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Sexual Attraction or Not?


Rose52

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I met a man through an online dating site. On our first date we met in a pub for a couple of drinks. We got on well, have a lot in common as we both grew up in the same country before we emigrated to the US, and have similar interests. We are both in our early sixties - he's divorced, I'm a widow. Neither of us is interested in getting married again but are seeking a long-term relationship. We had a goodbye hug after the date. I was leaving for a trip but he said he'd love to make me dinner at his house when I got back as he loves to cook. He made a point of saying "if you're comfortable with that."

 

So, for our second date he cooked me a lovely dinner and we listened to music and talked for hours. During the the evening he coughed a few times and said he felt like he might be coming down with the flu. At one point he talked about a specific idea for our next date, which appealed to me. At around 10 pm I said I should head home as I know he starts work early. As I got up to go, he apologized for being "standoffish" (meaning he didn't make any advances towards me). Then he said "I don't know how things are supposed to work these days." I felt awkward and mumbled something about it being ok and that I didn't know either. (I wasn't prepared to sleep with him so soon anyway.) As I left, he said he wasn't going to kiss me in case he was getting sick. Then he hugged me and kissed me on my cheek. As it turned out he did have the flu and is now recuperating.

 

I'd really like to hear what you think might be going on? Does he like me? Is he attracted to me? Is he shy? On both dates I caught him a couple of times sneaking a quick peek at my cleavage, so I think he had at least some initial sexual interest in me. Basically, I have no clue how to handle this now. I'm not sure whether to bring it up in a conversation or drop it. I'm just awful at reading men! Does anyone have any words of wisdom for me. Thanks for "listening."

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Looking at a pair of tits isn't exactly an indication of sexual interest. With men, our eyes tend to wander regardless, and I'm fairly certain women look at some stuff when opportunity presents itself, as well. If I was in my early 60's, and I was divorced, I probably would thoroughly enjoy a meaningful relationship, with an emphasis on sex. I'm sure you've had your fair share of bu******. I'm a 24 year old dude, and I'm always direct with women because I grew tired of the "maybe if I drop her a hint she'll get the idea." At 60 years old, I probably would just openly express myself on whether or not I want to f*** your brains out.

 

The problem seems to be you both got out of a serious relationship/marriage, you don't know how to NOT take sh*t seriously, and you both are waiting for the other person to touch the genitals. I would talk it out with him on the third date; just be upfront with what you want, what you're seeking in a man. If you want a massage with a happy ending, and he wants one too, that's fantastic. However, if you and him are both looking for different things, someone's going to get the short end of the stick. It's always best to just discuss it. It's not the ideal for foreplay, but it gets you both on the same page. However, if you don't talk about it and play the "I wonder what he's thinking right now..." game, it's going to be awkward for a while until someone explodes...either emotionally, or in the pants.

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I agree you seem pretty bad at reading signals. Seems clear to me that he's interested.

 

Are you wanting a sexual relationship at some point?

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EngnimaticResponse

Many seem to have trouble dating after being married for a long time. "Not sure how things work now." Who cares? You are both from the same country, same era, why not just do what you know? What feels right to you?

 

My parents were married 32 years. My dad passed shortly after the divorce and now my mom lives with her new bo. They do things their own way, the way they know how, and seem very happy. (I know since we share an apt. Them on one side and me on the other.)

 

One thing for certian, if my mother asks what we had for dinner and we say "John cooked", we went out. The extent of his cooking is making himself a PB&J sandwich.

 

The fact this guy cooked you a nice dinner speaks loads. Are you Certain he cooked it? If so, then it is a safe bet he likes you.

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Looking at a pair of tits isn't exactly an indication of sexual interest. With men, our eyes tend to wander regardless, and I'm fairly certain women look at some stuff when opportunity presents itself, as well. If I was in my early 60's, and I was divorced, I probably would thoroughly enjoy a meaningful relationship, with an emphasis on sex. I'm sure you've had your fair share of bu******. I'm a 24 year old dude, and I'm always direct with women because I grew tired of the "maybe if I drop her a hint she'll get the idea." At 60 years old, I probably would just openly express myself on whether or not I want to f*** your brains out.

 

The problem seems to be you both got out of a serious relationship/marriage, you don't know how to NOT take sh*t seriously, and you both are waiting for the other person to touch the genitals. I would talk it out with him on the third date; just be upfront with what you want, what you're seeking in a man. If you want a massage with a happy ending, and he wants one too, that's fantastic. However, if you and him are both looking for different things, someone's going to get the short end of the stick. It's always best to just discuss it. It's not the ideal for foreplay, but it gets you both on the same page. However, if you don't talk about it and play the "I wonder what he's thinking right now..." game, it's going to be awkward for a while until someone explodes...either emotionally, or in the pants.

Thank you. I appreciate the advice. It's good to get an outside perspective as I know I'm over-analyzing this.

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I agree you seem pretty bad at reading signals. Seems clear to me that he's interested.

 

Are you wanting a sexual relationship at some point?

Thank you. It's been so long since I've been in the dating game, I hope I get better at it. I would like a sexual relationship but I need to get emotionally intimate first.

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Many seem to have trouble dating after being married for a long time. "Not sure how things work now." Who cares? You are both from the same country, same era, why not just do what you know? What feels right to you?

 

My parents were married 32 years. My dad passed shortly after the divorce and now my mom lives with her new bo. They do things their own way, the way they know how, and seem very happy. (I know since we share an apt. Them on one side and me on the other.)

 

One thing for certian, if my mother asks what we had for dinner and we say "John cooked", we went out. The extent of his cooking is making himself a PB&J sandwich.

 

The fact this guy cooked you a nice dinner speaks loads. Are you Certain he cooked it? If so, then it is a safe bet he likes you.

Hi. Thanks for your feedback. I appreciate it. I know he cooked dinner because he was still working on it after I arrived. Nice to hear about your mom. Maybe there's hope for me too.

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I think society has created this mentality in women that if a man doesn't try to sleep with you on the first or second date he isn't interested and they feel rejected.

 

Even if he keeps asking her out.

 

Rose, please don't be one of these women.

 

Was the dinner good?

Go for a 3rd time or a 4th.

 

worst case you get fed well.

Best case you get fed well & bedded well. :)

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I think society has created this mentality in women that if a man doesn't try to sleep with you on the first or second date he isn't interested and they feel rejected.

 

Even if he keeps asking her out.

 

Rose, please don't be one of these women.

 

Was the dinner good?

Go for a 3rd time or a 4th.

 

worst case you get fed well.

Best case you get fed well & bedded well. :)

It's been over 30 years since I dated and now I'm old(ish). I think you're right, I am afraid of being rejected. Maybe that was why he apologized for being standoffish, not wanting me to feel rejected. Oops, I'm still over-analyzing this. I need to let it go. And the dinner was really good! Thanks for helping me.

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Sounds as if he likes you and, since he's being respectful, is looking for more than a fling. He's trying to get to know you first. That's fantastic, if you're also looking for something more than a hookup.

 

He wouldn't put the effort into cooking for you if he didn't like you. Since you caught him stealing a peek, he sees you sexually. Think about it...do you see adult men peeking at their sisters' or mothers' boobs?

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It's been over 30 years since I dated and now I'm old(ish). I think you're right, I am afraid of being rejected. Maybe that was why he apologized for being standoffish, not wanting me to feel rejected. Oops, I'm still over-analyzing this. I need to let it go. And the dinner was really good! Thanks for helping me.

 

Be careful. Your insecurities may lead you down a garden path...to guys who stroke your ego, sleep with you, then disappear. Lots of terms used by these players--pump and dump, hit and quit it, etc. Players come in all ages.

 

You've found a seemingly good man. Be thankful.

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Everyone seems to be missing the obvious. He felt sick and got the flu. That's why he didn't make a pass. He was being considerate.

 

There is nothing stopping you from becoming more affectionate (hug when you see him, give him a kiss on the cheek, walk holding his hand, sit close on the couch, etc.), giving him a sign you are interested. If he has performance anxiety due to fear of impotence or actual impotence, he probably won't want to rush sex.

 

I'm surprised he wants to date women his own age. Are you sure he isn't really 70?

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I hear you. My friends told me not to go to his house on a second date. I went with my instincts because he seemed like a good guy, but if things don't work out with him, I'm not sure I would do that again.

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Be careful. Your insecurities may lead you down a garden path...to guys who stroke your ego, sleep with you, then disappear. Lots of terms used by these players--pump and dump, hit and quit it, etc. Players come in all ages.

 

You've found a seemingly good man. Be thankful.

I hear you. My friends told me not to go to his house on a second date. I went with my instincts because he seemed like a good guy, but if things don't work out with him, I'm not sure I would do that again.

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Everyone seems to be missing the obvious. He felt sick and got the flu. That's why he didn't make a pass. He was being considerate.

 

There is nothing stopping you from becoming more affectionate (hug when you see him, give him a kiss on the cheek, walk holding his hand, sit close on the couch, etc.), giving him a sign you are interested. If he has performance anxiety due to fear of impotence or actual impotence, he probably won't want to rush sex.

 

I'm surprised he wants to date women his own age. Are you sure he isn't really 70?

You're right. I just find it difficult to make the first move. He's 64 and I'm 62. I was married for more than 30 years before my husband died. I'm finding it difficult to be with someone else even though it's what I really want.

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I've gone to dates' houses on first, second, and third dates. It's not something I usually do, but I'm a fairly good judge of character, and in each case I was glad I did. You learn a lot about someone in his "natural" environment.

 

Trusting my intuition works for me. I suspect yours works just fine too.

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You're right. I just find it difficult to make the first move. He's 64 and I'm 62. I was married for more than 30 years before my husband died. I'm finding it difficult to be with someone else even though it's what I really want.

 

It might be worth joining a widow/widower support group to discuss. They've walked in the same shoes.

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