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trying hard to not overthink


amyO

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I'm trying hard to not become paranoid or upset, but it's really hard to not have a bad feeling...I've been dating this guy (I'll call him "Mike") for 2 months now. Mike and I get along very well and I love spending time with him. For the first time in a long time, I was happy to finally meet someone that was really genuine. In the past year, I kept falling for the wrong guys or being in situations I shouldn't have been. I wanted to find a great guy so badly. So finally meeting and being with mike, was like a breath of fresh air.

 

 

However, I randomly noticed last night under his snapchat "Top Friends" that he has been snapchatting his ex-girlfriend. Her username was listed. Usually the friends on that list are the ones you've been chatting with the most. I had such a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. I know it sounds really silly, but I found it so strange to see that. They broke up over 2 years ago. I know they're still friendly here and there as their breakup wasn't bad or anything. However, I wouldn't think they were so close that they would be sending each other pictures or talking a lot. I've been "friends" with mike on snapchat for over a month now and never noticed her name before on that list. That's why it also struck me as strange to see it all of a sudden. The last time mike and I hung out was just this past weekend and everything was great.

 

The guys I fell for this past year, kept going back to their ex's or weren't over them. I'm starting to have the same feelings I did back in those situations. Idk what to think. I've never had a great or successful relationship or have always fallen for the wrong guys. I'm scared of the same outcome.

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evanescentworld

There is a way round this.

 

Have you considered actually talking to him about it?

 

The number one essential in any relationship is Communication.

 

Try it.

You could do worse, like spilling your fears out on a forum without him knowing, and getting slowly and increasingly paranoid until you almost fulfil your own prophecy....

 

I don't mean to sound harsh, but if you feel insecure, it's time to conquer those fears, face them and actually tell him what you're worried about, and more importantly, why.....

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There is a way round this.

 

Have you considered actually talking to him about it?

 

The number one essential in any relationship is Communication.

 

Try it.

You could do worse, like spilling your fears out on a forum without him knowing, and getting slowly and increasingly paranoid until you almost fulfil your own prophecy....

 

I don't mean to sound harsh, but if you feel insecure, it's time to conquer those fears, face them and actually tell him what you're worried about, and more importantly, why.....

 

Ha, yeah you're definitely right. I guess it's more of me trying to process how I'm feeling...My last real relationship, the guy I dated wasn't always truthful and I would speak out to him about how I was feeling and instead it would backfire. We would argue or not talk for a while. He would end up joking that it was like I was accusing him of murder half the time. On my end I felt I was justified to say how I felt, but he took it as I was a bitch or crazy. No one wants the person they are with to look at them like that. So my fear of speaking out definitely stems from that. I'm also just very insecure, but especially in the last year, a lot of how I was feeling about a guy or situation came true anyway. So that's why I am also upset and nervous about this as well.

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evanescentworld

Put nothing on HIS shoulders...

 

"You're doing this and I don't like it.... You're communicating with your ex, and it's disrespectful...."

 

Try

"I sometimes feel a little awkward if I know a guy is still in touch with his ex, and it makes me feel...."

 

That way, you're taking responsibility for your feelings, but still explaining why....

 

Google communication skills. If necessary, get a book, or listen to CDs which help boost your confidence.

 

Remember the famous saying:

"Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent."

You're giving permission to your past, to cloud your present and jeopardise your future.

 

Why do that? :)

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