star801 Posted November 25, 2014 Share Posted November 25, 2014 Mid twenties/dating in Chicago. Went out with a girl 3 times, and asked her out last Monday for Wednesday night. She said she already had plans and that she was just super swamped with work for the holiday season (had said this last 2 dates). Given that she never gave a counter offer for time, I left the ball in her court and said you tell me when you're free, and she responded with "Yeah def!" It's been a week with no communication... I've thought of her as being a very polite person so far, but given this lapse in time I'm inclined to think that I'm not going to get a hit back, nor should I follow-up. Do people actually provide a positive responses like that to only disappear? What would y'all do? Link to post Share on other sites
Blakely Posted November 25, 2014 Share Posted November 25, 2014 I wouldn't wait around on her, sounds like she may be seeing somebody else or really does have a lot going on. Are you talking to other woman or was she the only one on your radar? Link to post Share on other sites
Author star801 Posted November 25, 2014 Author Share Posted November 25, 2014 I'm quite picky, so when someone good actually comes up on my radar I turn my radar off until the relationship runs its course (we date/ I realize I'm not interested/she nexts me first/etc.). Usually when some girl pulls the fade on my date request it's usually to the tune of them saying "Yeah", "Ok", "Sure", or nothing. To me definitely is a strong word that indicates that something will or will not happen. What is most troublesome about this is that I value promises and am an optimistic person by nature, which makes this ultimately more terrible since my gut says "Yeah def!" is "Def not!" happening. Link to post Share on other sites
doeblin Posted November 25, 2014 Share Posted November 25, 2014 I'm quite picky, so when someone good actually comes up on my radar I turn my radar off until the relationship runs its course (we date/ I realize I'm not interested/she nexts me first/etc.). Well, it's not the most efficient strategy... And having multiple options is better for your mindset too. To me definitely is a strong word that indicates that something will or will not happen. Words are cheap. After 3 dates, she should initiate at least once. She's just not that into you, it seems. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 25, 2014 Share Posted November 25, 2014 Unfortunately people do give polite responses then disappear. The holidays do further complicate things. I would let her be. You clearly put the ball in her court & if she's not responding there isn't much you can do. Link to post Share on other sites
deathandtaxes Posted November 25, 2014 Share Posted November 25, 2014 Write this one off. Telling her to tell you when she's free is just throwing all your power away. If you offered a clear date idea and she rejected and didn't counter, that should be all she wrote. Save your dignity and move on. This happens all the time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author star801 Posted November 26, 2014 Author Share Posted November 26, 2014 Write this one off. Telling her to tell you when she's free is just throwing all your power away. If you offered a clear date idea and she rejected and didn't counter, that should be all she wrote. Save your dignity and move on. This happens all the time. I did it as more of a last move litmus test; leave the ball in her court and if she's interested then it'll be apparent. When this typically happens I'm more accustomed to the yes/sure/ok/no response, which is why I was significantly confused by her response. Half of my friends I've polled agree with you guys, while the other half suggested trying one more time since this only counted as 1 "rejection." I'm stupidly tempted to follow-up after the Thanksgiving holiday to get a pulse, but I know it'll be a very weak move. Also, I didn't completely turn off my radar this past month, since I log on from time to time to see messages I get from the online dating site that we met on. She wasn't on for the three weeks that ran from just before our 2nd date to this past weekend. Seems pretty evident she's pursuing others... Friends have said you're both casually trying to see others so it's a non-issue, and logically I agree with all of you guys, but I can't not keep feeling so confused. Link to post Share on other sites
doeblin Posted November 26, 2014 Share Posted November 26, 2014 I'm stupidly tempted to follow-up after the Thanksgiving holiday to get a pulse, but I know it'll be a very weak move. Well, if you are this curious, you can send her a casual witty text only to see how she responds... but don't get your hopes up. Friends have said you're both casually trying to see others so it's a non-issue, and logically I agree with all of you guys, but I can't not keep feeling so confused. You do think clearly: she is not particularly keen on you. Of course, since she had already agreed to 3 dates, agreeing to a 4th one is a real possibility. Be cool. See other women. Link to post Share on other sites
Author star801 Posted November 26, 2014 Author Share Posted November 26, 2014 Well, if you are this curious, you can send her a casual witty text only to see how she responds... but don't get your hopes up. You do think clearly: she is not particularly keen on you. Of course, since she had already agreed to 3 dates, agreeing to a 4th one is a real possibility. Be cool. See other women. Thanks for the advice man. I'm already trying to set something up with someone else... and will scrap my whole one at a time methodology since I do see the merits of dating multiple people simultaneously. I suppose I'll shoot for a 4th date if I'm still feeling something in December, but until then I'll put her on the backburner. Perhaps my ego has a bit to do with this too, since usually I'm the one telling people I'm not interested in going out again - that's why I always get annoyed when people aren't direct and good with confrontation. Link to post Share on other sites
RSval Posted November 26, 2014 Share Posted November 26, 2014 I'd have to agree with you on the ego part. Most times it gets us real good. I can personally relate as it has happened to me before on a couple of occasions... Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger ey. So now, I always have high standards when it comes to shifting gears from like just going out on casual dates to a serious and committed relationship. After the second date in fact, i start to up the ante and see if she fits the bill. It's like getting her to qualify herself to you, so that you know she's genuine and worth spending more time with. Anyhoos, wishing you the best for this holiday season. Keep up the good spirit! Link to post Share on other sites
Author star801 Posted November 26, 2014 Author Share Posted November 26, 2014 Thanks y'all for the advice. Puts things in a much better perspective... since there is always another person and a better "match." Happy Holidays! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ducky71 Posted November 26, 2014 Share Posted November 26, 2014 Unfortunately people do give polite responses then disappear. The holidays do further complicate things. I would let her be. You clearly put the ball in her court & if she's not responding there isn't much you can do. ^^^This^^^ You just got the brush off. On to bigger and better things. Link to post Share on other sites
Author star801 Posted November 27, 2014 Author Share Posted November 27, 2014 ^^^This^^^ You just got the brush off. On to bigger and better things. Muchas gracias doods. As you can tell, this was very confusing for me, but actions speak louder than words. If anything this was actually a very good experience for me since I'm re-energized to move forward and learn and do new things. I've realized that I should spend my time doing things to add value to my life than dwell in a pool of negativity. Not saying she will get back to me, but if she does it's too late. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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