birdbud Posted November 26, 2014 Share Posted November 26, 2014 i'll try and keep this brief, maybe just to get the story rolling so: i met guy A and B around the same time about 8 years ago. we are all in the same work industry and social group, and due to these factors, all travel quite a bit. over the years, guy A and i have formed a rather on-again/off-again relationship. we love each other deeply (at least i love him very much so. i can picture my life with him) and when we are together, it is magic. we can go years without speaking, and be right back at the same point when we finally see each other.(but we've never spent months on end together. brief visits, work events etc. days sometimes weeks. but not long) sometimes i will have another boyfriend, or he will have some other girlfriend, and even when that has happened in the past, we are respectful and kind, and deep friends, but go right back to being in love, if not from a distance, when the others fade away. (we are both currently single and talking frequently but live 10 hours away from one another. ) guy B and i have been close, close friends for many years. so close i would call him "brother" to friends i'd introduce him to. i moved to the same town after not seeing this friend of mine for several years, and before long we were right back to that same close friendship - we spend 90% of our time together now for over 8 months and have gone into business together, and ultimately - inevidabely - the feelings started to change, settle and become so comfortable it seems i have found myself in some sort of pseudo relationship. we've been intimate, tho somewhat timidly.. sometimes i will stay at his house, in his bed... we havent spoken about it,but both of us seem happy and cautious in the sort of comfortable natural direction that is happening. ive slept with both of them. and i dont think either know it. is it possible to be in love with two men at once? am i a horrible person for this? i feel like im cheating on both of them without being in a relationship with either! to compound this problem, i cant even seem to figure out what i want. both of these men have so many good things i love so much about them, and both of them i cherish their friendships. how would i even bring this up to either of them without sounding whoreish?! should i? guy A and guy B are rather good friends, themselves (guy B lived with his recent exgf at guy A's house!! they were room mates! guy A has told me stories about how terrible guy B's exgf was!!) am i just incredibly whoreish?! is it possible for me to be considering a Polyamorous relationship with BOTH of my dream men?! would the suggestion be just incredibly whoreish?! i'm so confused. a conversation may help o. i'm making dinner for thanksgiving in two days at guy B's house. aaaand guy A just called up to see if he could come for the holiday to be with us. uhm. i feel like a whore. Link to post Share on other sites
Author birdbud Posted November 26, 2014 Author Share Posted November 26, 2014 50/50 chance guy A will show to dinner, but my anxiety is 100% Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted November 26, 2014 Share Posted November 26, 2014 Urgh what a mess. Go spend thanksgiving with your mother. I actually think B would be better as he is more consistent. A seems to be one of those in and outs that never quite work. Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted November 26, 2014 Share Posted November 26, 2014 (edited) This sounds like a scenario in which a polyamorous relationship could work. B is local and consistent, so he'd be primary. A is distant and intermittent, but fun when available. A and B know each other, and apparently are friends. They have you in common. If you want both, that's your option - otherwise, you'll have to choose now and stick to it. What's past is past, as long as you don't cheat on B with A. Discuss this with B first, as he's there, now, and will continue to be. Maybe he's okay with it, maybe not. If not, you simply stop sleeping with A from now on, assuming you want to keep B. Do NOT avoid them, do not run away. Face it head on and deal with it now - that's your best bet to avoid problems with either of them. Edited November 26, 2014 by central Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted November 27, 2014 Share Posted November 27, 2014 Maybe they won't mind having an open relationship if they are allowed to sleep with other women. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted November 27, 2014 Share Posted November 27, 2014 a lot of heartache to be had for all in this situation you are in.......the longer it continues the more heartache will happen...this is exactly why i dont multi date......because its easy for me to find good qualities in guys its what i look for......and the last thing i would ever want to do is break a heart.......if i were you ....i would cease with both.......before it goes too far...take some time for yourself be honest with them tell them the truth and then if they still want to be with you...make a decision and stop playing with them......you are being selfish.......you have to be sure of who you want......you wont have that by continuing doing what you are doing....deb Link to post Share on other sites
newmoon Posted November 27, 2014 Share Posted November 27, 2014 A and B probably already know you've slept with both of them and talk about you without your knowledge. just suggest a threesome and make yourself and both of them happy. problem solved. Link to post Share on other sites
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