If if were up to me, is sit at the bar and hope someone Talks to me! Men have told me I look scared. I'm not very approachable and it's a problem. I want to be more social and meet friends, men, etc. Help! Link to post Share on other sites
bears11 Posted November 30, 2014 Share Posted November 30, 2014 First off, I think meeting people online and then setting up a date to meet in person is generally kind of awkward so I understand why you'd feel anxiety setting in. I'd say best way to go about meeting new people is to join a club of some sorts, for instance a fitness club if you like to work out, or a book club if you like to read. Put yourself in an environment that makes you feel comfortable, while you are doing something that you enjoy. I'm a guy and I personally like going out to bars on the weekends to meet new people. I typically go out with a friend or two, after a few drinks all of the anxiety goes away. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author enchanted771 Posted November 30, 2014 Author Share Posted November 30, 2014 Yes exactly. Bars are fine because after a couple drinks I relax. It's just going there and thinking everyone is staring at me funny. If my friends were busy I used to go alone. Probably not the best idea. Link to post Share on other sites
shet Posted November 30, 2014 Share Posted November 30, 2014 (edited) Go smaller. Join clubs, try meetup.com, play a sport, take an evening class. I don't like waltzing into busy bars or singles events either, it's horrible. But I thrive in activity groups. You can actually be very sociable, but pressurised environments like big parties and bars make you crawl into your shell. Take the pressure off. Once you've done that, just chat. All the cliches will do. Where have you come from. What do you do. I like cats do you. etc. I get all that guff like, endlessly from other people at events so it's acceptable. I myself do my best to elevate conversation openers above that level but whatever works. A go-to for me is picking something about a person they've clearly considered about themselves - well manicured nails, earrings, newish pair of boots, clothing item - pointing out I notice it and asking about it. People ****ing love to talk about themselves, get them chundering away about their lives and you can go on autopilot while they think you're a conversational powerhouse. They'll offer up something at some point you can actually engage with them over, hopefully (sometimes they're just bores with lives you can't relate to). Edit: and then at the end you just say you'd like to meet again and talk more and ask their number, maybe using a common interest or something as an excuse. 85% of the time they just give it you. The rest they'll invent an excuse like their batteries flat and they don't know their own number. Edited November 30, 2014 by shet Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted November 30, 2014 Share Posted November 30, 2014 The easiest thing is just to sit or whatever you feel comfortable doing but keep a big toothy smile on your mouth and smile at everyone around. If you know people, it's more comfortable to stand or sit with the group, but keep the smile. That's your chore, faking that big wide smile. Even faking it, it makes you look outgoing and friendly and approachable. You will be swatting them away. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayken Posted November 30, 2014 Share Posted November 30, 2014 @OP.....confidence is something that only you can work on daily in order to alleviate your anxiety. You can do this by engaging people more, smile and converse with different folks. Link to post Share on other sites
Potz4prez Posted November 30, 2014 Share Posted November 30, 2014 Immersion therapy. Do what you're afraid to do. If you think of something you'd like to do, commit IMMEDIATELY. Within seconds. Don't give yourself time to overthink. Eventually the anxiety will wane. Link to post Share on other sites
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