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Thoughts on first date?


sweetjess1951

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sweetjess1951

I recently moved to a new city and decided to try online dating since I didn't know a lot of people. I ended up messaging this guy but he stopped responding after a few emails, so I left it alone.

 

About a month ago, he reached back out to me saying he wasn't sure why the conversation fell off and that we should get coffee. It took about 3 weeks for us to get together since he was out of town for a week and a half and when he got back, I was out of town.

 

We got coffee today. We met at 10 and literally talked non-stop and didn't realize that it was already 1 p.m. I think the conversation went really well. We talked about a lot of things. He ended the date because he needed to run errands and pack since he is leaving tomorrow to fly home for the holiday.

 

He walked me to my car and gave me a hug and said "I had a great time". I told him I did as well and as I was getting into my car I looked at him, smiled in a flirty way and said "Holler at me later". He smiled back and got in his car.

 

Well, I couldn't stop thinking about him and wondered if I should have made it more apparent that I wanted to see him again.

 

So a little bit ago, I texted him asking what time his flight was. He responded and we exchanged a few more texts before I told him to have a good trip and that I wouldn't mind getting together when he got back.

 

He responded "Thanks. Sounds good to me".

 

So, is this a good exchange? The pessimist in me thinks that because he didn't nail down plans with me that he may not actually be interested.

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Frank2thepoint

Yes it was good exchange. He didn't solidify plans because his mind is probably on his trip and the holidays. Just be patient.

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Your instincts are right. He seems to have low interest, at best. He blew you off politely after your long-delayed coffee date, but didn't completely shut the door. Sorry, but you've been returned to the back burner where you spent the last month.

 

When guys are interested, you'll see a lot more effort, energy, enthusiasm, and urgency in setting up dates, making sure communication doesn't fall off, the quality of the dates he plans, his followup, etc. Generally, when a guy behaves this way, he's just keeping you on the back burner to contact whenever he runs into a dry spell...which he did. You like him, so you'll overlook the long delays, the disappearing acts, the silences, etc. and make excuses whenever he reappears in your life. You're wasting your time by accepting and tolerating this, because this will go nowhere as long as you let it, or until he meets someone who really excites him that finally reciprocates his interest. Then he'll abruptly disappear...again. It's a dating rabbit hole.

 

There are way too many guys out there to waste time on one this tepid and indifferent about you.

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InsaneTrombone
Your instincts are right. He seems to have low interest, at best. He blew you off politely after your long-delayed coffee date, but didn't completely shut the door. Sorry, but you've been returned to the back burner where you spent the last month.

 

When guys are interested, you'll see a lot more effort, energy, enthusiasm, and urgency in setting up dates, making sure communication doesn't fall off, the quality of the dates he plans, his followup, etc. Generally, when a guy behaves this way, he's just keeping you on the back burner to contact whenever he runs into a dry spell...which he did. You like him, so you'll overlook the long delays, the disappearing acts, the silences, etc. and make excuses whenever he reappears in your life. You're wasting your time by accepting and tolerating this, because this will go nowhere as long as you let it, or until he meets someone who really excites him that finally reciprocates his interest. Then he'll abruptly disappear...again. It's a dating rabbit hole.

 

There are way too many guys out there to waste time on one this tepid and indifferent about you.

 

I disagree, I'm speaking with one girl in particular right now where we haven't been on a date yet, but have been casually speaking since September. Recently, the last few weeks have greatly picked up in communication, but I just haven't had the time to take her out during school/work and then hoping her schedule fits mine.

 

I'd love to take her out, but I've just been busy and she has also been busy.

 

OP - If you like the guy, no need to write him off so quickly like the above poster suggested. Don't invest deeply into anything yet. Wait until after the holidays and see where things go. It sounds like he likes you if he spent that long speaking with you. If he wasn't semi interested, he wouldn't have spent that long on the date before taking off.

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sweetjess1951
I disagree, I'm speaking with one girl in particular right now where we haven't been on a date yet, but have been casually speaking since September. Recently, the last few weeks have greatly picked up in communication, but I just haven't had the time to take her out during school/work and then hoping her schedule fits mine.

 

I'd love to take her out, but I've just been busy and she has also been busy.

 

OP - If you like the guy, no need to write him off so quickly like the above poster suggested. Don't invest deeply into anything yet. Wait until after the holidays and see where things go. It sounds like he likes you if he spent that long speaking with you. If he wasn't semi interested, he wouldn't have spent that long on the date before taking off.

 

I disagree with that poster too. The date wasn't bad at all and we stayed for over 3 hours talking. Just like you said, I don't think that he would have stayed that long if he was bored or not interested.

 

And I'm certainly not the kind of girl that would allow myself to be put on the backburner. So that isn't even an option.

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