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I have a crush on a woman on Okcupid since July


Armegoggon

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I don't want to sound like a stalker and I don't want to sound creepy either but I'm feeling very anxious.

 

In July, I searched my matches and found her profile (85% match). I checked it out but then left. Then a few hours later she checked my profile and left.

 

Since that time, it seems like I sort of think about her too much. Sometimes when I daydream, I think about me and her sharing our hobbies together and doing them. She also happens to have hobbies that are similar to my semi-favourite hobbies. Same vice versa.

 

I'm going to be totally honest but I browsed her profile multiple times a month (as a guest so she doesn't notice). She still goes online and yes I checked her last online time was earlier today. I have indeed changed my profile a bit and on the searches for match, it shows up as she replies selectively, which means she does get a lot of messages. So how am I going to approach her? I've become insanely shy messaging first a few days before I first saw her profile. I want my message to be perfect and replied so that's why I don't want to ruin my chance. What am I going to do?

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MercuryMorrison1

You haven't even met this woman in person yet.

 

Your day dreaming is exactly that...It's a dream, of what you imagine things could be like (Best case scenario) kind of stuff, and that's ok, we all have likely done that at one point or another with someone.

 

But obsessing over her profile without initiating any contact is only going to make you unhappy.

 

I say just go for it...And don't try to write the ''Perfect Message'' you'll likely just over think it and come of as weird.

 

In my online dating experience's the most effective messages are the one's that are nice and to the point without being to abrupt about sensitive thing's like meeting up or swapping phone numbers. A paragraph seems to generally be an acceptable length. That way it's long enough to let them you know you share similar interest's or whatever, but not so long they get bored reading it, and not so short that they get the impression you're just trying to get laid with minimal effort.

 

Chat a little online before asking for a number...If they are comfortable with that they'll share, and go from there.

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You haven't even met this woman in person yet.

 

Your day dreaming is exactly that...It's a dream, of what you imagine things could be like (Best case scenario) kind of stuff, and that's ok, we all have likely done that at one point or another with someone.

 

But obsessing over her profile without initiating any contact is only going to make you unhappy.

 

I say just go for it...And don't try to write the ''Perfect Message'' you'll likely just over think it and come of as weird.

 

In my online dating experience's the most effective messages are the one's that are nice and to the point without being to abrupt about sensitive thing's like meeting up or swapping phone numbers. A paragraph seems to generally be an acceptable length. That way it's long enough to let them you know you share similar interest's or whatever, but not so long they get bored reading it, and not so short that they get the impression you're just trying to get laid with minimal effort.

 

Chat a little online before asking for a number...If they are comfortable with that they'll share, and go from there.

I seem to stress too much about a perfect message because rarely do I get my messages replied. Also, realistically, I do not have much dating experience but I don't want that to hurt my chances. I've only exchanged numbers once and that happened more than 6 months ago. I normally do in fact get a long conversation with a woman provided that they write at least 1 message (replied or first messaged). It's a strength but I feel very nervous breaking this ice.

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You have a crush on a photo and a fantasy in your head - not a woman.

 

Set yourself limits, and don't allow these sort of unrealistic dreams to impact you like this. Control your head as much as possible - this sort of thinking is not healthy.

 

Message her if you must, then if you receive no response, block her.

 

Obssessing over the "perfect message" is not productive. Your message won't change a thing if they don't like your profile or your pictures. You need to roll with it a bit more, and stop stressing, or it's going to take a massive toll on you sooner or later.

 

I'd suggest perhaps taking a break from online dating until you can get this under control. You've now built this up in your head as something it's not, and if she doesn't reply, it's going to be taken as a much bigger hit than it should be. It's not good for you.

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You have a crush on a photo and a fantasy in your head - not a woman.

 

Set yourself limits, and don't allow these sort of unrealistic dreams to impact you like this. Control your head as much as possible - this sort of thinking is not healthy.

 

Message her if you must, then if you receive no response, block her.

 

Obssessing over the "perfect message" is not productive. Your message won't change a thing if they don't like your profile or your pictures. You need to roll with it a bit more, and stop stressing, or it's going to take a massive toll on you sooner or later.

 

I'd suggest perhaps taking a break from online dating until you can get this under control. You've now built this up in your head as something it's not, and if she doesn't reply, it's going to be taken as a much bigger hit than it should be. It's not good for you.

 

I have a crush on not only the photo but the possible activities we would do together.

 

How is it an unrealistic dream that I could be with her long term? We share hobbies mainly. I'm not looking at her picture as what matters most but I'm looking at her interests.

 

I have tried to but the huge problem is my shyness and that women near me don't seem to be right for me. In fact, no women I see near me is even able to match half of the woman I like.

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MercuryMorrison1
I seem to stress too much about a perfect message because rarely do I get my messages replied. Also, realistically, I do not have much dating experience but I don't want that to hurt my chances. I've only exchanged numbers once and that happened more than 6 months ago. I normally do in fact get a long conversation with a woman provided that they write at least 1 message (replied or first messaged). It's a strength but I feel very nervous breaking this ice.

 

Don't be so nervous...Dating is NOTHING...I look at meeting people and dating as a fun experience where I get to meet new people and see what kind of relationship develops out of it.

 

The key, for me at least was to simply stop over thinking everything. I used to try and come up with the perfect things to say to women because I felt like I didn't talk to enough women to began with, so I felt like I had to really impress the few I did talk to. But then after I made my change's I will now talk to any women I damn well please and I just let conversation flow...If they aren't talking much then they are either shy or not interested, if it's the latter I just thank them for their time and move on! Easy as pie.

 

You might think I'm one of those guys who never experienced struggles with dating and/or meeting new people and that's absolutely not true, When I was younger I used to be in pretty much the same boat as you, but I just realized one day that if I personally didn't start taking charge of my life and putting forth the effort to meet new people and go on dates...Then I simply never would...And I just forced myself to change, and it worked! I've never been happier with my social/dating life than I am right now.

 

Basically...I'm just saying don't worry, and don't over think...Rejection isn't the end of the world, there will be other women it's up to YOU to meet them though. :)

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MercuryMorrison1
I have a crush on not only the photo but the possible activities we would do together.

 

How is it an unrealistic dream that I could be with her long term? We share hobbies mainly. I'm not looking at her picture as what matters most but I'm looking at her interests.

 

I have tried to but the huge problem is my shyness and that women near me don't seem to be right for me. In fact, no women I see near me is even able to match half of the woman I like.

 

The only thing that makes your current situation unrealistic is that you don't REALLY know this girl...You've read her profile, but often time's profiles only tell like 2% of what kind of a person someone really is.

 

It can easily become a realistic goal though, if you just start talking to her...Send her a message, try to chat with her some...Eventually swap numbers and as I stated earlier...Go from there.

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I've been on dating sites since early March but no women living near me (or even in the same country as me) messaged me first. I have received first messages and made great friendly conversations with women out of my country. I tend to give people an even chance even if I don't really like them to start off. I want to see if they can prove themselves. However, going the other way around, I often don't get enough of a chance to prove myself a good man for women I like. It's just, I fear too much of rejection now because how am I going to think of a "comeback message" if she doesn't reply. I find it very difficult to avoid taking an ignored message personally. Because most of the time, I feel that if women aren't interested in me, I must have said something stupid.

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I have a crush on not only the photo but the possible activities we would do together.

 

How is it an unrealistic dream that I could be with her long term? We share hobbies mainly. I'm not looking at her picture as what matters most but I'm looking at her interests.

 

I have tried to but the huge problem is my shyness and that women near me don't seem to be right for me. In fact, no women I see near me is even able to match half of the woman I like.

 

You have a "crush" on the "possible activities" you would do with a woman that you've seen a photo of online. How is this not a fantasy?

 

It's unrealistic to sit there romanticising the idea of spending all this time, and doing a bunch of activities with a woman who you've never even made online contact with. It's just a photo, and some words. Can you not see that it's unhealthy to be sitting there for months, looking at a profile, dreaming about your life with a woman that doesn't even know you exist?

 

And if she doesn't reply, you've set yourself up for a blow. A rejection and the crushing of a fantasy that has gone on for much too long. Your thought patterns and behaviours are harmful to you, and certainly not conducive to healthy dating.

 

If you continue refusing to even consider that there are issues here, you will go on having the same troubles.

 

It's just, I fear too much of rejection now because how am I going to think of a "comeback message" if she doesn't reply.

 

Why on Earth would you send a "comeback message?" What is that anyway, and what would you be aiming to achieve with one?

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Thegreatestthing

Hey I fall in love with people online all the time,reality is overrated,just write her a message,ask her if she likes crackers.

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MercuryMorrison1
I've been on dating sites since early March but no women living near me (or even in the same country as me) messaged me first. I have received first messages and made great friendly conversations with women out of my country. I tend to give people an even chance even if I don't really like them to start off. I want to see if they can prove themselves. However, going the other way around, I often don't get enough of a chance to prove myself a good man for women I like. It's just, I fear too much of rejection now because how am I going to think of a "comeback message" if she doesn't reply. I find it very difficult to avoid taking an ignored message personally. Because most of the time, I feel that if women aren't interested in me, I must have said something stupid.

 

Hey man don't worry about it really...I once messaged a girl asking her if she wanted to go get a baked potato with me...It worked lol.

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I seem to stress too much about a perfect message because rarely do I get my messages replied.

Getting replies has much more to do with your profile and photos, than message content.

 

If you have a good profile and photos then you will get responses to any but the most lame of lame messages. Not 100% of the time of course (you can't please all of the people all of the time) but you will get a heck of a lot more responses than a lame profile writing the "perfect message" (which of course does not exist).

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