kaylan Posted November 26, 2014 Share Posted November 26, 2014 (edited) Wanted to see what people thought about ex mementos here. Im not dating anyone seriously at the moment, so I wont be encountering this for a while...but how do you feel about someone who keeps such things. Save for old wedding rings, I find keeping mementos to be a turn off, and borderline red flag (I give wedding rings exception because of their monetary value as well as the big step marriage tends to be. Most other things I want gone). Its because Im a cut-and-run kinda guy. When things don't work out I usually trash all reminders of a person and erase them from my life completely. It allows me to move on the quickest and I feel it better prepares me to place my focus on someone new and better in the future. Its hard for me to feel a chick is completely over her past if she holds onto many past mementos. Thoughts? PS - Im late 20s and never been in a super long relationship or marriage. So that colors my viewpoint a lot. Edited November 26, 2014 by kaylan 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lani Posted November 26, 2014 Share Posted November 26, 2014 I'v got mementos of my ex.. I think being able to keep things and not be weird about them shows much more progression than ridding your life of every single piece of a person. Him and our relationship was a big part of my life and always will be. I'm not going to throw away a perfectly good peppermill because someone might think I'm holding onto it because I can't let go of him.. that's crazy talk! I've also got concert ticket stubs and some other little things that I keep in my memento box that contains things from my childhood until now. None of it is huge, it's just all little stuff that make me remember good times. If a partner were go get turned off by this then that's their issue, not mine. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
neowulf Posted November 26, 2014 Share Posted November 26, 2014 I have several things around the apartment that were gifts from old girlfriends. They're just part of the history that made my life. I don't feel the need to edit out my history to make other people comfortable. If disposing of stuff makes you feel better, fair enough. But expecting others to do the same seems a bit unreasonable. Why pretend like we don't have a past. Those who forget the past are doomed to repeat it. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
mariekatie Posted November 26, 2014 Share Posted November 26, 2014 Wanted to see what people thought about ex mementos here. Im not dating anyone seriously at the moment, so I wont be encountering this for a while...but how do you feel about someone who keeps such things. Save for old wedding rings, I find keeping mementos to be a turn off, and borderline red flag (I give wedding rings exception because of their monetary value as well as the big step marriage tends to be. Most other things I want gone). Its because Im a cut-and-run kinda guy. When things don't work out I usually trash all reminders of a person and erase them from my life completely. It allows me to move on the quickest and I feel it better prepares me to place my focus on someone new and better in the future. Its hard for me to feel a chick is completely over her past if she holds onto many past mementos. Thoughts? PS - Im late 20s and never been in a super long relationship or marriage. So that colors my viewpoint a lot. I'm a cut-and-run girl as well but i would still keep some stuffs. For letters, small gifts/photos, i would pack it up and keep it in somewhere i wouldn't look at. But for stuffs that are useful, i would still use them but not because i'm not over him. It's not a red flag as well though. I wouldn't even want to stay contact with my exs. Once i'm over it, i'm gone forever, no turning back. Maybe it's because you've never been in a long meaningful r/s so you find that there is nothing special to hold on/remember. Honestly whenever i moved on, whenever i think of my exs, it turns me off badly haha. Different people have different ways to handles memories so don't be so harsh on your expectations on girls you're dating. She might just turn out to be the best woman ever. Just give it time. When i was first dating my guy, i had issues from the past too as we broke up not long ago but he was patient with me and help me through it. And now i'm totally over it and would gladly throw everything away if it makes my bf unhappy. Link to post Share on other sites
newmoon Posted November 26, 2014 Share Posted November 26, 2014 i just keep photos, and those are stored away so i don't even have to see them. all gifts, etc. are tossed when the relationship is truly over. i am not understanding of people who keep much more than i do ; photos are enough, and if you have to keep more it shows some issue with letting go of the past. not hating on people that do it, but i certainly don't want to date those types. let the past be in the past and unless it's like a 1,000 purse or wallet, why keep it? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kaylan Posted November 26, 2014 Author Share Posted November 26, 2014 (edited) I have several things around the apartment that were gifts from old girlfriends. They're just part of the history that made my life. I don't feel the need to edit out my history to make other people comfortable. If disposing of stuff makes you feel better, fair enough. But expecting others to do the same seems a bit unreasonable. Why pretend like we don't have a past. Those who forget the past are doomed to repeat it. Actually I think the saying goes "Those who cannot learn from history are doomed to repeat it" Its one thing to learn from relationships...and another things to need to keep too many of those things around. Just my opinion. Its all good though. I wouldn't be unreasonable and tell a chick she had to get rid of something she wants to keep. Id just find someone who shares my viewpoint on the matter. Its just like anything else that may be important to someone looking for a mate. All about common ground. No biggie. Though this is something I could probably budge on....as it probably is nice to once in a while look through a box and see the evolution of your romantic life and your journey towards the right person. Edited November 26, 2014 by kaylan 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Omei Posted November 26, 2014 Share Posted November 26, 2014 I love very deeply and when a relationship ends there is no way I could keep a momento when ive tried they halted my healing. I am not sure if I ever dated someone with a memento I never knew of any didn't wish to, if someone had one id prefer they just didnt tell me. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted November 26, 2014 Share Posted November 26, 2014 It depends on what sort of momentos we're talking about, and how you define 'keeping it'. To me, practical stuff like clothes, furniture, accessories, etc aren't worth throwing away, it would just be a waste of good stuff. On the other hand, non-practical stuff like photo albums and cards are more of a grey area - occupying a box in the attic would be fine (sometimes people who have moved on genuinely forget to go through their stuff), but if the person was taking care of it, making sure they bring it with them when they move house, etc, then that would be a red flag. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LittleTiger Posted November 26, 2014 Share Posted November 26, 2014 (edited) My ex husband (now deceased) was an important part of my life for over 40 years. I have keepsakes of our entire relationship including Valentine cards he sent me when we were children. It's all stored away but, if I moved, I would definitely take it with me. I also have lots of mementos from other areas of my life such as my competitive swimming career, my scuba diving adventures and all the places I have travelled around the world. All of theses memories are a part of who I am. That doesn't mean I'm still wishing I was a competitive swimmer or that I ever want to go back to America or South Africa (for example). I don't. Nor does it mean that I still wish I was married to my ex. It just means that I'm the sort of person who likes concrete memories. I think I would prefer a partner who was at peace with their past relationships and kept 'stuff' as a fond reminder, rather than someone who tried to wipe all memories for fear of contaminating their future. Where we have been and what we have done in the past is what makes us who we are in the present. Edited November 26, 2014 by LittleTiger 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted November 26, 2014 Share Posted November 26, 2014 I usually wouldn't have photos of ex's where there's hugging and kissing etc... i want to be respectful to myself and the next person that comes along in my life. Even if you traveled. the world together. I'd pick the travel pictures without an ex in them. If the relationship ended badly I'd definitely cut out everything about that person out of my life for good . The relationship was toxic than the person would remind me of that toxicity. As for keeping mementoes, for me not really. However sometimes its good to have a good Photo to remind you of a time in your life. Just keep it locked up in your mom's basement. So when you do go through old stuff and come across it you can smile and think "awww". Not so much of the man you were with just the time you were with that person. I regret being so cut and dry and sometimes i think i did the right thing cutting out every momento. Depends. On what works for you and what's your personality type is like. I tell you what though if I'm in a new relationship I'm so happy it's usually like anyone that was an ex doesn't exist for me and i usually forget about them. Momentoes or no momentoes Link to post Share on other sites
evanescentworld Posted November 26, 2014 Share Posted November 26, 2014 "Have nothing in your home, that you do not know to be useful, or believe to be beautiful." William Morris. If it fits in with the above, keep it, regardless of provenance. If it does nothing for you, in either sense, bin it. Simple, sorted. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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