I Really Hate When People Say This

[Sunlounger]

"Don't worry about women when you're younger, just focus on building your life, being successful and getting your sh*t together and dating will happen naturally" <<< This nonsense drives me absolutely insane

 

 

I have my sh*t together more than anybody I know under the age of even 30 (I'm 26). I couldn't be any happier with the overall direction of my job, my life, my family, friends, with how I look, my physique (been working out since I was 13), everything...and I wonder everyday if I will die alone because of how bad I am at dating. I've been on 1 date in the last year. I honestly think there's a very real chance I'm going to be single forever...or maybe until at least I'm about 40-45 year old men and then maybe women will say yes out of desperation

 

 

It drives me crazy when people give this advice to young men. It's just so incredibly misleading. People make it sound like once you're successful, girls just come to you easily... I make 150K a year at the age of 26 and I couldn't get a date if you put a shotgun to my head

 

 

For guys out there who are young and struggle in dating, don't buy into this nonsense. You have to go out there and talk to a million women and somehow someway, make something happen. Women don't care about all this other stuff. There are gangbanger low life drug dealing scum who are dating classy and good looking women. Hell Charles Manson just got married to a decent looking girl and he's a 80 year old murderer!

[Frank2thepoint]

I have my sh*t together more than anybody I know under the age of even 30 (I'm 26). I couldn't be any happier with the overall direction of my job, my life, my family, friends, with how I look, my physique (been working out since I was 13), everything...and I wonder everyday if I will die alone because of how bad I am at dating.

 

You sound like you are so focused on your material success and looks, that you don't bother approaching a woman, chatting with her, making a connection, and securing dates.

[Redhead14]

"Don't worry about women when you're younger, just focus on building your life, being successful and getting your sh*t together and dating will happen naturally" <<< This nonsense drives me absolutely insane

 

 

I have my sh*t together more than anybody I know under the age of even 30 (I'm 26). I couldn't be any happier with the overall direction of my job, my life, my family, friends, with how I look, my physique (been working out since I was 13), everything...and I wonder everyday if I will die alone because of how bad I am at dating. I've been on 1 date in the last year. I honestly think there's a very real chance I'm going to be single forever...or maybe until at least I'm about 40-45 year old men and then maybe women will say yes out of desperation

 

 

It drives me crazy when people give this advice to young men. It's just so incredibly misleading. People make it sound like once you're successful, girls just come to you easily... I make 150K a year at the age of 26 and I couldn't get a date if you put a shotgun to my head

 

 

For guys out there who are young and struggle in dating, don't buy into this nonsense. You have to go out there and talk to a million women and somehow someway, make something happen. Women don't care about all this other stuff. There are gangbanger low life drug dealing scum who are dating classy and good looking women. Hell Charles Manson just got married to a decent looking girl and he's a 80 year old murderer!

 

The women who are with Charles Manson and gangbanger low-life drug dealers are not mature, women who have their **** together. They are not classy, that is just their facade. They look like a million bucks on the outside, but the inside is a wreck.

 

The advise you're hearing is not for you because you do have your **** together. That is advice for guys who do not.

 

You bring your best self forward at all times. Ask women who are interesting to you to go on dates and enjoy yourself. The only part of the advice you are hating is the fact that things will happen naturally -- if you allow them to.

[Sunlounger]

You sound like you are so focused on your material success and looks, that you don't bother approaching a woman, chatting with her, making a connection, and securing dates.

 

I approach women and chat with them, we seem to have a very pleasant time but they're never interested in going out on a date with me

 

 

and it sounds like I'm focused on material success and looks but that's just me being heavily focused on self improvement in general. I try to be the best I can in terms of my personality and character as well. I want to be the absolute best I can be in everything

[Redhead14]

I approach women and chat with them, we seem to have a very pleasant time but they're never interested in going out on a date with me

 

 

and it sounds like I'm focused on material success and looks but that's just me being heavily focused on self improvement in general. I try to be the best I can in terms of my personality and character as well. I want to be the absolute best I can be in everything

 

Are you sure you're not coming across as over-confident and trying really hard? Make sure you are being natural and just you. Enjoying the moment, assuming you are. There are subtle ways that women pick up things like that and sometimes turns them off a little.

[Sunlounger]

T

The advise you're hearing is not for you because you do have your **** together. That is advice for guys who do not.

 

the advice is very misleading

 

A lot of the guys I see struggle with dating and they're told that improving everything else will help with their success in dating and it's just SO misleading

 

I have friends of mine who have a life that's a complete trainwreck and they have beautiful girlfriends. For me? people are astonished at how well I'm doing at such a young age but it doesn't matter, the women are never interested romantically

 

and by the way, I don't have any entitlement about this. I don't think anybody should like me for X Y Z reason and I don't think I'm entitled to anything at all. I'm just frustrated because I see very bad and misleading advice given out constantly

[Sunlounger]

Are you sure you're not coming across as over-confident and trying really hard? Make sure you are being natural and just you. Enjoying the moment, assuming you are. There are subtle ways that women pick up things like that and sometimes turns them off a little.

 

 

I don't think so. My friends all tell me that I'm one of the nicest people they know. I think I'm very genuine and friendly. I talk to people with a lot of respect, no matter who they area (I have friends who are 20 year old college kids and friends who are 40 year old multi millionaires and I treat everyone with the same respect)

 

 

And in terms of over confidence, you mean that I may come across as arrogant? I wouldn't think that would be the case. I'm not a better person than anybody else, I'm just me

[Redhead14]

the advice is very misleading

 

A lot of the guys I see struggle with dating and they're told that improving everything else will help with their success in dating and it's just SO misleading

 

I have friends of mine who have a life that's a complete trainwreck and they have beautiful girlfriends. For me? people are astonished at how well I'm doing at such a young age but it doesn't matter, the women are never interested romantically

 

and by the way, I don't have any entitlement about this. I don't think anybody should like me for X Y Z reason and I don't think I'm entitled to anything at all. I'm just frustrated because I see very bad and misleading advice given out constantly

 

Yes, those women may be beautiful on the outside, but their attraction to a man who is a complete trainwreck means they are lacking something, not because those guys are a great catch or doing anything better or differently than you are. In fact, they probably don't do anything to get those women. Those women glom onto them because they can't do better and those men take them because they can.

[endlessabyss]

I have my sh*t together more than anybody I know under the age of even 30 (I'm 26).

 

 

Good for you, brah! You're awesome!

 

 

I couldn't be any happier with the overall direction of my job, my life, my family, friends, with how I look, my physique (been working out since I was 13),

 

 

You the man!

 

 

everything...and I wonder everyday if I will die alone because of how bad I am at dating. I've been on 1 date in the last year. I honestly think there's a very real chance I'm going to be single forever...or maybe until at least I'm about 40-45 year old men and then maybe women will say yes out of desperation

 

 

Horrible way to think.

 

It drives me crazy when people give this advice to young men.

 

 

Me too

 

It's just so incredibly misleading. People make it sound like once you're successful, girls just come to you easily

 

 

Crazy, isn't it. I'm currently unemployed, living with my parents, and still get dates.

 

 

... I make 150K a year at the age of 26

 

 

Wow, that's awesome!

 

For guys out there who are young and struggle in dating, don't buy into this nonsense. You have to go out there and talk to a million women and somehow someway, make something happen. Women don't care about all this other stuff. There are gangbanger low life drug dealing scum who are dating classy and good looking women. Hell Charles Manson just got married to a decent looking girl and he's a 80 year old murderer!

 

 

Some have the gift to connect with women easy, others not so much.

 

 

You either have it or you don't. Someone will cross paths with you eventually, possibly out of desperation, or maybe because they genuinely like you.

[preraph]

Yes, you DO have to go out and do activities and meet people, who will introduce you to other people, etc. She's not going to beam in while you're playing videogames or spontaneously appear at your bedside like a vampress. Keep doing all the right things AND keep gong out and doing social and physical activities and it will happen. If there's something you're passionate about that gets you out of the house, definitely go to that. You might meet someone also passionate who shares your interests. For me, that's what it's about, not just choosing a pretty person across the room and asking them out. A person who likes at least part of what you do is very important. So you have to go do things besides stay home doing solitary computer stuff and besides only going to generic bars hoping to get picked up or something. Focus on your interests to find someone.

[Sunlounger]

Yes, you DO have to go out and do activities and meet people, who will introduce you to other people, etc. She's not going to beam in while you're playing videogames or spontaneously appear at your bedside like a vampress. Keep doing all the right things AND keep gong out and doing social and physical activities and it will happen. If there's something you're passionate about that gets you out of the house, definitely go to that. You might meet someone also passionate who shares your interests. For me, that's what it's about, not just choosing a pretty person across the room and asking them out. A person who likes at least part of what you do is very important. So you have to go do things besides stay home doing solitary computer stuff and besides only going to generic bars hoping to get picked up or something. Focus on your interests to find someone.

 

 

I go out two to three times a week and I've had somewhere in the ballpark of a 100-200 friends over the last 5-6 years and have yet to run into a decent looking woman who liked me. I do bars/club/concerts/sports events/barbeques/all sorts of social gatherings

 

 

As far as my hobbies go, I like sports, music, movies, bodybuilding, cars, food, videogames. Normal stuff I think and I try to pursue those hobbies as much as possible

[Sunlounger]

Good for you, brah! You're awesome!

 

 

You the man!

 

 

Not sure if kidding or serious. Thanks for the compliment if serious but I was not trying to brag at all

 

I just really hate when people say stuff like this and I'm trying to use an extreme example (myself) for why this advice is complete nonsense

 

 

 

Me too

 

 

Excellent, another person agrees with me

 

 

Crazy, isn't it. I'm currently unemployed, living with my parents, and still get dates.

 

There you go. Example #2 for why this advice is bull****

 

 

Wow, that's awesome!

 

 

thanks man...again not sure if serious

 

I was very poor growing up so I'm very grateful to be where I'm at right now

 

 

You either have it or you don't. Someone will cross paths with you eventually, possibly out of desperation, or maybe because they genuinely like you.

 

 

I'm sure I could find SOMEONE if I lowered and lowered and lowered my standards down to nothing but I'm not interested in that. I want somebody who is at least close to my own level of physical attractiveness. I'm not interested in anybody out of my league but at least somewhat close to my league

[Frank2thepoint]

I approach women and chat with them, we seem to have a very pleasant time but they're never interested in going out on a date with me

 

My friends all tell me that I'm one of the nicest people they know. I think I'm very genuine and friendly. I talk to people with a lot of respect, no matter who they area (I have friends who are 20 year old college kids and friends who are 40 year old multi millionaires and I treat everyone with the same respect)

 

If so, then do you flirt with women? If you are just being nice, then a woman will not know if you are genuinely interested her, or just genuinely nice to her. You have to push the envelope. Tease, flirt, make romantic overtures. Being nice and respectful is great, but a woman likes a bold man that is adventurous.

[Nikki Sahagin]

First of all, well done on having yourself together. That's quite refreshing in a young man - especially these days.

 

It's hard to say what you are doing 'wrong.' In fact you probably aren't doing anything wrong. Perhaps it is just an issue of timing or not having mutual chemistry with the girls you are dating.

 

Chemistry is that magical ingredient that makes things happen. Without it, everything else can be lined up just right but it doesn't work out. I'd say, just keep putting yourself out there. When it gets overwhelming/frustrating, take a break from your mental health, then go back in and see how things go.

 

It is possible there is something you are doing 'wrong' that can't be seen by us on the internet; personal hygiene all good? Making a good effort with women? Not coming across as something that could be putting them off? Only you will know that.

 

What kind of feedback have you gotten from the women on why the dates didn't work out? Not feeling it?

 

It's easy to focus on what we do 'wrong.' Sometimes we do everything right and still things don't go how we expect them to. I think you should just keep trying, don't give up and TRY not to let impatience/frustration make you feel bitter. I know you aren't bitter, but I mean try to stay that way! Best of luck to you.

[preraph]

I go out two to three times a week and I've had somewhere in the ballpark of a 100-200 friends over the last 5-6 years and have yet to run into a decent looking woman who liked me. I do bars/club/concerts/sports events/barbeques/all sorts of social gatherings

 

 

As far as my hobbies go, I like sports, music, movies, bodybuilding, cars, food, videogames. Normal stuff I think and I try to pursue those hobbies as much as possible

 

I find it troublesome that you have never found "a decent looking woman" who liked you. If you've been around this board very long at all, you know what that means --- yes, the dreaded "trying to date out of your league." That's all I'm saying. Everything else is lined up but no woman who likes you is good looking enough. You are the common denominator there. But I still think you'll succeed in time.

[slizl]

"Don't worry about women when you're younger, just focus on building your life, being successful and getting your sh*t together and dating will happen naturally" <<< This nonsense drives me absolutely insane

 

 

Horrible advice. You MUST date when you are younger or you will be too far behind the game to catch up.

 

Here is my thought: Date down for experience. That's right, date someone not worthy of you. Get some experience and work your way up the ladder. You have a lot of experience to make up for.

[Sunlounger]

I find it troublesome that you have never found "a decent looking woman" who liked you. If you've been around this board very long at all, you know what that means --- yes, the dreaded "trying to date out of your league." That's all I'm saying. Everything else is lined up but no woman who likes you is good looking enough. You are the common denominator there. But I still think you'll succeed in time.

 

 

In the last year alone, I've been called handsome, gorgeous, beautiful, hot, sexy, etc... in the body, I resemble a professional football player with wide shoulders and a narrow waist

 

 

Im not even looking for a girl who is in the same kind of shape I'm in. Im fine with a regular cute girl who is not overweight

[Sunlounger]

"Don't worry about women when you're younger, just focus on building your life, being successful and getting your sh*t together and dating will happen naturally" <<< This nonsense drives me absolutely insane

 

 

Horrible advice. You MUST date when you are younger or you will be too far behind the game to catch up.

 

Here is my thought: Date down for experience. That's right, date someone not worthy of you. Get some experience and work your way up the ladder. You have a lot of experience to make up for.

 

 

Im okay with dating down but how far down do I go?

 

 

Do I start dating obese girls when I resemble a fitness model myself?

[labayer]

So to sum it up, you're an incredibly good-looking guy who works out, has a great job, makes tons of money, likes being social and going out and still doesn't get dates.

 

I don't mean that in a bad way, but please try to analyze yourself. Try to figure out what you're doing wrong. I'm 26 myself (but female) and there isn't a single good-looking guy OR guy with a good job I know who doesn't get dates. I even know guys who aren't very attractive who have no problems at getting dates.

As the others said already, are you sure you're not leaving an impression of being cocky or self-absorbed? Are you sure you're not just talking about yourself, but also being flirty and asking the girl things?

 

Just an idea- Have you tried Tinder? I know that many people say it's just for hooking up, but that's not true. Many of my friends (male and female) are on Tinder because they're single and they would like to meet someone to date (and not just to have sex with).

[Sunlounger]

So to sum it up, you're an incredibly good-looking guy who works out, has a great job, makes tons of money, likes being social and going out and still doesn't get dates.

 

I don't consider myself incredibly good looking. All the compliments I've received have been from gay men, straight men, much much older women, family friends, etc... I had a grandmother of a client of mine, an Asian lady who didn't speak any English, tell her daughter in law to tell me how handsome I was :laugh:. Here's the thing though - If I was incredibly great looking, then decent looking women my age would be attracted to me but that's obviously not the case. I consider myself decent looking, which is fine

 

 

The rest of it is absolutely spot on. I go out all the time, make friends and meet people all the time. I genuinely like people and being nice to them. I make more money than I know what to do with (primarily because I am not somebody who likes to waste money on nonsense). All of my acquaintances like me and respect me as a man of high integrity and character (which is very important to me)

 

 

As the others said already, are you sure you're not leaving an impression of being cocky or self-absorbed? Are you sure you're not just talking about yourself, but also being flirty and asking the girl things?

 

Cocky or self absorbed? Lol stop the silliness.

 

 

Just an idea- Have you tried Tinder? I know that many people say it's just for hooking up, but that's not true. Many of my friends (male and female) are on Tinder because they're single and they would like to meet someone to date (and not just to have sex with).

 

 

I tried online dating with atrocious results

 

 

I think the big problem for me with online dating is that I don't look good in pictures. I don't look horrible but everybody says I look much better in real life

 

 

For men with online dating, you better look pretty damn close to a male model if you want to get any responses. Women treat that like a catalog where they just go through 10,000 profiles to find the absolute best man they can. I honestly think with online dating, the top 1-5% of men get like 80% of women. The fact that I'm not photogenic doesn't give me a chance to be in the top 1%

[Sunlounger]

to give you guys an idea of what I'm talking about. A good friend of mine manages a company with a few hot female employees. Several of these employees have gone out with us before and they all like me and respect me as a friend but they would never date me in a million years. They all just like me as a brother figure

 

 

I guess I'm just missing the things you need to be boyfriend material nowadays. I don't know how much more obsessively I can improve every aspect of my being. It's just not good enough, it never is

 

 

Women's standards are just on another level. I don't know how else to justify it in my head

[KatZee]

Women don't care about all this other stuff. There are gangbanger low life drug dealing scum who are dating classy and good looking women. Hell Charles Manson just got married to a decent looking girl and he's a 80 year old murderer!

 

I'm going through the same thing as a woman.

 

I haven't had a relationship in 2.5 years and I don't see that changing any time soon. Guys all around me want whores, drama queens, attention seekers, lunatics, single mothers with 5 kids, leechers, women with no goals or direction, slobs, those only after money... I can go on and on.

 

Meanwhile, me? The woman with her life together, a job, my own apartment, car, no baggage, with morals, decent, honest, caring, supportive, blah blah blah? No one will date me.

 

Go figure.

[Sunlounger]

I'm going through the same thing as a woman.

 

I haven't had a relationship in 2.5 years and I don't see that changing any time soon. Guys all around me want whores, drama queens, attention seekers, lunatics, single mothers with 5 kids, leechers, women with no goals or direction, slobs, those only after money... I can go on and on.

 

Meanwhile, me? The woman with her life together, a job, my own apartment, car, no baggage, with morals, decent, honest, caring, supportive, blah blah blah? No one will date me.

 

Go figure.

 

 

how many men have you said no to in 2.5 years? 50-100 or 100+?

 

[KatZee]

how many men have you said no to in 2.5 years? 50-100 or 100+?

 

 

None.

 

I go on a lot of dates, granted it's from OLD so the pool isn't that fantastic to begin with.

 

I don't often come across guys I click with. It's hard to find a person that you physically and emotionally connect with, and who is free from baggage.

 

The last few guys that I felt anything with were newly out of relationships, or who didn't want to settle down, etc etc.

 

It's a running joke when I go out with girlfriends because most guys (95% of them) will not speak to us. We're not really sure why. We're attractive, and the 5% of guys that do come up to us, we speak to. We're not bitches to people, we give guys chances.

 

We have such problems finding guys meanwhile as stated above, someone who is legit out of crazy town has no problems.

[bathtub-row]

I have personally never heard this advice and it sounds kind of unrealistic. The odd thing is that you actually did it. I think even if I said that to my son, he wouldn't have been able to pull it off. I wouldn't have done it when I was that young, either. The only thing I've cautioned my son about is having kids too soon. That can really put a damper on the fun times.

 

Well, I doubt there's any real harm done, honestly. There are worse things in life than being financially well off and primed to meet someone special. Hey just think about it. You're only 26. If it took you 10 yrs to find someone, you would still be very young. Just look at this as a new phase of your life, a new adventure and a chance to learn something new. I'm guessing you'll get the gang of it pretty quickly.